Logan knew Roman didn't want a romantic relationship. He said himself that he just wanted something casual but remain close friends, too.

So then why did Roman treat him like his boyfriend?

He gave him his sweater, he kissed him and told him he was beautiful, he did everything a boyfriend would do.

Was that just Roman's normal platonic intimacy?

He doubted it.

He wondered if they were more.

He also wondered why he was so into Roman as if Janus was already so far in the past, when their ending was truly tragic.

After several late nights thinking, he settled on a conclusion so he could get some rest.

It's said that it takes one half the time they spent in the relationship to move on, though that was not always applicable since context is necessary. Logan believed that time was practically over. He still thought about Janus. It wasn't like he had never loved him because for a long time he was the only one he had loved.

Maybe he just got past the fact that he could never have Janus again anyway for obvious reasons.

He pulled his phone out.

Logan: Let's talk after rehearsal. Do you want to go to the treehouse?

Roman: yeah sure :)

Roman: is it bad? i thought it was really late for someone like you

Logan: If I'm crankier at rehearsal, the less we lose props. I swear, we only have a couple props because it's not like we put on full productions, but they still end up missing.

Roman: that's pretty smart lol

Logan: Shouldn't you be asleep? You need energy for all that movement.

Roman: idk i just couldn't sleep

Roman: i was just up thinking

Logan: About what?

Roman: a lot of stuff, like remus and how long he's gonna be in jail because ofc we're white so he's gonna have a shorter jail time than a poc for the same crime even tho the majority of mass shootings are committed by white people

Logan: I know. It's horrible.

Roman: on top of that i've been thinking about you

Roman: well, us

Roman: but i think i want to save that for after rehearsal at your treehouse

Logan: Oh, alright.

Logan: What Remus did was disgusting on many levels and I will help fight for more jail time if he's let out too early.

Logan: Get some rest. Instead of you taking me there, I'm picking you up. Be ready before 8.

Roman: lol okay if you insist. thank you btw :)

Logan: You're welcome. Good night.

Roman: good night your highness

Roman: ❤️

The older one just kind of stared at it for a minute, thinking of an appropriate but subtle response.

Logan: 🤍

The white heart was good. Sent the right message but wasn't too bold about it.

~~~

At that point, almost everyone had assumed that there was something between Roman and Logan, and somehow Logan didn't care. Maybe he felt safer with the kids than he did with his family.

Oh well.

When he picked Roman up, Roman yawned and grunted.

"Did you eat breakfast?" Logan asked.

"Nope," Roman huffed.

"Good, because I got food for you. Also, I don't know if you're a coffee person, so I got a cup of iced coffee and a some fruity tea because I wasn't sure. Since we always get there an hour and a half early, you'll have time to digest." He put a bag in Roman's lap.

Roman chuckled. "Are you my mom or something?"

"No, I just care about you." As soon as Logan heard himself, he physically cringed. "Ah. Gross."

"Kidding! It's cute. Thank you!"

Roman couldn't tell why Logan was grossed out by his confession to caring about him even though they had their own go-to hideout to escape from the world and talk about their feelings. Besides, Logan sucked his dick not long ago.

When they got there, they sat in the lounge down the hall and Roman ate what Logan had packed for him, which was a sandwich of bacon, a thin layer of cheese, an egg, and guacamole. The slices of bread were toasted and gorgeous. He liked coffee but it wasn't good for him before dancing so he drank the cold pink fruity tea instead, giving Logan the tall cup of iced coffee. Lastly, there was a small apple that Roman decided to save for his break.

"Did you make the breakfast?" Roman asked when he was done.

"The sandwich, but nothing else."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Why, though? I mean, you don't have to take care of me if you don't want to. Like, I'm 18 and I'm chill so I was just wondering why?"

Logan shrugged. "I just wanted to. You need the extra energy and I'm not letting you dance if you didn't get good sleep or you're just burnt out and distracted in general."

"Well, thank you. It was like, really good," Roman said awkwardly. He hugged Logan, who was wearing his sweater again which smelled surprisingly like lavender. "Woah, my sweater smells amazing!"

"I washed it," Logan laughed. "I'm not an animal."

Roman laughed along with him.

"Wait, I have a question. Don't feel as though you have to answer one way, because it's completely your decision, but... can I maybe hold onto it after we say goodbye to each other and leave for college?"

"You want to keep it when we both move away?"

"...May I? Again, completely your choice, it's your property, and you do not need to-"

"Yes! Please keep it. I want you to have it."

"R-Really?" Logan cursed himself for stuttering.

"Yes."

Logan couldn't help himself. He had to lunge forward and kiss Roman, running his fingers through his soft, stupidly perfect hair.

"Hey, where's the lost and found again? Hannah said she left her jazz sh-"

Roman and Logan gasped at the newer counselor and pulled away from each other.

"Um, when you go down to the front office, there's an entrance by the nurse," Logan said.

"Okay! Thanks," the counselor replied. "Uh, I'll knock next time!" Then she was gone, closing the door all the way behind her.

Roman snickered. "What's up with people walking in on us?" Then he closed the gap between himself and Logan once again.

~~~

"What did you want to talk about?" Roman asked.

"You wanted to say something too," Logan reminded him.

"Yeah, but you can go first."

"Alright, uh... Okay. What are we?"

"Huh?"

Logan blushed. "You said you don't want a relationship but you treat me like your boyfriend, so what are we?"

Roman turned his head away from Logan and stopped smiling. "Um... Should we be trying to put a label on it? I mean, the workshop is ending in just a couple of weeks before their performance and then we're leaving and moving to different states."

"Right. Yes. Of course. But then why do you treat me like that?"

"Like what?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

Roman couldn't keep eye contact with Logan so he looked out one of the windows. "I don't know. Everything's changing so fast. I just figured out I like guys, and it's a lot. I've been trying to seem casual and happy about it but it's sucked. I still feel weird, like I don't belong here. If I told my closest theatre friends, they would be really supportive. Especially Lennie since she's a lesbian and already had her suspicions. But I have track team friends too, and it's a whole other world. I know I don't have it half as bad as you do, but there's just something inside me that can't handle all this."

"Internalized homophobia?"

"I dunno. Probably. But I don't know where that came from. My parents were always supportive. I guess it's just from being on sports teams so much. You did a lot of sports too, but you're calmer than me. You're someone who isn't afraid of being a little different sometimes."

"Is that all?"

"I guess so. I just don't think I'm ready to officially be in that kind of a relationship. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."

The rest of what he said for the next minute was a blur as Logan was trapped in his mind.

It's okay, Roman. No need to apologize. It's my fault that I started to fall for you.

I wasn't expecting anything from you, I just wanted to ask.

You don't owe me a relationship for my kindness, never. It's okay, I promise. Nobody owes anyone a relationship for basic human decency. I'm fine. I feel fine right now.

"Anyways, Abi texted me and I think I'm going to go back to her after we graduate college."

That absolute bullshit pulled Logan from his thoughts and he let out the loudest, most frustrated sigh that mankind had ever experienced. "Abi's a homophobe. But it's fine. I respect your decision, or whatever."

"You're more chill about this than usual... Is this okay?"

How come I tried so hard to push her out of my life and she's still getting everything?

Janus, what would you do?

How come love has failed me so much? Not that I love Roman. That's just too far.

I should be happy for him. I go on about how I care for him but I'm not happy that he loves someone?

Is this somewhat how Virgil felt?

Fuck you, Abi.

"Logan?"

Logan leaned against the wall with his knees to his chest and his arms around his legs.

"You're scaring me."

There was no convincing Roman anymore. It would never work. "No, I'm fine. I'm happy for you. I hope you and Abi have a good life together."

Roman smiled sadly. "I can tell you're hurt. I'm sorry."

Fuck Abigail and fuck you for giving into her shit. After all of this, you want to go back to her!

Bullshit.

What a fucking idiot.

But Logan couldn't say that out loud. They had come so far. "I'm not hurt. What the hell are you talking about?"

"You said yourself that you're not a robot. Why aren't you living up to that? Why are you looking at me blankly? Talk to me."

Logan kept his mouth shut all the way and shook his head.

"Come on. Please?"

Finally, he said, "Maybe I should just go. Sorry about today. I'm like, really, really sorry." He started to leave but Logan stopped him.

Logan wasn't sure what he was going to say, but what came out from his mouth was definitely not said at the right time.

"I love you."

Roman turned around instantly.

Once Logan realized what he had said, his eyes widened and he curled up in a ball. "No, just forget what I said. Everything. I ruined it."

When Roman gently moved Logan's arms which were covering his face, he found that Logan was crying. "Oh my God. Logan, no! Y-You didn't ruin anything. I don't hate you or think you're weird or whatever. Come on. I'm sorry."

"I want to be a robot."

"But you're a human." He put his hand on Logan's cheek. "You can talk to me."

"I don't need to talk right now. I'm just going to finish my summer work and start shipping some of my belongings. I want to be ready early." He wiped away his tears with his sleeve which he realized was Roman's. "See? I'm fine. I'm not hurt. I genuinely hope you and Abi are happy."

I want you to be happy.

I want to kick Abi's ass.

"How can I fix things?" Roman pleaded.

Logan tried to run through solutions in his head but couldn't come up with a single one. "I don't think there's a way. If you want to date my homophobic piece of shit sister who brings up my dead ex boyfriend, that's completely fine by me.

That's quite aggressive. Tone it down, he told himself.

Roman searched for words but couldn't find anything that would help the situation. "I'm- I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow. Do you want a ride?"

"No, I can drive."

~~~

"Is that a new sweater?" Mrs. Decker asked.

"Um, yes."

"It's a little big on you."

"Okay."

"You hate oversized clothing. You said yourself it destroys your frame."

"It's comfortable. That's what matters."

"And you've never worn red."

Logan shrugged. "I can wear other clothes that aren't blue, black, or white."

"You seem off. What's wrong?"

"What's 'off' about me wearing a normal sweater?"

"Not just that. Your attitude."

"Are you just now realizing that I hate my life?" Logan asked. "Because I guess I thought that was your mission with Dad and Abi."

Mrs. Decker sighed. "Lighten up. You're going to college soon! Don't you want a good last few weeks in Florida?"

"Yeah, I want that. But I'm going to be happier in a different state."

Massachusetts was always the dream. It was always going to be either Harvard or MIT but he got waitlisted and then rejected from Harvard. Plus, they had seasons and loved iced coffee and were far more progressive. And he was sure any kind of people were more chill than Floridians.

"Well, I hope you're still going to be in contact with us and Abi."

Logan smiled with no emotion behind his eyes. "And why would I do that?"