*tw: lots of arguing, uhh a mess, mental health stuff*

Despite him saying he didn't want to talk, Roman was suddenly at Logan's home.

"Oh. I thought..." Logan said. "Do- Do you want to talk about whatever happened?"

Roman opened his mouth and closed it again. "I don't even know why I came," he muttered. Tears slipped down his cheeks.

Logan went to wipe them away, but Roman covered his face to prevent Logan from touching.

"Oh," Logan squeezed out and put his hands behind his back. "So do you just- What-..." If Roman didn't tell him what he needed, what was he supposed to provide? "Would you like to sit?"

Roman looked so empty behind his eyes. He thought about it but shook his head.

"So then- Wh-"

"I don't know!" he said, exasperated. "I don't want to see anyone right now, I don't want you to talk to me or touch me but I do and I don't know what to do because I'm just- I-I hate it! I hate this!"

"What is 'this'?"

"Everything!"

"That's extremely vague."

"God, talk like a person for once or just shut up!"

Logan's blood began to boil. "How am I not talking like a person? Slightly more formal language doesn't mean I don't have emotions! I'm trying my best to get through to you but you won't let me do anything! What's gotten into you?"

Roman would come to realize later that Abigail's impact on him was much more powerful than he thought.

"If you don't like me, just- just fucking go. If you don't want me to give a shit, then I won't," Logan grumbled. "I just think it's dumb for you to show up and then not want me here. I thought you l- Whatever."

Roman could barely hear what Logan was saying. All he could hear was the voice in his head screaming incoherently at him. And the sound of gunshots.

Logan softened. Roman was really testing his patience. "I understand something horrible must be going on right now. You don't have to give me every detail, but you came to me for a reason, even if you don't know what it is."

Roman still couldn't respond.

"Just... Take some time and talk to me or Dr. Picani whenever you're ready." He lowered his voice to just above a whisper. "And apologize because you're being an asshole right now."

"Not everything is about you," Roman stated.

That set off something in Logan's system. He crossed his arms and stood up tall. "You're right. Not everything is about me. That's because it's always been about you. I was your 'experiment' in high school. I saved your life at senior prom. You put so much pressure on me when you kissed me while you were with Abigail, but I kept everything under wraps because I guess that's what I fucking get for loving you, huh? I know mental health can cause unexpected actions but that doesn't make this any better. This entire conversation was about you, and the second I expect a fucking apology, you say it's about me? You're being an inconsiderate piece of shit right now. You forget I'm suffering too, every day. You love to be the center of attention, just like you always have. And I thought you might have grown up."

That hit an especially painful spot in Roman's heart. "Lo-"

"Stop." Logan was crying and shaking but the rest of him acted as though nothing was happening. He looked Roman straight in the eye with a sad smile on his lips. "You don't want to talk to me? I don't want to talk to you either. Please go home. Obviously in your eyes I'm not good enough."

~~~

Logan found Roman's red sweater from high school.

He thought about setting it on fire, but he didn't.

Instead, he wore it and imagined how things used to be. He imagined Roman wrapped around him.

He tried to picture being loved back by the one he loved the most.

He knew Roman loved him, but the internal photo was blurred. Distorted.

Logan rolled his eyes, downed his antidepressants, and silently cried himself to sleep under his gray covers.

The next morning, he got ready for a day of teaching and told Virgil everything that happened with Roman over a call while he was driving.

"Lo?"

"Mhm?"

"When you're safe to stop, text me the motherfucker's address."

~~~

Patton 🐶: ROMAN

Patton 🐶: Why????

Patton 🐶: Communicate with him properly, he's hurting!

Patton 🐶: He doesn't open his heart easily. You can't just reverse his trust now

Roman: i know i know i know i feel like an idiot

Roman: im sure he doesn't want to talk right now

Roman: im afraid he won't understand

Patton 🐶: I don't know him that well, but Virgil tells me he really really loves you and he's always ready to learn more

Roman: virgil from high school?

Patton 🐶: Yeah, lol we're still friends

Roman: oh hold on someone's at the door, talk to you later pat

Patton 🐶: Okay :) see you

~~~

"V-Virgil? Woah, it's been a minute," Roman said, avoiding eye contact. "How'd you get my address?"

"Logan texted me."

"He just-"

"Yeah, as long as I promised not to kill you. So I won't kill you, I'll just drop kick you and break your kneecaps unless you tell me why you made Logan so upset he could barely get out of bed this morning and questioned quitting his job just to spend 10 more hours asleep. And he couldn't stop crying when I called him on his way to work. And he didn't do his hair. And-"

"I get it! Fine!"

"Good. I'm usually afraid of confrontation, but only one guy has made Logan feel this shit before. And I don't know about you, but even if I was angry with my boyfriend, I wouldn't make him feel like the entire world revolves around me."

"I'll talk... So, you remember Remus?"

~~~

"My boyfriend is pretty self centered and thinks he's hot shit, but he still makes me feel important even though I don't think I am. And it's my responsibility to be there for him like he is for me," Virgil said shyly. "What Logan needs right now is for you to communicate without getting mad at him, because now he thinks you don't want him around."

"I know... Thanks, Virgil," Roman said, blushing. He hated to be lectured but deep down he knew he deserved it.

"I did shitty things because of my mental health too. That's why most people in high school didn't like me, but it got better. And I don't know why you're talking about this whole situation with me rather than you sort of boyfriend."

"It's just been so long, I have nothing that could disappoint you that would hurt me, I guess. I don't want to keep disappointing people I love."

"Huh. Okay. Welp. Good talk."

Roman spoke up. "Uh, one more thing?"

"Hm?"

"We're chill, right? Like, I know, probably, since it's been over five years."

"Is this about our old 'relationship'?" Virgil asked.

"I guess so."

Virgil snorted. "Yeah. We're chill, as long as you treat Logan like he deserves to be treated. I'm not secretly pining over you like some princess. I could never do that to my boyfriend."

Roman asked for Virgil's new number to become friends again, and Virgil agreed to on the condition that he would block him if he broke Logan's heart.

"Oh, and don't tell Logan I have a boyfriend. He's been a secret for a little while," Virgil laughed anxiously.

~~~

During his lunch break, Logan saw he had one voicemail in his inbox from Roman. His jaw clenched tight, but he remembered to act like the adult he was and played it.

"Hey. I really want to talk to you in person, for real this time. I know what I did was wrong and Virgil came over and smacked some sense into me. I promise to explain. Just hear me out. This also made me remember there are other things from a semi-long time ago that I haven't confessed yet. Once I explain everything, it'll make sense."

There was a second voicemail.

"I ended the other one too soon by accident. I was going to say that even if I explain, it doesn't mean I didn't hurt you and I hate seeing you like that because I love you. Truly, I do, and I'm sorry for making you doubt that and your worth. You're my everything... P-Please call me back when you're feeling better. Okay. Bye. Love you."