(a/n: why not one more today for good measure? school's over super soon!! ALSO if you're sad about what happens to janus in this story and you like prinxiety, you'll see i have a prinxiety book coming out at some point with side loceit <3 i love loceit too, just not used to writing it)

*tw: abusive relationship, panic attacks, mentions of suicidal thoughts*

"I'm getting married in six days."

Patton grinned. "Yep! You sure a- Uh. Well, you don't seem very happy about that."

Roman shook his head.

"Would you like some pastries? I baked them for fun. We'll talk while we eat. You seem like you need something in your system." He left for a moment before returning with gorgeous cinnamon buns and apple strudel. "Your pick."

Roman took an apple strudel first and thanked his friend.

"You were so happy with Abi when we did Into the Woods. I remember that. The cast and crew thought you two were the perfect couple. And you were seemingly so happy to tell me you had proposed to her. So what changed?"

There were so many words dashing around inside his brain that he couldn't capture enough to form coherent sentences, so he just fell silent.

"Shut up, Roman! Not everything is about you! Just shut up for one fucking second!"

Roman couldn't help it that he liked to express his thoughts. Well, he'd been doing that a lot less with Abigail over the years.

But it was because she didn't usually want to hear it.

"Babe, I love you. I didn't mean to yell. I never mean it, I was just having a bad day."

He shut his eyes hard.

"What do you mean? Oh, so you don't trust me! I'm really regretting saying yes to you right now!"

When he opened his eyes again, there was Patton staring at him in shock. He held out a tissue for him. "Roman, you're crying. Is everything alright with Abi? Please tell me if she's hurting you. I can get you help as soon as possible."

She isn't hurting me.

I'm a man, I can handle it.

"Do you want me to do something different with the cake? Believe me, I've done crazy things. Once, a bride asked me to make her wedding cake seven layers tall so that when you cut into the slices from each layer and took them out, they spelled out, 'fuck you' on the inside."

Hearing Patton swear was something Roman never thought he'd experience, but it wasn't the worst thing that had happened recently. He chuckled a bit through his tears at the cake story though.

"I'm questioning... a lot," he said.

"What do you mean?"

Roman knew it was only Patton there but he could still feel judgment from the entire universe holding him down. "I think my- I th- I'm not bisexual." He couldn't bear the guilt.

The sexuality bit wasn't the only part, but he couldn't let anyone know exactly what Abigail was doing to him.

He used to be strong.

Patton looked confused for a second but when he understood what Roman was saying, his face dropped. "Oh, Ro. That must be so difficult to figure out at a time like this. It's something all of us in the LGBTQ+ community go through at some point, maybe multiple times. What made you realize?"

Finally, Roman tensed up and just fucking said it.

"Logan. It's always been Logan."

~~~

"I love you."

He didn't even care when he said it to Abigail. It was just routine.

"I liked the dress but I wasn't a fan of the sleeves so I redid them myself and they look so much less boring. Our wedding photos are going to be incredible! Are you paying attention, Roman?"

Nope.

"Yep! Sorry, I've just been a little under the weather lately, but I'm so excited to see how beautiful you'll look." He smiled down at her.

She raised her hand and he backed away, muttering, "Sorry, sorry."

She frowned and simply put her hand in his hair. "What are you apologizing for? I'm proud of you."

Roman looked back at her, bewildered. "Proud? Of me?"

She batted her lashes and kissed his cheek. "Of course I am. And I'm so lucky to have you."

He blushed and let her kiss all over his face.

See?

You can handle it.

She's not hurting you.

But he told Patton earlier that he wasn't bisexual. He said it out loud, and that made it feel true.

He knew what he wanted.

Logan.

He just needed to leave Abigail for good.

"Can we... talk? Honestly?" he asked.

She nodded. "Anything."

We need to call off the wedding. It took me a long time, but I figured myself out and I don't believe I'm truly in love with you. I realized I want to be with a man, but I'm sorry for putting you through this.

He would have said that, but he could still feel the bruises under his shirt that she left.

If he got her angry again, one fatal hit might strike his heart.

She was beginning to get impatient. "What is it?"

"I don't know. I guess it wasn't that important."

"Are you... sure?"

"Yes."

No.

~~~

Too quickly, it was the early morning of January 14th.

Five in the morning.

Logan: Any updates?

Roman: no

Roman: i tried logan

Roman: sorry again

Logan: It's okay. I don't expect you to leave her for me.

Roman: i want to die

Logan: What?

Roman: idek if i'm just saying that anymore

Roman: it's so much im so sorry to vent so heavily im sorry i can't do this i can't marry her i can't live like this

Logan: Don't hurt yourself over this.

Roman: don't worry about me lo you have so much on your plate, im just saying things so just don't feel responsible for me

Roman: i won't do it im just

Roman: sorry

Roman: this is such a shitty thing to do to you i don't mean to keep you up late to say this shit

Logan: I'd prefer you marry her than die. Don't say those kinds of things. There's still hope. Get some rest. 🤍 You'll need it.

~~~

How come the only people who loved Logan wanted to die so badly?

He vividly remembered the day Janus finally told him.

Fuck.

He tried so hard and built a perfect little life for himself. Even if he couldn't get it as a teenager, he would reach it when he could finally leave his family.

The only other person who would be awake at that hour would be Virgil, so he FaceTimed him as he went down to the kitchen for water.

"Dude, why are you awake?" Virgil asked. He squinted at Logan. "Oh, I know that look. What happened?"

Logan briefly retold the night and the millisecond of a kiss he had with Roman that one day.

How he couldn't see a future for himself.

How he was too ambitious as a teenager to understand reality as he always praised himself to.

Because this was reality. Reality was messy and fucked and he thought leaving Florida would be leaving his reality.

"And the wedding is today."

When he said that last sentence, he broke down into tears and leaned against the kitchen countertop with no light behind his eyes. He wasn't even wearing his glasses.

"Come over at noon. I'm taking you out on a friend date," Virgil said softly in his deep, tired voice. "We'll hang out and play music and you can do work too if you want. We can stop to get coffee and chill at the library? You need to take your mind off of him for one day. Even though we both like guys, I think we can both agree that men are trash, right? Bros before hoes."

"It sounds nice," Logan said and tried to offer a smile but he was too caught up in his negative mindset.

But Virgil understood because he was like that too.

"Do you think I should go to the wedding?"

Well, Virgil didn't understand that. "Uh, why? Don't you think that would make you feel ten times worse?"

"Wh-When we were kids and he went to senior prom, he needed me but I wasn't there. What if-"

"A shooting? At the private wedding?"

"I mean in general. Something could happen and he might not be able to take it. What if I need to be there?"

"Logan. It's not your job to save him. He's an adult. Whatever's going on with Abigail is weird and messy but this is your life. You can be there for him without going to his wedding. I'm just afraid you'll be hurt seeing it."

Logan gulped. "I don't know what I want to do," he confessed. "On one hand, I would enjoy spending the day with you and relaxing. On the other hand, maybe going to the wedding will help me get over him. Like one last pill to swallow dry before the pain goes away."

Virgil half smiled. "Gorgeous metaphor. I liked that a lot, actually. How about this. We hang out and if you want to go to the wedding, I'll take you?"

"But there's a 'floral royalty' theme or some shit. As if any of my clothes fit either of those words."

"I'm taller than you but I'm sure I can find something for you. You can borrow some of my clothes. I'll put and outfit in the car and if you want to go, we'll stop by a place with a bathroom and you can clean up and change there. And then we'll go. But if you end up feeling worse, I promise to drop kick your sister and send you a video of it so you feel better. Deal?"

"Thank you." He warmed a little. They always knew how to ground each other. Out of the blue, he said, "Deal. I love you."

Virgil froze for a second before the corners of his mouth stretched up slowly. He exhaled softly. "I love you too, man. That was fucking awesome. I never heard you say that before."

"You're my best friend." Logan knew he sounded sappy. He was unbelievably happy to hear Virgil's words.

"You're mine too."