*tw: panic attack, internalized homophobia*

Despite talking so much game, Roman had never fallen in love. He had a couple crushes here and there, but he had never even kissed anyone yet and only had a girlfriend for a short period of time during his freshman year. But, as a high school junior, he figured he had the rest of his life to find someone.

A special girl.

Over time with his crushes, he figured that his type was girls with athletic figures of any race, though he did love dark hair, especially with light eyes.

But there was one crush he didn't like to think about. He didn't even count it as a crush, just repressed it hard as soon as he realized what he was feeling. It worked because he nearly forgot about the b- person.

Young people face changes and sometimes, through exploring their identity, they may realize that they're wrong. That's what Roman told himself, because he loved girls.

"Roman. Snap out of it. We have a project and I'm sick of always being assigned to be your partner because I end up having to do all the work."

That was the boy Roman had liked less than a year ago.

Logan Decker pushed up his glasses. "I am this close to smacking you to get your attention. Roman, this is due Tuesday and your slides are almost entirely blank!"

But he didn't like him anymore. Even with his black hair and blue-gray eyes. However, there was one more reason he didn't like to think about his previous crush on the nerd.

~~~

"Oh, I, um," Logan stammered, blushing profusely. The confession had caught him off guard. "...I-I'm very sorry, Roman, but I just don't feel the same way. I hope you understand, and please don't feel embarrassed. It's nice that you trust me with that information, I just- um-"

Logan wasn't one to stumble over his words, and he definitely wasn't one to say sorry.

Roman wasn't sure if he was talking to the right person.

"I'm actually already in a romantic relationship," he explained. "Thank you, though. I'm flattered. Um, don't worry! I won't out you or anything. Your secret is safe with me."

Roman smiled through the horrible humiliation. "It's okay!" He put his hand out. "Agree to forget this ever happened and move on with our lives?"

Logan offered back an uncomfortable side grin and shook his hand. "Agreed."

The next day, Logan was back to his normal self. Roman couldn't wrap his mind around how Logan could be so kind yet so cold.

~~~

Soon enough, Roman was being smacked in the head with a book, but he noticed Logan being fairly gentle, only just hitting hard enough to make a point.

There was that empathy. It was there, but it was hidden.

Not like he wanted to be hit in the head under any circumstance.

Logan looked around and leaned over to whisper to Roman, "Are you feeling well? Would you like me to get you anything?"

Roman shook his head.

The older one pursed his lips. "Come to my house after school so we can continue to work on this project. I'll help you through your slides and- Oh, great. The bell is going to ring. I'll meet you at your locker and we can walk. It's a fairly short walk."

"Okay," Roman agreed. He packed his things and texted his family group chat that he would be at Logan's house for a few hours.

Dad 💛: Great! Be home before 9.

Mom 💙: 9 is quite late for a school night. Be home by 8 unless something comes up. Update us then.

Garbage: good stay out of the house you're annoying as fuck

Mom 💙: Oh my God.

Dad 💛: Remus.

Garbage: yea?

Dad 💛: More talk like that and you're grounded!

Garbage: as if i leave the house anyway

Garbage: bye roman have fun at you're boyfriend's house

Roman: your*

And then he was on his way to Logan's. The walk was mostly quiet except for the crunch of leaves under their feet and the occasional, "This way, Roman".

"Why are you always spacing out whenever I talk to you?" Logan asked finally. "It's rude. If it's about what you said, that was months ago, and I thought we were past that. I don't think you're strange. Well, I do, but not in that way."

"It's not about that," Roman lied. Well, it was more about boys in general than just Logan.

"Then what is it?" the other sighed. "Seriously, this happens every single time. I know we're not friends, but you can trust me. Are you out to anybody else?"

He shook his head. "I'll pay attention more."

Logan looked like he wanted to pry into the situation further, but he instead hit his tongue and hummed in agreement. Roman wasn't sure why. Usually Logan was always up to argue and ask questions. Unexpectedly, he changed the topic. "Are you auditioning for Into the Woods this year?"

"Yes," Roman responded quickly, "I'm going for the Prince."

"Of course you are."

And they were in silence again.

When they got to Logan's house, they took off their shoes and put their jackets on chairs in the dining room, and Logan handed Roman a cold glass of water.

"Grab your laptop and notes, we can work in my bedroom."

"What are you two doing in my little brother's bedroom?" a female voice taunted. "Aww, Logie, are you cheating on-"

"Abi!" Logan groaned and put his hand over his sister's mouth. "Shut up!"

She, too, had black hair and blue-gray cat eyes, and with them she examined Roman. However, her hairstyle was different; shoulder length and middle parted. "I love your style. Where'd you get this jacket?"

"Actually, we have a huge pro-" Logan tried to cut in.

"I made it," Roman said proudly.

"No way! You made this? I make clothes too, do you wanna see?"

Logan glared at his sister. "He can see later, I really don't want to fail-"

"Lighten up! It'll only take like, ten minutes."

Roman struggles between the two siblings but in the end decided to go with Abigail. "Yeah, I'm sure it won't take too long, right?"

The younger sibling put on the fakest, most aggressive smile Roman had ever seen. "Alright! Have fun! I'll do the entire 20 slide assignment by myself when I already did over half my share since I offered to do five of your slides for you. So you really only had to do a quarter of the work, and you still can't do it! See you, Roman."

He went upstairs to his own room and slammed the door shut, muttering to himself.

Trembling slightly, he went to his desk and rearranged things to calm himself down.

When he was done, he laid back on his bed with his laptop open to the slideshow. He half-assed three more slides with his spare time while Roman was with Abigail, because, to no one's surprise, Logan had taken notes for Roman when Roman refused to.

Everything.

He did everything, yet Abigail always got the most attention. Their parents' love was fairly balanced between them at one point in the distant past, but everything started to go downhill as soon as Logan began liking boys.

He won medals and trophies and participated in almost every extracurricular activity, scoring a perfect report card every year and leading at the top of his class.

But it wasn't enough for most people, and to add to the list, Roman wasn't an exception.

But it was a stupid desire. Why was he seeking validation from the idiot anyway?

Logan settled on the thought that he was a needy attention whore.

Ungrateful. Stupid. Bitchy. Attention whore.

The words rang loud in his head.

He opened his drawer and rearranged each of the pencils in size order and stacked all the erasers on top of each other.

It was supposed to help.

The door creaked open, making Logan jump in surprise, so an eraser fell out of his hand and knocked half the pencils out of the formation. "Logan? I'm here now. Sorry, it was longer than I was anticipating."

Logan didn't hear him over the ringing in his earshot stress built from the mess in his drawer. He gulped as his vision became fuzzy. "Go home. I'll do the rest by myself."

Roman stepped forward as sadness washed over him. "A-Are you sure? You've been nagging me about it all week."

"Yeah! All week, and you haven't once tried to listen to me! Because I'm never right and I'm just an idiot to you! Please just- just-"

"Come on, L-"

"I'm not a joke!"

Logan turned a bright shade of red and began to hyperventilate. He shut his drawer forcefully before he covered his head with his arms, desperately gasping for air.

Before he knew it, Roman's warm embrace surrounded him as the younger one whispered in his ear to calm him down.

Once Logan finally returned to a semi-normal state, he could see and hear Roman clearly. He furrowed his brows. "Why are you wearing my sister's bracelet?"

"You're welcome? And she gave it to me."

"Oh." Logan scrambled out of Roman's arms while trying to look dignified, which wasn't very effective on his end.

He eyed the drawer and went over to it to reorganize everything all over again, and let himself breathe when it was how it always was.

"What's up with you?" Roman asked, dumbfounded at Logan's behavior.

Logan looked down at the floor. "It's not me who's been the problem this whole time, dumb shit."

"Oh... So do you still want me out of your house?"

"Do you like Abigail?"

"Uh, yes? As a person and perhaps as a friend?"

"Then yes, get out. She's a piece of shit."

"She isn't that ba-"

"I'm sorry, but who has lived with her all his life?" Logan raised his voice. "Believe me, she is a pain in the ass."

Roman was shut up with that. He had only known her for about an hour.

About an hour was how long Logan had waited for Roman.

"By the way, I did even more of your goddamn work. Now you only have to do two slides. If you somehow manage to fuck this up, I will never forgive you. I'm sick of carrying you when I have my own life. If you want to stay, go back to Abigail's room. I'll see you at school on Monday with the slideshow finished."

~~~

"What are you doing in my house?" Logan grunted when he saw Roman sitting on the couch on a Sunday afternoon.

Abigail walked in with a bag of chips. "I found his Instagram and invited him over. I'm doing costumes for Into the Woods and I figured he'd want to join or just hang out. He's in all the shows and he's pretty great."

"I could not care less, Abigail, nobody wants to hear you speak. Anyways, Roman, you haven't even touched the slideshow except to write your name on the title slide ever since I did three more of yours on Friday. It's Sunday. This is due tomorrow so that we can present on Tuesday. If I get a failing grade because of you, I'm going to ruin your entire life."

And he walked out calmly.

"My brother's a fucking psycho," Abigail laughed.

Roman grinned. "Mine too. But I don't think Logan is all bad. Why does he even resent you so much in the first place?"

"Oh... Some stuff went down a couple years ago and he still hasn't forgiven me."

"What's so serious that it still isn't forgiven over years?"

"Right? He's just a baby. I'm only a year older than you guys, but I couldn't help but feel old when he threw a tantrum. Whatever. I apologized once and I'm not going to beg for his forgiveness."

A couple hours into their conversation about everything they've ever dreamed of regarding theatre and costumes and school, Abigail said, "Hey. This'll sound a little forward, but you're into girls, right?"

"Yeah, of course, why?"

"Only girls?"

"Yes. What are you getting at...?"

"Oh, thank God. I never meet straight theatre boys. Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime?"

Logan is going to hunt me down and slice my dick off.

But this is how it's supposed to be. I'm not supposed to like Logan. It's girls like Abigail who fit my type perfectly.

Say yes!

"Yeah, sure! Sounds great. Can I get your number?"