Chapter 8: Are You Jealous?

There's this one persistent customer at the cafe where I work part-time. He's not anymore a student, pero mukhang fresh graduate pa lang din. He also studied at the Silliman University. I got to learn a few things about him because he talks to me about it, too. He was obviously trying to make a conversation with me every time.

"Hi!" He came again today and greeted me at the cafe's counter.

And I smiled politely since he's a customer. Pagkatapos ay nagtanong na rin ako ng kung ano ang order nito. He ordered his usual coffee drink and then was again trying to converse with me while we make his coffee.

And then I noticed the cafe door opened. Nakita kong kakapasok lang ni Noah doon. Napangiti pa ako sa kaniya. Ngumiti rin naman siya sa akin pero napatingin din sa lalaking customer sa harapan ko ngayon dito sa may counter.

"Excuse me," I politely excused myself before I went to Noah. At handa na rin akong kunin ang order niya. Even though I have already memorized his usual drink here in the cafe as well.

"Hi! Tatambay ka lang ulit dito sa cafe or may meeting kayo ni Sir Geoff?" I couldn't help my smile for him.

Madalas din kasi ay tumatambay na nga lang si Noah dito sa cafe sa paghihintay niya pa sa akin hanggang matapos ang work ko. And then sabay na kaming uuwi sa apartment.

Pero mukhang wala pa sa akin ang buong atensyon niya. "He's also here again? He was here yesterday and the day before. Is he bothering you?" Noah asked me.

Umiling naman ako. Medyo persistent lang naman iyong tao pero hindi naman sa point na bothersome na. I smiled to Noah. "Hindi naman. 'Tsaka regular customer din kasi siya rito sa cafe." sabi ko naman.

And to be honest I just didn't know yet how to properly turn down someone... I also don't want to appear rude. Especially na bago pa lang din ako rito sa Dumaguete and I didn't really want to make enemy. But if I'll be asked directly then that's the time I'll probably say no right away. Especially if I'm not interested in the person din naman. Sa ngayon kasi ay consistent pa lang na palagi akong kinakausap dito sa cafe. Always trying to make a conversation with me. But don't get in the way of my job din naman. I think it will be bothersome kung hindi ko na rin magawa nang maayos ang trabaho ko rito sa cafe kapag nand'yan. Anyway he only orders drink and sit in one of the tables here inside the cafe. Usually kinakausap na lang ako kapag naabutan din akong nasa counter and will make his order.

"I'll stay until you finish working." Noah said.

Tumango naman ako sa kaniya at ngumiti na lang din. Wala na talaga ako halos problema sa transportation dahil palagi rin akong hatid-sundo ng lalaki na 'to.

"Sige, I'll just get your iced coffee now." I said before I left his table.

And what I didn't expect to also happen that day was to be confronted and asked by the guy kung pwede raw ba akong ligawan... S'yempre ay medyo nagulat pa rin naman ako. Tinanong ako nito bago siya umalis sa cafe at halos papatapos na rin ang work shift ko.

"Uh, I'm sorry..." Sinabi ko na rin agad. Of course it's not easy to just turn people down. Pero mas okay na rin kaysa paasahin mo pa, right?

Back in Manila ay may mangilan-ngilan na rin akong manliligaw. Nagkaroon na nga rin ako ng ilang naging boyfriend mula noong high school pa ako. Hindi rin naman kasi strict sa akin ang parents ko, or they just don't ask me anything, too...

Si Zach lang din noon ang madalas sumaway sa akin sa pagkakaron ko ng boyfriend kaya naman siguro naisipan kong baka gusto niya rin ako...

But I already realized that I was wrong.

At ngayon naman ay hindi ko na maibabaling pa ang atensyon ko sa iba dahil nandito na rin ngayon sa harapan ko si Noah. And to be more honest nasa kaniya na lang din ang atensyon ko ngayon.

"I'm done!" I happily told Noah once I'm done with work.

Nauna na rin kaming lumabas sa cafe pagkatapos at pumunta na sa sasakyan niya na naka-parked sa harapan ng cafe.

"I saw you talking to the guy. What were you talking about?" Noah asked me when we were inside his car.

Bumaling naman ako sa kaniya after I settled in the shotgun seat. I watched him in the driver seat. He probably saw it earlier noong nilapitan at kinausap ako noong customer sa loob ng cafe kanina. "Wala naman... Uh, may tinanong lang sa akin..."

"Ano raw?"

Hindi ko naman mapigilan na kumurba ang mga labi ko sa isang ngiti. Noah looks like a nosy suitor now in front of me asking tungkol sa karibal niya... Kahit wala naman talaga... Umiling ako. "Nagtanong kung pwede raw ba akong ligawan..." I said and I waited for his reaction.

"What did you say?"

Ngumiti lang naman muli ako sa medyo seryoso niyang mukha. Umiling din ako muli. "I said no..."

Bumuka ang mga labi niya na para bang magtatanong pa sana siya kung bakit, pero tinikom niya na lang din ang bibig niya at tumango na lang pagkatapos. Ini-start na rin niya ang sasakyan niya at nag-drive na pauwi sa apartment building namin.

Pero hindi na rin ako nagpaawat pa at diniretso ko na rin siya sa mga tanong ko na sumunod.

"Don't tell me... You're... Are you jealous?" I can't help it anymore but ask him. And I can't help myself but to chuckle a bit at it, too. I was even being a little unserious at first...

Because even though it was already kind of obvious, naisip ko pa rin na baka may mali pa rin sa assumptions ko tungkol sa amin ni Noah...

And because how, right? And I mean it's still kind of impossible? And with this man Noah Miguel Irizari. He's too gorgeous to be jealous with some guy...

But I stopped my small laughter when I saw him remained just looking at me with a serious expression on his face. Nang tumigil ako sa bahagyang pagtawa at nakatingin na lang din sa kaniya ay saka naman siya umiwas lang din ng tingin sa akin at nagbuntong-hininga.

Nawala na ang ngiti ko pagkatapos.

He's not being serious right now, is he? He can't be... No. It can't be... Kung sa totoo lang...

I was just still being a bit playful earlier... Hindi ko rin gaano pa munang sineryoso iyong mga tanong ko sa kaniya ngayon...

"Are you..." I think I was already about to ask him if he likes me... And if he finds me attractive or something like that...

"Yes..." Pero agaran na rin niya akong sinagot. Bumaling din siya muli sa akin pagkatapos.

My eyes widened a fraction as I looked at him. At hindi ko na rin naalis ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa.

No way...

In my head I was still trying to deny it to myself a bit, even if it's obvious now. Because I just can't believe it yet... That it's true... It can be true! It would still feel kind of surreal to me!

What?

Like what...

Really. Seriously!

My heart started to pound on my chest that it hurts a bit. I was getting a little more too excited. Hindi ko na rin yata mapipigilan pa ang sarili ko.

Napalunok ako.

Tahimik lang kami ni Noah hanggang sa ihinto na rin niya ang sasakyan niya nang makarating na kami sa building ng apartment. I think I didn't know what to say first... Pero alam ko na kailangan kong magsalita. O mauuwi lang kami ngayon sa pagiging awkward kinabukasan. Dahil lang walang masyadong linaw itong napag-usapan na rin naman namin ngayon.

"Noah," I called him when we both got out of his car.

Bumaling naman siya sa akin at nagkatinginan kaming muli.

"Are you serious about what you just said earlier?" I asked him.

Nanatili ang tingin niya sa akin at tumango siya. "Yes..." he answered gently.

Humakbang pa ako palapit sa kaniya. Now we stood closer in front of each other. Kita rin ang mas lamang na tangkad niya sa akin. Although I'm not really that short of a woman. And I just find our height difference now a little cute, or it just matches us properly...

"So, you mean to say now that... you really like me?" I asked him again.

Nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin at tumango naman siya. "Yes." He answered right away.

I remained looking at him—not wanting to break our eye contact. Until I saw his ears and his face reddened. He looked away first and he's looking flustered again in front of me.

"I'm sorry..." He said right after.

And in the end I smiled to him. Bahagya ko rin siyang inilingan—signaling him to stop being shy now... "No, it's all right. And..." I looked at him in the eyes. "I like you too, Noah..." There I said it, too.

His lips parted while he looked at me as he just stood there in front of me. Mukhang hindi pa siya agad na nakabawi. Pero ako na rin ang lumapit pa sa kaniya at marahan ko siyang niyakap...

I just felt like hugging him now...

I've been to relationships before, but those were unserious and still childish... While now it's different. I feel like I've let my true feelings out for the first time. Like this was just a quiet confession and it feels more mature, and real...

Napangiti ako lalo na nang maramdaman ko na rin ang mga kamay at braso ni Noah na yumakap na rin sa akin pabalik. Napapikit na lang ako sa loob ng yakap niya. At mas lalo ko pa siyang niyakap.