Have you ever felt completely helpless? I definitely have. I felt helpless when I was with Mr. Higginson, and when River didn’t remember who I was. I also felt helpless right then as well, because I had no idea what I was supposed to do, just like I had those other times.

I didn’t want River knowing that Seth and I had done anything. Now that he got his memory back, he knew that we were supposed to be together. But he had seen me with Seth… He knew that I had slept with him, and he knew that I loved him as well. I was breaking his heart and I was a horrible person…

How could I do something so horrible like this?

“Why are you acting like such a jerk?” I snapped, spinning on my heel to face Seth. “What happened to you not stopping me if I picked River? Everything you said to him was absolutely horrible! He doesn’t deserve anything like that, and you know it! That was completely uncalled for, you idiot!”

Seth’s smug smirk disappeared from his face, and it was quickly replaced with a frown. How could he do something like that to River, who was supposed to be his best friend? Seth said he would be okay if I picked River instead of him! I hadn’t even picked anyone yet and he was back to being a jerk!

“I’m sorry,” Seth apologized, his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly at me. “But… just thinking that you’re going to pick him over me made me snap. I’m sorry, Delilah.”

I looked away from him, not knowing how I was supposed to respond to that. It was all because he just didn’t want to lose me to River. Why did I put myself in this situation? I was such an idiot…

“You need to pick one of us, Delilah,” he whispered, staring down at his feet so he wouldn’t have to look up at my face. “You have to pick one of us right now. I can’t live with not knowing. Just please, pick one of us so I’ll know that I can be happy or upset.”

“Marnie still loves you,” I reasoned, trying to think of things that would have made Seth better. “Don’t you love her? You said you did. You used me to get her jealous!”

“Of course I still love Marnie,” Seth informed me, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. “But I love you more.”

“You have someone else to love, and someone else to love you back,” I sighed, crossing my own arms over my chest now. “River doesn’t. I’m the only person that he loves, and I’m the only person that loves him back. Besides Kendra, but she’s completely insane…”

“So you’re choosing him over me?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes narrowed. Honestly, I didn’t know who I was picking. But the logical answer seemed like River… He loved me more than anyone, even Seth, I was sure…

So did that mean I was picking River? I hated the fact that I had to choose. But I couldn’t just continue leading them both on, because then one of them would get hurt. I was going to have to pick the one that I thought was right. And that person was…

“Yes, Seth,” I breathed, feeling horribly guilty when I saw the angry look disappearing from his face as it was replaced with a heartbroken one. “I’m choosing River. I’m sorry, but… you should go back to Marnie. I do love you, but I’m sure Marnie loves you a lot more than I do.”

He just stared at me for a few moments, as if he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. I didn’t blame him, because I knew how he felt. I  had been on his side before; I had been heartbroken by the person I was in love with. But I still had the chance to get back together with him, but Seth didn’t.

“Fine,” he snapped, turning away from me and stalking off down the hall and in the direction of his dorm room. I only watched him leave, not moving until he was completely out of sight. After that, I spun on my heel and started off toward River’s dorm.

Before I could even take three steps, however, I was stopped by a voice. A voice that belonged to someone that I knew I was going to have to deal with soon, but not this soon.

“So, how’s River?” Kendra sneered, her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at me. Looks like someone wasn’t so innocent anymore… “Or should I be asking how Seth is?”

She was suspended, wasn’t she? What was she doing here? Unless she was in River’s dorm with him… But I didn’t want to think about that. Now that his memory was back, he was mine and that was all I wanted. Kendra couldn’t get in between us anymore, as long as River and I even got back together…

“They’re both fine,” I answered through clenched teeth, wanting to bash her head against the wall very badly. “You just missed them actually.”

“And I thought I was a whore,” Kendra sighed, shaking her head as if she was ashamed of me or something. “But I’d never go off and fool around with my fiancé’s best friend when he can’t remember anything. Now that is a true whore, my friend.”

“Don’t call me your friend,” I spat, my hands clenching into fists at my side. “Because that is definitely the last thing I am.”

“But you didn’t deny being a whore,” she pointed out wickedly, a too-sweet smile plastered on her face.

I wasn’t going to deny it, because that was pretty much what I was. If I was a good fiancée, I would have waited patiently for River to get his memory back. I would have waited for him to come back to me, but instead I went off and slept with another guy.

Who’s heart I just broke.

I was such a horrible person.

“I’m not going to speak to you anymore, Kendra,” I practically growled at her, not in the mood for her stupid crap. “I’m not going to deny or agree with anything you say.”

“Skank!” Kendra screeched, and I almost had to cover my ears at the horrid sound. I never knew her voice could have hurt my ears so much… “River’s mine, you hear me? Mine, mine, mine! Just because he saw your stupid scrapbook doesn’t mean anything!”

Being true to the words I had spoken before, I turned around and started off toward River’s dorm once again. Kendra shouted out after me, but I didn’t stop. I had had enough of her and I wasn’t going to let her bother me any longer. I was done with Kendra Harris.

Before going to River’s dorm, I made a quick stop back to my dorm to tell Alice everything that had happened. It would be better to tell her then instead of whenever I got back after speaking to River. She was going to grill me with questions, and I knew I would want an excuse to get out of there.

Unlocking the door, I pushed it open and heaved a long sigh. All I wanted was to just plop down on my bed, but I knew that I couldn’t. I still had to go talk to River.

“Well, it worked,” I began as I shut the door, but I then saw that Alice wasn’t even there. I let out a frustrated groan, rolling my eyes at the empty room. She must have gone to see Rex, which meant Seth would be there since he lived in the same dorm as him. Since I didn’t want to see Seth, and since he was probably telling her the whole story right then, there was no point in looking for her.

I turned toward the door now to leave, but my foot landed on something as I tried to. I heard the familiar crunching sound of paper and I felt my blood run cold.

A note, of course. And it wasn’t like I was feeling bad enough…

I bent over, picking it up and straightening it out a little. I had left a shoe print on the outside of it, but I didn’t really care very much as I unfolded and read it.

                My dearest Delilah,

                River must be feeling pretty bad, but I feel worse. Now you have two guys going after you, and I’m left all alone in the dark. But not for long, Delilah. Not for long…

                                                                                                                It’s What You do to Me, Delilah.

It wasn’t going to ever end, I decided right then and there. People were either going to send me serious stalker notes or just fake ones to mess with me. Since my story had been on the news and a bunch of other shows that I didn’t even want to think about, almost everyone knew what had happened to me. And there was way more than just one sicko on this planet…

I trudged over to my closet, pulled out the box with all my other stalker notes, and shoved it inside. I noticed that it was starting to overflow, but all I did was bite my lip and shove it back inside, all the way into the corner behind a bunch of clothes so no one else could find it.

Straightening out my skirt, I then left my dorm and started toward River’s. I was going to tell him that I chose him, and that I made a mistake fooling around with Seth when he didn’t remember anything at all…

Knocking on his door, I held my breath as I waited for him to open it. What if Mountain was there? I guess I could have always just asked him to leave. But what if he didn’t want to? No, he would if I asked him. He was way too nice of a guy not to do what I asked, and that was something I liked about him. Now if Rex lived with River, that would be a different story. He wouldn’t have left even if I told him his car was on fire.

When the door opened, I was met with a glare. I looked up at him sheepishly, trying to think of the right thing to say to him. Of course I had to say I was sorry, but that didn’t seem like the right thing to say at first. He’d probably slam the door right in my face…

When I noticed that one of his hands were hidden behind the door, my eyes widened. If he was hiding what I thought he was hiding…

“Drop the razor,” I demanded, much like the first time this had happened to us. “Don’t make me come in there and make you drop it.”

River sneered at me. “I’m terrified.”

I forced myself inside, but didn’t clutch onto him or the razor. I slammed the door behind me, and River looked impressed. He looked so much like he had used to… His hair was black again, and now was in front of his eyes instead of spiking up. I missed this River, and I was glad that he was back.

“What, are you here to tell me that you’ve been fooling around with Rex as well?” he scowled, chucking the razor into the trash through the open bathroom door. “Because I wouldn’t be surprised if you are.”

I stared down at my feet, ashamed of myself for putting him through this. Sure, he had put me through the same thing for months, but it was different since he didn’t know he was doing anything wrong. He didn’t have his memory, but I did.

“I’m stupid,” was all I said, and I knew he agreed with me. “I know that what I did was stupid, River…”

“Explain this to me,” River demanded, and I looked up from the ground to see him holding up the picture of Seth and me making out in Bentwood’s pool. I let out a quiet gasp, my eyes going wide as I stared at it. How did he get that picture? The last time I saw it, Rex was the one that had it…

I was going to kill that idiot! He left that stupid picture in the scrapbook! I was going to kill him one of these days!

“That was at Bentwood--” I started, but River cut me off before I could say anything else.

“I know it was at Bentwood,” he told me, his eyebrows furrowing at me. “I want to know when it was taken. Was it before or after we got together? Have you always had feelings for Seth? What about him?”

“This was before we were together,” I answered, taking a step toward him now. “And no, I haven’t always liked Seth. I used to hate him when he acted like a jerk to me. I don’t really know about him, but I think that he might have liked me for a while…”

River dropped the photo onto the ground, scowling at it. What was I supposed to do now? I felt terrible for making him feel this way…

“I should have known,” he spat, still scowling at it.

“I never would have done anything with Seth if Kendra didn’t tell me how you two slept together,” I snapped, taking a step toward him now. “Even if you couldn’t remember anything, you should have known that what you were doing was wrong!”

“What are you talking about?” River asked, his eyebrows furrowed. “I never had sex with Kendra.”

I blinked at him in shock. “What are you talking about?” I repeated. “She told me that you did.”

River shook his head. “I never had sex with Kendra, and I honestly couldn’t stand her from the very beginning, even when we were kids. I was just trying to be nice to her and it got way out of hand.”

Oh, my God. If he never slept with Kendra, that meant that she only said it to get to me… And it worked. The only reason I came out to Seth was because I was depressed over the fact that River was having sex with Kendra! She was lying the entire time…

“I’m sorry, River,” I apologized, staring down at the floor. “I’m so, so sorry…”

All I could do was stare at his wrists now, which were bleeding like I had expected. I bit my tongue, stopping myself from shouting at him. He had stopped cutting himself for so long… But now he was doing it again. Would those scars ever heal? It didn’t seem like so.

“I know you’re sorry,” he told me, noticing the blood and walking into the bathroom to wipe it off on a towel. “You’ve already told me that you’re sorry.”

“I feel horrible,” I whispered, following him into the bathroom now. This was so much like the first time I had caught him cutting himself, except that time we were yelling at each other and this time we were almost silent. What was I supposed to do to show him that I still loved him? “I… I didn’t even know what I was doing. I was drunk and lonely and I--”

“But you liked it,” River spoke for me, even though that totally wasn’t what I was going to say.

“No!” I denied, shaking my head furiously. “Honestly, I don’t even remember it happening! I was drunk! If he didn’t tell me that we slept together, I wouldn’t have even known!”

“But you love him,” River continued on, tossing the bloody towel into the sink. I was glad to see that his wrists had stopped bleeding, even though the cuts were still there. “And that’s the part I’m really upset about. I’m pissed off that you went off and had sex with him, but I’m upset that you’re in love with him.”

“I’m not in love with him,” I insisted, shocking myself now. “I just… love him.”

That was the difference between the love I had for Seth and River. With River, I knew that I was head over heels in love with him. But then when it came to Seth, I just loved him. It didn’t feel special at all to me, almost like I loved Rex or Gabe.

And that was when it hit me. I was only feeling this way about Seth because I was lonely and wanted affection. I had been leading him on this entire time with my false feelings… And I couldn’t feel more horrible about it. Like I had said so many times before, I was such a horrible person…

River stared at me for a second, like he didn’t even recognize me anymore. The last time he had done that, he really didn’t know who I was. But now I could tell he was trying to figure me out. He was trying to see how much I had changed in the few months that he was gone.

“I’m going to be completely honest with you,” I breathed out, closing my eyes for a few seconds as I tried to think of a good way to tell him. “I should have told you this long before you lost your memory, but I didn’t want you to worry about something that you didn’t have to worry over. But now… I think it’s okay to worry about at least one of these things.”

River now looked at me with concern, and I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to hold me, but he was stopping himself from doing so. I crossed my arms over my stomach, staring down at my feet as I thought about which one to tell him first.

“This is the one you don’t have to worry about,” I decided, looking up at his worried eyes now. “A little while before you lost your memory, Jay came onto me and tried to get me to break up with him. This entire time he’s been trying to get me to go out with him, but I’ve said no. I have absolutely no interest in Jay Harris whatsoever.”

River only blinked, obviously not knowing what he was supposed to say about this. I didn’t blame him, but I also couldn’t help but notice his right hand clench into a fist. Even though we were technically broken up, River still got easily jealous…

“But this is what you should be worried about,” I continued on with a sigh, now staring back at the floor again. “At first I thought it was nothing but a prank, but it’s been going on for months so I don’t really think that it is anymore… I’ve been getting notes again, River.”

Before I even knew what was going on, River’s arms were wrapped around me tightly. I felt tears in my eyes as I leaned forward and hugged him back. I hadn’t been able to touch him like this in so long… He hadn’t held me like this in what felt like forever.

“Why didn’t you call the police?” he asked into my hair, not even loosening his grip on me.

“Because I’m scared,” I answered into his chest. “The last time I called the police they weren’t able to do anything. All they did was send me to Bentwood, where it didn’t even stop. I don’t want to be sent away again. I don’t want to be separated from you.”

“But it’s better than being harassed, Delilah,” he told me, pulling me away just enough so he could look at me. “Who knows who this person is? They could seriously hurt you!”

“I don’t want to go to the police,” I whimpered, leaning forward and wrapping my arms around his neck. “I just want to be with you. After months of you being off with someone else, I just want to be with you again.”

River squeezed me to him tightly, kissing the top of my head just like he used to always do. I had went so long without his touch…

“I love you, Delilah,” he whispered into my hair, squeezing me even tighter now. “I’ll never let you go again. I’ll make this up to you, I promise.”

I smiled when he slipped my ring back onto my finger, where it rightfully belonged. “I will, too.”

I looked up at him, stretching up onto my toes so I could press my lips against his. Though I had kissed him earlier that day, it wasn’t the same, because he didn’t have his memory then. He thought that the only reason he had an attraction to me was because he wanted to sleep with me, but now it was different. This kiss was filled with love, just like they used to be.

I smiled up at him when he pulled away. “And I love you, too.”

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If you read the author's notes from the early chapters of Hey There, Delilah, you'll know that I just went to Disneyland in January... And now I get to go in October! :D

I'm so excited that I've been listening to It's a Small World on a loop for the past six hours... :D?

I seem to be the only person in the world over the age of ten to actually like the song and ride...

Only a few chapters left! Maybe like... I don't know, four or five? :)

Please COMMENT, VOTE, and FAN! <3