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oh hello there 

Ahem.

OKAY

so all of you may probably be thinking "why did you delete your account" or "why did you leave off?"

Uhhhhhhhhh gosh I have a lot of explaining to do.

I will not say the individuals names clearly for anyone who didn't understand or know the damn drama. They should know what I'm talking to or who I'm talking to about whatsoever

Alright so it was mainly about some drama and old stuff yada yada. Before then like 3 months ago I was just harsh. Selfish. And jealous over everything basically. Before I thought of a different view of the drama due to how people weren't talking to me about it and didn't explain how I've said in the past is honestly disgusting of me. but now it's been two months I realized of how many people may have been affected by my own actions and how I was handling things poorly, processing what I've said, my tone, my emotions. And I've been terrible. I was a terrible person. I wanted everyone's attention which is selfish and narcissistic of me. Because of how this was my first drama I've been involved in and mainly started because of me I was afraid that people will not look at me the same way I used to be back then before. if I didnt say anything about it or if I can just get my real shit together and apologize for what I've done. Because taking accountability and speaking out for what I've said in the past and how I've been treating everyone was not excuseable and unacceptable as I could seriously harm the individual's mental health. People and others should have no limited or restricted friendship and how they act to each other. it would be incredibly hypocritical and possessive of me and I would be a complete toxic friend. I shouldn't have done that and I should've known that before. 

After the drama has cooled down I still haven't moved on. Which is another reason as to why I've left, now knowing what I've done was unacceptable and honestly awful of me it left me confused as to why people were still supporting me. I didn't want to become more worser than before and I was scared and uncomfortable everyone. Even I feared that people would even feel uncomfortable to even interact towards me. I can't I just really can't move on with life without being responsible and knowing the amount of stress I've said without even THINKING of the other person's feelings and how it may affect them deeply just really disgusts me inside. Especially for what I've said to the "I hate you-" in my mb (I can't say the individual's name), I must admit most of the time of that comment I didn't really know what to respond or understood it, but still I should've have thought of what the other person's response and feelings they felt towards me and I should've know what I've been doing was just awful of me. 

I just don't want to be labeled "the toxic friend" or anything like that. I seriously don't. Or even get jokes about it because it seriously just makes me feel like a messy bitch person. And I don't want any reminders or seeing comments about even thinking or talking about it. It just makes me uncomfortable and intense guilt and I despise it. I just wanna move on normally and calmly but it didn't end up well. And it just...feel awful. If you were all in my shoes and constantly keep thinking every day about it it's just miserable and I wanna get it off my shoulders and do it respectfully. 

So I'm gonna say this here and now about the drama. I'm am incredibly and deeply sorry for disappointing, making things stressful, and making things worse for all of you. If you don't want to accept it, I understand. For what I've done including my own actions isn't acceptable. 

For some other reasons other than that was justtttt mental issues mental issues mental issuesssssssssss including irl, gosh irl was just urghhhhhhhh awful

I really needed a new start because my other account just left bad memories and how terrible it was and I just needed more time to process and to make my apology more proper and well thought of. It's been bothering me for months (and I'm still not moved on from it-) which is why I didn't feel comfortable and has been a pain in my absolute ass to even login to Wattpad, knowing this site including what I've done before, like how do you expect me to just move on on Wattpad and life knowing I've took a serious bad affect on people's mental health AND I SAY NOTHING OR EVEN APOLOGIZED FOR IT?? ;0; 

I seriously wanted to become a better person and accept what other people think about other people and just deal with it because I have no control or any way towards other friendships. If they're strong, who cares ;—; I shouldn't be limiting it anyways, I should've respect it. 

And after me leaving I'm still so fucking surprise- like hOW ARE YOU WORRIED DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IVE DONE?? I was narcissistic and awful and I still have you all as my friend. That drama was literally cancel worthy. which is just...why..? Why? After all of that just...why...-

I guess that's about it, I can't think of any other reasons as to why I left or any main important information that I still need to say I'm sorry too. Im still however recovering as I hope I'll return more sooner than later. 

I promise I'll become a better person and try to make better decisions and choices. But for now, I just...need a break right now...

Im gonna hope this apology is enough, more than Fizzi's apology (because WHOOOOWEE that was a heck of a ride-) or hopefully it won't be worse..

I'm most likely gonna have to go to bed as it's 11:50 pm rn ;-;