It was 4:00AM on the cold morning of January, 17th.  One advantage of getting your orgasm in before 4:00 in the morning was how truly deeply you slept. This morning in particular, it had a lot of advantages. First, I fell immediately back to sleep and didn’t have to deal with Roger leaving for the airport. The last thing I needed to do was have some kind of emotional spazz before he left. Second, Roger could sleep, completely knocked out, in the backseat of the car that had come to the house to pick him up. The flight for the second, European leg of the Jazz tour was scheduled to leave Heathrow at 6:00AM. The first show would open in Germany with the conclusion being a three-night stint in Paris, France. The jet lag and physical drain would be far less demanding on this leg of the tour. The boys would return home on March 1st at which point I would be six months along and over half-way through my pregnancy.

 As expected, the plane left Heathrow at 6:10AM. The sunrise had barely broken over the horizon as Roger watched the runway disappear behind them, the blinking light on the wing holding his attention as the plane climbed in elevation. It wouldn’t be a long flight, only a mere two hours.

 “You haven’t hardly said a word all morning.” Brian said, shoving his newspaper into the pouch of the seat in front of him. Roger was chewing on his knuckle as he pulled his sunglasses off and laid them on the tray before him and shook his head.

 “I just…I have a lot on my mind.” He answered, not truly making eye contact with Brian. The sound of the jet engines hummed, filling the silence between he and Brian. “We have…all this stuff at home...for…a baby. I…I don’t have a damn clue how to do this.” He confessed. Brian shrugged.

 “You just…you learn it all as you go. It’s draining…exhausting at times. You’ll second guess yourself constantly and you’ll wonder how this life fits into the well being of a child. It’s…it’s frightening if you have a son because you’ll look at him and you’ll see yourself. That’s…that’s really scary to see yourself. It’s a strange and fearful bond that you’ll feel. It’s amazing because you know it’s your son and…and he’s exactly as you are. ” Brian shared.

 “And…and what if it’s not a boy? What then? Do I just…do I never connect with it? What if I have a girl? How do I…how?” Roger asked with a serious look on his face. Brian shrugged.

 “I have no idea. Except that I think it would be marvelous to have a daughter. I hope I have one someday.  I don’t think there’s anything in this world that can match the innocence of a little baby girl.” Brian was far too poetic for Roger at 6:30 in the morning. All he really wanted was for Brian to give him the ‘how to’ guide for being a father. He should have known better because would never dream of stating the obvious.

 At exactly 10:27 that day; I woke to a quiet, empty house. I respectfully got myself cleaned up and lingered in the bath because Roger's towel was still lying damp on the tile. His scent intermingled with his soap. I pulled it up from the floor and buried my nose in it. It smelled like his aftershave and his skin. It smelled like his hair and it was laced with the faint scent of Marlboros...maybe that's what I really enjoyed inhaling. 

 I swear, as soon as this baby was born; I was going to immediately smoke a cigarette. I was a little over 2 weeks into the 4th month of this pregnancy and Harriett Kinderwell would be arriving between noon and 1:00 today. Roger and I had arranged for a small moving van to follow her from Scotland with anything she may require for her long-term stay until Roger returned in March. 

 I had to admit that I was rather excited that someone would be around to keep me company and so I made certain the guest room was clean and uncluttered for Harriett's arrival. I had finally reached a point in the duration of this pregnancy that I could put actual clothes on without cringing or wanting to jump off a cliff. 

 On New Years Day, Roger and I had gone into London and we left with a wardrobe of very stylish maternity clothes that actually fit me. They not only fit me; they were flattering. My new clothes didn't scream 'and over here to your left, we have a pregnant woman'. I was very pleased with our finds. In looking at myself in the mirror; I didn't want to throw up, I didn't want to cry or lose my shit over seeing my stomach, which was now obvious but not grossly protruding. I was all ready for Harriett's arrival and move in, complete with the fresh flowers I had sat in her room the day prior. I turned the light out in the bath and reluctantly threw Roger's towel into the dirty laundry; making my way to the room just off ours that we had turned into our second closet. At one point half was Roger's and half was mine. 

 Now, when you walked in here it was a jumbled mess and a project that I would surely insist Harriett helps me with. At 12:15 that day, Harriett arrived exactly on schedule. The very sight of her made me smile. She arrived to our home exactly as she arrived to the interview: plain and simple. I expected her to have more luggage and items she brought from her home, but she didn’t. Harriett had a total of five suitcases and one rolling luggage bag. She had a large bag on her shoulder full of binders and books.  “Hello Harriett!” I greeted her with open arms. I realized that Roger had hired her the same day of the interview without consulting me at all. I didn’t mind though; she had much to offer us and if Roger felt she was a good fit, I didn’t have question. “Did you have a nice trip?” I asked, reaching for her bag.

 “Ah, the trip was lovely! No, no Miss Lydia! You needn’t carry my bag.” She answered me. I smiled at her, moving out of the way so that the man from the moving truck could bring the remainder of her luggage in from the cold.

 “Is…is this everything? This is all you have?” I asked, looking to Harriett and the mover. They each shook their heads. I was a little bewildered because I expected much more luggage than only this. “Oh well…okay then…um….hold on a minute then, yeah?” I shook my head to the mover and held up a finger to him, going to retrieve my handbag. Hell, I had to tip the guy; he had just driven from Scotland to Surrey, England with a mere five suitcases in a small moving van! I did exactly that and he bid Harriett a farewell. Now, here we were, face to face staring at each other slightly uncertain of what to say next. “Um…I have some tea…in the kitchen? Shall I help you to your room for now?” I said less than confidently, and pointing behind me as I noticed Harriett looking around the house. She appeared to be so very awestruck as she had during the interview.  Harriett shook her head.

 “No, I’ll be fine. I’ve plenty of time to get unpacked and settled in. And yes, I’d love to have some tea. You and I need to sit down and get to know each other. We can talk about the rest of your pregnancy and…well, other expectations while I’m here with you.” Harriett said sweetly.  I gave her a nod in agreement and ushered her to the kitchen. She looked all over the kitchen as she almost fearfully walked across the floor. “Should….should I remove my shoes?” she asked, watching as I pulled the kettle from the stove.  I shrugged.

 “Only if you wish. You don’t have to.” I answered her noticing that she hadn’t yet sat at the small kitchenette table where Roger and I typically ate. We seldom used the dining room. Harriett nearly missed the chair at the dinette table as she turned around and reached for the back of it.

 “I must apologize. Your home is unlike anything I’ve ever seen or stepped foot in. I’m a bit taken aback and I know not how to act. There’s nothing out of place in here.” Harriett confessed. I laughed as I poured our tea.

 “Well, I could…I could throw something on the floor if you like?” I said, tossing the tea towel to the floor. “There. That doesn’t belong there at all.” I laughed as I placed our teacups on a tray along with the sugar in case Harriett wanted any and joined her at the table. My god, if Harriett only knew the way Roger and I could destroy this place only to put it all back in order. I sat down rather clumsily across from her and placed our tray between us on the glass tabletop.  “Here we are. Welcome to my home, Harriett. I’m very happy to have you hear.” I said, raising my teacup to hers. I think it was the only toast she’d ever made in her life. She eyed me as she spooned sugar into her tea.

 “You look very pretty today. Pregnancy agrees with you.” she said taking a sip.

 “Thank you. I went shopping.” I shared with her.

 “Well, ya’ did quite well! How have you been feelin’?” she asked. I nodded my head.

 “Pretty good. Much better since I last saw you.”

 “You’re a little over four months now. Oooh, it won’t be long until you’ll feel the baby move. Of course, this is your first pregnancy so it may be longer, perhaps closer to five or five and a half months.” Harriett explained.  Her comments made me stop mid-sip. I had never actually thought about the human being…inside me…moving… I gazed at her intently.

 “Moo…move…moving? The baby…is gonna’ start moving?” I questioned. Duh! Of course the baby was going to begin moving but I couldn’t convince myself of that! Harriett shook her head with shining eyes.

 “Yes! Oh yes, that’s such a special time! You’ll feel a kick or a flipping feeling. That’s your little one letting you know he or she is growing and getting strong!” I nodded my head in horror at Harriett’s words. Shit…the thing in my abdomen was a developing human…Harriett looked at me as if she were expecting me to burst into a gush of flower petals and singing birds. Instead, I was bursting with a sudden feeling of indigestion. “So, do you and your husband want a boy or a girl?” she took another drink of tea.

 “We haven’t given it much thought, really.” I confessed.

“Names? Have you decided on something?” she pushed on.

 “Hmm…no. Oh! But we did finally decide the exact position we were in when I conceived. That’s….something!” I said brightly and taking a drink of my own tea. Harriett stared at me for a moment.

 “I…see…well you and your husband still have time.” She smiled at me.

 “Do you have any children of your own?” I asked, realizing that I didn’t truly know anything about Harriett.

 “I do. I have four boys. Thomas, Caleb, Liam, and Jacob. They’re 35, 33, 28 and 25. I’ve been married for thirty-six years.”

 “Jesus Christ! How have you managed to sleep with the same man for thirty-six years?” I asked, my reaction most certainly being stronger than she had expected. I don’t think Harriett had the slightest idea how to respond to that.

 “Intimacies are for making a family. My husband and I haven’t had relations in years.” Harriett said pleasantly. I tried my best not to let my jaw hit the table but it almost did. I had no idea why one bought into this idea that sex was for pro-creation. For the past eight years, I had taken every precaution to avoid creating life and instead create a playground in my bed…I had been very successful at it up until four fucking months ago. There was no way in hell that I could tell Harriett that I had sex because I…loved it.  “Tell me about your friends. I…I have no idea what a celebrity life is like for someone. I bet you have a lot of friends.” She asked me.

 “Not really. Roger and I have our circle and he has some close friends from the record label that I don’t know well. But truly, my closest friends are the wives of Roger’s band mates. My very dearest friend is Veronica Deacon. She is the wife of the bassist. John. Oh! They’re Catholic just like you! If you meet them, you will have so much to talk about and to….be….Catholic about. They’re very simple people, reserved, and so very genuine. They have two little boys. Then there’s my friend Chrissie. I’ve known since my college days. She’s married to Brian May, the guitarist in Roger’s band. Oh god, and let me tell you, those two together are like watching giraffes ice skate. They were made for one another and they are very much in love. And then there’s Mary and Freddie. They aren’t married. They’re…friends. They always lift you’re spirits. Freddie is lead vocals in the band. He’s very shy and introverted. Mary lets him be himself. There’s no pressure between them an it’s truly unlike any relationship I’ve ever seen. She would…she’d walk through fire for that man. My friends are all quite different but we…we’ve really had the time of our lives together.” I smiled sincerely at Harriett.

 “That’s very sweet. And you and your husband? What’s your relationship like?” she asked.

 “It’s um…it’s had it’s ups and downs but the makeup sex has been hotter and hotter every time.” I laughed at my own statement only to hear silence from Harriett. I cleared my throat quickly.

 “I mean…” I cleared my throat again “…it’s…it’s great.” I answered, taking another sip of my tea. Oh god…

 “Do you believe you and Mr. Taylor are prepared to be parents?” Harriett asked me.

 “Harriett, you can call him Rog; it’s fine. But no, we aren’t prepared to be parents at all. The only time Roger has ever been called daddy is in the bedroom and this…” I paused and pointed to my stomach. “…has officially ruined that fetish for me.” That’s it. I had accidentally mortified Harriett because I couldn’t control my mouth. Judging by the way Harriett was crossing herself I knew…I had crossed the line.

 “Miss Lydia…I will pray for you.” Harriett reached out and took my hand. “Your husband has given you this beautiful gift of life that you will honor him with when your body blossoms and…” I had to cut her off…I simply had to…

 “Okay, Harriett…first, the lotus flower bullshit talk has to go. Second…Roger didn’t give me a beautiful gift! My god, he was drunk as hell and he came too fast! If that’s some beautiful gift, I’d like to make a return! You are a dear, dear woman but I don’t blossom nor do I honor thy husband or what ever the hell that command is. My body isn’t a temple and Roger and I don’t perform strange worshipping rituals on each other unless you count oral sex.” I explained to her with a smile. Harriett crossed herself…again.

 “Oh my…Lydia…a husband and wife shouldn’t…well…I mean…such acts are…” Harriett paused and darted her eyes around the kitchen “…carnal.” She said quietly. “Fear not, I’ll pray! Everyday, I’ll pray for you and this beautiful baby you’re going to bring into this world and for your dear husband!” Harriett squeezed my hand. I nodded my head at her and sighed.  I couldn’t help but laugh. I had no idea if I had already terrified Harriett beyond belief but she and I still had a lot of warming up to each other to do.