April 20, 1979 – The Taylor Estate, Surrey, England

 The remainder of the Jazz tour was cancelled until May.  I was completely dumbfounded that Harriett turned up to the hospital but we were so happy to see her. When Roger and I prepared to come home; he had questioned me as to why there were so many clothes jammed into the backseat of the car and I very passionately told him that story of how Chrissie tried to throw out our entire history! Harriett had stayed with Roger and I to get us on our feet and situated. She absolutely doted over Ellie. It was apparent that this woman truly loved children. She gave us some names of nannies that she felt would be a good fit for us. After all the drama that had occurred at the hospital; the complete picture had unfolded. I had gone into early labor because I hadn’t gained enough weight throughout the pregnancy. My placenta hadn’t detached because of the pre-term labor. The fact that my personal health history was remarkable for lots of smoking and drinking prior to me getting pregnant and even into the first month or so of pregnancy when I was unaware; likely influenced my early contractions.

Roger and I had learned how to mix Ellie’s formula and attempted to swaddle her…we failed miserably at it. We were given a supply of diapers and pins and we had no idea how the hell to put one on until Harriett showed us. She gave Ellie her first bath and Roger and I gagged when we saw what was left of her umbilical cord stump still attached. Harriett promised us it would fall off.  We both completely freaked out the first time she cried and didn’t know how to sooth her. But once again, Harriett showed us that all she needed was a bottle and a pat on the back.  Roger and I were so nervous around her. She wiggled a lot and always seemed to be looking around when she was awake. Harriett helped us get her room together and also fully dressed the bassinet. It was truly a dainty piece of furniture that we could move anywhere in the house we needed to. Harriett got up with Ellie in the middle of the night so Roger and I could recover with our sleep deprivation. This morning, she had gone into town to do our grocery shopping. Roger and I had some very special company arriving this afternoon.

I felt so wonderful after my hot shower and it felt even more wonderful that I was once again able to wear Roger’s t-shirt. It was like the return of a friend you hadn’t seen in years. It had so much wear and right now it fit me differently because I still had enlarged breasts and was a little puffy all over. It was very apparent that I had had a baby. I looked at myself in the mirror and pulled his shirt up. My ribs were sore and my abdomen was bruised from where Dr. Myers had been pressing on it to release my placenta. My skin was slightly stretched and very dry. I couldn’t wait until my body began to heal itself. I had also made a commitment to work with a personal trainer beginning in May. Roger thought I was absurd and he rolled his eyes at it. However, he supported me nonetheless. I smiled in the mirror, genuinely relieved that my pregnancy was over. The truth was, I had hated being pregnant. There was nothing about the experience that I enjoyed and I couldn’t wait to give Veronica her maternity nightgowns back. After all, she would need these in five months. Now that I felt much better, I headed downstairs.

When I walked into living room off the kitchen the sight that greeted me forced me to lean over against the open doorframe and take it all in. I've always thought Roger was sexiest the mornings when I would wake up in his flat when I first started officially dating him. He would always be shirtless and his hair was down to his shoulders then. I thought there was no way he could have been sexier until we were at ridge farm and I learned just how very well black leather suited him. Believe me that was sexy...until I saw him in black velvet and fell in love with him all over at John and Veronica's wedding. That time was definitely the sexiest. No, the sexiest he ever was had been when he became a bright blonde and showed an Italian fur who the boss was. Actually, no. It was when I married him. He was ridiculously sexy that day. Oh! No, no...it was definitely the time when Roger debuted his Tiger print trousers in our kitchen. There is nothing sexier than his arse poured into animal prints. Shit…I forgot about the News of the World premiere…that was the most gorgeous white suit I had ever laid eyes on.

No. Right now was the sexiest I had ever seen him. Ever. He was sitting there in his white t-shirt and his underwear. He had Ellie in one hand under her blanket and a bottle of coca-cola in the other, glued to the Manchester United game. I had never been more attracted to him. "Hey, look at you! You're all clean and you smell nice." He said looking over at me. “I gave Harriett an enormous grocery list. Did you know there was nothing to eat here?” he asked.  The one thing they forget to tell you is that after pregnancy, you have the potential to cry about anything and everything because your hormones are betraying you in every possible way. Veronica had actual post-partum...I simply had hormones on strike. "Why you cryin'?" He asked. I had to laugh as I dried my eyes. "The doctor wasn’t kidding when he said those underwear were padded." He  said looking at my incredibly embarrassing, extremely high-waisted, padded underwear the hospital gave me to ensure my entire vagina wouldn't fall off or explode or something. I was so sore that I couldn’t put pants on by myself and so I was doomed to walk around in these things unless Roger wanted to dress me. Instead, I had these giant, absorbent things to catch anything that leaked out of me.

"I can’t wait until my checkup and Ellie’s checkup. I don’t want to wear these any longer than I have to.” I said walking over to the couch with him. "Don't you want to put her in 'er bassinet? You've been holdin' 'er for a long time." I said. 

"You heard what the nurse said! She's a preemie! She needs human contact so she won't die or something!" Roger said. I rolled my eyes. That was nowhere near what the nurse said. Oh good god, this was phase one of Roger being melodramatic about everything relating to our baby daughter. He was too overcome with his own feelings to be too dramatic in the hospital but look out now.

"The nurse said she needs human contact to promote her circulation and because she's so tiny she needs reassurance of her world outside of the womb." I reminded him. 

"Oh...yeah that's...that's different than dying. But...how can you not wanna’ hold 'er all day? Look at how pretty she is! She looks just like you!" Well, Roger was going to make me cry again. "Mum's gonna be here at 5:00 tomorrow. Guess what she's gonna' cook for us?"

"Oooooh what?" I asked, my eyes wide. It was no secret that Winnie was a wonderful cook. 

"Cottage pie! And she's bringing rolls! And she made some kinda' coconut thing!" 

            “This is so great of her.” I said. Roger’s mum was going to come stay with us for four days. My parents had some lose ends to tie up with the Crowne Cup in Scotland that they couldn’t finalize before coming to the hospital. My mother was coming to spend time with us after Winnie returned home.

"Come over here. Look I have a free arm right here for you and Manchester hasn't started the second half." Roger leaned forward and sat his bottle of coke on the table in front of him. I walked over to him and settled in underneath his arm, putting my head on his neck while watching Ellie sleep away. Roger smelled so good. I swore I felt like I could go to sleep right now on him. Roger awkwardly attempted to cover me up before I could grab the edge of the blanket and finish covering my bare legs.

Just then, Ellie barely began to stir. "Oh shit, she made a sound. What does that mean? Did I smother her or squish 'er or something?" Roger asked, panicking.

"You cannot freak the hell out every time she makes a noise. She's gonna' make a million sounds. She's gonna' scream her lungs out when she gets a little bigger, I'm just sure." I said, leaning over against Roger moreso. 

"Oh god, she likes you better. I can...I can tell. I don't think she likes me as much. Shit. It's my chest isn't it? I need to start shaving in that one spot again don't I? Do you think it bothered her through the V-neck of this shirt?” He sighed and reached out awkwardly to the table for his coca cola. "Or is it this scent I'm wearin'? I knew I should have never let Brian talk me into this crap! He has awful taste anyway! God, she made another sound! Here, take 'er!" Roger rambled, giving Ellie to me. I shook my head and held her content form against me.

"Do you hear yourself talk sometimes? I mean, do you hear the words coming out of your mouth?” I laughed at him. “It’s fine and you smell unbelievable.” I said giving him a wink.  We didn’t know it, but there was quite a stir occurring in our driveway outside.

"Freddie!" Mary called to him as he hurriedly scooped everything up in his arms from the backseat of the car and closed the door. "Freddie, hold on!" she called again, trying to organize her handbag before getting out of the car.

"No! I need to see her now! I want her now!" Was his rebuttal as he awkwardly tried to balance everything in his arms.

"Fred! Stop! You can't run in there all...oh shit..." Mary's sentence was interrupted by Freddie rushing down the pavement and hurrying toward the door. He began ringing the doorbell rather incessantly. "Freddie!" Mary yelled at him again. "What if she's asleep!? You're going to scare her! Stop it!” Mary tried to fight him, rushing after him. “Stop that! They get it! They know we’re here!” she said, grabbing his arm.

            “Oh! We thought you were…Jesus, Fred!” Roger called to him as he was bowled over in a sea of pink.

"Where is she!? I want to see her! I want to see her now! Where is she!? Give her to me!" Freddie begged from behind his pile of pink. 

“Freddie! Stop it! Lower your voice! God! This is like the time I took him to that ragdoll cat breeders house and he wanted to leave with six kittens. I’m sorry.” Mary apologized to Roger. “Congratulations.” She reached an arm out to Roger to hug him but gasped instead. “My god! You’re not wearin’ pants.”

“No, no one is. Not me, not Lydia not Ellie. Hey, you can take yours off if you want.” Roger gave Mary a smile.

“Thank you Rog, I just may!” Freddie exclaimed, jamming two large, pink, tissue paper filled bags into hisarms. He took off through the kitchen before Roger or Mary could say another word. 

"Lydiaaaaaaaa! Where are you! Where's..." Freddie gasped. Mary appeared in the doorway with an utterly defeated look on her face. She sighed as I sat the bags on the kitchen counter. 

"I'm sorry. I tried. I really tried to get him to cool it. Hi.” She said, smiling at me. Roger quickly took his spot beside me again with Ellie. Freddie became very quiet and suddenly reserved.

“Oh my god. Look at her! She’s so little.” He knelt before me and peered at her with Mary.

“You wanna’ hold her?” I asked, offering Ellie to Fred.

“Do I want to hold her!? Darling, I want to take her home! Give her to me!” He grinned all over and took Ellie in his arms gently. “Awww, hi Ellie! Hi, love. It’s your uncle! Freddie gasped again. "Oh my god!"

"What!?" Mary hissed at him.

"She got Roger's nose!" He exclaimed. I rolled my eyes and shook my head before practically laying over on Roger. Freddie looked up. "Well, at least you contributed something to this little projec...oooooh my god! She opened her eyes! They're blue! Oooooh! I want her!" He grinned enormously and held her up to let his eyes meet hers.

"FREDDIE!" Mary yelled at him.

"He's okay! He's fine!" Roger said putting his arms around me. Oh god, I could just keep drinking in his scent.

"Oooooh who's a tiny little girl with a lot of beautiful hair!? You are! Yes you are, Ellie!" Freddie stood up with her. “Who’s a pretty little girl with big blue eyes!?” he sung to her, rocking her in his arms.

"I'm sorry...it’s the cat breeders house all over again.” Mary mumbled to Roger. 

"My god...she perfect." Freddie's voice cracked a bit as her little head rested on his chest. "She looks just you, Lydia." 

"Here put her on this blanket in the floor if you want." Roger said, getting in the floor and spreading out her pink blanket that one of my equestrian friends had knitted for her. 

"Rog are you mad!? I'm going to hold her! I'm going to hold her and I'm going to take her home with me! Change her name to Liza Minnelli and she'll be all mine!" Freddie grinned again as Mary looked to me, handing me one of the tissue paper filled bags. While Freddie held on to Ellie, Roger and I peered inside, pushing tissue paper aside. Mary rolled her eyes.

“Everything is cat themed…I crammed the receipt in the bottom if you want to take anything back. Freddie wanted to buy her a giant cat wearing a pink tutu…I told him absolutely not.” She whispered to us. I snickered at her and examined the onesie with kittens on it, the bib with a kitten on it, a kitten teething ring, a bottle with kittens and of course a kitten plush toy. In the other bag full of tissue paper was a lavender blanket with lavender satin trim and a kitten theme and two other fleece blankets with….kittens. I smiled at Mary as Freddie fawned over Ellie. It was the first time I had noticed Mary’s face being truly relaxed since everything she had been through with Freddie. I reached out for her hand and smiled at her.

“We won’t return any of these precious kitten things, Mary.” Roger and I had the most wonderful of afternoon with Mary and Freddie. We laughed together, talked about the tour and the delivery of Ellie, and let Mary and Freddie fight over who got to give Ellie her bottle. Mary put her down for a nap, followed by Roger and I.