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Chapter 17: Awkward

Penny stood on the stoop of the Brooklyn brownstone that she'd called home until a few weeks ago. She moved to press the door buzzer, but she hesitated.

Maybe it was all a big mistake. She didn't have to go through with this. It wasn't too late. She could turn herself around and head back down into the into the subway. And go where exactly? She wasn't exactly drowning in options.

Her parents in Minnesota were the obvious choice, of course. If she picked up a phone and called them, she had no doubt they'd pay for her plane ticket home. But there would be a price for their help, far more expensive than a plane ticket.

It would mean telling her parents the truth.

For two years now, she'd been lying through her teeth to them. Just the thought of calling them now made her stomach turn. Two years of lie, upon lie, upon lie - each one compounding the last, like the interest on a credit card - until she'd dug herself a hole so deep, she feared she might never get out.

It had all started out innocently enough. She hadn't wanted them to worry when she made the decision to defer medical school, so she'd fudged the truth a little. She told them that she gave up her spot at Yale because her boss at Dewitt Hathaway had made her a job offer too good to pass up. It was just for a little while, she'd told herself, when she first came up with the story. Just a little white lie to smooth things over until she headed to medical school the following fall. They'd never know the difference.

The lies had continued ever since. As far as they knew, she was well on her way to a promotion and a six figure salary now. The idea of calling them up and confessing that she'd been temping for two years... that she'd burned through her savings and racked up a mountain of debt... No, she wasn't that desperate. Not yet.

Penny took a deep breath to steady her nerves and then pressed the buzzer firmly. A voice crackled over the intercom: "Hello?"

Was that Cora or Lauren? Not that it really matter. Penny had a feeling neither one of them would be embracing her with open arms when they found out the reason for her visit.

"Hey, it's Penny!" she said into the intercom. "Can I come up?"

The door buzzed in response, and Penny began the long march up the four flights of stairs to her old apartment door. She could just imagine the way Lauren would look at her when she explained her situation. That knowing, I-told-you-so look that Penny had seen so many times before. No, she couldn't stomach it. Penny paused at the second landing and considered turning back around.

If only she'd passed the MCAT. Then at least she'd have some positive progress to report. Instead, she found herself right back where she'd started. Back at square one. Or maybe worse. Maybe more like square negative one.

She'd slid into the test center last Saturday with only seconds to spare before they locked the door. The proctor had handed her the test packet, and she'd been so shaken she could barely write her name at the top of the answer sheet. Her clothes were soaked.Her heart wouldn't stop pounding. Her mind wouldn't stop going back to that chance encounter on the street. The way he had looked....The way he had sounded.... The way it had felt to have his arm around her waist....

She'd struggled for ten minutes to answer the first question, and she'd known it wasn't going to work. Not that day. Not with the way she kept hugging his sweatshirt to warm herself against the blast of the A/C - and imagining that it wasn't just his sweatshirt....

She'd voided her score and walked out before she made to question two.

It wasn't the end of the world, she'd told herself. No harm done. She still had plenty of time to re-take it. She'd logged onto the test center website and pulled out her credit card to pay the registration fee, and that's when she found out she had less time than she thought. That moment when she clicked "Submit" and those little red letters appeared at the top of her screen:

"We're sorry. Your credit card was declined. Please contact your bank for more information."

Now Penny looked up toward the fourth-floor doorway at the top of stairs and gritted her teeth. She knew she had to go through with it. She'd had enough cash to pay off her hotel room through tonight, but she needed somewhere else to stay starting noon tomorrow.

The apartment door swung open, and Penny saw Lauren framed in the doorway.

"Hey!" Penny waved and pasted a bright smile on her face as she made her way up the rest of the stairs.

"Um, hi." Lauren looked at Penny questioningly, her hand still lingering on the door handle. Penny forced her smile to remain in place as she met Lauren's eyes and then saw Cora come up to stand just behind her.

"How are you guys?" Penny asked, to fill the awkward pause. Should she go in for a hug? Lauren let go of the door handle and folded her arms across her chest. Neither one of them made a move to invite her inside.

"Is it a bad time?" Penny asked.

"No." Lauren shook her head. "It's fine. Just-" A third face appeared in the doorway next to Cora. Not Kristen. A stranger, with trendy square-rimmed glasses and her hair chopped short in a messy pixie cut. Penny didn't recognize her.

"Hey, who's this?" the new girl said.

"Mila, this is Penny," Lauren said. "Our old roommate. Penny used to live here... in your room."

Mila took a step forward to shake Penny's hand, and the door opened wide enough for Penny to see into the living room. "You put the wall back up?" Penny looked at Lauren in surprise.

"Yeah," Lauren responded. "Uh, Mila, can you give us a sec? Cora and I are just going to talk to Penny out here."

Mila shrugged and padded back toward her bedroom. Lauren and Cora stepped out into the hallway and pulled the apartment door closed. Cora looked down awkwardly at the floor, while Lauren did the talking.

"So what's up? How are you? We didn't hear from you."

Penny had been surprised into silence for a moment, but she found her voice again now. "Seriously guys?"

"What?"

"You put the wall back up?"

Lauren shrugged. "It's only temporary. Cora's moving in with Steven soon. We decided we could use the rent money in the meantime."

"After all that grief you gave me about wanting your living room back?"

"Well, Mila is paying a lot more than you did."

"How much?"

"A lot more. Trust me. You were getting the deal of the century, Penny."

So much for crashing on their futon, rent-free, Penny thought. That was clearly a non-starter. "Wow," she said with a sigh. "Well, good for you guys."

"Anyway, what's up?" Lauren glanced back over her shoulder at the closed door behind her. "We were just about to go out for dinner. You didn't want to join us, did you? I mean-"

"It's just a little awkward," Cora chimed in, joining the conversation at last. "Mila just moved in, you know. It's supposed to be a 'getting-to-know-you' dinner. But yeah, you should totally come with us!"

"Oh." Penny shook her head, her smile long since faded. "No. Thanks, but no. I totally get it. I really just came by to say hi and stuff."

"Yeah!" Lauren said with fake enthusiasm. "Hi! We should totally get together though. Another time."

"We miss you," Cora added more sincerely. "You didn't even leave us a phone number or anything."

"I'm kind of between phones at the moment." Penny looked down at the toe of her shoe, tracing a little circle on the floor.

"You still didn't get a new phone?" Lauren asked.

"I'm just a little low on cash." The toe started drawing a figure eight.

"Where are you living?"

Wasn't that the question of the hour. "Um, I should probably get going," Penny said by way of response. "Have fun with Mila. She seems great."

Penny turned to head back toward the stairway, but she looked back again when Lauren's voice called out behind her. "Wait!"

"What?"

"Do you want your stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"Oh yeah," Cora said, pulling the apartment door back open. "It's right over here. We didn't know how to reach you, so we've just been holding onto it...." Her voice trailed off as she disappeared inside the door. She returned a moment later, carrying an open cardboard file box. Penny recognized the sweater folded neatly on top. Her blue cotton cardigan. The one she'd worn to work one Friday morning and left hanging on the back of her desk chair when she headed out to meet her friends for drinks.

"Where did you get this?" Penny looked up at Cora in surprise.

"Your boss dropped it off."

"David?" Penny could feel her face starting to flush at the mere mention of his name. He'd been here? In Brooklyn? "When?"

Cora shrugged and looked at Lauren. "I don't know," Lauren said. "Maybe a couple weeks ago?"

"What did he say?"

"Not much," Lauren replied. "He just asked if you were here. I told him you moved out. He left the box. That's it."

But how did he seem? Penny wanted to ask. Did he seem sad? Angry? Concerned? He'd seemed concerned, she thought, when she saw him on Saturday. "Are you OK?" he'd asked. "Penny, are you in some kind of trouble?"

The thought occurred to her, as she made her way back down the stairs, that maybe she had another option after all. What would David say if she turned up at his door? Asked to crash on his living room couch for a few weeks? It wasn't like she'd never slept there before. He owed her, right? And it would just be for a little while. Just until she got her feet back under her again.... got another temp gig.... saved up enough cash to reinstate her credit card....

It was probably a terrible idea. He was her boss. Her former boss. Not her friend. Not her-not her anything. He'd probably laugh at her. She could see it now. He'd laugh and hand her a hundred dollar bill and say, "Sorry, Penny. I've got a rule against it."

"Which rule is that one, David?"

"Rule #35: Don't turn your living room into a homeless shelter."

She smiled in spite of herself, imagining the look on his face. The way the corner of his mouth would quirk upward in a smirk. Maybe it would be worth it just to see him look at her that way. Maybe it would be worth it for the hundred dollar bill.

She could hear the sound of his laughter in her mind as she rounded the corner onto Smith Street. She almost thought she was imagining things when a voice called out behind her: "Penny!"

A male voice. Definitely male. And definitely familiar.

Penny stopped and turned around as the voice called out again:

"Hey! Penny! Wait up!"

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