A/N: I would have loved to have had this up yesterday, or at least earlier today. Now I'm sorry this is long but it somehow turned out this way. Also, sorry if it's a bit stale. I'm no good with romance. Rest in Peace, Cyn!

Today was hell.

And if that wasn't enough, that feeling was what was creeping up on her for a very long time. She was just hoping for it to stop in any way possible. Even if it meant not being around . . .

Cynthia sat in bed, looking around and thinking. Just thinking of anything that might get her mind off of this horrible pain.

That's when her eyes landed on her only child, Julian. He looked so very much like his dad that at times she had to catch herself from saying that one name she used to say happily. Angrily. Sadly. Every emotion usually bubbled up when that name was mentioned.

John Lennon.

She remembered the first time they ever met. It wasn't the best of ways to meet your future husband, but then again, what is?

He sneakily came into the class behind the teacher's back, late as always. Even though she knew that he never liked the class, he should have at least acted like he cared a bit.

John slumped into his seat and the teacher finally turned around, shocked and a little scared to see a student that wasn't there before. The man let it slide, blaming it on his glasses that he knew were past their renewal.

John looked around and spotted Cynthia who was looking at him with a sort of curiosity but mostly irritation.

"What are you looking at?" he asked. The side of his lips tugged upward.

"I think I'm looking at a late student," she muttered back and turned her attention to the teacher.

"Alright teacher's assistant, can I know your name before I really get in trouble?"

Cynthia glared at John but she felt her own mouth curve into a smile.

"Cynthia Powell. And you?"

He instantly leaned back in his seat in the same way her mum wouldn't approve of: a rocker stance.

"John Lennon, future rock 'n' roll idol. Can I use one of your pens, Miss Powell?"

Just what she needed.

And after that, he practically stole her heart. But Cynthia also remembered that she was engaged at the time, even though she can't remember the man's name at the moment.

They started to talk more and more after that first encounter. John would always make jokes but he would always be careful to make sure Cynthia wouldn't be upset by them. And it made her giddy inside. To know he was watching out for her made her feel special. Dare she say it, she also felt loved.

I get high when I see you go by, my oh my
When you sigh my, my inside just flies, butterflies

She also remembered when she dyed her hair blonde only because John said he loved the model, Brigitte Bardot. And she was apparently a sex idol that had very blonde hair compared to Cynthia's rather dull one. John took an obvious notice to it and responded by singing Ain't She Sweet during class, just for her.

It was like he took off his hard, Teddy Boy image just for her and replaced it with a much sweeter and gentler person. And that ended up being John.

Of course, his Teddy Boy side would flare up once again, but she always remembered that John was still there.

The party was getting rather wild. About half the people didn't know who hosted the party and the other half were too drunk to really care about it. Cynthia only came because one of her friends forced her too, so despite all the thoughts that told her it was a bad idea, she went.

In the end, the party wasn't bad at all. It just wasn't her style, but definitely not a night wasted.

"Miss Hoylake, where do you think you're going?" John asked as he suddenly appeared in front of her. She blushed at the thought of him actually caring about her. Then she remembered that he asked her a question. Don't get so flustered next time, she thought to herself.

"I'm just leaving. There isn't as much fun here as people said there was going to be."

The fun people talked was just sex, nothing but that. And had people gotten over that, drugs and alcohol were readily supplied. This was an end of the term party alright, even the deaf and blind could tell.

"I was just leaving too." No he wasn't. There was a drink in his hand and he was swaying ever so slightly. That didn't mean leaving. "Maybe we should go somewhere else and leave?"

That sounded very nice in her head, but she remembered that she was engaged. She'd have to tell John about this, surely he would understand it all. Maybe wearing the ring more often would help . . .

"Umm, sorry no. I'm engaged so--"

John's face quickly turned sour and he glared at Cynthia. The grip on his drink was so tight that it looked like the can might break in another second.

"I didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did I?" he growled angrily and stormed away.

Cynthia awkwardly stood there, not knowing what to say or do. The same friend that told her to come to the party grabbed her hand, finding a nice spot to just chat.

She didn't pay much of any attention to what her friend was taking about. John once again invaded her thoughts and for some reason, she felt guilty.

Maybe she shouldn't have said it so bluntly, was that the problem? John was probably upset that she was possibly flaunting this status in his face. So much for next times.

If any time was a good time for a drink, right then and there would have been perfect. She wanted to forget the angered look on John's face and continuous pain in the heart she felt.

Time continued to tick by in a boring, slow pace. When would be a good time? Would there ever be a good time? Would John even forgive her?

It was finally too much. As she got up, she felt like someone was looking deeply into the back of her head.

That's probably guilt for the pain you caused, Cynthia thought bitterly and said good bye to her friend.

As she got to the door of the apartment a hand grasped her wrist. Ready to drive away the possibly muscular drunk, she turned around with a cold look.

John flinched under the gaze, but didn't say anything. His swaying was no longer there, showing that he busted the drink he had before.

Without saying a word, he opened the door and lead her out. The whole time he held her hand and kissed the back of it. They were soft, almost ghost-like kisses. It was as if he didn't want to be rough at all.

They ended up in front of a small building that seemed nice enough. John once again led her to where he wanted to go, the place being the bedroom.

And he expressed just how sorry he was about before.

That night marked the date that they started dating. Of course she broke up with her fiance and John broke up with his girlfriend, Thelma Pickles. He started to call her Cyn and things got so great.

When John's rock group went to Hamburg, she supported him all the way. He sent her letters and little trinkets to keep her happy and they never failed to. Of course it was hard to not see him, but she knew it was for the best.

It felt like only a few months later that the band had to go again. This time around was more torture than the last but at least she had her friend Dot to keep her company.

A smile came to Cynthia's face as she remembered all the good times they had. Even the time they came to Hamburg to see the boys. She would never forget how hyper and excitable they all were, with eyes practically bulging out of their sockets and feet barely touching the ground.

Now everything started to go downhill when she got pregnant. It wasn't as awful as it sounds, everything actually went quite nice. The problem was that they weren't married.

Cynthia thought that she must have been freaking out for the past hour or so, but when John knew about it, he wholly different. He had been pacing and muttering words to himself for the past hour, practically shutting down.

"John, are you okay?" Cynthia asked. John stopped in his tracks and turned around. He walked up to her and cupped her face, giving her a small kiss and looking into her eyes.

"There's only one thing for it Cyn, we'll have to get married."

It wasn't a wedding with great flowers and music. Heck, it wasn't even in a church. But it was much better than any wedding money could buy. And all because there was a strong sense of love.

Why am I so shy when I'm beside you?

It's only love and that is all

The fans of course, found out at some time. How they did, Cynthia could never wrap her head around it, but she admired their determination. Julian, already a few months old, was with Aunt Mimi who was more than happy to watch over him.

At first, touring was very smooth and comfortable at first. It was nice seeing her husband sing and play the guitar with a big smile on his face. He was obviously happy with what he was doing, and because of that she was happy too.

But the fans started to get wilder. After Ed Sullivan, they were trying to get their hands on anything they could reach.

The screams were possibly worse than rolling thunder. All around hands were trying to invade their space to get maybe a hat from John. Paul's notebook. Ringo's many rings. Or maybe one of the many snacks George always has.

But they seemed to be directing all their attention to the one girl that was amongst these boys.

And she wasn't very comfortable with it.

"Leave John alone!" one of the girls shouted.

Paul took this as a cue to wink in the shout's direction, making a few faint but not all of them were distracted. The five moved closer together and Mal continued to try to guard them as best as he could but a random hand would always come and tear a piece of their clothes.

"Don't worry, Cyn! I've got you," John shouted into her ear as they practically dived into the car.

She smiled to herself as the car started to move on its way to the next concert they needed to go to.

I already know you've got me, Cynthia thought to herself. There's too much love between us to let go.

Why should I feel the way I do?
It's only love and that is all

She gave Julian another look, wishing that he could have experienced as much kindness from John as she did. Of course John spent time with him, but she knew that from the strained talking, it wasn't enough.

If only she realized the drugs were a bad thing sooner than she had, maybe things would better. But maybe life just works that way. Maybe mistakes were meant to be made.

Saying that they only fought sometimes was an understatement. An understatement of the century really.

Small little things like forgetting to buy the milk now escalated to screaming and shouting.

"Mummy? Daddy? Why are you yelling?" a small voice said. They instantly turned around to see Julian holding a small little teddy bear in his hands.

"Julian, you should be in bed," Cynthia said wearily. John gave a small sigh and the child up.

"But why were you yelling? What happened?" Julian continued to ask.

"It was nothing, Jules. Mummy and Daddy didn't see eye to eye for a while is all," John said quietly. He made a silly face and started to tickle Julian until he was laughing.

"See? Nothing's wrong," John told him and kissed Cynthia on the cheek. She smiled lovingly at her son with as much love as she could muster at the moment.

They all went upstairs, Julian already getting tired in John's arms. How could they continue on like this?

But it's so hard loving you

Is it right that you and I should fight, every night?

Though not every memory that involved John and Julian was bad. In fact, most of them were very nice. Maybe that's what Julian remembered from his dad and not the more upsetting memories. That is what Cynthia taught her son to do. Focus on the positive and forget all about the negative.

"Mum, you okay?" Julian asked. Cynthia looked up and saw her son's worrying glance. As always, he was caring for others.

"Other than the pain, just fine. I'm only thinking about the past," she told him with a smile.

Julian tilted his head in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"The time I spent with your father, that's all."

A smile came to Julian's face instantly. Not too soon after, he started to laugh, so much so that his face started getting red.

"What's so funny?" Cynthia asked, laughing a little herself at her son's red face.

"I'm only laughing because I remember the one Mother's Day when Dad nearly burned down the house," Julian said through his fits of laughter.

"Oh yes! I remember that time," Cynthia remembered with a smile. She could still smell the smoke going through the house.

Cynthia woke up to singing that day. She opened her eyes and saw two bright pairs of eyes, staring at her happily.

"If there's anything that you want, if there's anything I can do! Just call on me and I'll send it along with love from me to you," John and Julian sang.

In all reality, it was more John than Julian. But the little boy continued to blow adorable kisses to his mum, which made up for everything.

"Happy Mummy's Day, Mummy!" Julian shouted before his dad even finished the song. John faked a hurt look but raised the tray he was holding in his hands.

"Why thank you Julian and you too John. What's this?" Cynthia asked her son. She pointed to the tray John was holding and Julian's face brightened immediately.

"Me and Daddy made you breakfast! I helped find the flowers," Julian explained happily. He started to move excitedly toward his dad, pushing him toward Cynthia.

"We made pancakes, eggs and bacon for you. Just the way you like it," John said as he set the tray on her lap.

"But I don't like bacon."

John instantly started to pale and stammered quietly. Cynthia laughed and shook her head and John finally understood that she was joking.

"You shouldn't have done that. I was this close to throwing this all away," he muttered but a smirk betrayed him.

"Oh you wouldn't have. Anyways, did you turn off the stove?" Cynthia asked.

John's eyes widened for a moment but he looked away.

"John?"

He continued to look away and started to hum From Me to You. Julian laughed at this, trying to hum along with his dad. As if on a cue, the smoke detector went off.

"John!"

"We couldn't get the smoke out of our clothes for days," Cynthia laughed, trying to catch a breath.

"And Dad wouldn't go near the kitchen for a long time," Julian laughed just as equally. "I think he was funny more than he was anything else."

Just the sight of you makes nighttime bright, very bright
Haven't I the right to make it up girl?

That was true. And after all the years, Cynthia had to admit that it was true. She still thought of John with the same happy feelings that she had on her wedding day. Even after the other husbands she married-and with wedding days that were not in register offices-none of them were truly like John.

They didn't have that charisma or "forget about the world" attitude. All of them were hard working men and that already set a huge difference between John and them.

Or maybe the only true difference was that her heart was still with John.

It's only love and that is all
Why should I feel the way I do?

"Mum, are you okay? Your breath sounds a bit faint," Julian asked with worry. He stood up and knelt at her bed side to check her more closely.

Cynthia nodded, blaming it on drowsiness. But this time it felt stronger than any kind of sleepiness.

"I don't think you're telling the truth, because you're practically fighting to stay awake," he said. Now the worry was etched all over him.

"Don't worry, I'm just going to see your dad," Cynthia whispered. A small smile came to her face.

It's only love and that is all
But it's so hard loving you

Of course they had their fights, maybe a bit more than other marriages, but the love was still there.

"Mum, no! Stay with me, okay? I think I can call your doctor," Julian stammered as he held onto her hand.

She shook her head, giving Julian a loving hug. When she let go, already the sleepy feeling had come back.

"Remember, it's going to be okay," Cynthia said calmly. She couldn't totally understand it, but she felt a nice sense of peace. It was like John was already coming to her.

Tears started to grow in Julian's eyes and he tried to blink them off as he nodded. He tried to stay steady, to stay normal. Just for his mother because he knew that this wouldn't be easy at all. But he knew that the cancer had finally caught up, no matter how optimistic they were. She had been a wonderful fighter though.

It may have been hard at the start, Cynthia thought as she felt her consciousness fade. But we will never let our love go.

Yes it's so hard loving you
Loving you

It was said I never loved Cyn. That's far from the truth. We were young, bigheaded, and got into a physical relationship too soon. Perhaps if we took things slow we would have made it. I know we would have made it. - John Lennon

A/N: If you haven't noticed, I used the song It's Only Love mostly because I thought it kind of explained John and Cynthia's marriage and because John sings it with so much passion (plus he wrote most of it). Thanks to leah9712 for giving me this idea, if you've read some of her song fics, you'll understand. Hope you loved it. Only hope Julian is doing okay right now along with other family and friends.