Yes guys, it's time for me to come back to life

And also talk about this topic, yeah yeah sure

A topic that everyone avoids carefully because it's very difficult to talk about.

Rating the Metallica music videos.

It's easier to find good things in St. Anger than to write this chapter. Because there are good things in St. Anger, outside of the memes.

But the music videos? Let's admit it guys, the vast majority of them sucks and the other half is nothing too special and very forgettable

BUT, BUT there are some good ones, dare I say, great ones.

I don't know who to blame this on. The videos aren't made by the band, of course, but they still are involved. So I'm not blaming it on them but also don't think that a band like Metallica doesn't have a say in the making of the their videos.

Maybe they actually like them. Maybe they just want to put out something and don't care if it comes out good or not (cough cough Hardwired has a video for every song cough cough)

So here they are, all Metallica music videos, from Justice to Hardwired

NOTE: as I was writing this chapter 72 Seasons was announced and came out, but since it took me months to write, no 72 Seasons music videos because it would have taken me longer.

Which is the reason you are only seeing the first half of the chapter, because I'm lazy as shit and I procrastinated this chapter like hell. You'll see some of the ratings, up to Reload, in this chapter, then the remaining ratings and the final ranking in the next one (hoping it doesn't come out in 2029)

One 8.5/10

So One would be a big, fat 9/10 if it wasn't cut by the movie scenes. If there is something I despise completely those are music videos interrupted by people saying random stuff or random noises or that kind of things. Which is sad, because I love the One music video, its atmosphere, the colors, and I really like Johnny Got His Gun (the book is so hard to read guys it doesn't have any kind of punctuation whatsoever just like this sentence), but yeah I would have preferred if they didn't put the voiceover or maybe it would be fine, but only some lines. Other than that, the video fits the song perfectly, it's a very good first video, setting up a standard that was too high for them I guess.

Enter Sandman 7-/10

Enter Sandman is not that special. Like it's a good song but it gets boring so easily, Master of Puppets serves a better role as most known song of the band and the video is just... There I guess? It's cool but I mean... It's a normal ass early 90s video. IT'S A SONG ABOUT NIGHTMARES, YOU PUT A KID HAVING NIGHTMARES. AND SOME FLASHING SCENES BECAUSE AS I SAID BEFORE, IT'S THE 90S, WE HATE EPILEPTIC PEOPLE FOR SOME REASON.

The song might have gotten some people into the band (myself first), but the video is so basic, although I can't really say it's a bad video. But the song accompanying it doesn't really help.

The Unforgiven 9.5/10

THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANT

THIS IS WHAT I N E E D.

Seems like you only need a b/w filter to win me

But even without it, let's pretend I'm colorblind.

The video and its story fit the song so WELL, the shots of the band come at the best moments and are SO WELL SHOT, OH MY GOD

I can't imagine the song without thinking of the video, they're so tightly connected for me. I wouldn't rank it in any other position, I don't give it a ten only because there are some parts that are pretty confusing at first, but other than that W O W

I don't really have much else to say, and I can't start talking about The Unforgiven...

JUST KNOW THEY HAVE A 12 MINUTES VERSION THAT YOU SHOULD WATCH NOW.

Nothing Else Matters 8/10

I have a soft spot for music videos taken from documentaries. It's a simple concept, but I love it.

Some would argue that it's made when a band doesn't have ideas, but think about it. They couldn't make a video like the Enter Sandman one for a song like NEM, and they couldn't do a live one because iirc they hadn't played it live yet (and for songs like Wherever I May Roam and Sad But True it fits better). And they had to promote the fucking documentary, of course. It's a simple, chiller song, let's not do something too over the top. And at the time of the Black Album there still seemed to be some kind of care for the concept of the video.

Wherever I May Roam 6/10

Now. This video is pretty forgettable, and I'll explain why right now.

The Sad But True mv is very similar in concept, but is better. Yes Wherever I May Roam came out before and it's a better song, but it's inferior as a music video.

It's so confusing, all those images on top of the other, you can't distinguish anything that's happening.

Sad But True is kind of a polished version of this one.

Sad but True 6.5/10

But it's not like Sad But True is the best video out there.

Like, the color scheme looks good, the San Diego 1992 concert is cool and the horror vibe is cool also.

But I can't for the life of me understand why this video feels so comical to me.

THERE IS A REASON WHY IT WAS THE FIRST VIDEO I COMMENTED ON MY MAIN BOOK

I think it's some of the shots, like when they are all shown from under their chins

That was funny to me lol

Until It Sleeps 4.5/10

But Irene, you love Load! You always say that people shouldn't complain about them cutting their hair and changing style because they just got older and didn't sell out and all that crap, why are you ranking this video so low? After all it started the whole era.

Well, guess what, that's EXACTLY the reason why I'm ranking it so low.

Picture this.

Metallica hasn't put out new material for about five years, and you've been waiting for it because they're one of the coolest bands you've heard of.

So you turn on the TV one day and find out that they put out a new video, with a new song.

And BAM there they are, with a hard rock/bluesy song, with short hair, emo make up, surrounded by people dressed as medieval paintings and smearing shit (or mud, I still don't know what they were trying to go for) on themselves, except it's clearly Nutella, all while doing faces that made me cringe so hard I laughed hysterically at it while my grandma came to see if I was ok and she was very concerned, at which I said "no grandma, I'm not ok", I put up Mama Said and started crying like I didn't in months.

This is what the video did to me, in 2020, after I had already listened to multiple Load and Reload songs and I already knew about all the selling out shit. And if this video had this effect on me, TWENTY FOUR YEARS AFTER IT CAME OUT, then I don't know what the people in 1996 might have thought.

The problem is not that they "sold out", or that they didn't release anything for five years, or that they radically changed the band's identity, or did a risky move. IT IS THAT THEY SERVED THIS PLATE THEY HAD NEVER TRIED BEFORE IN FRONT OF THE MASTERCHEF JUDGES, AND INSTEAD OF PRAYING IT WENT ALRIGHT THEY JUST SMASHED THEIR FACES ONTO IT SO THAT IT LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

AND GUESS WHAT, IT DIDN'T WORK

Hero of the Day 7/10

I've talked so much about this video but I have to admit: it doesn't make any sense.

There's this guy living in this house messier than my desk drawers, watching TV, except every channel and show is all Metallica. 

And Jason Scotti and the western movies are among the best things in Metallica music videos.

The video should have been about that.

Then this girl calls him and arrives, they fuck for 13 seconds while "get a load of this" appears on the screen. Then she immediately leaves so I assume he's a prostitute? It's not a problem, I seriously don't understand what is going on, someone explain to me I'm genuinely confused.

Then he faints, some tiny robots get out of his ears, he wakes up and throws up .

WHAT THE HELL?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

IT'S A 7/10 CAUSE THE TV SCENES AREN'T THE MAIN FOCUS OTHERWISE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN 8. or even make the message more clear

Mama Said 8.5/10

I haven't got much to say here.

It's just James going around singing dressed as a cowboy. Cool as shit. And I get why the others appear in such small fragments. Because this is James' song, even if they play on it. 

King Nothing 9/10

Cool as shit. 

Metallica playing in a snowy forest, with some scenes of the actor playing this "king nothing", but not too many, also the scenes with the band are messy (in a good way) and the lighting changes, sometimes it's clear sometimes it isn't... Just great, keeps you focused and it doesn't get boring.

The Memory Remains 10/10

Probably the only 10/10 though as a song I obviously prefer The Unforgiven.

I may be biased, this was one of my first songs and first video by Metallica

But simply knowing that they actually did the spinning thing (by spinning the room walls around, look the behind the scenes up, it's so cool) makes the video great. 

It's a simple video in its concept and I think that's how they work best. Just Metallica playing the song in an unusual scenario. With some coherent scenes if the song has a story or a clear theme like in One or The Unforgiven. 

The Unforgiven II 9/10

This one is simply great, I don't have much to say. It's a worthy sequel to the original one, more stylized and abstract. It also feels more intimate. I don't rewatch it as often as the original one but it's still great. 

 I think I read somewhere that the kid is the same from the original video but I am not sure. I know that this one, King Nothing and the original Unforgiven were all directed by Matt Mahurin, who also did No Excuses by Alice in Chains and Outshined by Soundgarden. Great job dude. 

Fuel 5/10 

I've been listening to Metallica in a pretty intense way since August of 2020. In September I was already deep into them and knew a lot of songs by heart. But I only found out that Fuel had a music video in 2022.

I don't know why but YouTube never recommended it to me. 

I mean I get it, it's almost comical. The car starting up at the beginning completely killing the effect of the song starting with just vocals, the writing that appear on screen, the whole Fast and Furious vibe... Not for me, I'm sorry. 

It's not as bad as Until it Sleeps, it's just meh, could have been more epic

Turn the Page 10/10

Honestly? This may be my favourite Metallica video. It's so powerful, so emotional, I year up everytime. This is what a video should be. 

I cared about the story, I cared about this mother trying to raise her daughter and having to go through all that. In a way it reminded me of Les Miserables with Fantine and Cosette (though that's probably just because I'm currently reading that). 

To see such a powerful and well handled video next to some other lazy ones shocks me. GET THE SAME DIRECTORS WHO CAN DO GOOD FOR THE VIDEOS PLEASE 

Whiskey in the Jar 4/10

Guys I can't 

This list keeps putting me up and throwing me down. 

What even is this video

Since we know the guys (especially James) really like western movies, and we've seen them do parts of a video as a western movie in Hero of the Day, why couldn't they do something similar for this song?

I know it's an Irish song but the vibe is there. BETTER THAN THEM PLAYING A LESBIAN PARTY . Like idek where to begin, it's such a random concept that had no connection to the song, and the fact that they are men just makes it weirder, at least for me.

Who directed this, who thought this was a good idea?

Jonas Åkerlund

THE SAME GUY WHO DID TURN THE PAGE? ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU FOR REAL? DID HE GIVE ALL OF HIMSELF WITH NOTHING FOR THIS ONE? I am baffled guys. It's 0:12 in the morning and I've sped through the last songs. Thankfully we are only left with one. 

No Leaf Clover 8/10

We are closing out the 20th century with a good one guys. 

It's great, it's the obvious choice for a song like this, showing out the S&M concert. It gives the right focus to the orchestra too, which is great.

A thing I don't really like about concert videos is that a lot of times they aren't actually playing that part of the song but it's images taken from other moments in the show, which is understandable, just a pet peeve of mine. It's really just nitpicking. It's a really good video, simple and enjoyable. 

So this was the first part of the rating/ranking of the Metallica music videos. I did something similar a couple of years ago with Linkin Park but this time I tried to give an actual structured opinion, and I hope I succeeded, though it's late at night and the last paragraphs might not make a lot of sense. Tell me what you think if you want and I hope it doesn't take me months to make the second part

Byee