You know that cursed image which should be a picture of the band but it's actually all Kirk?

Or when I do the annual family tree of Wattpad and there's like four Kirks?

Yeah

I call that "everybody is kiiiirk", to the tune of Everybody Hurts. 

Now think of this, but with Lars.

Because yes, for some reason, Metallica misheard lyrics are mostly made of sexual stuff and Lars' name. 

Probably far from being a full list but these are the only ones I could find in about a year. But then again, misheard lyrics are pretty personal. 

But there is a misheard lyric that's universal. 

Straight from Kill Em All

No Remorse

You know what it is

WE ARE READY TO KILL OUR DRUMMER! 

We wouldn't be much exaggerating if we said that most people don't know the actual lyric but know this. 

A classic, there isn't much to say. First album, and Lars was already a nightmare

Which brings us to another classic

Both song and misheard lyric(s), because it serves a double mistake

The song in question is Enter Sandman, specifically in the line that goes, or should go 

"Dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon's fire, and of things that will bite"

But instead is often misheard as

"Dreams of war, dreams of LARS, dreams of dragon's fire and of things APPLE PIE"

The apple pie part doesn't make much sense, but the Lars part does

Poor Lars, hated even by his own bandmates

Then also remaining in the Black Album and on classic songs, a lyric I didn't find out myself but thanks to a comment on YouTube, under the Nothing Else Matters video

"Life is Lars, we life it our way"

And now I can't not hear it. It's burned in my brain. I want a tattoo of it. If some of you guys are going to write a biography of Lars call it that way. Please, I'm begging on my knees.

We could also use a rule I created, which is the life rule. So whenever a song says "life" we replace it with Lars. So this time we get a double Lars, "Lars is Lars, we live it our way". It only works with "life", so no To Lars Is To Die.  

Another album that has a couple of Larses is Ride the Lightning

Namely, Trapped Under Ice and Escape. With another life rule.

I understand that the Trapped Under Ice one sounds a little weak and forced, I get it.

It's literally the title, instead of Ice it's Lars. Kinda meh, but it was one of the first ones, from like September 2020 or something like that. 

The Escape one is much better and it also has a life rule

Lars for my own to live my own way

Live your Lars kids. 

Sadly a life/Lars that doesn't work is in The e Unforgiven. I tried, but it sounds too fake. Not natural as misheard lyrics should sound. It becomes an parody and we don't want that. Otherwise I would have just copy pasted Fear of the Duck..

In The Unforgiven III though we have a lyric. It's not life but lost

"How can I be Lars, in remembrance I relive"

Which is so fun, because Lars is literally the one that remembers all the tiny details like dates or places pictures were taken (me)

Also during The Unforgiven III life is mentioned many times, but then I'm scared of forcing it too much so idk

But there's a song that makes all of this worth it. 

It does become a parody but a great one

That song

Is

Mama. Said.

Specifically

"Son, your Lars is an open book" (which makes sense, he never stops talking)

"Let my Lars go", for some reason. 

There is something so... Exhilarating about James singing this emotional song about his mother and sprinkling in some poetic messages about Lars.

Oh well, sadly we're done with the Larses.

For now *evil laugh*

There are just too bonuses I want to share with you before leaving again. They are not Lars but they still deserve love. 

1. "Twisting your mind and smashing your James" from Master of Puppets 

Lmao, smashing 

2. "The final Kirk all I see" from Ride the Lightning

This brings us back to the many Kirks. And the actual Kirk is like the final boss. 

I want Load era Kirk to be the final boss.