HELO MY FRIENDS

WE'RE STARTING GOOD

WITH A BIT OF PRESENTATION OF THE PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES WE'RE RUINING IN THIS BOOK

SO

*The Ecstasy of Gold starts playing*

WE GOT

JAMES ALAN HETFIELD

Things you need to know:

-yeah

-laugh

-anger issues

-rhythm guitar and... Eh vocals

-main riff writer 

-main lyrics writer

-main yeahwriter

- "behold, Semaj speaks"

KIRK LEE HAMMETT

Things:

-WAH

-actually writes cool stuff but people say he sucks

-he doesn't

-lead guitar and... Uh.. attempted vocals

-bi icon

- the uwu one (you know bands always need one)

-a child (but also the oldest one?)

- "Where's the swimming pool at?"

LARS ULRICH

-the only one without a middle name

-danish

-can't play but we accept him for who he is

-rants. Like, a lot

-trommer (which I found out only means "drums", not drummer. So he is drums)

-gæ for Kirk

-the boss 

-"how many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?" 

ROBERTO AGUSTÍN MIGUEL SANTIAGO SAMUEL TRUJILLO VERACRUZ

-Kazoo

-no it's bass actually

-the new guy, but has been in the band for like twenty years

-crab

-the funny 1

-the goofy 1

-finally we start crediting the bassist again

-"dig it, Facebook"

JASON CURTIS NEWSTED

-living a fan dream

-except for the part in which they bullied him for years

-he focking left the band

-SATAN BUT ALSO CUTE IDK 

-*no bass on Justice meme*

-the best member imo

-WINDMILL GOES WUM WUM WUM

-"It's 1992, it's my twenty second birthday, I joined the band when I was... Eh.. fifteen!" 

(Side note, my dad actually used to believe this for years lmao 

Also dear, if you're 22 in '92 you're 16 in '86. Learn how to count please.)

CLIFFORD LEE BURTON

-currently dying of laughter over his full name 

-also he and Kirk have the same second name aw besties

-everybody's hero

-best bassist ever 

-middle finger

-taught everybody music theory 

-wrote the bestest of the bestest songsest

-read every book known to mankind

-"all you people in TV land... FUCK OFF!"

AND FINALLY...

ME 

IRENE

-unfortunately I don't have a surname

-i'm obsessed with this band, in case you didn't understand it

-bad guitarist 

-even worse singer 

-nerd

-a living meme

-*smiles through the pain*

But yeah this is a Picrew of myself

Couple honorable mentions:

DAVID SCOTT MUSTAINE

-was in the band for like eight months but people still worship him

-wrote half of Kill em All 

-kicked out with no warning or second chance but with a real bus ticket 

-swore revenge and created degameth

RON MCGOVNEY

-who

-he also doesn't have a middle name (it's fine Rob can give him one)

-oh look another Metallica bassist

-except he was the og

Oh well, we've reached the end 

I hope you're gonna read this shit :)