Chapter 6- Seal it with a Kiss

There are a number of ways to tell if someone is nervous or hiding something just by simply watching their body language. A few of the most common signs are excessive sweating, shaky hands, fidgety behavior, etc. But for my dad it is much simpler to identify nervousness and it all comes down to one very simple motion.

Adjusting his tie.

I know it seems crazy, but it's something I have picked up from him over the years and on many occasions it has proven it to be true.

Let me give you an example.

December 26- 2 Years Ago

"Kids, sit down with us. We have something to tell you," mom said to Connor and I from the kitchen table.

Connor and I shared the same bored look we always did when they forced us all into a room together. We'd just shared a meal together and I thought that was enough time spent with our family for one night.

Connor and I immediately returned to our chairs at the family table and stared at our parents. Mom looked over at my dad waiting for him to do something; I don't know what, so I focused all my attention on the mahogany table under my elbows. It seemed much more interesting than the current situation by far.

After a few beats passed by mom cleared her throat and dad adjusted his red and blue stripped tie and smoothed it out. Not that it had any wrinkles in the first place. They both exchanged another glance at each other and then dad reached up to his collar and loosened the tie he had only just tightened.

The silence was deafening and I could hardly stand the wait. My patience was wearing thin by that point.

"What?" I asked them. "Matt is waiting for me to call him."

Mom sighed and I noted how tired she looked today and my eyebrow rose.

"Summer. Connor. Your dad and I have something we need to tell you."

I nodded. I think we'd established that much already.

My eyes shifted to my dad again and to no surprise he was tightening his stupid tie once more. He didn't make any eye contact with anyone as he did it.

"We've been talking about it for a while and well, we've finally come to a decision about something very important," mom continued. She paused for only a second then opened her mouth to add to her words but dad quickly beat her too it.

"We're getting a divorce." It was so quick I can't believe I heard him right. Or maybe I did and refused to believe it.

"D-divorce?" I asked.

They both simply nodded and mom reached across the table to take my hand in hers. Her voice came out soft and smooth when she spoke again.  "I know it's hard to understand right now, but your dad and I have been having some problems for a while." She rubbed the back of my hands soothingly and then reached for Connors to do the same.

My mind flashed back to the first time I realized something was wrong between our parents. It was for months prior, when my dad moved into the guest bedroom down the hall.

I guess I should have seen this day coming now that I looked back on it.  I just hoped it was only temporary.

My dad loosened his tie again and the motion caught my attention. He'd been doing that a lot.

"It's obvious one of us has to move out and your mom decided it should be her since she is the one that asked for the divorce," he said.

At his words, mom gasped and narrowed her eyes at him. I gathered that piece of information was never supposed to reach us. 

I was a little surprised to say the least.

"Mom?" Connor questioned retracting his hand from hers. "Is that true?"

Before she answered she turned and scowled at my dad then nodded her head at Connor with a more apologetic look. "It is. I'm sorry."

"But why? What problems are so big that they can't ever be worked out?" I asked.

Neither mom nor dad answered me and they didn't make eye contact with each other either. The only movement from anyone was from my dad and he just adjusted his tie again under my unceasing stare.

Back to the Present

You see, it's occasions just like that that make me worried.

I watch dad across the dinner table touching his tie and I groan. Whatever is getting ready to happen here is not going to be good for anyone.

Beth picks up her napkin and wipes her mouth then places it down on the table next to her plate. I look at Connor and he must be thinking the same thing I am because he has the same worried look I do.

After another moment of silence I can't take it anymore and have to do something.

I allow my fork to clatter noisily onto my plate and I cross my arms. In the silence the noise is much louder and it draws everyone's attention to me. "Are we moving or did someone die? Because if it's any of those things I wish you'd just spit it out already. Just rip off the Band-Aid."

Dad just stares at me in wide, surprised eyes before allowing himself to blink. "No one died and no one is moving... at least not immediately."

"But eventually?" It's Connor who asks.

Dad looks at Beth sitting beside him and she grins. He grins back. "Well, yes actually. Beth and I are getting married."

Suddenly everything starts to fall into place. They will obviously want to move into s place of their own. Technically this place was mom and dad's before the divorce. It makes since that Beth would want to make new memories somewhere else.  Who wants to live in their husband's ex-marital home?

I have to find my voice to speak. "Wow, Dad. Married? When did you propose?"

Beth is the one who speak this time. "Two nights ago. We couldn't wait to tell you." She holds out her hand to me and Connor and shows us her ring finger.

The ring is big, sparkly and beautiful. It's nothing less than I would have expected form my dad.

"It's gorgeous," I say after she drops her hand to her lap. "Very nice."

Even though my voice portrays happiness, I am anything but. In truth, I feel the exact opposite and I feel guilty for it.

Don't get me wrong, I like Beth, I really do, but I know I speak for both Connor and myself when I say we're just a little disappointed by the engagement.

Connor and I have always secretly hoped that one day mom and dad would come to their senses and, after some time, get back together. They are both stubborn people sometimes but we always expected that the divorce was never permanent. At least we hoped it wasn't.

Now I see that we were very wrong.

Mom and Dad dating other people is one thing, but getting married is another thing entirely. Something about it just seems so final. I'm afraid that if either of them goes through it, there will be no chance in the world they will work things out.

My eyes drift back to Connor and my stomach drops. He is silent and looking down at the tablecloth picking at the pattern. He looks confused and dejected.

I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

Dad clears his throat and catches my attention and I am reminded again on the weight of our reaction. Dad is adjusting his tie again and Beth is looking between Connor and me with unblinking eyes.

I am starting to realize now that I can say the words that will wreak this whole engagement. I can take away their happiness with a few simple actions and make dad rethink this whole situation. I could, but will I actually do that to him?

In my mind, I think I can, but not in reality. Not to his face. Not when he seems so happy to be getting married and the excitement on Beth's face when she showed us the ring. If I stop this, I will be the most selfish person in the world.

In that moment I know I cannot do it.

I sigh then force a smile upon my face. "Congratulations to both of you." I hope my voice doesn't sound as half-hearted as I feel. "May I be excused?"

Dad frowns at me. "Already? But you haven't even had dessert."

I shrug. "I'm not hungry anymore. I just want to go to bed. I'm not feeling well."

It's not so much physically unwell as it emotionally. I just wanna go to my room and lie down and loose myself in music. That usually makes me feel better. Before I can even stand from my chair I feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes. I hope dad dismisses me soon.

Then Connor stands up. "Yeah, I'm feeling pretty tired myself. I'd like to be excused too, if that okay."

Dad and Beth just stare at each other in disappointment then he nods. Maybe I didn't fool them as well as I thought I did. "Okay. You two go on up. We'll clean up down here."

No one says much after that so Connor and I make our way up the stairs to our rooms. When I enter mine it seems quiet and lonely and to be honest, I don't want to be alone right now. Even the music won't help ease the loneliness.

Across the room on my bedside table a light blinks on my phone. I must have missed a phone call or text. I walk over and grab it up to check and see a message from Krista.

Running l8. Grabbing some food. Be there soon.

I text back OK and shut off my screen.

At least I won't be alone for much longer. When Krista gets here I can talk to her and I'll feel better. Until then I think I'll check on Connor.

His room is just beside of mine. Our doors are side by side. As soon as I exit my room in a few steps I am at his. I knock just below his door plaque that is bright yellow and says: CONNOR'S ROOM. DANGER. KEEP OUT. There is also cross bones on there as well.

Connor comes to the door after a few seconds and opens it to let me in. I enter and close the door behind me.

His room here isn't much different than the one at my mom's. He has his own TV and his game systems below them. He has the same two gamer chairs and the same size bed. The only notable difference is the color and size of the room.

Unlike every other time I'm in his room, he's not playing his games. He's just sitting quietly in front of the flat screen TV staring at a blank screen. I join him in the other chair. He has his phone in his hands and continues to turn it over in over to give him something to do.

I lean my head back against the black leather of the chair and stare up at the white textured ceiling. It doesn't feel necessary to say anything, because sometimes saying nothing at all works just as well.

I like the quiet and it seems Connor does too.

On the ceiling I count the little tiny dots that cover it but quickly lose count so I start over again. It's  a nice distraction. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten- wait, did I already count that one? Okay, One, two, three, four, not thinking about dad, five, six, seven, not thinking about the wedding, eight, nine, ten, eleven, not thinking about moving when the wedding happens, twelve, thirteen...

I lose interest in the dots. That didn't work. Instead of counting them again I focus on the bright white they are. I remember when mom and I painted this ceiling a few springs ago. She wanted to do it before it got too hot and she could open the windows without the heat consuming us.

It was sort of our project while dad and Connor were camping. After we finished painting the ceiling she was in the redecorating bonanza and wanted to paint the room too. Then when she was done with Connor's room, she moved on to mine. Eventually she spread it throughout the rest of the house and by the end of the year, the place was completely redecorated.  

As if sensing that I've been thinking about him, Connor shifts in his chair and speaks. "Does this place still remind you of mom? I mean, I know is been a couple of years, but..."

I nod without looking at him. "Yeah, it does."

"Are you mad at Dad?"

"No." And I'm not. "I'm just disappointed."

"Yeah," he says. "Me too. It's really real now, isn't it?"

Again my mind drifts back to the day Dad moved out of their bedroom and I sigh. "I think it has been real for a long time now. We just chose not to see it."

He doesn't reply, only breathes. I catch myself focusing on it. It's peaceful.

My words settle between us and I hate that I've said them, but I know they're true. The truth is ugly sometimes. Almost as ugly as the selfishness I'm still feeling.

I wish dad had never met Beth. Maybe if he hadn't, he wouldn't be getting married now. Maybe he would have tried to work things out with mom because there was no one else there to distract him. But there is also a chance that if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else.

"Want to watch TV?" Connor asks.

"I don't think that we should tell mom," I say abruptly. "I think we should let her find out on her own."

"Do you think she'll care?" I know it's a rhetorical question, though I answer anyway.

"I hope so."

I hear a knock on the door on the first floor and I already know who it is before dad calls up to me that Krista is there. She's very loud. I leave Connor's room and head to the top of the stairs and meet Kris there. She is carrying a large duffle and her cell phone.

I hook arms with her and guide her to my room even though she's been here dozens of times.

"Took you long enough," I tell her when we're in the confines of my room. I make sure my door is closed and locked then fall down on my bed.

"I was hungry...and then I kind of got delayed." Her words insinuate there is much more to the story than what she's saying.

"Well, while you were out, my dad spilled some awesome news!" My excitement is way overplayed and obviously exaggerated. Kris can read me immediately.

"Oh no. What's wrong?"

I drum my finger over the bed spread. "He's getting married to Beth."

Her eyes widen and she plops down hard on the bed next to me. "No! When?"

I shrug. "I don't know. They didn't tell me the date. I don't know if they even know yet. But that's not the point. The point is its happening."

She nods. "I'm sorry."

"It's whatever." I don't do so well at pretending like I don't care.

"What did you tell him?"

"Congratulations. What else could I say? 'No don't get married; I want you to get back together with mom?' I couldn't do that to him. It seems like this is what he wants."

"Maybe not exactly like that," she says with a laugh. "But if you wait until he's married to Beth to talk to him about your mom it will be too late. I wish I would have talked to my dad before he ran off with that stewardess and moved to Atlanta."

Her words bring me even more sadness and I wish she could have too.

Her dad leaving really hurt her. About three years ago he tried to get her to move out there with him but she refused. Now she only hears from him on birthdays and holidays.

I don't know why I'm the one sitting here upset. She has it worse than I do. Her dad is actually gone.

"Hey. Not to change the subject or anything, but I really have to tell you something," she says. "It's about last night."

This must be what Brent wanted to tell me. "Okay." I'm interested. Anything is better than thinking about Dad and Beth.

"I went back to the party last night after I drove you home."

I raise my eyebrow at her. "Oh?"

She nods. "Yeah, and something happened."

My heart speeds as she gets more worked up. Whatever it is, it has to do with Chad. That much I know. "Tell me."

"I hooked up with someone."

Oh, no. Not with Chad. Anyone but Chad. Please tell me it's not true. She can do way better. He's a man slut.

"I don't think I want to hear anymore," I tell her.

She straightens up and opens her mouth. "But I haven't even told you the whole story yet."

I shake my head. "Not necessary. You don't need to tell me every time you hook up with someone."

And she normally doesn't. It's always hinted at and assumed. I don't know why she wants to tell me about this one.

"But it's not just someone. This is different," she says. "I really need to tell you about it." She looks a little desperate. I almost laugh.

I've never seen Kris like this before.

"Well, if it means that much to you, go ahead and tell me then. But please don't get to graphic. There are some things you just can't erase from your mind."

"Okay, deal." She is nearly bouncing now. "Just don't judge me when I tell you."

"Never," I say, although, I think I already did. Chad? Yuck.

"I kind of, sort of, kissed a girl last night and I might have liked it." All her words come out in rush and I have to strain to hear her.

"I'm sorry. Y-you what?"

"I kissed a girl and I liked it," she says a little slower. "Well, more like made out."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Are we listening to a Katy Perry song because I'm confused? You're not..." I look around my empty room and lower my voice even though no one is around. It feels like a secret. "...a lesbian."

She nods. "I know. That's what I said. But then this sort of amazing thing happened and I don't know...I can't explain it."

I feel as if I'm either in a dream or the twilight zone and I can't quite comprehend anything she's saying. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine Kris would 'like' girls. I mean she has hooked up with more guys than I can count on two hands.

I shake my head. "Wait, wait, wait. Where does Chad come in to all of this?"

"Chad? How did you know about that?" She is looking at me in a mix of confusion and surprise.

Oops. I don't think I am supposed to mention that. Subject change."You had a three-way didn't you?" I guess.

Krista giggles wildly. "Ew. No. You're kidding, right? He only wishes. He couldn't get with me if he were the last guy on earth. I'd rather let humanity diminish."

I laugh. Now that sounds more like Kris.  

"Then why does Brent want to kill him so bad? What did he do?" Oops. There I go slipping up again.

Her laughter dies down and she gets quiet. I can see by her reaction that I'm getting closer to getting my answers. "Oh, that. That has to do with Sabine."

I'm growing more confused by the second. "Okay. And how does she fit into this?"

So far I've only gathered that Chad did something to piss Brent off and it involves Sabine. And somehow with Kris, I guess? My head is starting to hurt.

"That's just it. It's all about her. She's the one. The girl I- you know- made out with."

At her confession, my eyes bulge nearly out of my head. "What? Sabine is gay?"

Okay, I am most definitely living in the twilight zone. None of things happen in my world. Never.

Kris winces at my high pitch. "Yeah. Chad and I are the only ones that know. And now I guess you and Brent too. That's the main reason he's so pissed at Chad. Chad knew Sabine swung the other way for a long time and never told him. Apparently it's something she's been struggling with for the past few months, even when she dated Brent."

I don't know what to do and Kris just stares at me so I say, "Dun, dun, dun. Up next on Days of Our Lives..."

Krista just laughs and smacks my arms. "I'm serious. Chad was the cover up. They never dated. I guess we should have known all along. Chad doesn't date people."

"So let me get this straight. Chad pretended to betray his brother and date Sabine so she could be a lesbian?"

"Basically."

"But why would Chad do that? What does he owe her? I can't imagine him doing something out of the kindness of his heart. If he even has one." That's what doesn't make sense. "And how did Brent even find out about Sabine if Chad is helping her stay in the closet?"

"Chad and Sabine are friends. Close friends. They've been friends since Brent started dating her. That's why they are always around each other. And as for Brent, he found out last night when he walked in on us. He confronted Chad about it and Chad new there was no point in lying anymore and told him everything."

So Chad isn't as scum as I thought he was. He's still a man-slut, but at least he's not a girlfriend stealing, brother betraying man-slut. At least he has some morals. Though, I can see why Brent is still mad. I'd be mad to if someone kept a secret like that about someone I was dating.

"Wow. That's...a lot to process."

She breathes. "Yeah. It kind of is."

As I'm sorting through all of this new information I suddenly remember Krista's big news and feel  slightly guilty for getting side tracked. She is still waiting on me to say something about her newly confessed escapade and I am at a loss for words. But I have to try to find them. My friendship depends on it.

"So...you and Sabine, huh?" I say. "That's...wow."

I am not good at this whole coming out thing. If that's what this is.

"I know. I can't believe it either. I'm just as surprised as you are. I've kissed girls before on dares and once out of curiosity, but I never felt anything. Not until last night anyway. What do you think it means?"

I shrug. I honestly don't know. I've never been in her situation. I've never kissed a girl before. I have to go with what I know.

"I guess it's just like kissing a guy. You can kiss a ton of guys and not feel anything for them and you can kiss one guy and feel everything. You just have to have chemistry with the person whoever they are."

She starts to smile at me. "That makes sense. I've kissed guys I don't like before. I didn't feel anything then either. But I've also kissed guys like Gabe and ...it's just there."

Gabe is Krista's reoccurring hookup. They hook up often and I thought she was starting to fall for him; Very, very, slowly. But maybe she's just likes sleeping with him and that's all.

"I'm in uncharted territory and completely lost," Kris admits. "I don't know what to do. I wish there was some sort of hand book for this kind of thing. It would make things much easier. My mom is gonna flip over this. Maybe I shouldn't tell her."

"Your mom has already flipped," I tell her. "I can't imagine how this extra piece of information is going to make things any worse for you. She already thinks you're going to hell anyway."

Krista's mom is a bit of a psycho to say the least. I don't spend much time at her house because of it. Once I was there and she told Krista that she'd never get into heaven being a whore. That was the first and only time I'd ever heard a parent speak to their child like that. It worried me.

As soon as I went home I hugged my mom and told her how glad I was to have her as my mom and continued to tell her that over and over again. I still do it every time I think about Krista's mom.

"True. But she'd probably kick me out if she knew about this and I don't really want to go live with my dad and Tiffany in Atlanta. I still can't come around to the idea that she's twenty- five years old. Being around them is creepy." She shakes her head and laughs. "Will you listen to me go on about my family. It's no wonder I'm so "messed up" as my mother puts it. We're dysfunctional."

I laugh at her air quotes. "Well, I don't think you're messed up. I just think you're you. I love you just the way you are. That's why you're my best friend."

She smiles. "Well thanks a lot. It's nice to know I have at least one person who stands beside me."

"Always," I say. I sling my arm across her shoulders and she sighs.

"I wish everyone were more like you."

"Impossible. I'm one of a kind." I sway and bump into her side. "What are you going to do in the morning?"

She shrugs and runs her hand through her long brown hair. "I don't know. It would be weird if I went to church with you all things considering. Plus it would make my mom happy."

"True about your mom, but 'all things considering'? What does that mean? No one is going to judge you."

"Yeah, but Brent and Chad go to your church and so does Matt. I really don't feel like facing any of them after everything that happened."

"I can understand not wanting to see Chad and Matt, but you have me and Brent. He doesn't blame you for anything that happened with Sabine. She was the one that broke up with him and it wasn't because of you."

"I don't know..." she says. I can see how apprehensive she is about the whole situation, but it's wrong of her to hide because of it.

I pull out my phone and find Brent's number and send him a text. If I can't convince Kris, maybe he can.

Me: Bringing Kris with me to church tomorrow. Will that bother you?

Brent: Why would it???

Me: Exactly! Thank you.

Kris leans in beside me looking at my phone."What are you doing?"

"Proving a point." I point to the text that I want her to see and smile smugly. "Told you."

She blinks then moves away. "Okay. Okay. You were right about him. Whatever. But I still have to face two other people I loathe. I think I'll just wait for you here. Will your dad mind?"

I think about. "I don't know. We're spending the day with Matt and his parents and we won't be here till tomorrow night after dinner with Matt. Dinner is at his tomorrow. You could come with us."

She narrows her eyes at me. "Yes. You, me and Matt. That sounds like a wonderful idea."

"Right," I say. I don't know why I ever thought that was a possibility.

"I'll think I'll go home and face my mom. She should be cooled down from our earlier fight. Plus I already miss my Pugsy Wugsy."

I scrunch my nose up at her baby voice. Pugsy Wugsy is Krista's dog. If you haven't guessed it already, he's a Pug. Therefore she named him Pugsy.

"Okay. Your funeral. Just be careful," I say.

She smiles and rolls her eyes. "I'll be fine. I've been through this dozens of times, remember?"

I nod. I do.

Krista and I fall asleep on the down stairs couch watching The Late Late Show and in the morning she gets up and leaves like she said she would and after everyone is dressed for church we all leave together.

We make it to West Baptist ten minutes early as usual and Connor and I find our regular pew while Dad and Beth socialize. Connor stares blankly ahead of him at the cross nailed on the baptismal closed doors behind the pulpit.

I wish I knew what he is thinking, but he keeps to himself so I do the same, rubbing my hands over my bible cover in boredom. After a few minutes of this Matt and his parents show up and sit next to us. Matt is directly beside me and his parents beside him.

He smiles at me as he sits down and his parents say hi.

I guess it would be essential to mention that Matt and I actually met in church and not in school. If we did not go to church together I don't know if we would have actually ever dated. We have the same youth class.

I look at him and wait to see if he mentions anything about Friday night or anything else and he doesn't. I turn my attention back to the front of the pew. More and more people file into the building and at ten o'clock exactly every seat is full and the preacher makes his way to the altar. As he greets everyone and begins his sermon I find myself glancing over my shoulder at the back pews, looking for Brent.

I see him and Chad and their parents in the very last row at the end. He doesn't notice me looking due to the many people blocking us so I turn back around in my seat.

Matt's arm that rests by his side moves and it rubs lightly against mine. The simple action gives me chills and habit and familiarity takes me over and I feel myself lean into him. It feels so natural. He doesn't move and I don't either and we stay like that throughout the rest of the service.

After church Dad and Beth take Connor and I to Olive Garden for lunch where Markus, Lisa and Matt join us.

They ask me about school, and college and what Matt and I did this weekend and I answer all of their questions while frowning at the last one. My dad's eyebrows crease as he stares at me across the table. I can read his expression well enough to know it's about me and Matt. It says, I thought you two broke up?

I send one back that says, we did, but I don't think my dad gets the message. Beth puts her hand over my dad's gaining his attention and asks him something so I turn my attention to Matt. He gives me a sheepish grin and looks down at him menu.

I reach over and nudge him in the arm and bring my menu up to block our faces. "What's going on?" I ask him. "Why don't your parents know we broke up?"

He tilts his head toward mine. "They do know. Except now they think we're back together."

My heart leaps and for a moment I have the slightest bit of hope for us, but then I realize my hope his pointless and sigh. If his parents think we're still together then he must have a good reason for telling them that.

"Why?" I ask him.

"It's a long story, I'll explain it later." He leave no room for further conversation.

I drop my menu and sigh. Well, that was helpful. Not.

I catch Connor staring at me from the corner of my eye and turn to stare back. "What?" I mouth to him.

He just rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Are you ready to order?" Dad asks as I glance back over my menu.

My eyes land on the usual thing I order and my stomach growls. Yep. It sounds kind of perfect right now. I close the menu and open my mouth to tell my dad what I want, but Matt smiles and speaks up for me.

"She'll have the Chicken Alfredo."

I look at him and scowl. I hate that he knows that. Then out of spite I shake my head and frown. "Actually, I'll have the shrimp scampi."

Dad nods and takes my menu and starts back up his conversation with Beth, Markus and Lisa.

I don't know why I say Shrimp of all things. I suppose it's because I've already forgotten what's on the menu and the fact that I hate shrimp. And now I hate Matt for making me chose shrimp.

"But you hate shrimp," he says. He watches me with confusion.

"I don't," I say matter-of-factly. "I used to, but I think I'm coming around to it. In fact you never what you like until you have the chance to explore it. Maybe something you didn't like before you will like now."

He narrows his eyes at me and his earlier smile is long gone. He's scrutinizing me now. "Oh really? Well maybe you're just jumping from the usual to something you don't even want because you want to prove something."

I curse him under my breath and I know very well we aren't talking about shrimp anymore because I'm the one who started it on this road. It took it there.

"Or maybe you just want me to have the Alfredo because it's familiar and you're afraid that if I taste something new I want the Alfredo anymore and I'll want the shrimp from now on."

He crosses his arms and frowns. "I'm sure if the Alfredo was still an option you wouldn't even want to taste the shrimp."

"That's awfully egotistical of the Alfredo don't you think? The Alfredo shouldn't even care about the shrimp in the first place if "it" doesn't want to be an option!"

I wait for another retort from Matt while I try to control my heavy breathing, but one doesn't come. Instead he looks around the now silent table. We've both gotten worked up and drawn a lot of attention ourselves and everyone at the table and neighboring tables stare.

My face heats up under their eyes and I start to sweat. I don't know how this happened. How did we get out of control so fast? I thought we were starting to get along. Sort of. Why did I have to go and pick a fight?

Out of all the people staring at me, my dad's stare gets me the most. He is looking at me with a mix of shock and disappointment. Then my attention drifts to Beth who is still holding her hand out mid air showing off her new ring to Markus and Lisa.

Crap. At the sight of it I wanna cry and crawl into a whole and die. Not once, but twice I have stepped on Dad and Beth's moment. I am officially the worst daughter ever. I was so caught up in my anger I didn't even notice what I was intruding upon.

I sigh and hang my head. "I'm sorry."

"Why, don't you two take a beat," dad suggests to Matt and I. "Step outside for a few minutes. I think you could use some air."

Markus and Lisa are looking at us in barely hidden surprise and Markus nods. "I think that's probably for the best."

Matt and I look at each other at the same time and both stand. I look at Connor to silently beg for him to come with us so I won't kill Matt, but he doesn't move. He just drops back into his silent mode and twists his fork in his hand.

I huff as I make my way through the restaurant and out the front doors. The fresh air hits me immediately and it wakes me up to my shame.

So many things are happening to me and spiraling out of control that I feel so powerless. First my breakup with Matt, now my dad's marriage. I'm lashing out anywhere now. I'm not sure at what point I've lost my decorum, but I'd like to get it back as soon as possible.

My dad is happy and I should be happy for him. And Matt, yeah he did a crappy thing by dumping me to be single, but it could have been worse. He hasn't cheated on me, or lied to me or abused me. He's just a guy who wants something different in his life. Even if that brings me pain I have no right to hate him for it. I know I wouldn't want him to hate me if the roles were reversed.

I owe him an apology for acting so immature.

I spin on my heel once we are a good way away from the entrance and ready myself for the apology. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Matt, I'm really so-"

Before I can even get the words out of my mouth, I am cut off by a pair of lips on mine. They are warm, and soft and delightful and also familiar. They are Matt's lips. They belong to him.

I find myself kissing him back for a second until I have a chance to realize what I'm doing and then I pull away from him immediately with my hands on his chest. "What are you doing?"

"I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. You were just so mad at me in there, I just- I've not seen you that passionate about anything in a long time. I saw a spark of you."

I am brought up short for a second and don't know what to say. I didn't even know he was paying that close attention.

"I don't understand," I say. "You kissed me because I was mad at you?"

He starts to grin. "Yes. And the fact that I've missed you lately." He grabs my arms and rubs them. "This you."

"I'm not any different than I've ever been, Matt." For some reason his comment irritates me.

He shakes his head. "But you are different and so I am. At some point during our relationship we've forgotten the key thing that made us who we are. We became "us". Something separate from ourselves. We were comfortable with our relationship. There was no spark anymore. We never fought."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "I thought that was a good thing."

"But everyone should fight sometimes so they can make up and realize how ridiculous it was in the first place. We didn't even have enough passion to do that. Not once in the last year. Truthfully things were boring." He's smiling now.

I have no words for him. I am left speechless which is rare with Matt. I always know what to say. We're predicable.

I taste the word in my mouth over and over again. Predictable. That's not sexy.

Matt and I have become predicable. That's why we never argue. He's right. We were boring. So incredibly boring.

Is it normal to know how every argument you have will play out, so you jump straight to a solution and never have to fight about anything? Sure it sounds peaceful, but it's not passion.

We were never jealous. He always supported everything I did. Always knew the exact right thing to say. How did I miss this before?

Our relationship was perfect. A little too perfect. Everything was always the same. What's the point in being in relationship with someone you can never learn anything from.

"I never really thought about that before," I admit. Matt wanted adventure so that's what he went after. He wanted fun and excitement and I wasn't giving it to him anymore and that's why we broke up.

"Then maybe we should take some time to think about that," he offers.

I frown. "This is starting to sound like the beginning of a breakup. Are we doing that again?" You can't really break up with someone you're not really dating anymore, can you?

He laughs. "No. We're not breaking up...again. I just mean that maybe we should focus on who we are outside of a relationship for a while. If we just hang out and do stuff together for a while as friend we might find something that we missed before. Does that make any sense?"

"I think so. I think I get that you actually meant it when you said you wanted to be friends and it wasn't just one of those lame guy post-breakup lines."

He throws his and in the air in relief. "Thank you. That's what I was trying to get you to see before. It just all sort of came out wrong during the break up."

I see where this is going now and I think that I can handle it. Now that I see that I've not entirely lost Matt and we are actually friends for the right reasons, I feel better. I don't have that depressed feeling buried deep down inside anymore.

"So, what now? Do we just keep doing what we have been doing since the breakup and let whatever happens between us happen?"

He nods. "Yeah, something like that. If we're meant to be together then we will be and if we're not then we're not. One way or another we'll find out."

I can do that. "Alright," I say holding out my hand to him. "To seeing where it goes. Agreed?"

He stares at my hand and laughs. "A handshake? That seems a little to formal doesn't it?"

I look down and laugh too. I guess it does. "What do you propose then?"

He smirks at me and leans in to my face. "This." I already know what he's gonna do before he does it and this time I am prepared. He kisses me directly on the mouth, soft and warm. And I let him. It's nice to have his lips back on mine even if we are sealing our new arrangement with a kiss. It only last a few seconds, but in those few seconds they are some of the best few seconds I ever spent with Matt since we first started dating.

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A/N

How was the chapter? Many surprises? I have to say that I'm really happy with this chapter. I meant to make Matt a little more likable since I never meant for you guys to hate him in the first place. It just sort of happened that way.

Put yourselves in his shoes for a moment and tell me your opinion. If you were in a relationship you thought was boring and very unexciting would you still stay in it out of obligation to the other person or would you end it?

And just so you know, Summer and Matt aren't getting back together right now, if at all. They're going to take the time to discover their selves before choosing what to do.

Now...on another subject. Is anyone else watching Chasing Life on ABC Family? Hardly anyone I know watches it and I need someone to gush with me over Leo!

Comment, vote and follow, my lovelies! (: