One of the first things I tell Charlie when he comes to pick me up is the truth. I don't want to use him and he needs to have that clear. I'm just honestly trying my best here, to find a happy life and memory.

I've come to the conclusion that if something doesn't work then you can't dwell on it for too long. For a while it's okay, but it's necessary to know when it's enough and when you have to move on. If I just let things be then it'll take longer, and that's being irresponsible about myself. If I try to find a better thing, then I'm just speeding things up. I have to take control if I want things to change.

That's why I don't think I'm actually using Charlie, because I'm honestly trying to find a better path for myself, with someone who won't make me go through the same pain as Gareth. I'm hoping to like Charlie in the same way he likes me, getting to know each other and bond a bit more. I'm honestly accepting his open hand, praying it will turn out right.

However, I don't know if it'll work out. Even if I'm trying, I can't guarantee it'll work out, and I don't want to give him hopes or anything. So when he shows up at my house, with flowers for me, I make sure to tell him that.

"Charlie, I'm really thankful to you and I want to be honest. Right now I don't like you in that way, but I'm trying. I hope that if this doesn't work then we'll remain as friends," I say and he smiles, nodding briefly.

"I'm very aware of it. I'm happy you gave me a chance," he replies, handing me the sunflowers he brought for me. "Now it's up to me to make you fall for my endless charms," he jokes, winking and all. I blush a bit, laughing nervously.

"Is he here? Did he arrive?" I hear from inside and my eyes widen in horror.

Of course Mum and Sol know I'm going on a date today, with Charlie. Mum couldn't be happier when I told her. I don't want them to overreact, because we might never have another date, and they will make Charlie feel uncomfortable.

"Oh dear, it's him!" Mum blurts out, almost like a silly fangirl, standing right behind me.

"¡Que niño más buenmozo!" Sol exclaims in Spanish, expressing how handsome Charlie is. I swear I'm blushing so much.

"Gracias," Charlie replies in Spanish, surprising the three of us. "Sí. That's as far as I get with Spanish," he confesses next and I burst out laughing. "But I'm hoping you said something good and I didn't just made a fool of myself. Nice to meet you, I'm Charlie St. James."

Mum lets out a little squeal and I have to cover my face with my hands.

"I'm Ann's Mum, this is Sol," Mum makes the introductions. "Oh, you even brought flowers! What a gentleman. Ann dear, give them to me. I'll put them in water so you can go on your date."

I do as told, just because I want to leave soon. Not because I'm eager to go on a date, just because I'm too embarrassed.

"It was really nice to meet you. I'll take care of Ann and bring her home early, safe and sound," he promises, bowing his head a little bit and this time both Sol and Mum make a little squeal. Seriously, how old are they?

"I hope to see you soon!" Mum exclaims when I just walk up to Charlie, trying to leave the genkan.

Charlie chuckles as I drag him out of my house. I feel my cheeks burning because they behaved inappropriately, but even if I'm feeling like this, Charlie only smiles, even when he opens the door of his car for me.

"They are really nice, don't feel embarrassed. My Mum would be worse if I brought you home. I think she'd make you go in, show you all my baby pictures and give you her wedding ring herself. That is why we are not going home or near my parents," he explains and I laugh.

Charlie has that ability, I have noticed, to make you feel at ease with light humour. I forget my own embarrassment as he drives to wherever he is taking me.

"I was considering to take you to our country cottage, which isn't technically a cottage 'cos it's really large but whatever. It's quite a nice place and not that far from here, we even have horses and I really wanted to impress you like that," he tells me, talking easily as he drives, often glancing at me with a smile on his lips. "But that would mean asking Mum to let me use it, and then she'd ask why, and I'd have to tell her. Then, next thing I know, you are seeing my baby pictures when I used to run naked around the house."

I burst out laughing and he seems very proud to get that reaction from me.

"I'm only taking home a girl I'm really serious about. And don't take me wrong, it's not like I don't take you seriously, I'm just very aware you might dump me by the end of this date. So just bear in mind that if you don't, I can show you the world." He actually sings that last part, I guess he does to make it more cheesy, and at the same time less serious.

"Wrong film," I comment, and he looks at me for a second, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Oh right, you don't know," I giggle. "My mum named me Mulan, but I just go by Ann 'cos it's hard to deal with all the people making jokes at my expense."

"Really?" he asks and I hum a yes. "That's a cool name, and it fits you. Not because you're Asian, besides you're half Japanese and Mulan was Chinese, right? It's wrong to generalise." I confirm his statement. "But because you're kinda like her, replacing your father and having a hard time for that same reason."

"I guess. I honestly don't like my name because I feel like I can't live up to it, that's why I hide it. I've thought of legally changing it," I tell him and I hear him gasping.

"Oh you shouldn't! I mean, I barely remember the film, but isn't Mulan one of the strongest heroines from Disney movies? I was gonna say princess but she isn't. See, I'm clever and quick witted like that. Remember that when you're about to dump me."

I can't help laughing at Charlie's words and how he manages to go back to that point even from what we are talking about.

"I will," I promise. "And it's because of that very reason that I think of changing it. I can't live up to it, it's too much pressure."

"But you don't need to live up to it," he explains and now I'm the one frowning. "You are not her, but she can be your role model. I think it's a good one. She was brave and she learnt to believe in herself. She wasn't always that strong, remember? I mean the only song I know is I'll Make A Man Out Of You, and I blame tumblr for that, and there you see her evolution. How she learns and gets stronger. It can be like that for you, as well. Instead of fearing not living up to the name, you should just try your best to get stronger and braver like her, to believe in you like she did. That's what I think. It's good to have someone to look up to."

I stare at him in awe, and he notices that because there's a little smirk on his lips.

There's always another way to look at things, and it's really hard to find another perspective. But once someone puts it there for you, then you notice how nicer and easier it is to look at things from that angle. Charlie has offered me a less stressful view point, and I'm really thankful for that.

"You're really clever, aren'y you?" I compliment, smiling at him.

"And don't you forget it. And your Mum already likes me." I chuckle. "I just need to earn as many brownie points as I can today."

I really wish I could like someone like Charlie. He's so easy-going, funny and downright nice. There isn't a single thing I don't like about him, maybe how flirty he is, but even when he's flirting he isn't abrasive or crude, he is comical.

Charlie is basically the opposite from Gareth, and it'd be more normal if I liked the guy next to me now. I don't even know why I like Gareth that much, I can't really justify it. Yes, I admire his professionalism and that soft side he only shows to me. I love how caring he is to the people he lets in and he is nice as well, but I'm not sure if that's enough to justify my feelings for him.

Maybe it's just infatuation. Maybe I don't really love him as I think I do. Maybe first loves seem that big to us just because they are the first and we can't compare them to anything else. When things are new they seem shinier and prettier. Nothing tastes the same as it did the first time, because it was the first. Maybe that's why first times are so meaningful, because after one try you have a standard to compare to later on, and that will give you the chance to realise something can be better or worse.

I'm taken away from my internal epiphany when Charlie parks and announces we have arrived. He runs to open the door for me before I have a chance and then guides me to a typical Japanese café, and no, I don't mean it as in the typical cafés you find in Japan, but one where everything is Japanese. Form the architecture and decoration to the waiters. And they offer a real tea ceremony, which is beautiful. We can take the tea outside, where they keep a Japanese garden that's even more beautiful than the one my grandma keeps.

"How did you find this place?" I ask, dumbfounded.

Charlie grins proud of himself. "I have my connections. I wanted to impress you and at the same time learn a bit more about your heritage."

I'm so touched with his actions and the place he chose to bring me, I don't even know what to say. I feel sad, though, because even when he does this for me, my heart doesn't flutter. I'm happy and moved, but my heart doesn't beat in that romantic way he is hoping for.

We go sit on our knees to take part of the tea ceremony. I explain Charlie what it is about and why it is important before we can actually see it taking place. I love the precision and delicacy, not to mention the taste of the tea. Nothing else can compare to this taste, and even Charlie appreciates it, although he isn't used to it.

After the tea ceremony we are left to enjoy ourselves more leisurely. We ask for appetisers and have a wonderful time together. I explain some things about the place and others that he notices and asks about. But we also talk about any other thing that comes to our minds. Charlie is very talkative and he always finds something to keep the conversation going. It's never a dull moment next to him, and I have a really good time. but by the end of the date I can't lie to myself.

Yes, I had loads of fun and enjoyed Charlie's company enormously, but he never made me feel like Gareth does. He never made my heart race or make me nervous in that sense. He joked a lot and I blushed, but just because I was embarrassed and I'm inexperienced. Even if I try to see him as something more than a friend, I can't. I can't really force myself to like him in another way.

I guess this isn't how I'll move on from Gareth. I'll have to find another way.

"Charlie..." I begin when he drives me back home.

"I know," he says, stopping me from what I had planned to say. "Remember how I said I'm quick witted? I could tell from a while."

"I'm sorry," I apologise because I don't know what else to say.

"Nah, it's okay. You have no reason to apologise." He smiles at me brightly, shoving his hands in his back pockets. We are at my house gate, saying our goodbyes.

"You are wonderful, really. I had a great day but I just... I can't. I really tried. I wish I could... I wish I could like you like that."

He shakes his head. "That's enough, Ann. That you tried and gave me at least a chance is enough. I guess it's just not meant to be." He shrugs, lessening the weight of the situation. "And as I promised you, we'll stay as friends. I'll also make you feel bad every day for not choosing me."

I know he's teasing me, his expression says so.

"It'll always weight in on my shoulders," I joke along, making him smile even brighter.

"That's all I needed to hear. Thank you for going out with me today, Ann. I enjoyed it a lot." I smile at him. "Goodbye hug?"

I agree, stepping forward to be wrapped in his arms for a few seconds. I tried, I really did, but it didn't work out, and I don't think it's necessary to drag it. At least we'll stay as friends, that's good. I would really be sad if it weren't like that. If it's not by finding someone else to like, then by hanging out with my friends I'll get distracted and eventually move on. That should work.

>>>·<<<

Why do I feel sad that their date didn't work out? Why is Charlie so charismatic? *sighs* anyhow, what will be the consequences of this date? What do you think? Let me know on the comments!

Dedication to Dejzi_Daisy_JKILN 

Bel, xx

NU: Friday