The most sensible option is clear, the one that I should choose without hesitation, yet it isn't that easy because my heart doesn't want to give up. I should really move on and try to forget Gareth, I should try my utmost best to leave my unrequited love behind, but my heart is stubborn. It still wants to love him, it still longs for him.

For the sake of the production, my own silly, stubborn heart, and for that friendship we created, I should forget about him. If I did, we could be just friends and leave all the awkwardness and heartache behind, but even if my mind knows this is the best, my heart keeps whining and crying to keep fighting, to never give up.

I'm starting to believe hearts are just masochist.

If I really decided to move on and get over Gareth, I could even take Charlie's offer. Finding someone else to like seems like the fastest and most effective way to forget about someone, even if it seems coward and low. Well, at least I wouldn't be just using Charlie, I would be accepting his help, but still, it doesn't make me feel comfortable with the idea to accept his offer to go on a date just to forget about another man. I should try to get rid of these feelings on my own, that's the most honourable thing to do, even if it's the hardest.

So, even if I know what I should do, I am not fully convinced. By Monday I can't even think about it anymore, because I'm covered in work, which is a very welcome distraction. Maybe if I just earnestly focus on my job I won't even realise how my feelings for the actor start to fade away. And maybe I should also tell Cece not to mention Gareth or ask me about him and my feelings for him. If I don't talk about my crush then I'll get used to push it to the back of my mind.

Yes. I should totally tell Cece that Gareth, meaning my unrequited love, is a banned topic.

It seems I summon Cece with my thoughts because I haven't been for five minutes on set when someone tackles me from behind, wrapping me in strong arms, lifting me from the floor, scaring the living days out of me. I scream in a very high pitch in terror and surprise, even crying out some words in Japanese that he, of course, can't understand.

"Cece, put me down!" I beg in English this time.

"How's the best producer doing today?" he asks, finally returning me to the place I belong to: the ground.

"I'm quite okay, despite the fact that my life spam has been reduced to half." I try to glare at my friend but he just squeezes my cheeks and smiles sheepishly.

"I saw you had a great weekend," he mentions next, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "I even saw a cute boy with you. That's Charlie, isn't him? Ella's friend?" Cece seems to stop to think about something else, so I just wait instead of replying. "Why do I feel they are my friends already?"

I chuckle at that last question. I honestly think that if I introduce Cece to Ella and Charlie they would get along perfectly, fit like puzzle pieces and discover they were best friends even in their past lives.

"When you visit home I'll also invite them so you can finally meet them," I suggest, making Cece smiles radiantly.

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and we start walking towards the shooting. It's a scene with Mare and Jonah, and it seems to be going as usual. No problem at first sight.

"And yeah, he's Charlie, Ella's friend. We hung out on the weekend. He took us to the amusement park. I couldn't talk on Sunday 'cos my throat hurt so much." I try to laugh, remembering all those horrifying rides Charlie and Ella made me go on.

"He's really cute. He's the one that asked you out, isn't he?" Cece asks next and I blush when he says that so naturally, as if he were talking about the weather.

"I— um— yeah, he asked me out. But I didn't give him an answer," I inform my best friend, still feeling embarrassed.

"Well, I have changed my allegiances and I am on Team Charlie now and I think you should accept his invitation. I mean, there's something really important in his favour: he fancies you. You won't have to get your heart broken because he's an idiot who can't see the great girl he's missing."

Even if Cece isn't saying his name, it's clear he's talking about Gareth. After the party where the actor got tipsy and said things that broke my heart, my best friend has been really angry. He doesn't even mention his name, he refers to him as the-one-that-shall-not-be-named, which is both amusing and ridiculous. Even if he doesn't say Gareth, I know he's talking about him, so it's the same.

I'm sure that if I hadn't told Cece not to, he would've faced Gareth the next day, demanding him to apologise to me and stop being a icy, blind douchebag.

If I told Cece that I'm thinking of finally giving up of Gareth, he would only encourage me to do so, he would even call Charlie for me to say I accept the date. And maybe that's why I don't exactly tell him that, even if I should.

"It feels like using him, that's why I don't want to accept the date," I explain. "Even if he is aware I don't like him and that it would only be to... you know, move on, I still feel uncomfortable."

"Well, it's not like you can be forced, but in all honesty, I think it's a good idea. He seems like a bright and nice guy, and let's not forget really cute. Plus, he's studying to be a doctor. He is such a catch. I bet your family would approve of him immediately."

I smile at the idea. When I told Mum about my new friends Ella and Charlie, and that both were studying medicine in Oxford, she was really impressed. When I showed her pictures and she saw Charlie was a guy and that he wasn't dating Ella, she immediately asked if I liked him. "If you decide to have a boyfriend, he's the perfect catch."

It seems Cece is echoing Mum's words right now.

"I just wish the memory of your first love wasn't that sour. I wish you would move on soon and painlessly. This lad seems like a good option, that's all," Cece confesses in a more serious tone, looking me in the eyes with worry and care.

I heave a tired sigh, looking down and feeling my chest heavy and constricted.

"I know, but it isn't that easy. I don't want to suffer anymore, and I know it's pointless to keep holding on to this unrequited love, but I just..." I sigh, unable to finish the sentence. "I guess I need a last little push."

Cece pats my head in a comforting gesture, and I try to smile at him. He is about to say something when he is called to fix one of the actors' makeup, so he leaves me. I stay there and decide to focus on what is happening on set instead of my lame and inexistent love life. Around fifteen minutes later someone else comes to my side, but I don't notice his presence until he speaks because I was too busy reading through the script of the scene they were shooting.

"Hi, Ann," he says, making me freeze the moment I hear him because I recognise his voice immediately. It's disturbing how easily I can identify him.

"Hi, Gareth," I reply, meeting his eyes and trying to give him a polite smile.

Even if the situation is so awkward between us, I still get my heart racing and my hands slightly trembling because he's next to me. I kind of forget what I was doing and that makes me cringe, because it's just further confirmation that romance is a distraction, and he has all right to avoid it.

"How are you doing? What about the weekend?" he asks, just polite conversation.

"It was okay. I had fun," I reply. "What about yours?"

"It was okay," he repeats my answer. "I saw you got Instagram," he mentions next. "And that you went to the amusement park."

"Oh, you did? How?" I ask, confused.

"It's connected to your twitter account," he explains, and even if that should be enough, I'm still surprised. I didn't think Gareth was the kind to spend time on social media, interacting with other people. "I am supposed to go on twitter at least once a week," he explains further, probably reading my expression. I can notice an amused glint in his eyes. "It's in my contract."

"Oh!" I exclaim, nodding in understanding. "And yeah, my friends made me get an account. I don't know if I'll really use it, but I just wanted to humour them."

"The ones you went to the amusement park with?" Gareth asks next and I keep nodding.

"Yes, those friends. I met them when buying the books for this film," I explain and he nods. I don't know why, but I keep explaining things even if he doesn't ask about them. "They are really nice and are just uni students, at Oxford, so they live in town and we get to hang out sometimes. They had free on Saturday so they took me out to have fun. They say I work too much for such a young age when I'm supposed to only have fun."

Gareth keeps nodding but doesn't utter another word.

"We had fun together."

"Are you close?" he asks next, just when I was starting to feel really uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

"I... I dunno, I guess. After Cece they are the only other friends I have. And well... you," I reply, although I sound really hesitant about the last part. I'm not sure where are we standing with Gareth anymore, whether I can keep calling him a friend or not.

"Oh," is all he says, then it's silence, suffocating, uncomfortable and nerve-wracking silence.

Luckily, he is called to get ready for the next scene so he leaves me, still feeling awkward, all on my own. I sigh heavily, feeling tired even if I've done nothing particularly exhausting today. I think Gareth's proximity drains me.

I feel a bit disappointed that he just asked about my weekend and didn't make mention to what happened on that party. I didn't expect him to apologise or anything, but... I don't know, something. He wasn't that drunk as to say he doesn't remember what happened, I'm sure he does... he just decides not to talk about it.

Does he care about my feelings at all? Maybe he should be straightforward and tell me once and for all he doesn't like me, and will never like me, so I should finally burst my bubble of hopes. Maybe he should even tell me we can't be friends anymore. He doesn't even seem to care whether I have more friends or not, he didn't even ask about them, it was just me rambling because I wanted to fill the silence.

Oh dear, why do I keep torturing myself like this? I've had enough clues to know it's pointless and hopeless, that I should move on and leave this one-sided love behind. I need to forget him, it's been enough. He doesn't like me, he doesn't care whether I'm hurting or not. Why do I keep hanging on to him?

With that newfound determination, I grab my mobile and type a new text message.

Is that offer of a date still available? —Ann

>>>·<<<

Yay, chapter is finally here! I'm sorry it wasn't a good one after making you wait so long. I'm very sleepy so I'll keep this short. I'm not sure I can update on Friday but I'll try.

Dedication to Clara_Aguirre3

Bel, xx