Evie was sitting on the couch in her apartment. Carlos and Jay were cooking in the kitchen. Or more like having fun, laughing out loud, making a mess, making out with each other here and there - not really cooking. Her mind would betray her and leave her thinking of Mal again. She was getting concerned about how often this phenomenon was occurring. It was harder to stop thinking of Mal instead of making herself think about Mal. It was frustrating.

"You guys, why did you make me sing that song with Mal?" Evie suddenly asked, not really knowing yet if she would like to hear the answer of her friends. After Jay and Carlos' laughs died down, Carlos peeked at her from the kitchen.

"Well, first off it was only my idea and Jay did not try to stop me-"

"Excuse me!" the long-haired boy returned offended. "Don't include me in your little plans. I have done nothing."

"Yes, exactly. You have done nothing to stop me-" the freckled boy said.

"Guys! Explanation?" Evie asked again, making Carlos walk into the living room, his apron stained from the cooking ingredients.

"Alright, first off may I add that I was drunk?" the white-haired boy sat on the coffee table. "I just - when we talked on Christmas about all that tension between you two I just wanted to help you, like, get it out? Does that make sense?" he explained.

"Dude, I think that backfired," Jay shouted from the kitchen.

Evie sighed and looked at Carlos.

"I thought that we agreed that I won't act on it, C,"

"Yes, I know, I know, but just-" Carlos sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. "I can see it in her eyes, there is something.. Longing perhaps? I don't know. I just don't understand why you don't do you and get it out of the way, there is enough time for this,"

"Oh, I think she is doing herself, but she would prefer doing Mal instead," Jay remarked from the kitchen once more laughing alone at his own joke.

"Jay, I love you but shut up. We talking real business here," the freckled boy returned at his boyfriend in the other room.

Evie smiled at the goofiness of her friends and almost let herself agree with Carlos.

"I told you, it's different. There are already... strings? We are good friends. I don't want it to end badly, because I let myself have some fun. Mal does not deserve that." the taller woman explained.

"Don't you.." started Carlos. "Don't you think that you deserve a little happiness in your life?"

Evie's hard stare pierced through him.

"Why do you think that she can give me that?"

"Well, I just think that you can have something different with her." Carlos tried to defend his statement but failed miserably.

"I've had something different," she said bitterly. "With Gil, with Dave, with Frank, with Angela, and with whoever I have been with,"

Carlos sighed at the point Evie was trying to make. He knew that life for them had been hard, but growing together - they learned to appreciate the little things. But now everything was different, they were not 17 anymore. They were free of their childhood prison built by their parents. Well, he can't tell the same for Evie.

"That's not what I meant, E," he said sadly. "I just want you to be happy, even for a day. You deserve that, you deserve to know how it feels for someone to love you and cherish you. How it feels to love someone, not how to use their body for one night. I want you to know what that is because I'm sure you won't have that opportunity after.. you know."

Evie gritted her teeth trying to imagine what it would feel to experience all the things Carlos was talking about. But no matter how much she tried, she couldn't see it.

"Do you think like him?" she asked after noticing Jay standing next to Carlos with a hand on his shoulder and a sympathetic smile. His apron was even dirtier than Carlos'.

Jay sighed at Evie's question. "Yes, and no. He has a point that experiencing these things, these emotions - that is priceless, E," he sat next to her on the couch. "But it will be harder later because I can't imagine leaving all this behind," his eyes landing on Carlos for a brief second. "It will be torture, like a big piece of you has been torn apart. Nothing will be able to fill it after that, do you really want to become that hollow and empty?"

"I don't know... no?" Evie sighed once more and covered her face with her hands. "Am I not hollow enough already?"

"At times like these, I think you are just scared of happiness," Carlos said.

"I'm not scared, I just know it's best to not have that." Evie defended herself.

"And why's that?" the freckled boy pushed further.

"Like all good things, it will give you hope and let you fall to your death." the brunette woman explained.

"And here I thought it was because you like to be depressed," Jay remarked in a failed attempt at a joke.

"You can be happy wrapped up in things that are bad for you and things that are good for you - can make you absolutely miserable," the Evie uttered.

Jay and Carlos shared a silent conversation with their eyes. They knew if they keep going in this direction, Evie will fall into a place where they were not sure they can pull her out of. Jay put his hand on her back and spoke.

"These are just our thoughts, E. Only you know what's best."

"You are right. I can do this! I will just push everything down," Evie said taking a deep breath and straightening herself on the couch. "I will shove this.. whatever that is with Mal deep down and just wait it out."

Carlos couldn't help himself. The loud sound of his hand colliding with his forehead startled Jay and Evie.

"That sounds so dumb and unrealistic that I just need to give myself a concussion," Carlos explained.

"Alright, enough deep talk. You, come with me to actually cook now. I'm starving," Jay stood up and caught Carlos' wrist, dragging him to the kitchen once more.

"Did you just say deep throat?" the freckled boy joked.

"Guys, please. PDA!" Evie shouted from the living room. "And please don't have sex in my kitchen!"

The couple laughed and Evie smiled.

How would it feel to love someone?