*Tyler's POV*

And that's exactly what I got, a few more hours with Troye. Though after spending the day kissing, cuddling, spoiling, and just genuinely loving him it made what I had to do even harder. Even when we were kissing there was a darkness looming over us. Doomed. What we're doing right now is doomed to end badly.

So when the time rolled around when only had an hour left until Troye's flight you can imagine how hectic my thoughts had gotten. I was considering everything, like there was some way out of this I hadn't thought of.

"Tilly." Troye whispered, nuzzling into the curve of my neck like he belonged there, which he did.

"Yes, babe?"

"We, uh, we need to talk." Is he breaking up with me? Good, that saves me from having to- Wait... He doesn't love me? 

"About?"

"This." He said, gesturing between us like that was supposed to make it all clear to me. I took a deep breath, here it comes the 'it's not you, it's me' speech. Why was I so upset? I was about to do the exact same thing to him.

"Tyler, I know you know this already, but I really like you. Like, really like you. Hell, who am I kidding, I'm in love with you Tyler Oakley. This past week has been the best time of my life, but..." I knew there was a 'but' coming. Just spit it out Troye, tear my heart out without remorse, I was going to do the same to you.

"I need to know where we stand before I go back to Australia. Do you have feelings for me? Feelings similar to mine. Heck, are we dating or not? I am sick and tired of not knowing where I stand with you, I've worn my heart on my sleeve this entire time but you're so withdrawn and private. I need to know right now, do you love me back? Yes or no?" Oh no, that's not what you were supposed to say, Troye! If anything you've just made this a thousand times harder on me. Of course I freaking love you, you just can't know that.

"I-" I stopped, taking a deep breath and tried to steady my breaking heart's beats.

"Ty?" He laughed, giving me a peck on the cheek encouragingly and beaming his beautiful smile in my direction. Oh, how I'd miss that smile. I felt a tear on my cheek but couldn't be bothered it wipe it away. He deserved to know this hurt me just as much as it was going to hurt him.

"No." He blinked, staring at me like I'd just chanted satanic mumbo-jumbo. His facial expressions changed so fast I couldn't even catch them all. A nervous smile and chuckle, a horrified zombie-like stance, twisting up in pain, and then there was just pure anger. I'd never seen Troye's facial features bent up with rage, it was both terrifying and heartbreaking. My poor baby, Troye, oh no, what have I done?

"What do you fucking mean no? All you've been doing the past week is hinting at it and finding every way to confess without actually having to. You told Sawyer and Joey we were dating for fuck's sake, was that some sort of joke to you? Did you think it was funny to string me along like that?" How was I supposed to react to that? Of course I didn't find it funny, I absolutely hated myself for what I was doing to him. But if I was honest with him there was no way he'd accept what he was saying. He'd beg and plead until he managed to convince me to change my mind. And, as wonderful as that sounded right now, that would leave me more or less motherless.

"Huh? Answer me!" He roared, jumping off the couch to loom over me angrily. I buried my face in my knees and tried desperately to think of anything I could say to keep from hurting him any further. I have to be a dick, I can't keep trying to make things easier on him. As much as I hate to say it, he needs me to be cold right now. If I'm nice it will only give him false hope. I took a deep breath to steady myself for what I was about to do, I just have to get five words out with a straight face, I can do that.

I looked up and my confidence wavered when I seen his hateful expression had completely twisted around. He was staring at me with hopeful eyes and his bottom lip pouted out, begging me to change my mind without even saying anything. God, I really hate myself for this.

"Because I don't love you." I mumbled, stumbling over my own words they felt so sour in my mouth. That must have been the last straw for him because tears began streaming down his cheeks and he began to tremble. He wrapped his arms around his torso like he needed to hold himself together and began to shake his head slowly.

"You're lying." He whispered, though his expression didn't really match up with his words. He definitely didn't look like he really thought I was lying. 

"No, I'm not." I said simply, not trusting myself to get a longer sentence out without messing up somehow. He hopped back on the couch next to me now and took my hand in his.

"Tyler, you don't have to do this. I can change, I swear." How could he be so loyal? I'd just torn his freaking heart out. And how could he promise to change for me so easily? I wasn't worth that. And he had no reason to change to begin with, he was perfect the way he is. I just can't tell him that. And that's exactly why he needs someone better than me.

"You don't even know what you did wrong, Troye, how are you supposed to change it?"

"Sure I do. I was too forward and too awkward, and I could have been way more considerate of you. Like that night when I wouldn't go to bed I promise that'll never happen again." He offered, squeezing my hand and looking up at me like my response meant the entire world to him. What was wrong with him? He thought he was the inconsiderate one? I was breaking his heart! 

"Troye, what's wrong with us isn't something you can fix. It has nothing to do with you, or even me."

"Then what is it? Some sort of 'greater power'? Wonderful." A faint smile played on my lips at his sarcastic tone, but I mentally reminded myself how inappropriate it was right now and forced my lips back into a tight line.

"It's for the best."

"Who's best? Because neither of us look very fucking happy." I sighed, realizing he must have seen through my act. I guess he pays more attention to me than I thought.

"Troye, I can't be with you. There are just too many things against us right now."

"Right now? So there's hope for the future?"

"T-" He slammed his hand over my mouth and shook his head.

"I'll wait for you. I'll wait as long as it takes for you to piece together whatever you need to piece together and grow a pair of balls. Because for some stupid reason, I'm in love with you, and that's not going to change." At least one of us can admit it.

"Yeah, well maybe it should. I'm not going to change my mind on this." Unless my mother does.

"Sure you will! When I'm a bit older I'll move to the States and then we'll be fine."

"Stop being so god-damn optimistic, Troye! It's never going to work between us!"

"Oh yeah? And why is that?"

"Because I love someone else." The moment the words left my mouth I regretted it. Any hope that had been in his eyes a moment before had completely vanished. He shrunk away from me down the couch and just continued staring at me with a bewildered expression. He opened his mouth but then snapped it back shut promptly, like he'd changed his mind about saying whatever he'd planned on. I really just wanted to crawl across the couch and hold him, beg him to forgive me for being such a royal idiot. But instead, I stayed planted firmly in my spot.

I didn't love someone else. Unless ranch dressing is now considered an eligible bachelor. It was a sick lie, evoked just to make him give up on me. I didn't want to prolong his pain any more than I had to. I wanted to rip it off fast like a band-aid sort of thing, though now I had to wonder if that was the right course of action, seeing his torn expression.

"Who?" He whispered, staring at me blankly like his thoughts were in a completely different place. I took a deep breath and shrugged, looking down at the floor like the conversation didn't really matter to me.

"Does it really matter?"

"No, I guess not..."

"See? Do you believe me now when I say that I'll never be able to meet your expectations? I'm just not the guy you want me to be." I mumbled, saying something true for the first time throughout the entire conversation. Troye chuckled and the sudden upbeat sound caught me off guard. I snapped my eyes up to where he sat and bit my lip, seeing his disappointed grim face.

"Fuck, Tyler, I just wanted you to be yourself."

"Whatever, let's just head to the airport already, we're running pretty late."

"So that's how it's going to be? You're just going to go on like this never happened?"

"Well, yeah, what other option is there?"

"I can't go back to pretending I don't have feelings for you again, Tyler. It nearly killed me the first time."

"You don't have to. I know you're in love with me and I accept that, I just don't feel the same." He laughed and I wrinkled my brow, wondering how he could find the situation funny.

"You really are stupid, huh? I can't be around you without my heart hurting, did you really expect us to stay friends after this?" 

"But... Troye... You promised no matter what happened we'd stay friends. You said we had the right to call it off at any point and there would be no hard feelings."

"Yeah, and you promised to always be there for me when I really needed you, I guess we're both shit promise keepers." He mumbled, picking up his bag and turning toward the door without another word. Fuck. I thought I was doing the right thing, why does it feel so wrong? I grabbed my keys and jogged out after him. He was on the phone and I walked up beside him, flashing a quick smile. He didn't return the gesture which made my heart sink. It was hard enough to lose him as a lover, but I couldn't lose my best friend too. I needed his awkward bad jokes and cute accent to keep me going through this dark time.

"Who was that?" I asked, faking a cheerful tone. I had waited until he hung up the phone to ask, not wanting to make him even more upset by being annoying. 

"A cab company. If it's all the same to you I think I'll just get a cab to the airport. It'll save you the trouble."

"It's no trouble." I said, a little too rushed and obvious. I wanted to drive him there. It would be my last chance to make things even half right before he went back overseas, and everyone knows an apology over the internet isn't as sincere.

"Yes, it is. I can't be in a car with you right now. Heck, I can't even talk to you right now. I think we need some time off, of any sort of relationship. That way we can let our old wounds heal before accidentally opening up new ones, you know?"

"I guess." I mumbled, my bottom lip trembling from trying to fight off tears so hard. I felt one slip down my cheek a moment later and silently cursed myself. The cab arrived just then and I looked to Troye hopefully, like there was still a chance we could share a normal good-bye with a hug. He just took a step away from me which hurt me even more.

"Troye, I can't go without talking to you. You know that."

"Well, I guess you should have thought of that before. Besides, you have mystery man's shoulder to cry on, I'm sure you'll be fine." Even when he was trying to insult me I could still hear the hurt in his voice when he mentioned the other man. It's for the best, Tyler. Though, the more times I had to repeat that sentence to myself, the less I believed it.

"Bye Troye boy." I said, flashing what I hoped was a sincere smile. He bit his lip and nodded in response. I audibly groaned. God, how I would miss the way he bit his lip. It was like my kryptonite.

"See ya, Tilly." He said, breaking me out of my thoughts of his sexy lip biting. I nodded, glad he'd taken the time to actually say a good-bye rather than just nodding. 

As the taxi pulled away my heart convulsed. Is it too late to change my mind? No, I have to stick to it. I'd only hurt Troye more if I brought him back into this mess a second time. I can't risk hurting him all over again, he doesn't deserve that. Besides, this isn't the end. He just said he needed some time off, not forever. We'll be talking again in no time. Hell, we've never let anything keep us separated before, we'll be our old selves in no time.

I hope.

A/n: Holy, I did not plan for this chapter to be this long. I guess I just got caught up in the dialogue, haha. And yes, I know you all want to remove my eyeballs with spoons but, as a strong Troyler shipper, do you really think I'm going to keep them apart very long? Every story needs a good climax/drama party. Comment/vote, even if it's about how bad you want to stab moi. Love you! (Don't hate me)