"Yeah, wow." Brecken says, running a hand through his hair.
I couldn't help but stare. Suddenly everything he did was fascinating. Every movement of his stood out to me: from the way he unconsciously played with the zipper of his jacket, to his steady breathing. I feel as though I could pick him out of a room full of people without hesitation.

I wouldn't call it love, but it was defiantly something.

"Well?" Brecken says looking me dead in the eye.
I blink. "What?"
"Say something, Tee."

"I..." I what? This was never a situation I ever pictured myself being in. I'd heard of people having their first kiss around school. I've seen girls and boys hanging out and calling themselves an 'item'. But was that really me? Besides, I've known Brecken only a few weeks. However I already feel as though I know enough about his character. But surely I should know more. I mean, I'd like to know more.

"I...don't love you." I find myself saying. What the hell?! After I say it, the look on Brecken's makes me want to find a hole and die in it.

"Wow, Tegan." Brecken says, hurt clear in his voice. I don't understand, Surely he cannot love me! He can't!

"You don't..." I found myself unable to say the words.

"Love you?" He laughs but without humour. "No. But that doesn't mean I would shout it to the whole world."
Brecken stands up, almost knocking me over. I too stand, my hands suddenly shaking. "Brecken, wait-"

"The kiss meant nothing." He says and I literally feel my heart break in two. "I was just curious."

Just curious. The words ring in my head, however sounding different. When he said it, all I heard was, doesn't like you, you were all that was available.

"Brecken," I began again suddenly angry. "Why are you acting this way? I only told you the truth." In all the movies, the boy always wishes the girl to be honest with what she wants. The only problem is, I don't know what I want.

"Whatever Tegan." Brecken says, walking towards my window which he must have climbed through earlier. The thought sent a warm feeling in my stomach, which soon turned to nausea when I remember  the current situation

"Brecken," I say again and surprisingly he turns around. "Don't hate me."

Brecken pauses, his lips twitching as if he wants to smile. Only he doesn't smile, he frowns deeply. "I could never hate you. Gosh, if I could I would. Please know that."
And with that, he disappeared through my window.
___________________________
That night, I crawled into mum's bed, something I hadn't done in a long time. The slow rising and falling of her chest indicated she was already fast asleep. Stood in the doorway, I could imagine dads sleeping figure laid next to her's. Even though it didn't happen often, there was nothing unfamiliar about the image. Dad had always told Kieran and I that love that can last over seas, is strong enough to conquer anything.
The thought of love and distance instantly made me think back to Brecken and the distance in his eyes. I knew I'd broken him somehow, although I wasn't sure how. I wanted to know, but true fully I am afraid.
Wiping away the tears that had started to flow mindlessly, I crawled into the bed besides mum, shuffling around until I got comfortable. I squeezed my eyes closed, letting the silence and warmth envelope me.
"You okay babes?" Mum said, her voice heavy from sleep.
"Yeah." I croaked, wiping away more tears and burying deeper under the covers.
"Want to talk about it?"
I wanted to laugh, but my throat had a giant lump in it, stopping me. Mum always knew, without even looking. That's what made me love her so much. That's what made her mum.
"No." I said finally, knowing if I spoke about it I'd end up crying all over again.
Mum was silent, making me think she'd fallen asleep. Then the ruffling if the blanket had me turning my head to see her arms outstretched. Without a word, i shuffled into them and fell asleep in my mothers arms.