KALEB

I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone's business. On top of that we, my mom and dad lived in a poor neighborhood.

My parents were young and I'm sure I was an accident. Although they were married I know they hadn't intended to have kids. They were young, broke, and immature but then they had me. I can't say I suffered anything traumatic or that my life was any different than any other kid.

When I was about four or five I spent most days alone. My mother slept all day and my dad would be at work. Sometimes I would go outside and play with my neighbors. Kelvin and Kevin lived across the road in a house.

Their house wasn't fancy but it had grass in the front yard and flowers along the front of the house. And they had a car. We would play in their yard all day. Their mom Ms. Lenora would feed them she would feed me. We were close. From time to time my mother and Ms. Lenora would talk, they had gone to the same high school.

They were not friends in high school but they knew each other. One year I recall Ms. Lenora and my momma talking, I couldn't hear what they were saying. Momma called me back across the road and for a few days, I didn't see Kelvin or Kevin.  Momma started being up during the day and making me breakfast, giving me baths at night, and cooking dinner. She couldn't cook worth a damn but she tried. The memory causes a smile to cross my lips.

She even started taking care of herself and cleaning our house. On the weekends when they would normally have a house full of people, Momma would tell Dad they needed to go home and not be there all night. After awhile the party wasn't at our house and my Dad wasn't either. Then she went back to sleeping during the day and everything went back to normal.

Ms. Lenora came over one afternoon and sent me to her house. She stayed over with momma all day and when she came back she said I'd be staying with them while my momma went to get better.  I wondered what momma had to get better from? But then it hit me I'd be with Kelvin and Kevin all day and didn't think about it much.

My Dad would stop by and give Ms. Lenora money for keeping me. I stayed with them for the summer. One weekend Ms. Lenora and Mr. Kelvin went to my house and cleaned it up, Mr. Kelvin and his brothers painted and fixed up the yard. Ms. Lenora did the inside. Made my room look like Kelvin's room. It was nice, then a couple days later momma came back.

She looked different "plump" is what Ms. Lenora called her. I went back home and momma and I got into a routine like Ms. Lenora had. Wake up at a good time, hot breakfast, bath, play, it was nice and momma smiled all the time. My Dad started to come around and soon he was back home. It was time for me to start kindergarten and Ms. Lenora brought me school clothes and supplies just like her boys.

Ms. Lenora  asked momma if she planned on cutting my hair for school. I had long hair past my shoulders that my mother loved so much. Momma said hell no . Next thing I know I'm getting cornrows like Kelvin and Kevin.. Looking  at Sunshine I see a smile that matches my own. 

"Cornrows huh" she smiles, her eyes warm my heart.

Momma was worried about what Dad would say but then Ms. Lenora was braiding his long hair too. Momma said we were handsome and  we looked like Vikings. School started and everything was good, momma started working and I went to Ms. Lenora's  in evening until she came home. Sometimes I'd go to school from there. I never met anyone from my parent's family,  Kelvin and Kevin's family became our family. Momma and Ms. Lenora became best friends like sisters.

The next summer  Mr. Kelvin and my Daddy gave us a party for graduation from kindergarten. It was a big deal.  Summer was fun and before school started back Dad  told us he wanted to take momma on a honeymoon since they didn't get to have one. Well that turned into Ms. Lenora giving them a little wedding. She said it was like redoing it. That was the first time I met mommas Mother and Dad's  brothers.

Momma looked so pretty in her white dress. We had an outside party and that night they left for their honeymoon. My grandmother stayed for a day or two then left. I kept wondering how that was my momma's momma. They looked alike with long auburn hair, and freckles but they spoke different. 

"Different how?" Sunshine ask, her posture letting me know she was really listening and interested.

"Both had Northern accents but my mothers was much warmer, like each word our her mouth was a smile. My Grandmother talked liked she didn't know what a smile was" my description makes both Sunshine and I chuckle.

After a week my parents were supposed to come back but they didn't. Kelvin, Kevin and I woke up one night to Ms. Lenora  crying while  Mr. Kelvin  talked  to two State troopers.
Ms. Lenora picked me up and held me real tight. The best they could, they explained to two six year old's  and a four year old that my parents had gone to heaven.

Kelvin cried he knew what that was I had no idea , not  until the funerals. What I remember was my Dad and Momma looked asleep. My grandma crying she knew "he would eventually kill her"
It was confusing.

From that day I lived with Ms. Lenora and her family. By the time I was 8 they had adopted me and we moved. Mr. Kelvin said it was to traumatic for us to stay in the neighborhood and moved us to a bigger house in the city.  Years later I learned that my parents families didn't want to take me since I was so little and they didn't have little kids or a life style for a little kid. My grandmother did send money to help raise me, birthday and Christmas cards . She even came to my high school and college graduations but that was the extend of our relationship.

My momma came from a rich family and my father was from the Appalachia mountains area. Neither family knew what to do with me. My Uncles, Dads brothers would come down to visit me every once in awhile to check on me and to make sure that I didn't forget my family, my dad's family. My Grandmother and Uncles kept an eye on but hands off approach to being in my life. It it worked well for everyone. 

My Mom and Dad  were fifteen and seventeen when they had me. Ms Lenora knew that  because Kelvin and I were born the same day and she remember seeing momma in the hospital alone. She remembered Mom and Dad  from high school. Mom was a freshman and dad a junior the year she graduated. Once my mother had me she moved with my father and his family and her family moved away.  So that's how I grew up. My adoptive family,  are black, that's what I know what I've always known.  I shrugged my shoulders and search Sunshine's face for any emotion

"Why didn't you marry a black girl?"

"Why don't you tell people " I could see the curiosity in Sunshine's eyes. Genuine.

"I met my wife first" as I think back to what my options would have been back then. 

" I don't tell people about my life because when they find out who my parents are it gets ridiculous" I wait for Sunshine to ask me who my parents are but she waits patiently for me to tell her on my own.

 " My father is Jon Kaleb" I wait for the reaction 

"The  Viking?  The Singer that died in the motorcycle accident" Sunshine looked amazed.

"Yes him."

"Why is that a secret?"

"It's not really, more a safety precaution."
There were some legal issues and I think his family tried to take me when money came up.
Where we are from he wasn't always liked. But also I've always lived where people knew me and never had to explain it.

When I was young my wife's family was against our marriage because they knew him. Now that was traumatic and after that experience I didn't bring it up.

"So that's why you want to date a black woman"

"I'm attracted to beautiful women, kind women" I emphasize the beautiful as I stare into her beautiful eyes.

"Did you date them high school?"

"No"

"I met my wife in ninth grade we got married freshman year of college"

"Was she pregnant"

"No" I laughed because everyone ask that question, it is to far fetched that we could have actually been in love.

"What happened to her?" Sunshine wants to know and I pause not sure what to say or how to explain that I would have married her regardless of the circumstances.

"She had been sick as a child , Leukemia It came back in our senior year of high school right before we graduated. Ironic enough we thought she was pregnant but it was the Cancer"   

 The silence that stretches between Sunshine and I is heavy and sad. Not the air I want to share with this beautiful woman. 

"What happened?" Sunshine ask and I see the misty look in her eyes.

"She was gone before we graduated college."

Sunshine's eyes were shimmering with empathy "So no dating since?"

"No"  I hope she doesn't continue to see me because she feels sorry for me  "I have been busy". I can tell she wants to ask me something

"So what about"

I raise my eyebrows because I know she wants to know if I have sex

"Sex" I ask  her seriously

She turns her head  "What it's a natural question " 

 " I  have had sex over the last ten years" Laughing, I know this is going to lead to more questions.

" With who if no relationship?" she sips her coffee. Here we go once I say this she is going to think I am a big douche.

"I've had a few arrangements" I say it and sip my coffee.

My answer leaves her speechless for a few moments 

"Arrangements" her eyebrow quirks up

"hmm um" 

"Are you looking for a new arrangement" her tone doesn't change jus a very matter of fact question.

"No"

"Actually I want to be in a relationship I know you are only looking for casual friends and that's okay I also am trying to live in the moment" I ran my hand over her shoulder "But I'm also interested in physical intimacy"

Our eyes held for a long time The urge to kiss her was strong but I'll move at her pace
"So that's my story. What about yours"
Sunshine looked at me "How about we save that for another day" her slight smile intrigues me.
"Okay"  everyone is entitled  to tell their story in their time.

"Tell me something about you that wasn't on your profile? "I can't take my eyes off of her, her skin shimmers under the lights coming from the Ferris wheel in front of us.

I watch her facial expressions change, I am certain her brain is trying to give her information she can share that is personal but not to intimate. "I'm an artist or creative" that is what she comes up with.

"You are beautiful" I say  absentmindedly

 "Thank you" her smile is shy and the sounds around us begin to fade away.

"I moved here for a fresh start, a change of scenery" she says, I hear her while  I see myself in her eyes.

So this is how it begins, first you get lost and then you fall.