I always believed saying goodbye to someone once you have loved leaves you in pieces. However, the pain of seeing that person again is something which is more painful, then the actual goodbye.

No matter how much it hurts, but I don't regret my decision. This was the right thing to do, for me and for him. Our relationship was a burden for him and he doesn't have to suffer, because of my mistake of holding onto something which really doesn't exist. Every relationship is based on love, trust, and understanding, but there was none between us. When I look at the past few years of my life, I realize I have always been alone. Alone with a hope that one day, my days of solitary will come to an end and I will be with someone who will complete me.

 But here I am again all alone, however, this time there is no hope. 

Closing my eyes I lie down on my bed and absentmindedly my fingers play with the bracelet on my hand as Nathan's face comes to my mind. It is weird that how much our lives are tangled together. Even when everything is over between us, somehow still we are tied together. However, instead of trying to get away from him, I have accepted the fact that I can't avoid him all my life.

Today, I didn't plan on meeting him I wanted to leave from there as soon as I can. But like always things don't go as per my wish. Thus, I took this opportunity to ask for his help, as I really wanted to buy something special for Miles. But knowing Nathan I should have known, he never makes things easier for me, he says and does things which leaves me dumbfounded. 

But, today something happened which really scared me. Twice I was pulled back into the moment where I was alone with Ben and the only thing kept me, in reality, was Nathan's presence, which scares me the most. When Nathan leaned towards me I almost felt it is not him but Ben, then Nathan's touch brought me back to the present. When he held my hand and I could not pull away, because I was afraid that if I did I will be back into that room. The warmth radiating off his hand felt comforting and I immediately felt safe.

Nathan provides me such kind of comfort and sense of safety which, strangely, I don't find anywhere else. It seems nothing bad will happen if he is around. This really frightens me. I can't let myself feel this way, it is wrong. It is almost like using him. That is why I have decided I will try to keep my distance from him as much as I can.

Unknowingly I have shown him my vulnerable side, which I try to keep hidden from the world. Once I did this mistake, but not again. I won't repeat this mistake, because I can't see pity in his eyes. Even now sometimes it seems that he pities me, maybe this is why he is being friendly to me. 

I rub my face and sit on the edge of the bed. I glance at the digital clock on the side table, it reads 2 A.M. 

Maybe I won't get any sleep tonight.

Instead of trying to sleep, I walk into the living room. Taking a book, from the small bookshelf which I have in my living room,  I sit on the floor cushion. Leaning against the wall and I pull my knees up as I keep the book on them. 

My eyes start to burn and water by constantly reading, but I don't want to keep the book down. I can't help it when I start reading a book I can't stop until I have finished it. It is a very bad habit and I don't know how to get rid of it. 

When I realize it is morning, I keep the bookmark between the page. I stand up and stretch my arms above my head. My body muscles feel stiff because of continuously sitting in the same position. After opening the windows to let some fresh morning air into the apartment, I start my morning routine.

Today, I don't feel like eating breakfast at home, so I walk to the nearby cafe. After getting myself a coffee and waffles, I take a seat in the far corner table. I nearly finished my waffles when I get a message from Miles, informing they will pick me up at 1 in the afternoon. I quickly text him, that I will come by myself and ask him to text me the address of his beach house. I want to drive there because, if I want to leave early from there I can get back home without ruining other people's fun. Also, I am dying to take my Volkswagen convertible on a long route.

"Idiot," I shake my head and laugh when I read his message, as with a lot of sad emojis, he has sent me the address.

When Miles invited me to his birthday trip, even though I don't want to go, still I agreed to it. In the past few days, Miles and my, friendship have gotten stronger. Although, he is crazy and weird, but he is an amazing person. He told me about his sister and also that I remind him of her. When I came home from the hospital, he visited me frequently. He made me laugh with his crazy antics when I don't feel like laughing. I think both Natalie and Miles are perfect for each other, both are crazy. 

*******************************************************************

After keeping my bags on the backseat I type the address, which Miles has sent, on the GPS. It will take nearly four hours to reach his beach house. I enjoy long drives, so this will be fun.

I have been driving for nearly four hours, just once I made a pit stop for fifteen minutes. Before I can see the ocean, I smell it and trust me it feels so refreshing. Momentarily I close my eyes and take a deep breath to let my lungs fill with salty air of the ocean. After driving for another ten minutes, I slow down my car as GPS shows I have reached my destination. There are a few more cars in the driveway of the beautiful looking two-story beach house. After parking the car, I take out my clothes bag, along with my other snacks bag which is almost empty as I have already munched most of the snacks on the way. 

"You made it!" I hear Miles voice, I squint my eyes and look up to find him standing on the small terrace area on the second floor. 

"Come inside," he motions me with his hand.

The beach house is as beautiful from inside as it is from outside. It has wooden flooring with modern architecture, and an open kitchen plan which makes it look more spacious. I find some familiar and unfamiliar faces there, but instantly my eyes find Nathan's eyes.

I can never understand this, even if we are in a room full of a hundred people then also our gaze find each other. Earlier, I used to find disgust in them, but now I can't decipher what is behind those eyes. He gives me a small smile and a nod, I return his nod. 

"There should be snacks in that snacks bag," Natalie points at the small bag in my hand.

"Sorry," I shrug and smile sheepishly.

"I will let it aside if you promise to bake me a double chocolate cake," she winks.

"Promise," I smile and nod.

"Thanks for coming, I thought you will not come," Miles comes and gives me an one arm hug, then he takes bags from my hand.

"Come, I will show you your room," he says, "I have given you the corner room as it windows open to the sea. I know you will love the view," he excitedly tells as we enter the room.

"Thank you," I look around the room, "I love it," I smile.

"There are three rooms on the ground floor," he keeps the bags on the bed, "and four on the bedrooms on the other floor."

"Our room is on the other floor," he winks at Natalie.

"Thank God! I don't want to hear what you two do at night," I look at them as I cringe.

They both laugh and leave the room.

After taking a shower, I change into jeans shorts and plain blue off-shoulder top. 

Going for a stroll on the beach. 

I give a quick text to Natalie and slide the phone into my pocket as I didn't wait for her reply. I slipped outside the house without being noticed. I want to have a nice quiet walk on the beach. If Natalie is with me, then we both will be splashing water on each other faces rather than walking.

"Going somewhere?" 

I close and shake my head, so much for being unnoticed.

I sigh and turn to find Nathan standing behind me, as he raises an eyebrow questioningly at me.

"Yeah," I say in a bored tone as I turn and start walking towards the water. 

In a few long strides and joins me. We walk in silence for some time, I can feel he is stealing glances at me. But I just keep quiet and enjoy the ocean breeze. 

"Are you avoiding me?" he asks as I pick up my flipflops.

"Yeah," I say as I dug my toes in the sand.

He chuckles as he shakes his head and bends down to take his flipflops in his hand as well.

"May I know why are you trying to avoid me?" he asks I can feel the smile in his voice, "Does my presence bothers you?" he takes the flipflops from my hand. Even though I protest he just ignores and carry his and mine in his one hand.

Actually, it is quite the opposite.

"Maybe I just want to be alone," I shrug.

"Nobody wants to be alone," he says, his tone makes me look up at him.

Without saying anything I walk into ankle deep water. The water feels nice when it touches my feet. I wiggle my toes liking the coldness of the water.

It is true nobody wants to be alone. But sometimes it is better to be alone than to get hurt.

He comes and stands beside me staring ahead towards the ocean. The little waves created from his feet touch mines, after a moment another wave rolls and fade out till it reaches us.

"You know, you can talk to me if you want," he says in a serious tone, keeping his eyes on the ocean.

"But, I don't want to," I swallow, as I watch a big wave rising from the middle of the ocean then breaking into small waves as it reaches the shore.

"Whenever you want, I am there for you," he looks at me.

I laugh at the irony, when I wanted him to be there for me he was never. And now when I am trying to move on, he says he is there for me.

"You don't have to be," I look at him, "I know you are a good person, even though you don't want to show it to anyone. But, I have seen it. However, I don't want your or anyone's sympathy," I shrug.

I mean it when I say he is a good person. If he finds out anyone is having a problem, he personally tries to help him. 

"This is not the first time something like this has happened, and I don't know if this will be the last time," I don't know why I voiced out one of my fears to him, "So, I know how to deal with such things. It takes time, but eventually everything gets back to normal," I say indifferently.

Or you just get used to the pain.

He looks at me as if he wants to say something, but then he turns his head away. 

"Listen to me, carefully," he turns to me, his features turned hard and voice sounds cold, "I am not asking you to believe me, but I am telling you to engrave this thing in your mind."

"I don't give a damn that you hate me," he takes a step closer and stares into my eyes, "But I will not let anything happen to you again. If somebody tries to even think about hurting you, I will kill him without thinking twice," his tone dangerously calm.

His face is expressionless while his eyes are cold, however, his words are comforting. I have not seen him like this, I have seen him angry many times, but this is something terrifying.

"Are you possessed?" I slowly ask him raising my eyebrows.

He looks at me, then blinks once...twice...thrice... after that he burst out laughing.

After laughing for solid five minutes, he takes deep breaths to calm himself. All this while I carefully look at him, trying to figure what is wrong with him.

"Stop, overthinking," he says and nods towards the way we came from, "Let's get back it is getting late," his lips still twitching upward.

We walk back in silence apart from silent chuckling from the person who is walking beside me.

*********************************************************************

Thank you for reading. If you like this chapter then, please don't forget to vote, comment, or share.