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Compilation of my Joke Stories

Redstone powder-

TW- drug addiction

When Mumbo invited me to some random coordinates in the jungle, I was confused. The whole situation with hermit challenges made me concerned. Then swap broths came into play and he began building the most epic structures known to man. I was beyond worried. But the moment I learned he was selling, well, himself. I thought it was time to actually confront the moustached hermit.

I found his in his hobbit hole which was Strange since he'd recently built an IBBB out by his omega base. He was curled in a corner, knees tuck under his chin while he rocked back and forth muttering something. His bald patch shining in the torch light. Finally deciding to make my presence known, I clear my thought.

and I wish I hadn't.

He had apparently sold everything. His moustache was gone, I was wearing his suit and well, Grian has shaved part of his head for his own personal back of the head hair Moustache. He's eyes were wide and one was slightly rolled back into his head. I'm his hand, he held a piece of paper with some powdered substance in it.

"Mumbo... what is going on." I started at him intently as he began to mutter some more. Something along the lines of diamonds, my precious, and hunger?

And that's when all Nether breaks loose. Mumbo drops the paper, scooping the powder into his inventory as I rush to stop him. He dodges left so I follow and tackle as his waist. My shoulder drives into his abs and I hear him grunt. As we topple to the floor, me on top of Mumbo and Mumbo have sitting have laying on a book shelf, I grab for a lead in my inventory.

After a couple more minutes of scrambling, I finally have his hands tied behind him as I kneel on his back. Luckily, he had been dazed by landing on the bookshelf that he hadn't made too much of a hassle.

"Mumbo," I hiss in his ear, "what is going on."

"I need my redstone."

"What do you mean you need it?"

"I need it I need it I need it." Mumbo had begun squirming and crying out like a toddler throwing a tantrum. It almost feels like his getting physically desperate for whatever her was doing in the corner. He's going into withdrawal.

"Mumbo. What was in that powder?"

When he doesn't respond I dig my hand into his squirming shoulder, forcing him to gasp from the pain of his shoulder driving into the floor. "I'll ask once more Mumbo. What was in it?"

A moment of silence passes and he begins crying. Tears rolling down his face into the wood of his base, "I'm sorry Iskall. I'm so sorry. I got bored during one of the first nights here and I just... I just tried some redstone. It felt so good and made me so happy and excited and I made all these plans, but then the feeling left. So, I did it again. And again. I started adding different things like blaze powder, don't do that, or gunpowder. And just yesterday I added crushed diamonds. It was amazing. I'd never felt so good in my life but then it ended. And I had to do it again. I'm so sorry."

I sat back, releasing my tight hold on his shoulders and just looked at him. He looked so pitiful and desperate.

"Hey," I soothing said to Mumbo, "don't worry. I remember my first run in with smoking red stone. It'll take a while for the addiction to wear off but I'll be here every step of the way. But didn't you say you added gun powder? How'd that not blow up?"

"I never smoked my red stone. I snorted it..."


Grian Tries to Cook- 

Eva POV-

I sigh and put down the redstone block I'm holding. Hopefully this time I'll get the flying machine to work. I place down a button and watch as a couple pistons fire, causing the slime blocks to stick together. I hope into the machine but before I even hit the observer I was aiming for, a flash of red surrounds me. I close my eyes to the fiery colour as pain shoots through the back of my head.

I feel my feet hit the floor and carefully open my eyes. I'm not on my flying machine, nor am I even in my farming area. I'm in a small wooden area with a man lying wide eyed in the corner. I glance around a bit more and notice I'm in a kitchen, a couple chests line the floor as mushrooms spill out of them. The furnace is lit with a pot of something literally on fire.

It finally clicks in my head and I glance down to see a couple carrots, a bowl, and some sugar in the shape of my summoning ring.

"Wh-who are you?" the man in the corner pipes up finally. I turn to face him straight on and take in his red sweater and blonde fluffy hair. It's Grian. I blink in slight confusion as I stare at the hermit.

"Uh, my name's Eva."

He nods and stands up shakily, "My name's..."

"I know what your name is Grian. I've been watching you and your friends for a couple years now."

He blinks in confusion then realization dawns on his face, "I didn't know we had demon fans!"

I glare at him, "Dude, you literally have a demon as one of your members."

"Oh, right."

I shake my head at the short hermit and walk towards him, feeling slightly uncomfortable at the fact that he was shorter than me (I totally thought he was taller), "why did you summon me Grian?"

His face blushes in embarrassment as he looks sheepishly at the ring I had appeared on, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "I- uh- was trying to make mushroom soup for Scar. You see he's- uh- got a fever. And- and I guess I just summoned you?"

I just smile at him, "that bad of a cook huh? Let me help."

He nods, clearly relieved to have some help and I begin walking around his kitchen, putting a lid of the burning pot (how he set water on fire I will never know) and cleaning up the spilled mushrooms. I showed him how to read a recipe and helped him dice and boil the mushrooms.

Once the soup was done, I bid Grian a goodbye but just before I left, he asked me two final questions, "what happened to your eyes and why do you wear devil accessories?"

"My eyes came from the fact that I am an end breed demon who stared into the void for too long trying to come up with inspiration to write and I wear the devil accessories because I can. That's it."

He nods once and my eyesfill with the red fire that will transport me back to my personal server,"Goodbye Grian."



Recruitment-

The air was cool in Grian's face as he drove toward the Hermitcraft season 5 portal built by the talented Scar. He could see all the hermits gathered as he landed lightly behind them, his wings causing wind to ripple the clothing of the hermits in the back. They glance around but shrug it off as Grian folded in his wings.

Walking around the group, he heard Xisuma mention something about Hermitcraft season 6. Grian watched carefully as each hermit walked into the portal to travel to their world.

Cub... Scar... Biffa.... Docm... each of them entered the portal but Grian spread his wings out to prevent the next hermit from entering. The tall dapper looking man stumbled into the white and purple feathers. He landed on his butt and Grian retracted his wings to allow the last few hermits through. They laughed at Mumbo, commenting on his spoon moment.

"Hello Mumbo Jumbo." Mumbo jumped at his name as Grian shimmered into view, "it's time you come with us."

Mumbo open and shut his mouth, clearly confused and Grian just stood in front of the slowly fading portal, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

"I- who- what?" Mumbo finally sputtered out.

Grian sighed, relaxing, and just wrapped the taller hermit in a hug, "I know... let me at least clear up some questions I know you have. We all have them. One- we are the watchers. We protect the worlds. Two- your friends will be fine. They've already forgot you. Three- I am Grian. And used to be you best friend before I went to Evo and later to the watchers."

Grian was standing about an arms length away now, studying new watcher, and nodded. He created a small ball of purple light from his hand and gently forced it into Mumbo's hand.

"30 seconds before your first watcher training."

Mumbo gasped as the light sunk into his palm, tingling, and travelled up to his back where the tingling turned from annoying to painful to excruciating.

"10 seconds. Almost done."

Finally the pain subsided as Mumbo sunk to his knees. Grian was already behind him, smoothing out some feathers? Feathers?

"Training step 1 Mr. Jumbo- stretch out your wings."

Mumbo stood up and whipped around to look at Grian, who got smacked by Mumbo's newly acquired limbs and was lying about 2 blocks away. His wings were fluttering in annoyance as he lifted his head from the dirt.

"That wasn't the reaction I usually get."

"I am so sorry Grian! But do I really have wings?"

"Yah duh. Why don't just stretch them out and look at them?"

"Oh okay... um I'm not sure if this work-

WOAH!"

Mumbo's wings were spread out, the red and purple feathers gently shifting in the wing caused. He gently folded one around himself and felt the silk feather. Grian has removed himself from the ground and had come towards Mumbo.

"They take some getting used too as will your new life."

"Will I ever get to visit my friends?"

"I told you that we used to be friends, right?" Mumbo nodded as Grian continued, "did I ever visit you?"

Mumbo though for a bit then shook his head sadly. Tears began to fall down his cheeks and Grian hugged the Redstoner gently, letting him cry.

"Okay Grian. I guess I'll just have to accept this. I've got no choice."

"If you're not ready to move on quite yet that's okay."

"No. I need to before I break down more. But how are we supposed to get out of here? The portals have all closed."

Grian smiles slyly and explained how a watcher can escape world simply by fly into the sky and as they ascend, simply rotate and create their own portal. Mumbo nodded in understanding and he watched Grian spread his wings and push off the ground. He hovered as Mumbo shakily followed suit but before they could ascend, Mumbo's wings lost the wind and he crashed into a roll. His wings fluttered as he tried to catch himself, his lanky form flailing until he finally stopped. His back rest in the grass.

Grian smiles and flitted over to where Mumbolaid, "oh you spoon. You're training is gonna take me a long time."


Rice Crispies-

AN- This was actually a prompt by my Mom. She walked by me writing and told me I should write a story about the time that I broke down crying while making rice crispie squares. I thought it was funny and I totally head canon Scar as the type of person to stress bake (like me!). It is not an amazingly touching story or very angsty. Just a dumb cute thing.

The pot of chocolate bubbled lightly at Scar stood over it, madly stirring. Little splashes of the sauce sprayed up and stained his purple robe. As the bubbles increase, he opens the vent of the furnace, release some of the heat and making the top cool down. The chunks of caramel within the chocolate were slowly shrinking as the heat melted them and Scar didn't want to over cook the chocolate before they finished.

Scar continued to stir, a little harder and faster than necessary, until everything was melted and the chocolate sauce began to thicken. Taking the pot off the furnace, he placed it on a piece of fabric he had laid on a nearby barrel. Quickly reaching into his food barrel, he rummaged around for his box of rice crispies.

"Where are they? I thought I just got some from the cowmercial district a couple days ago..."

"Eh Sar! Wha're oo loo-ing fo?"

Scar jumped and turned to see Iskall leaning on the empty door frame leading into Larry's shell. He held a small bowl in his hand, a spoon hanging out of his mouth, clearly chewing on something.

"Rice crispies! I made some chocolate sauce and want to make some squares," Scar gestured towards the pot.

"Oh..." Iskall pulled the spoon out of his mouth looking rather guilty, "Um... Grian stopped by a couple minutes ago sporting a box of them... and a spruce door. I think I'm eating your cereal..."

Scar collapsed to the floor, much to the confusion of Iskall who was expecting anger or at least disappointment. He was not prepared for a sobbing Scar on the floor. Carefully setting his bowl down, he kneeled down in front of Scar. He gently set is hand on Scar's shaking shoulders, "are you upset about the rice crispies? I get Grian to grab some more... Or is something else wrong?"

"Oh... I... It's... both?"

Iskall gave Scar a lopsided smile, pulling out his communicator to text Grian to bring rice crispies by Scar's base. Once Grian responded, Iskall sat beside Scar and hugged him tightly, "I don't want to force you, but you'll feel better if you let whatever is bothering you out."

Scar began stuttering a response but paused to catch his breath then looked up at Iskall, "Okay. It's probably smart to do that. I've just been so stressed and almost just mad at everything. No one takes my magic seriously. I have been struggling with my villagers and the number of times a creeper has blown up my stuff... It's just too much right now and so I decided to do some cooking and then this whole rice crispie thing happened. The chocolate's going to cool down too much to work and it just made me, I don't know, snap?"

"We all have stress all the time Scar. It's okay. I'm here right now to help and everyone else is always willing to listen. We are one big family after all..."

Scar sniffled, wiping a tear from his face, "I just don't feel like I'm worth helping."

"Scar! You deserve as much help as any of us. Don't ever forget that. And you know what? I'll help you right now. Let's go deal with those dumb villagers and make fun of their noses." Iskall began pulling Scar up as Scar laughed shallowly.

"Am I interrupting something?" Grian inquired while walking into the snail shell shaking a blue box. Iskall shook his and told the shorter hermit that Scar and him were about to go wrangle up some pesky villagers. As Grian offered to join in, Scar instead ran and snatched the box out of Grian's hand and began measuring a bunch of it into the chocolate. He stirred it all up and quickly patted it into a pan that was set off to the side. He turned to Grian and Iskall grinning.

"It's done! Thanks for bringing this back G, and thanks for your offer to help Iskall, but right now, I just want to eat some treats. We can work on villagers together later."

And that's what the three hermits did. They enjoyedthe chocolate rice crispie squares then flew around the jungle sharing themwith Mumbo and Stress and any other hermit they found.

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