Sans was once again cocooned in his thick wooly blanket and was slung over Eijirou's shoulder. The red haired boy was packing their bags to go home.

"Kiri!"

Mina ran over and placed a kiss on Eijirou's cheek.

"Hey Mina, what's up?"

"I was talking with Sero and Kami, and we all came to a brilliant idea!"

"Which is?"

"Movie and game night at your place!"

"Sounds fun! Should I make snacks?"

"Heck yeah! I'll tell the boys to bring drinks!"

Eijirou kissed Mina on her temple and left with Sans over his shoulder. Said sleepy boy was in a comfy, thick cocoon of warmth. He woke up a little bit when he was carried into their house and set on the couch.

"Bro, it's time to wake up."

"Noooo..."

"Sans... Hey Ma, where are you going?"

"Me and your mom are going on a double date with Hizashi and Shota. Why are you asking?"

Ichika took Sans glasses off his face and put them on the coffee table when Natsumi walked into the living room. Natsumi wore a nice black blouse, jeans, flats, and her hair was pulled into a stylishly messy bun. Ichika wore a simple dark blue dress, black pumps, small hoop earrings, and her hair fell into little ringlets around her head.

"Well my friends wanted to come over for movies and games. I wasn't sure that you guys would be going out."

"Sorry, I thought I texted you. Are you able to go to someone else's house?"

"I don't know, I'll check and let you know."

"Alright, we leave in twenty, so make it quick."

<~💥SQUAD CHAT💥~>

RedRockyRiot - Yo, my moms are going out tonight, is anyone else's place free?

PinkAlien - My folks are on a trip and won't be back for a while.

DuctTapeMan - Nah man, too many sibs in my place.

LoverBoy - No.

LoverBoy - WHO THE HELL CHANGED MY NAME

serifskeletor - lol

<~>

Sans was lying on his side snickering. He changed Katsuki's group chat name last night after everyone signed off.

<~>

serifskeletor - whats rong lovr boi? dont like ur name

LoverBoy changed his name to SkeletonF—er

Pikachu - I knew blasty had a dirty mind! You owe me ten thousand yen!

RedRockyRiot - rofl Sans can be officially classified as a blueberry now!

PinkAlien - OMG send me a picture now!

<~>

Sans tucked his phone in between the couch cushions. His face was burning and was buried in his blanket. He could almost see the smugness on Katsuki's face.

"Ma, the group said that their places are a no go. Should I reschedule?"

"No, just don't make a mess while we're gone."

"Okay, that won't be a problem!"

"If there's an emergency call cops then us right after....Nats?"

"Don't burn down the house, kay? I don't feel like house shopping. See ya kids."

Natsumi left for their teacher's car.

"I'll see you two later okay? I don't care if you drink, but don't leave the house if you do. I'm not a cop or a hero, I won't rat you kids out."

Ichika winked and smothered her sons in hugs and kisses. Ichika laughed on her way out of the house after tossing Sans the keys to her secret liquor cabinet in the basement.

"BOOZE! OH HOW I MISSED YOU!"

Sans was just about to haul ass down the stairs but was yanked backwards. Sans blinked when he found himself trapped in his bro's arms.

"Not yet Sans! We have to set up the games, movies, and snacks!"

"B-but Eiji, whiskey!"

"After! I can't cook on my own!"

"Ugh! Fine! Come on."

Sans was grumpy as Eijirou carried him into the kitchen.

"What foods work with alcohol?"

"Chicken, cheese, beef, starch, sweets... Alright. Take this and take stock of what we have in the liquor cabinet. I'm in charge of all the cooking."

Sans shooed his brother down to the basement while set himself to cooking. He was making buffalo chicken mac n cheese, some pepperoni and double cheese calzones, a banana cream pie, triple chocolate chunk brownies, and (with difficulty) bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers.

Sans had his old part time job at Grillby's to thank for this kind of knowledge. Grillby never taught him to cook, but he did teach him about bar etiquette and what to serve to a drunk monster. The same principle has to apply to humans, right?

"Okay, I've taken stock!"

Sans popped the last tray of calzones into the oven after putting his pies on the counter to cool. He had twenty jalapeno poppers, thirty calzones, four pies (two of each flavor), and three trays of brownies. The mac n cheese was still cooking, but he wanted to make at least a pot of it.

"Look what I found~"

Eijirou peeked into the kitchen waving a bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey Whiskey.

"Thank the gods of this world!"

Sans lunged for the bottle but it was held just out of his reach. Eijirou enjoyed the sight of his "older" brother jumping on his toes to try and reach the only bottle of whiskey in the whole house.

"How's the cooking going bro?"

"It would go better, if I can get the damn whiskey!"

"It smells great in here. What'cha cooking?"

"Food, now give me the bottle...please?"

"After you're done cooking, you can get as hammered as you want. Now what should we watch? Comedy, horror, romance?"

"I'm always down for comedy."

"Alright, let's get a comedy and a horror. I'll keep this as with me until you're done cooking. Downstairs I set up a big blanket and pillow fort, set up the big box tv and surround sound, and wrote down what Ma had in stock."

Sans took the list and started reading.

"Red and white, irish cream, vodka, sake, spiced rum, blueberry vodka, white chocolate cream... Yeah, I can make a drink menu with this. Now give me my damn whiskey. I spent the last two and a half years sober and I need my whiskey."

"Have you ever tried human alcohol before? Isn't the stuff from your world for Monsters?"

"It can't be that different. Help me carry the food down stairs."

The jalapeno poppers sat in a bowl with a little tub of cream cheese in the middle, the brownies were cut into generous squares and sat on a big platter, the pies were in their tins and on top of trays, and the whiskey was in Sans's arms at long last.

Eijirou carried the food downstairs while Sans checked on the last of his calzones. His magic was keeping the food downstairs from going cold, but there was no amount of magic in the world that could save his food if it got burned.

"Sans?"

"SWEET FUCK - Asriel? What the heck are you doing here?"

"I live here, comedian."

"I know that, but...ugh."

Sans groaned and stared at the whiskey. Then he got an idea.

"Hey, Azzy. Do you remember Momo?"

"This girl who made me the clothes from her body?"

"Yup, do you want to spend the night at her house?"

"Sure, but why can't I stay here?"

"Cause we are going to be drinking and if you stay, I have to remain sober. I love ya Azzy, but I need my whiskey."

Sans grabbed Asriel and lifted him on his hip. He took a shortcut to the school just when Iida and Momo were leaving. Sans knew they had class presidential duties they had to take care of, but he didn't think it would take this long.

"Momo!"

"Gaster? I thought you left already."

"I did, but I need a favor. Me and the squad are hanging out at my place and I want to know if you could take care of Asriel for the night."

"Of course! I'd love to! We'll have so much fun!"

"Thank you Momo. Oh, Iida! Sero will probably drag you to the house, so don't freak out when you see what's on the menu."

Sans tipped his invisible hat to them and ruffled Asriel's head fur. He then took a shortcut back into the kitchen, scaring the crap out of Denki. Sans was going to greet him, but he heard water hitting the stove burner.

"MY MAC N CHEESE!"

Sans shoved past Denki and Katsuki, who came up from the basement. He managed to save his noodles. He practically tore open the stove but his calzones weren't there.

"Sans, I took the calzones downstairs. Feel free to drink now."

Eiji stood in the doorway with a can of soda.

"You're not drinking Eiji?"

"Nah, someone has to remain sober."

"Gotcha, time for my - WHO TOOK MY WHISKEY!"

Sans was almost frothing at the bit. Denki tried sneaking downstairs but Eijirou took the bottle from him.

"Sorry Denki, Sans called dibs on the whiskey long before you did."

Sans stuffed the bottle in his shirt, glaring daggers at the pikachu blonde. He was lifted from behind by the other blonde in the house.

"Hey Ground Zero. Fancy seeing you here."

"I bet. I really enjoyed being shoved down the stairs so you could get to the kitchen."

"Heh, sorry Kats."

Sans tilted his head back and kissed the underside of Katsuki's chin.

"Wanna help me with the mac n cheese, G.Z?"

"Sure, what needs to be done?"

"Shredding the chicken and adding the hot sauce and buffalo sauce. I'll take care of the mac n cheese."

Katsuki set to work shredding the chicken breasts. Sans was grating cheddar cheese, mozzarella, and white cheddar. Three cheeses is always the way to go for mac n cheese, in Sans's opinion.

The noodles were all cooked, the cheese was all melty, the spicy shredded chicken all mixed in, and diced celery on top.

"Thanks for the help Kats. Now, time for my whiskey."

Sans took the bottle and took a big swig from it.

"Damn that's good."

Sans had a light blue tint on his cheeks from just a single sip. Monster whiskey and human whiskey can't be too different, can it? Sans wasn't sure at this point. It usually took him four bottles until he got tipsy. It took only a sip from this human whiskey to get him buzzed.

"Oh, I'm gonna have fun with this. Eiji! I'm setting up my shit downstairs! Clears me some space!"

Sans abandoned his bottle with Katsuki to run on all fours upstairs to his room. He grabbed his centrifuge, test tubes, syringes he, ahem, "acquired" from Ichika's personal lab, petri dishes, and his microscope.

"Ground Zero, I need your strong muscles to help me carry this! And don't drop my whiskey!"

Sans would kill if anything happened to his whiskey. He took his whiskey and carried the bottle lovingly down to the basement while Katsuki carried literally everything else. The things this boy will do for his pale ass boyfriend. Eijirou kept the others occupied while Sans set up his equipment.

He studied a fragment of pure magic under his microscope and there were no obvious differences from his magic from when he was a skeleton monster. However, he was a human now, so he took a sample of his blood.

"I need something to compare this to....hee hee hee...Ka-min-nar-iii~"

Sans was giggling evilly as he slunk over to the violently blonde boy. Denki was in the process of mixing a drink when Sans tackled him. Screams were heard as Sans took a little bit of blood and discreetly healing his arm. He wasn't mean enough to steal his buddy's blood and NOT have the courtesy to heal him.

At least he got the blood before alcohol tainted it. Sans compared his blood sample to Denki. Despite the low alcohol in his blood and a few traces of magical residue, the blood was nearly the same. Maybe the answer lay with the whiskey itself and not his human blood?

Sans turned his head to his beloved whiskey. He could hear the pleading to not waste a single drop.

"Another time. Eiji, I am getting shitfaced. I don't know if my, quirk, will act up so be wary of that. Bottoms up!"

Sans started chugging his whiskey. Mina and Denki, who already forgot about his impromptu blood test, started cheering and chanting for him to chug. Sans didn't stop drinking until the entire bottle was gone.

"Sans? Bro, you good?"

Eijirou was genuinely concerned for his brother at this point. A near permanent blue hue overtook Sans's cheeks and his eyelights were dilated but unseeing, Sans's head looked around the room slowly, as if it was the first time he'd been there. Then he saw Katsuki sitting on a beanbag drinking a beer, just watching the incident unfold.

"KAtSUkI!"

Sans drunk self used a shortcut but appeared three feet above Katsuki. Katsuki had to drop his beer to catch him.

"Woo! Katsuki is so strong!"

Sans was wriggling in Katsuki's arms. He was trying to squeeze both hands around Katsuki's bicep. Sans's eyelights were little stars. A loud rumble erupted from the epicenter of Sans's stomach.

"Fooood!"

Sans wiggled until he almost fell face first on the floor. He used a shortcut to stand next to the table with the food.

"Sansy!"

Sans was being pulled away from the table by an equally drunk Denki.

"Nooo! I want food!"

"Play Mario Kart with mee!"

Sans used another shortcut to sit on top of his boyfriend.

"Katsuki! Save me!"

Katsuki gave Eijirou a look that said, you need more sober hands. He had yet to drink anything; he didn't even get his previous beer open when Sans landed on him.

Eijirou nodded at him and dragged Denki to a slightly tipsy Mina. Denki was drinking a rum and coke. Needless to say, even when slightly tipsy, Mina can still kick Denki's ass in Mario Kart. Sans sat in Katsuki's lap cheerfully munching away on a calzone.

Katsuki had his chin resting atop Sans's shoulder staring at the steaming jalapeno poppers. Instead of the poppers he wanted, he was eating a calzone. He didn't want to irritate Sans by eating spicy food. Compared to Eijirou, who had to watch two drunk teens who were wild, he only had to keep an eye on his much calmer boyfriend who was easily distracted with food.

<~INSIDE DRUNK SANS'S MIND~>

Sans was growing bored. Maybe his classmates would want to join. He took a shortcut to the classroom, but there was, no body, to be found.

Sans snickered to himself and started thinking. Azzy and Momo were having a playdate...Oooo Iida! He might like to come! But where did he live? Sans shrugged and felt his stomach growl.

"I want a calzone."

Sans took another shortcut to the basement, landing on top on Iida.

"Heeey! I was just lookin fur you! I found him! Woooo!"

Sans cheered as Katsuki pulled him off Iida and stuffed a calzone into his grabby hands.

<~END OF SANS'S ADVENTURE~>

Eijirou laughed and showed his friend and his friend's boyfriend to the food and drinks. Iida drank a simple screwdriver with more juice than vodka and Hanta started drinking a mix of the white chocolate cream and blueberry vodka.

"Hey, what's going on down here?"

Hitoshi walked down the satir to see his wasted boyfriend get destroyed at another round of Mario Kart.

"Hito! Babe, Come on!"

Denki tried to run to Hitshi but tripped over his feet and fell facefirst. Hitoshi chuckled and helped his drunk lover.

"I guess since everyone's here, we can start the movies. I got The Three Stooges and Evil Dead."

"Why American movies?"

"I found them in Ma's stash of foreign titles."

Sans was having the best time during the stooges. Just pure, unadulterated comedy. The horror had him terrified. He sobered up real quick during that movie (which he did not appreciate.) Katsuki was subjected to Sans's trembling, fearful squeaks, and his arm getting the life squeezed out of it during the whole movie.

No one wanted to sleep after that. Sans calmed down but could not or would not let go of Katsuki. Said blonde decided that since Sans was sober he could drink. Sans was fine staying sober. He did want a glass of the red wine, but it could wait for another time.

Katsuki down five beers before he started to feel tipsy. After five more he was feeling up Sans's side, under his shirt. He was shitfaced. Sans didn't mind seeing as he could easily stop Katsuki if he got carried away. The most his drunk blonde did was wrap his arms around his middle and cuddle him tightly while kissing his neck. Everyone but him and Eijirou were as drunk as they could get.

"Alright Eiji, I think it's time to lock up the liquor. We have to put the drunks to bed."

"No problem. Bakugo is sleeping with you and Miina with me, Denki can sleep with Hitoshi, and I could pull out the couch bed for Hanta and Tenya."

"Oh? When did you get on a first name basis with the class pres?"

"Probably when I saw him make out with Hanta in the corner. That was real awkward. Midoriya said that he loosened up during his internship, but wouldn't tell me how or why."

"That is a morning question. I'll Take Katsuki and Hitoshi and Denki, you start with the pullout bed and I'll help when I'm done."

Sans used three consecutive shortcuts to bring Hitoshi and Denki with the lilac headed boy's room and Katsuki to his. He had to switch places with a pillow or he wouldn't have gotten away. A fourth, but not final shortcut, to the basement had him helping Eiji plop their friends on the pull out and covering them with a blanket.

Sans ate a couple more calzones and a few brownies before packing it all up and stashing it in the mini fridge while Eijirou cleaned up any stray garbage. Sans clung to Eiji's back as the redhead had his girlfriend in his arms. Eiji carried two of his favorite people to his room.

A very drunk and very sleepy Katsuki was glaring at a pillow like it had done something that personally offended him. Sans snickered and dropped down from Eijirou's back.

"Hey Ground Zero. Ya miss meeEEE!"

Sans was yanked down and pinned underneath Katsuki. The explosive boy stared into Sans's eyes until he flopped back down. His arms wrapped around his back, his head on his stomach.Sans blushed lightly and chuckled.

"Heh, good night Katsuki."

Vote, comment, and have a fantabulous day 😊😊💖💖   
3000 words   
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This chapter is dedicated to SpiritWolfNura

If you like to keep tabs on some great UT books, go read these. Forgotten History and What it Means to Persevere. The second book listed here is a prequel to the first one, all about Gaster and Grillby where the first on is all about Sans. 

They are beautiful books and deserve more love than they're given. Go check them out and drop a follow for SpiritWolfNura, they really deserve it!