written: august 14, 2019 (day 26)

"do you still think about that day?"

he's ignorant,
spoiled by his lack of awareness.
it must be nice
to remain unbothered.

do you ever think about that day?

i said no,
i must have.
but no isn't a word,
not when the door is locked.

do you ever think about that day?
legs shaking
stomach empty
skin burning
head hurting

"do you ever think about that day?" he asks me.

my therapist knows.
i cried to my friends.
i screamed at god.
i searched for an answer.

but there is no answer;
that's the secret of life.
stars hold no answer,
no secret meaning.

the oceans are full of ink
and the sky is made of glass.
the ground is feathers
and the air is made of flames.

i can't hate myself more
so i sink deeper into the inky waves.
the words are easy to type:
"what do you mean?"

-like it's nothing, like it didn't break me