written: july 8, 2020 (day 365)

the innocence hurts,
looking from far away.
7-9-19
was my last day.
he was my friend
and i thought i was his, too.
but if we were friends,
then why was that what he chose to do?
door locked, house empty
except for me and him.
heart racing, breaths empty
and he's touching my skin
i told him to stop,
said i had somewhere else to be.
he didn't care,
just said "you'll make it good for me."
they never say how you can't breathe
and how much it hurts.
they don't explain that you do what you're told
and it feels deserved.
when i close my eyes,
i'm back there, trapped with him.
i've escaped,
but my survival still feels slim.
i hate him now,
and i hate that i wasn't
wise enough to know
that it hurts until it doesn't.