Stepping out of my car I glanced around at the perfectly cut green grass, meticulous flowerbeds and the cleaned sidewalks that led up to what I used to consider my home, the place I was raised and became the person I am today.  As I looked up towards the upstairs memories began to crash down around me causing a heaviness deep in my soul.  How ironic the outside was so different from the layers that actually coated the inside walls of this home.  Just the thought alone made me shudder and a cold chill settle around me.  Glancing around to see that no one was around I inched towards the front door trying to keep from running back to my car and driving away.  I could totally buy everything I needed once I got to where I was going.   Reaching into my pocket I pulled the metal key from it as I continued to slowly walk towards the door.  A door that once was open would unleash years of laughter, love, hate and sorrow, all the things that made me who I was today.  Maybe not a shell of a person but a girl that was completely withdrawn and closed off from everyone which was a total opposite of who I used to be.

Staring at my hand I knew I had to get in and out if I was even going to survive this.  Slowly turning the key, I gently pushed the door to open it and stepped inside.   I could easily see the living room from where I stood in the foyer, noticing that everything appeared to be the same as if nothing had ever happened.  Making my feet work was something that I actually had to convince them to do and taking a deep breath I could feel them easing down the hallway.  I felt like I was on autopilot as I moved effortlessly down the long hall towards my room taking in that even my pictures were still hanging on the wall.  The nostalgia was starting to get to me and I could feel my breathing was becoming shallow and I was sure that I was breaking out into a sweat.  Taking a deep breath, I walked fast reaching my door and pressing my forehead against the cool wooden door as my right hand rested on the door handle. This was it, what I had came for and it was time to get it over with.

I twisted the door knob and allowed the door to swing open as I switched on the light.  The memories flooded my senses and I barely made it to my bed as I collapsed onto the soft mattress allowing the salty tears to fall down my cheeks.  My mother had left my room alone and it was as if I had never left, which caused an emotion that I had not felt in over a year move through every fiber in my body.  Memory after memory slammed into me and it was a good thing I was still sitting on my bed or I would have fallen to my knees.  Why did everything have to change?  What had I ever done to deserve what I had to endure and still feel like my family betrayed me.  These and so many more questions floated through my brain causing the anger to return which helped dry all of the many tears up immediately.  Wiping my face with the sleeve of my jacket I got up and made my way to the closet, opening the door and grabbing the two suitcases out so I could start packing the things that I wanted to take with me.  

After getting everything, I wanted out of the closet I moved to my dresser, grabbing a few things when my hand brushed against a box in the drawer.  With shaking hands, I pulled the small wooden box out, taking time to run my hand over its smooth surface.  Those tears threatened to make another appearance if I dared to open the box right now.  The better option was to place it gently into one of the suitcases and open it when I was far away from this home.  That box represented a love that was a deep forever type of love, that had changed my life forever.  After placing the box in the suitcase, I went back to my bed and reached deep between the mattress and box springs bringing out two small journals that held everyone of my secrets as well as secrets belonging to others within my large family.  These journals were the main reason I had returned and I knew if they had fallen in the wrong hands that many more lives would have been ruined.   I knew that I needed to destroy them but there were so many events, good and bad that I really wanted to remember forever.  Sighing I secured the two journals inside one of the suitcases and zipped both of them up, securing them both and rolling them to the door.   

Turning around I leaned into the door frame as I scanned my old room for the last time.   As I skimmed over pictures on the walls I allowed myself to get lost for just a moment in the memories.  These pictures showed a girl that most people saw me as that girl that had it all, but deep down no one really knew the real me, my struggles or what actually controlled me.  From afar I was a girl that others envied, a large family overflowing with love, perfect some may even say.  A huge group of friends made up of the most popular kids in my high school.  Of course, my story would not be cliché without the girl that had the perfect boyfriend that was as solid as they come in loyalty and love for me.  Some would even probably label me with the perfect life, but what they did not know was that behind all of that stereotypical labeling was just a girl that was trying to survive her own secrets without dying a slow torturous death. 

Shaking my head to rid it of those memories, my eyes found a picture lying on the floor.  It must have fallen out of one of my journals.  Reaching down I picked it up, running my ringers over it, feeling the ache in my heart all over again.  I often wondered if he thought of me like I thought of him, or if he ever came back would he still want me knowing how damaged I was and how my family had shunned me for all of it.  The tears were threatening to come back and I knew I needed to get out of this room and this house.  Sliding the picture into the front pocket of the suitcase, I zipped it up and grabbed both suitcases by their handles and rolled them both outside my bedroom door. 

Turning slightly, I turned the light out in theroom and shut the door and locking those old memories back into the past wherethey belonged.  It was time to move on with my life and maybe a new town, a new life and college would allow me to spread my wings, make new friends, and just finally live a life I always wanted to.  Looking back as I headed down the hallway I knew this would be the last time I would ever see it from the eyes ofthis lost and broken teenage girl.

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So let me know what you think and give me lots of feedback. Hope you as excited as I am about this story... A family chart will be posted by the end of the week to help keep up with who is who since there will be alot of characters. I plan to work out a schedule so that I can release a new chapter once a week starting in about two weeks and I want to be able to finish TLKOB as well so to be fair to both of my stories a delayed schedule will make sure I get everything out like I want it to. lol