“You know,” Kyla drew out, smiling hugely, “you could have, you know, refrained yourself from kissing him.”

I glared at Kyla.  I opened my mouth to answer her, but my stupid throat decided that it wanted to itch as well as burn.  I coughed viciously, my throat burning even more now—if that was even possible.  It didn’t help that my nose was as stuffed as hell, and I was sweating up a storm without even moving. 

Stupid Dannon had gotten me sick.

That must have been his plan.  Tell me he loved me just so that I would kiss him and I would get sick too.  He knew that I wouldn’t be able to resist kissing him after he said something like that.  Blech.

“There was no possible way around it,” I informed my friend.  “Stupid Dannon knows my weaknesses.”

Kyla laughed lightly, leaning against my bedroom wall.  We were sitting on my bed—well, she was sitting, I was more like lumped into a huge pile of blankets—alone in the house excluding Garrett who refused to even so much as step into my bedroom.  “I don’t want to get sick!” he’d yelled when I’d moved toward him.  “Stay away from me, you evil beast!”

Such a nice brother.

I scowled at the ceiling.  Sure, I’d wrapped my arms around him and crashed my lips to his whilst saying that I loved him too, but I’d stood my ground.  When we got back to his house he had to gurgle saltwater.  Dannon tried to get out of it, saying that he had only talked in order to proclaim his undying love for me, but nope.  I mixed the salt in the water, and Dannon proceeded to do what he was told.

“Everyone knows that it’s pretty much certain that if you lock lips with a sick person you’re going to get sick.”  Kyla stuck her tongue out at me.  “Or did you skip that health class?”

Instead of answering, I leaned forward and coughed into Kyla’s face.  Kyla shrieked, swatting me away frantically.  I sat back smiling smugly.  Ha!  Now she was going to get sick.  Served her right.

“You know, I came here to take care of you because your brother wouldn’t, and this is how you treat me?”  Kyla glowered, attempting to wipe my germs from her face with her hand.  I smiled mischievously.  We both knew that she was going to end up like Dannon and I.  There was no hope for her. 

“You didn’t have to take care of me.”  I shrugged, the smile remaining on my face.  “You just wanted to get out of your math test.”

Kyla shrugged as though that would show me I was wrong.  But I wasn’t.  In fact, she’d told me just that when I called her and told her that I wouldn’t be attending school today.  She’d said, “I’m coming over to take care of you!  I have a math test that needs ditching anyway.”

See?  Her motives were delightful.

“Do me a favor and go make out with Oliver so he can get sick too,” I mumbled, collapsing back on my bed.  I moved too fast, and, as a result, I went light-headed.  Despite all this I didn’t regret a thing that happened the other day.  Nope, sacrificing my health to show Dannon that I appreciated what he said was all right with me. 

Gosh, I was such a girl.

“I’ll get right on that,” Kyla replied after a moment.  She stood up, fixing her shirt and eyeing me carefully.  It was as though she was waiting for me to cough in her face again.  And I would have too—if it hadn’t been for the sudden urge to throw up.

Throwing my hand to my mouth, I kicked the layers of blankets off of me and rushed out of bed, running full out to the bathroom down the hall.  I barely made it to the toilet and lifted the lid before the puking began.  Gosh I hated puking.  Especially when your throat hurts and you can’t breathe through your nose.  Not only was I going to die from the pain this was causing, but from suffocation.  Thank you, Dannon, I thought bitterly.  I really appreciate this.

Kyla appeared a moment later, leaning on the doorway.  See how sympathetic she was?  Now if Dannon were here, he would have been rubbing my back comfortingly like a good person.  But Kyla just sat there staring at me.  On the bright side, she wasn’t smiling.  I would have killed her otherwise.

“Would you like me to call your comforting boyfriend to assist you while you puke your brains out?” Kyla asked as my puking paused for a moment. 

“No,” I muttered weakly even though I really wanted her to.  I couldn’t just have her call Dannon because I was puking.  For one, his phone was still dead.  For two, I was going to look incredibly needy.  For three?  Well, I just felt like I needed three reasons. 

“Okie dokie then.”  Kyla paused before sighing.  “I’m going to go get some paper towels.  You’ve got barf going down your chin.”

Oh, how caring of you Kyla.

Kyla disappeared, leaving me to vomit all by my lonesome.  The only thing worse than puking was puking without anyone there to help you through it.  Every time I vomited when I was younger my mom would rub circles on my back, cooing comforting things in my ear.  Maybe that’s why I automatically did that for Dannon when he puked.

A minute or two later the vomiting finally came to a stop.  I sighed deeply, wincing at the pain in my throat.  Now my upper body ached along with all the other parts of my body.  Damn, I forgot how much it sucked to be ill.

Rule number one, Brianne: Don’t kiss a sick man no matter how much he entices you to.

I struggled to my feet, ripping some toilet paper off the toilet roll and wiping my mouth with it.  Kyla wasn’t coming back with the paper towels.  Either she couldn’t find them—which was bull—or she’d decided to hang out with Garrett while I died a lonesome death her in the bathroom.  So cold-hearted.

I wobbled down the stairs and settled on the couch in the living room.  Garrett and Kyla were chatting and laughing in the kitchen.  I scowled in their general direction.  How dare they act so happy when I was miserable?  That was against the Code of Ethics.  Well, I thought it was.

I was about to voice my opinion on the matter, but a knock on the door sounded.  I glanced up, not at all enticed to get up and answer the door myself.  I didn’t know who it could possibly be.  Like I said before my family wasn’t the socialist of the sorts.

I glanced at the clock in the corner of the room.  It was three o’clock.  Huh, I guessed I’d slept a lot today.  Last time I knew it was nine-thirty and Kyla was drugging me up with medicine.  The girl probably did that on purpose.  Knocked me out so that I wouldn’t bug her the rest of the day.   

Garrett flashed by and scurried to answer the door.  I watched blankly as he disappeared down the hallway, a second later hearing him shout, “Hey!  How’ve you been?”

I struggled to sit up, trying to crane my head to see who was there.  It was hard to do when everything was sore, but whatever.  Garrett was obviously buddy-buddy with the person . Did one of his stupid high school friends decide to come and visit?  That was highly unlikely.  Garrett didn’t really keep in contact with anyone when he left to college.

“Hey,” came a familiar voice.  “I’ve been good in yourself?”

I sighed, letting my head fall back, closing my eyes.  “Go home, Barone!” I yelled playfully despite the fact that it killed my throat to do so.  “I look like shit!”

Dannon appeared, smiling as usual.  He looked much better than the last time I saw him.  In fact he looked like he normally did.  Great, so he makes me sick and then goes and gets better.  Way to be.

“Hey, hon!” Dannon called, trotting over to me and standing beside me next to the couch.  He lifted my head up gingerly before sitting down and setting it just as carefully onto his lap.

I bit my lip, scowling up at him.  “You got me sick, honey.”

Dannon brought a hand through my sweat-drenched hair, his eyes bright with a strong emotion that could not be put into words.  “I’m sorry,” he said softly, the smile not slipping from his lips.

“No you’re not.”  I scowled.  “You’re very amused.”

Dannon gasped in mock horror.  “How could you ever think that?” 

I shook my head slightly, stopping when it made me feel like throwing up.  “You and your germs suck.”

Dannon chuckled, placing a hand on my forehead as though to manually check my temperature.  His hand drew back and a concerned expression etched onto his face.  “You’re burning up,” he muttered.

“Oh, I didn’t notice,” I croaked out, sounding more like a dying toad than anything else.  I sighed deeply, wincing at the pain in my throat.  Dammit.  When would I learn that sighing with a deep throat was not the smart way to go?  “I have all the symptoms you did.”

Dannon’s smile broadened.  “Guess what that means!”

I blinked at him blankly for a moment and then froze when I caught the devilish glint in his eye.  Yes, Dannon was capable of having one of those.  And, whenever he did, it was smart to just run the hell away.  If you didn’t you’d pay the price.  “What?” I mumbled, having no energy to run away.  Poor me.

“Gurgling saltwater for you!”

Before I could even think to argue, Dannon lifted my head up and dashed out into the kitchen.  I could hear him asking Garrett and Kyla for certain medicine that happened to be the exact same medicine that I gave him.  So he was going to drug me up and then make me gurgle saltwater, huh?  I crossed my arms over my chest, huffing as I glared at the ceiling.  Sure, I could do that to him, but he wasn’t supposed to baby me.

A moment later Dannon was back, unfolding my curled fingers and placing two tablets into my hand.  I groaned, taking the water from him and gulping down the pills.  Dannon smiled as I finished the water and handed him the empty cup.  With a grin, he used his free hand to grab onto mine and tugged on it.  “Come on, Bri, we gotta get you to the kitchen sink.”

“Dannon, I’ve puked already today, and I’d like to refrain from doing it again—or participating in anything that will make me want to puke again.”

Dannon smiled.  “So?  I puked before you came over and you still made me gurgle saltwater.”

“That’s different.”  I waved my hand dismissively.  “I didn’t know you puked.”

Dannon’s eyebrows rose.  “So you’re saying that if you’d known that I puked you wouldn’t have made me gurgle saltwater?”

I bit my lip and nodded, knowing that he would see through the lie.  We both knew that I would have forced him to anyway.  I could be a jerk, man.

“Liar!”  Dannon chuckled, returning to tugging lightly on my hand.  He shot me a feigned pointed look, almost making me burst into giggles.  I would have if I didn’t feel like shit.  “Come on, just get it over with.”

“I told you to go home, you know,” I muttered bitterly as I forced myself off my comfortable spot on the couch and followed Dannon into the kitchen.  Kyla and Garrett were chatting at the table, deliberately not looking at me as Dannon led me to the sink.  Dannon, apparently, knew where the salt was because he plucked it easily from the cabinet that held all of the spices.  He came over too often.

“Yes, but you don’t want me to.”  Dannon stuck out his tongue playfully.  He dumped some salt into the cup I’d just finished off after filling it back up with water—from the tap (Ew.  I hated tap water).   He grabbed a spoon and mixed it silently.

On the bright side, he put less salt in it than I did for him.

I groaned, biting my lip as I took the cup from him.  “Why is this cup so intimidating?”

“Because you know it has salt in it.”  Dannon shrugged.  “Maybe next time I won’t tell you.”

That probably would have been better, but, then again, I probably would have swallowed it thinking it was fresh water.  And then I would have died.  On that note, I scowled, bringing the cup slowly to my lips and letting some enter my mouth.

I resisted the urge to gag as I tilted my head up and gurgled to the best of my ability.  I only lasted a few seconds before my head threw itself forward and spat out the water into the sink.  Dannon smiled reassuringly, gesturing for me to do it again.  I squeezed my eyes shut as I repeated the process.  Go to your happy place, my mind screamed.  Go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place!  Of course, when my mind finally realized that I hadn’t created a happy place to go to, it gave up.

Dannon rubbed my back comfortingly as I continued to gurgle the hate-water.  I’d done the same thing yesterday despite the fact that his skin burned like hell—even through his shirt.  Dannon seemed to appreciate it, so I kept rubbing even though my hands were burning.

“Aww, they’re so cute!”  Kyla called out suddenly, almost making me swallow the last bit of saltwater that was left.  I gagged, throwing my head forward abruptly and spitting out the water before it could make its way down my throat.

“Kyla!” I yelled hoarsely.  “Are you trying to kill me?”

Kyla smiled as Dannon took the now-empty cup out of my hand and placed it into the sink.  “Sorry,” she mused, not sounding sorry at all, “I was just stating the truth.”

Dannon shot a smile at the two not-so-innocent bystanders before grabbing onto my shoulders and steering me toward the living room.  “Now, honey, you are going to lay down on the couch, watch a movie or some TV, and rest.  Understand?”

“Yeah,” I muttered, not having the energy to fight with him.  If I did, do you really think I would have gurgled saltwater?  No, I don’t think so!

Dannon lead me to the couch and let go of my shoulders.  “All right,” he said, pointing to the couch for emphasis, “lay down.”

I sighed.  “Weren’t you going to sit on one of the cushions?”

“No.”  Dannon’s eyebrows rose.  “You were going to lay down and I was going to sit on the floor.”

I shook my head slightly, ignoring the light-headed-ness it caused.  “Sit down,” I said, pointing to the couch as well.  Two could play at the pointing game!

Dannon sighed, trotting over the couch and plopping on the farthest cushion to the right.  I lied down, resting my head on his lap.  Dannon grabbed the blanket that rested on the back of the couch and threw it over me.  I snuggled into it, getting comfortable.  His lap was oddly comfortable.  Like really, really comfortable.

Dannon grabbed the remote and turned on the television.  He kept asking if the channel he landed on was all right, but frankly I didn’t really care what we watched.  I was already struggling to keep my eyes open as it was.  Finally, Dannon picked a show that neither of us recognized and proceeded to watch it silently.

After struggling to grasp the storyline for fifteen minutes or so, I turned around on Dannon’s lap and closed my eyes.  Dannon brought a hand through my hair comfortingly, making me even more tired.  “Dannon?” I whispered.

“Yeah?”

I opened my eyes for a moment and looked up.  Dannon smiled down at me like I was the most precious thing he’d ever laid eyes on.  I couldn’t understand why.  For one, I looked absolutely disgusting today.  For two, well, I just didn’t find myself all that loveable. 

“Thanks,” I murmured finally, prying my gaze away and closing my eyes again.

I heard Dannon chuckle.  “No problem at all, hon.”

I shivered slightly, curling tighter into the blanket.  I wasn’t going to admit it, but I loved it when he called me “hon.” I mean, there was just something about the way he say it that made me  feel . . . made me feel special. 

I sighed deeply, ignoring the burn in my throat.  I forced myself to concentrate on Dannon’s even breaths and his hand going through m hair as I tried to fall asleep.  I needed to sleep this sickness off.  Badly. 

Well, my methods worked because soon enough I was gone, leaving the conscious world.

| It ♥ All ♥ Started ♥ With ♥ An ♥ Apple |

I stepped up to the podium, facing the crowd with unease.  It was graduation time, and I had been the one selected to speak in Dannon’s honor.  My stomach clenched at the thought of him.  His smile, his beautiful blue eyes.

His lifeless body on the hospital bed.

“You can do this,” Kyla whispered from beside me.  I’d requested that she stand by me as I made my speech.  Since we were the two who coordinated this speech and the video being shown, then it was only fair that she join me.  That was what we told the principal, anyway.  For the most part I was just scared as hell to face a huge crowd alone.

“Thanks,” I whispered back.

I turned back to the crowd and gulped.  They were waiting patiently, the clapping having come to a stop.  I struggled to find the strength to speak as I searched the crowd for recognizable faces.  I saw Tom, looking mournful as he sat beside my parents.  I’d told him that he didn’t have to come, that I could just show him the video later, but Tom refused.  “I want to see you graduate,” he’d said through a tear-filled smile.  “You’re like a daughter to me, you know that.”

Finally, after a quick lick of the lips, I opened my mouth.  “My relationship with Dannon started with an apple.”

A few laughs arose from the crowd.  I forced a smile onto my face even though I didn’t really see the humor in what I’d said.  “Weird, I know,” I continued.  “A very good friend of mine informed me that if I didn’t chuck an apple across the cafeteria to see who I would end up with in life, that she would chuck it for me.”

I smiled at the memory of the day that I once thought was the hugest mistake of my life.  Resisting as Kyla screamed at me to throw the apple, shaking my head and calling her insane.  Now I couldn’t imagine it any other way. 

I flicked my smile in Kyla’s direction before continuing.  “I never thought for a second that she would be right.  But Dannon quickly became an important person in my life, someone that I couldn’t live without.  Of course I couldn’t admit it, not even to myself.

“Dannon and I became closer and closer, and everything in life suddenly seemed to be working out.  I had my friends, my family, and a boy that I could call mine.”

The crowd listened intently, their eyes trained on me.  Parents and students alike knew how important Dannon was.  Not just to me, but to all of us.

“But a few months ago, after coming home from a skiing trip with friends, I found out that my perfect boyfriend was hiding something: he had terminal cancer.

“I tried my best to be strong, be strong for Dannon as his life was draining away from him.  But—but near the end, it became—difficult.”

I wiped my eyes, damning myself for the tears I swore I wouldn’t shed today.  People gazed at me with sympathetic eyes as I struggled to start up my speech again.  With a last shaky sigh, I finally found the strength I needed.  “One month ago, Dannon slipped into a coma.  The last thing he said to me was that . . . was that he loved me and that he wanted everyone to know that we were all important in his life.  He wanted us to know that the reason he smiled all the time was because of us.  Everyone in this school meant the world to him.  He didn’t have a bad bone in his body, that guy.

“Dannon will always be a part of us, will always be a beautiful memory placed in our hearts.  He will always be with us, watching over us from his place in Heaven.  May God be with him.  May he finally be at peace.”

The crowd began to clap as my speech came to an end.  I wiped my eyes where tears were beginning to surge.  I stepped away from the podium and followed Kyla to the side where all the faculty were standing.  They hugged me and shook my hand, pity obvious in their eyes.  Even Mrs. Carl, who was the evilest woman in the land, wrapped her arms around me and told me everything would be all right.

The principal stepped up to the podium now, clearing his throat.  “The students have put together a video in honor of Dannon and his time here.  The ending of the video is footage from a class project that he and Brianne put on together.  She gave us permission to use the clips, which we are very grateful for.”

The crowd clapped again, their eyes turning toward the screen that had been lowered at the back of the stage while the principal was talking.  Kyla gripped my hand tightly as the video began.

A girl that I didn’t know appeared at the screen after the beginning credits.  “Dannon was the center of, well, everything,” she said, her voice choking up.  “We all loved him.”

Another girl popped up.  “I don’t know what’s going to happen now that Dannon’s gone,” she wept, clinging to her friend who stood beside her.  “He was everyone’s friend!”  She looked straight into the camera.  “We love you, Dannon.”

It went on like that for a while.  Tears pricked in my eyes as the sobbing fangirls said their final words.  The football team said their final words individually as well as in a group.  Oliver, Shelley, Garner, and the rest of the crew were all trying to act strong while they said their final words.  They managed to pull it off well.   Shelley’s voice cracked near the end, but other than that, she was strong.

I looked away, not able to take the sorrowful expressions on their faces anymore.  Kyla’s grip tightened, and she smiled at me reassuringly.  I struggled to smile back, failing.

“Brianne, look at the camera!”

My head whipped back to the screen, my eyes burning with tears.  I was on the screen, blocking the camera with my hands.  It hurt to see how happy I looked.  How happy I was when Dannon was at the top of the world.

“No!” I shrieked, reaching and ripping the camera from Dannon’s hands.  Dannon’s face came into view, his eyes alight with admiration.  My stomach hurt with longing.  “You look at the camera!”

Dannon smiled, leaning back on his bed.  He winked playfully.  “I’m looking,” he said cheerfully.  “You do know that you have to look at the camera sometime.  I’m going to fail if you don’t.”

“Good.”

The playful banter continued on for a while, each line cutting through my heart like a dagger.  When Dannon rushed forward, enveloping me in a hug, I could almost feel his arms around me.  I wanted him to hug me, to hold me and press his lips against mine again.

I wanted him with me. 

But he would never be with me again.  Ever.

| It ♥ All ♥ Started ♥ With ♥ An ♥ Apple |

My eyes popped open.

I was still on the couch, but it was considerably darker now.  I glanced around the room, wondering where everyone was.  Had they seriously left me on the couch and went to bed?  I didn’t appreciate that!  I’d rather they wake me up and groggily go to bed than wake up on the couch.  Alone.  In the dark.

I gasped, jumping as my eyes landed on a figure sitting on the floor twirling something in their hands.  The figure looked over, and I realized that it was only Dannon.  I sighed in relief, sagging back on the couch.  “Dammit, Dannon!” I shrieked as quietly as I could.  “You scared me.”

“Sorry.”

I paused, staring at him.  He sounded so dejected, so . . . sad.  I kicked the blanket off me and hurried behind him and threw my arms around his upper back.  “What’s wrong?” I whispered into his ear.

Dannon didn’t answer.  He just sat there, twirling what looked like the remote between his fingers.  I laid my forehead against his shoulder, waiting for him to answer me.  But he wasn’t.  And that was scaring me.

“Dannon, what’s wrong?” I asked again, ice spreading through my veins. 

Dannon’s head twisted then, and he put on a smile.  I could tell it was forced.  “Nothing’s wrong, Bri.  Just go back to sleep.”

I pulled away from him, moving to kneel in front of him, a glare on my face.  “If you think I’m dumb enough to fall for that then we have a serious problem.”

Dannon sighed, letting his head fall into his hands.  I’d never seen him like this before.  It was so unlike him, so foreign.  I thought that he frowning was bad, but this was so much worse.  My stomach clenched as I put a hand lightly on his shoulder.

His head shot up.  “You were crying,” he whispered.

As if by a reflex, I brought a hand up to my eye.  To my surprise I could feel the roughly dried surface as thought I had, in fact, been crying.  I stared at him for a long time before saying, “What?”

“You were crying in your sleep.”  Dannon shot me a pained look.  “You kept saying my name.  And you were crying.”

I bit my lip.  “Dannon—”

He shook his head, cutting off what I was about to say.  “You’ve been acting so normal,” he said softly.  “I thought that maybe you were okay.  I knew it was a huge hope, but—”

I placed my other hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly.  “Dannon, I’m fine.  It was a nightmare, that’s all.”

Dannon’s eyes met mine, and my stomach instantly fell.  They were filled with tears.

Before I could open my mouth, Dannon shook my hands off of him and stood up.  He paced back and forth for a few moments before leaning back on the far wall next to the window, looking more miserable than I’d ever seen him.  “When I found out that I was going to die,” Dannon said softly, “I wasn’t surprised.  I mean, because of my mom, you know?”

I got to my feet and crept forward cautiously.  Dannon was frightening me.  He’d reached his breaking point.  He was falling apart right in front of my eyes.

“I swore to myself that I was going to live a normal life.  I was going to stay strong for my dad, for Oliver, for Shelley, for Garner, and for everyone else.  And when I met you I swore that I had to be even stronger.”  He smiled sadly at me.  “I knew you could tell that there was something behind the smiles.  You thought I was a fake, didn’t you?”

I nodded slightly, not sure what to say.  Where was this outburst coming from?  I mean, I knew that I had a nightmare and everything, but that couldn’t have been enough to tip him over the edge, could it?

Could it?

“I knew you were smart.  I was just scared that you were going to confront me and demand to know why I was so nice to everyone.  I mean, it’s not like I force myself to be nice to people or to smile.  But if you asked, I knew that I wouldn’t have had the strength to lie to you.

“And then we started hanging out more and I got to know you.  You were funny, stubborn. . . .” His eyes reached mine.  “Amazing.  I couldn’t stand to be away from you, and when I was home it was all I could do not to call you.  I knew that I was falling for you, but I had to try and resist it.”

He was crying now.  I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist.  Dannon didn’t hug me back.  “Why?”  I whispered.  “Why try to resist it?”

“I’m dying, Brianne,” he choked out.  “It felt wrong to force you into my problems and torture you with this pain, this agony.”

I looked up at him.  The tears were dripping down his face, onto his shirt.  I wished that there was some way to help him through what he was going through.  But how was I supposed to help him with something like this?

“When you found out, I was scared to death that you were going to leave me.  I don’t know why—I knew you.  I knew you weren’t the type of person to do something like that.  But the fear was there, and it threatened to spill out into the open.  And it did when you were leaving the car that day.  But you didn’t leave me.  And that means so much more to me than you can ever imagine.

“And now that you know, I’ve been trying even harder to be strong.  I have to help you, your family, Kyla, and my dad see that if I can go through this with a smile on my face then you should be able to too.  I don’t want to live my final days in misery.”

He was speaking so fast now that I could barely understand him.  I rested my head on his chest, closing my eyes as I listened to him.  There was no point in talking until he was finished what he had to say.  I didn’t think that I had the strength to speak, anyway.

“But it’s been so hard.”  Dannon’s arms wrapped around me then, his head digging into my shoulder.  I brought a hand up, raking his hair comfortingly.  “I’ve been so tired, and each day I can see the end looming in front of me.  And I know that soon I’m not going to be here anymore, and that you’re going to have to move on and date other guys.  And I have to be okay with that because it’s the right thing to do.  I’d be selfish if I expected you to stay in my memory for the rest of your life.  But every day, when I see you, I want you to be mine forever.”  He paused to let some tears out on my shoulder.  “And I have to remind myself to make the most of what I have because time is running out.  And that scares me, Brianne.  That scares me so much.  That one day I’m just going to be gone.  Just like that.  I don’t want to leave my dad, Oliver, the rest of the crew.  I don’t want to leave you.”

I felt tears burn in my eyes as I waited for him to say something else.  His words were so deep, so powerful, that I almost couldn’t take them.  To think that this was what he was really going through every single day—this is what he was really thinking.  The fact that he was scared.  He was scared.  It broke my heart.

I waited another few moments for him to say something else, but he didn’t.  He just wept into my shirt helplessly.  I pulled away slightly, and Dannon’s face lifted up.  It was so red, so soaked with tears.  I placed my hands on his cheeks, pulling his face toward mine.  Our foreheads rested against one another’s in silence.

Finally, I found the strength to say something.  “I will only love one person in my lifetime, and it’s you, Dannon.”

Dannon’s forehead rose and his eyes connected with mine.  For five seconds we sat there, staring at each other.  And then, as though he couldn’t wait any longer, Dannon closed the distance between us, crashing his lips into mine.

I felt tear drops on my cheeks as we kissed.  I knew they weren’t mine.  Dannon was crying as he kissed me, all the strength that he’d ever had to keep them in diminished.  All his woes, all his fears were leaking out into the open.

I pulled away, wiping tears from his cheeks.  Dannon chuckled weakly.  “I’m sorry that I got your shirt wet,” he apologized, attempting for lightness.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said dismissively.

Dannon pulled away from me and slid down the wall, sitting on the floor.  I followed pursuit, wrapping my arms around him again.  Dannon pulled me to him, holding me tightly.  I wondered if he feared that I was judging him for the fears he’d had.  But it only made me love him more.  He’d opened his heart fully to me, let me in.  I was amazed how much he cared for me, and it made me realize just how much I cared about him.

“I love you,” Dannon whispered suddenly.

“I love you, too.”

We sat like that for a long time, holding each other tightly.  Dannon began to relax, his breathing becoming steadier.  He wasn’t rigid anymore.  I leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.  I couldn’t think of anywhere else that I would rather be than here with Dannon.

It wasn’t long before my eyes began to get heavy.  I didn’t resist.  I closed my eyes and fell asleep, there in Dannon’s arms.