We sat for a while on top the of grass hill, watching the night pass over. Often we would compliment the stars in the black sheet of the sky and at times even each other. I found myself opening up to him.

"It started because of my dad, really. I mean to the naked eye he is so genuine but once you see what's underneath it's a different story" I gestured with my hands out into the open air as I told my side of He story. Tom would add the occasional nod as he listened closely.

"Then when I met josh everything seemed to change. He understood me and he knew me like one else, he was always there for me. But, nothing ever came out of it like we never got together or anything"

"You wish you had?"

"No way, man. Relationships aren't the same as friendships" I smiled. Tom nodded, looking out over the brightened city.

"Are they bad? The panic attacks?"

"It depends. They're worse when I'm alone. I could be... Stuck in one for hours if someone doesn't drag me out of it" I avoided eye contact, tears stinging at my eyes.

"I've lost too many people because of it, that's why I don't tell anyone" I picked at the grass, pulling the strands out and discarding them to my knee. Tom was silent for a while. I knew I shouldn't have told him. He probably thinks I'm a creep or some shit.

"Do you Maybe wanna go back to my place for a bit, we could watch a movie or something?" He asked, gesturing over his shoulder. I looked up, brushing the pieces of grass off my knee and smiling.

"Why not?" I smiled, standing up.

☆

Before reaching the hotel, we entered a corner shop to grab some snacks.

"What kind of sweets do you like?" Tom asked, eyes scanning the isles stacked with sugary treats.

"Anything edible" I picked some of them from the shelves, placing them in my arms before moving on. Tom shrugged, taking some himself.

We cashed in and checked out, carrying the Now heavy load back to the hotel. Upon arriving we rushed straight to the hotel room, fighting against the bitter cold trying to attack our skin.

The lift doors opened and we walked in to the metal casing slowly, our hands brushing in a light contact as we stood together, eager to get out again.

Soon we were free and walking down the long hallway to the hotel room.

"So what movie you wanna watch?" Tom asked as he opened his hotel room door, revealing his rather large room. Much larger than my own.

"You know I haven't seen Annabelle in a while, wanna watch that?" I asked a little on edge. I knew Tom wasn't a particular fan of horror films, hence why I suggested it with a cheeky grin.

"Well.. Uh yeah if you want to I mean isn't there anything-"

"Nope" I smiled, placing the bags down on the side before unpacking them. Tom sighed with defeat, switching on the TV.

I jumped into the queen sized bed, lying down at the end on my stomach, head resting on a pillow as I rummaged through the snacks. Tom soon joined me, taking a handful of skittles and sitting himself at the top of the bed, feet at my hip.

The movie began to play as I cracked open a bottle of water and watched eagerly as the titles rolled in.

We aren't even half way through the movie and already Tom can't sit still.

I glanced back to see Tom, half hiding behind a feather pillow bringing a smile to my face. I sat up, my stomach beginning to ache.

"Your such a pussy" I giggled, making him scoff and place he pillow down on his lap.

"This is scary shit!" He fought back. Yeah, for some. But it didn't bother me. Our sentence was cut off with a jump scare, making him dive behind the pillow, sending me into a fit of laughter.

"You should have seen your face!" I laughed aloud.

"Is it gone yet"

"Yeah"

"I don't believe you"

"Fine, suffocate" I shrugged. He pulled the pillow down, looking at me again.

"I'll sit next to you then, big baby" I smiled, sitting down next to him. I didn't know if I was about to overstep a mark, but I did it anyway. I placed my head down on his shoulder. For a moment he didn't move and he seemed a little tense.

I sighed, my body relaxing and hoping his would too. He began to slowly settle as the movie played on, the accessions jump scare landing here and there.

Soon the room was filled with light snores, and I knew something was defiantly up when he stopped flinching at every thing that moved. I slid down his arm, feeling pretty tired myself, and rested my head on his chest, wrapping my legs around his. I froze as he moved a little, scared he would ask me to get off him. But he didn't.

He placed a hand on my shoulder. Feeling his warm embrace made me relax almost immediately. Soon, I was sleeping, my head rising and falling every time Tom took a breath. Tom was a lot like Josh, and I missed having him around.

☆

I was awoken to my alarm blaring at me from the bedside table. My eyes fluttered open slowly, I was completely relaxed and didn't want to move. However, as I did open my eyes, I immediately wished I hadn't.

It took me a while to register where I was. But when I did I almost shit myself. I was still lying next to Tom, my head still against his stomach. Our legs were completely locked in an embrace I couldn't break free from and his hand was connected with mine. Fingers intervening.

I pulled our sticky hands apart and fought through the sheets, shortly tumbling out of bed, making Tom groan. I got up again, tripping over my own feet as I grabbed my phone and slammed the off button so hard I almost broke my screen. I took a deep breath, looking back.

Tom was spread out over the bed, surrounded by scattered treats; skittles, crisps and mountains of empty water bottles. I rubbed my head, running a hand through my hair. It was still dark out, only being 6:30.

I fought away the temptation of jumping back into Toms arms, because that's all I wanted to do. I contemplated it for a moment, before walking over to the window and opening it, feeling the fresh morning chill on my skin.

"Your up early" Tom groaned from behind me, his horse voice making me jump.

"Fuck sake Tom I almost shit myself!" I sighed, turning around with a hand on my chest. He chuckled lowly, bringing his legs around and sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his hands over his eyes.

I didn't know if he felt he same, but this felt wrong. It was alright with Josh, because we'd been friends for as long as I can remember. But this felt like I was jumping into bed with another man... Literally. He just didn't seem like a friend. He seemed more than that, and it's not what I wanted.

"Are you ok?" Tom asked standing up and walking over to slowly. I gestured for him to stay back, leaning against the wall. He gave me a confused look.

"Yeah, just got a lot on my mind" I sighed with the occasional bite of the tongue. Tom tilted his head in disbelief.

"You were so scared last night" I smiled, desperate to change the subject. He smiled, eyes wandering from my own and down to the ground.

"Whatever"

"I don't have any spare clothes so I'm gonna head back to my hotel room" I walked past him, picking up my phone from the table and placing it into my back pocket.

"You could borrow some of mine?" He gestured to his drawers. I turned to face him, a look of 'are you crazy'.

"Thank you, but I think people would get the wrong idea if they even know I slept here last night" I frowned. That's not how I thought that sentence would come out. It sounded so harsh.

"Would that be such a bad thing? This is what you wanted right?"

"I wanted a friend, of course. But not people on my case all the time"

"Who's on your case?"

I paused. In truth, no one. But that didn't mean they wouldn't be if rumours got out. I walked over, hugging him gently.

"Please, I don't want to argue. Just keep this between us" I sighed, pulling away from him. He nodded, and for that I was thankful. His cologne filled my nose and it made me weak at the knees.

I needed to talk to Josh.

•••

Mmmmm boi has it been a while. I am so sorry!! I've been so busy and have been getting so side tracked but hope this makes up for it! I know the chapters are getting a little boring but trust meeeeeeee the tea if about to get HOT 🥵❤️🤪