Okay, so this chapter is the longest i've written so far, I had to use this chapter to explain a lot of things 💜💜😊
Enjoy👄👄

8 YEARS AGO

"Ernest come,stop acting like you're 10" 10 years old me say to my elder brother's friend younger brother (13 year old Dotun's friend).

"but I'm 10" he protested.

"you look like you're 11...you're in Jss 1 right ,I thought it was only 11 years old that were meant to be in Jss 1..whatever, just come " I stubbornly drag him to our choir mistress' house.

We had just closed from church and while a meeting was going on where my parents were both involved in, I decided to hang out with Ernest at the choir mistress house since it was the closest and she always welcomed little children to stop by at her house.
Uncle Chinedu her son was in there, he'll let us in, he was a very nice uncle.

"good afternoon uncle Chinedu " Ernest and I greeted in unison, the 20 year old guy was seated in the living room watching TV.

" good afternoon... Is my mom still in church? "he asked.

" Yes, they are having a meeting with the pastor " I answered since Ernest was the quiet type.

" okay, you both should stay in here since your parents are in church. Williams is in church too, is he? " he asked again.

I nodded, he was a friend of my eldest brother so he'll probably go and hang out with him.
He stood up to leave while Ernest and I sat down to watch the football shown on TV.

" have you watched Spartacus? " I asked turning to him.

" Benita " he protested.

" I know you've watched it, I heard your brother and my brother talking about it today. "

" I haven't watched it and I know I'm not supposed to watch it, it's not meant for kids " he explained.
I rolled my eyes. He was too dumb to be 11.

"I'm not a kid" I defended. He ignored me and kept his eyes on the TV screen.
I picked the skin around my fingers and suddenly thought of something. I pulled his arm planning to take him to the toilet, I had this stubborn head growing up.

"Benita, what are you doing? " he yelled trying to pull me off but as stubborn as I was, I was stronger.

" I'll just show you what they do in Spartacus " I explained.

" I'll report you to my mom " he cried. I didn't listen as I succeeded in locking us both in the toilet.

" pull your trousers, I swear you'll like it " I begged as I helped the crying boy pull his trousers.
I succeeded and when he tried pulling it up, I raised up my gown to show him my newly formed breast.
He gulped and raised his hand to shield his eyes.

" Benita, this is not a good thing, even the Sunday school teacher said....

"you're easily fooled" I spat as I grabbed his little penis in my hand. He jumped back but suddenly relaxed maybe because he liked the touch of it.

I caressed it gently as it was shown in the movie.
My elder brother had no idea that I had always peeped while he was watching the movie.
I just wanted to try out new things.

Ernest relaxed for me but he had an unsure expression on his face. I was tired of doing the touching, I wanted him to also touch me so once again, I raised up my church gown and took his hand to touch my small breast, he was frightened at first but he gradually started fondling them.
We kept on doing that for long when we suddenly heard a voice.

"Jesus, what are you two doing there? "

It was uncle Chinedu.
I looked at the door, there were holes all around, how did I not notice this?
He had probably seen us. We were good as dead, he'll report to my mom and my mom would definitely kill me, Ernest mom would do whatever it is she want to do to him.

I fell to my knees crying and begging, he shouldn't tell my mom.
Ernest did the same also crying, he was too soft for a boy.

Uncle Chinedu had this smirk on his face.
"Ernest , oya go outside.. If you ever do this again, I'll beat you, expose you in church and make sure your parents deal with you,.. my friend will you get out of here, imagine " he spat in disgust

Ernest filled with relief quickly stood up to leave not even looking back at me.

" and you "

I cleaned my tears to listen to my punishment.

" come with me" he said as he left to the room.
I timidly followed behind, I watched as he locked the windows and the door.

"so where did you learn what you were doing with Ernest? "

" uncle Chinedu, please I'm sorry " I cried.

" do you want me to report your parents? "

" no"

"good, so where did you learn it? " he asked again.

I cleaned my nose "from a movie"

"hmm, alright, come and sit beside me, I won't beat you " he said as he placed his hand on the bed motioning for me to sit.
I didn't suspect anything as I walked over to sit beside him, giving him some space.

" come closer" he ordered.
I was busy cleaning my face and that infuriated him.

"come closer or I'll beat you and report to your parents "he fired.
I quickly did as he said. He smiled and placed his arm around me " if you'll be a good girl, I won't report you "

I didn't understand what he meant but I nodded.
He wasted no time in unbuckling his belt and bring down his zip. I could see his boxers.

My face twisted in horror, I was 10 and in year 6 (primary) but I knew some things I wasn't supposed to know and I knew this man wanted to play a dirty game with me.

"you'll do all what you did for Ernest, you'll do that to me now, you'll do it fast so you can't get back to church quickly " he said.
I cried harder, what had I gotten myself into. I would do anything to prevent my parents from finding out but this wasn't what I wanted to do.

If only I had listened to Ben, his 10 years old imagination skills made him think our choir mistress house was haunted and had warned me to stop coming here, I considered him as a silly person for still imagining things at his age, if only I had listened to him.
Uncle Chinedu shamelessly brought out his long penis and grabbed my hand to place it on him.

"rub it " he ordered. I didn't want to it, I just couldn't, it looked disgusting and it was somehow hairy compared to Ernest tiny and hairless own.
I contemplated on running to report to my brother Dotun who had just gotten suspended in school for beating a Jss2 student who calling me 'big head'.
My brother would fight for me and he wouldn't report me to mom but would Uncle Chinedu give me the chance to escape, I was still thinking when a slap landed on my face.

"my friend will you do what I asked you to do " he yelled. I wanted to rub my stinging face but the fear of this man hitting me again made me do as he asked.
With tears in my eyes, I clumsily stroke his 'thing' and he pressed my hand firmly on him and closed his eyes slowly.
I wanted to throw up.

I kept on doing that for long and I wondered if my parents would be looking for me.

When he finally opened his eyes in satisfaction, he asked me to raise my gown. Again, I didn't want to, I just wanted run home and wash away uncle Chinedu's touch from my hand.

"raise your gown na, I'll slap you again" he said as he raised his hand to my face. I quickly did as he said and repeated what I did with Ernest the last time.

He raised my gown higher as I didn't do exactly what he wanted.
He looked at my newly formed breast and with this wicked smile on his face, he pinched them roughly and I almost screamed when he placed his mouth on them sucking and biting on each .
I wanted to scream but his hand was strongly placed on my mouth and I struggled to get away from him, I bit his hand and again a slap was on my face this time harder than before.

He seemed he had lost interest in whatever it was he wanted to do.

"go back to church now! " he ordered.
I stood up quickly, unsure of what he but didn't want to take chances as I ran out of the room and out of the house crying.

When I got to church, they had just rounded off the meeting.
I walked to meet my mom making sure I try to compose myself.
" mummy, lets go home " I begged.

My mom smiled at me as she heard me but frowned on seeing my face.

" what happened to you Benny? "

" ma? "

" your face? "

" I.. Em, I fell down outside"
My mom held my chin as she examined my face closely, it seemed she was upset. She called out to my dad and we walked out of the church saying 'good byes' to people.
Just as I was about to climb into the car, Ernest ran to me "did he beat you, see your face" he whispered.

I nodded and pushed back my tears, I couldn't let my parents know, I'll definitely get in trouble.
That was what made me learn to push back my tears and hide my pains.

I waved at him and quickly got into the car.

#######

I couldn't concentrate in class the next day.
My friends were all worried and Olivia advised me to tell my mom but I just couldn't, I was scared of the trouble I'll be in.

"Benita, what was the last sentence I made? " the teacher asked as he noticed I wasn't concentrating.

I stood up to answer "Sorry sir, your voice was not loud enough, I couldn't hear you"

The teacher looked confused, his voice was quite loud enough for the whole class to hear and here I was saying something else.

"what did you just say? " he angrily asked.

" she said your voice wasn't loud enough " Aisha stubbornly answered for me.

" come here both of you "the teacher ordered, we both went to meet him and he pulled our ears and ordered us to go and kneel in front of the staff room.
The staff room wasn't far from our class and where we knelt we could still see our class room.

" imagine, rude pupils, they deserved to be punished "

" shut up " Olivia fired at a pupil.

" you, you Olivia stand up there, who were you talking to? Can't you see I'm in the class... "

She adjusted her glasses before speaking " sir, Esther was laughing at Aisha and Benita "

" and is that the reason you had to shut her up right in my presence that was very rude of you " he scolded.

" shut up or I'll slap you " she fired again at the student.

" good, both of you, go and kneel down where they are " the teacher ordered and watched as they both went to kneel.

" excuse me sir!" It was Debra.

"Yes, what? " he asked harshly.

" can I join them? "

The young teacher was totally confused and angry, he ordered her to come forward and pulled her ear too before sending her out.

" thank you sir " she said as she came to kneel with us.

#########

The Sunday that followed, I told my mom I was sick and couldn't go to church but she only assured me that if I would go, the pastor would pray over me and the sickness would go.
After church program, my mom quickly took me to the pastor's office for prayers and while he prayed for my 'sickness' to go, I wondered if he was able to detect I wasn't sick one bit.

I did my best to avoid uncle Chinedu and Ernest and even when we waited for my dad who was waiting for the men meeting, I sat close to my mom and when she asked me if I'll like to play with the other kids, I declined.

Uncle Chinedu came to where my mom was, he greeted her like the nice guy everyone thought he was and my mom smiled widely at him.

"Benita, how are you? "

" I'm fine " I almost whispered as I held my mom's hand tightly.

" you left your children manual at our house last week, come with me so I'll give it to you "

I shake my head in disagreement, my manual was at home but I couldn't say it, my mom would suspect something and I couldn't let her find out.
" I don't want it " I answered.

" what do you mean you don't want it, common go get your book " my mom said literally pushing me to the devil.
Uncle Chinedu gave my mom an innocent wide smile as he held my hand to lead me away.
I looked at my mom's eyes if she would be able to read my head, I didn't want to go there.

We got to his room and the same thing that happened last week repeated itself, the touching, the slaps and all.
Something different happened though, he got bored of my amateur caressing of his 'stuff'.
He made me open my mouth to suck him hard, failure to do so, I'll be reported to my mom... My deeds with Ernest.

I pushed him away several times when he put his hairy penis, fighting to remove it from my mouth but all I got was continuous hitting on my head when I couldn't bear it anymore, I had to do as he said, my cheek ached with the way he ordered me to suck him faster and when the perverted uncle released some sort of liquid into my mouth, I thought I had died.

Anyway, I died when he asked me to swallow.

I passed out or so and later on I found myself at home.
My mom was so happy I was awake because my dad told me she had been crying since saying she didn't take me serious when I mentioned something about my sickness.

I wasn't sick.

My mom mentioned that it was the God sent son Uncle Chinedu that carried me to the church saying he had given me my manual and asked me to return to church and maybe I had decided to play with my mates running around the church premises and there was where I fainted and he quickly had to rush me to the church ... Lies.

It kept on happening every Sunday, I'll touch him, suck him, swallow his release.
Sometimes, he'll take me to the church toilet when he knew there'll be no meeting and no way to have his chance with me.
He'll make me satisfy him.

It went to the level of him trying to put his fingers inside me but it was just too painful and I would scream and he wouldn't be able to go far, he'd hit me, beat me but I just wouldn't let him put his fingers inside of me because he had long nails and they tore my skin.
My breasts were always sore from continuous sucking /biting.
I always felt sore down there because of how hard he always tried to put his fingers in me.

I turned quiet and sad.
I felt dirty and was depressed.
Whenever I sleep at night, I'd always see a tall figure trying to force my legs open and if if I tried fighting him, he'd bring out a long whip wanting to lash me with it, I'll scream in fear and end up waking the entire house. It happened every night

I had circles round my eyes due to lack of sleep. I was only able to sleep during the day and mostly in class, I would cry then finally sleep in class.
I was a slender young girl but with time, I still reduced. I rejected food because I always felt like I wanted to throw up.

I was taken to different hospitals and most of the doctors said I should avoid stress and my mom would get confused knowing quite well that I was too lazy to do anything stressful

I wanted to tell my family so bad that I wasn't really sick but was being used, but I was young and scared to admit it.

It kept on happening for months until Debra got fed up of my continuous crying.
She made her mom allow her come to my church.

As usual, there was workers meeting on another Sunday.
Uncle Chinedu came to call me, Debra said she'd go with me. The anger on the man's face was obvious but 11 year old Debra stood her ground on going with me.
We got there and he turned on his TV as usual.
It was a cartoon station, he increased the volume and Debra seemed to be interested in the cartoon.

"Benita, come with me let me give your book " he said loudly and waited for me to go with him.
I was weak, frustrated and prepared for the worst.I went in with him and wondered what my friend had in mind.

We got to the room and 13 minutes later after I had swallow his slimy release.
Debra came in with a phone and knife in her hand.

Uncle Chinedu was visibly shocked/surprised /confused.

"I have everything on my phone already " she said waving the phone in the air.

He quickly stood up putting his boxers in place while I tried spitting out the rubbish in my system.
He rushed at her and ordered her to delete it but she pointed the knife at him and said.

" even if you want me to delete it, I already sent it to 3 people on WhatsApp, I can delete mine but they won't delete theirs" she said with pride.

"if you try to hurt us now, I already sent a note to her brother still on WhatsApp, he hasn't read it now because he's not online but if you'll let us go now, I'll quickly delete it before he sees it " she added.

He laughed at the threat as he made a step towards Debra, she looked scared and I rushed without thinking to push him against the wall, he didn't expect it and he hit his arm badly while I made to run pulling Debra along.

She came with me but changed her mind and turned back to the room, I heard him scream and Debra rushed out to meet me and we quickly left the house.

The next week, I found out he had traveled out. His mom told us he was involved in a domestic accident, he slipped and fell over the mirror which injured him badly on the lap..... Debra stabbed his lap.

8 YEARS LATER

"did your brother read the message? " Timi asked me..

" no, I begged Debra to delete it"

"you said she sent the video to three other people? " he asked again.

" Yeah, we deleted them before they could come online. " I patiently replied.

" so the video's gone? " he asked.

" Debra has it saved in her computer, nobody can find it, only her " I explained.

" why did she save it? "

" she thinks we can use it against him one day but I'm not ready to do that " I answered again

"and what about this Chinedu guy?"

"i don't know, he should be 28 by now, I heard he's married with a kid... He left our church and I saw him only once or so, he didn't say anything to me"

Timi looked like he was upset.
" you can't just let him go that way,.. None of your brothers know about this? "

" None "

" did you go for treatments and stuff? " he asked.

" I got terribly sick the next month, I couldn't remember what the doctor said was my problem but I knew it was because I swallowed lots of uncle Chinedu's um, you know.. .. "

" yeah, I get and stop calling him uncle "

I laughed but it didn't look like it. Talking about this incident made me weak and sad.

" It led to my depression you know, I felt dirty, filthy and used... I hated sex, when all my friends were having their first time, I couldn't think of mine, I didn't want it.... Do you think I'm filthy? "

" no no pumpkin, you're not.. You're not filthy, dirty or used. You're beautiful.. "

" I am? " wanting to cry again

He nodded and surprised me by bringing my head close to his chest. I let him.

" I know it was so hard, all what you went through at such age but I want you to know one thing, it's okay to cry " he said as he helped straighten my hair.

I cried my eyes out, I cried out all the pains, Jude left me, Fisayo hurt me, Chinedu did worse.
Crying made me feel like I had released all my burdens.
Timi didn't say anything but just gently pat my back.
After what seemed like hours, he said softly.

"you'll have to move on"

"this Chinedu guy is probably enjoying life with his family while you're here crying your eyes out "

" forget about everything, you were young then, you were 10 then, you're 18 now.. Let go off the past so you can live in the future "

" you'll be fine"

"you'll be fine "

He brought me close to his chest and I held him tight, to feel safe in his warmth. I wanted to feel more of him.
I had stopped crying but was sniffling.

The way he rubbed my back, the way he softly calmed me over my head made me want to sleep, I just wanted to relax.. His words were relaxing.
I looked up at him, he gave me a reassuring smile.
I leaned closer, his breath was against my face, I had to withdraw soon this couldn't be happening.

In my mind, I already pulled away but in reality my lips were softly against his.
My tears were all over my lips, I was sure he tasted the saltiness, I waited for him to pull back but didn't.

Finally he did, his eyes showed he wanted more, I quickly cleaned the tears on my face and waited for his reaction.
He was unsure of himself, I wasn't sure what I needed but when he reached out to pull me to his laps, I knew what I wanted.

I willingly let him pull me to him and I let my arms go over his neck as he kissed me deeper. His lips tasted fruity.

For the second time again, he withdrew...

"Benita"

"hmm"

"Benita " he said again, this time deeper.
He placed me softly from his lap to the chair.

" this is wrong, this is totally wrong "

I felt embarrassed, I was willingly throwing myself at him.
He came closer to me and squatted beside me.

" I don't mind doing this anytime... " he started with confidence.

" but I can't do this with you.. I told you, you're like a younger sister to me, I'm sorry for letting myself get carried away, it was more like I was taking advantage of your sadness .. Here, Watch Tv, I'll be inside " he added passing the remote control to me.

After he left, I felt free, I felt sad, I felt relieved, I felt a lot of things...... I felt love, I was in love with Timi already, so quick and so...?