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Welcome to my book whether you're a first or a reread! This is my first time writing a book, so don't come at me too hard lmao. Also there are comments lmaoo, they just fall from the specific paragraphs they were attached to whenever I edit. This book is completed, as of 2022 and under editing. ✅

I'm gonna go ahead & answer this ONCE — No, this is not a 'he likes her so he steals her diary' or 'he's trying to get her attention' type of plot. Don't expect it. The simplicity is expected of stories like this, but it's not in mine.

ANOTHER thing that I will address is: You see how many chapters there are!! A LOT. Don't be ignorant. Do not expect a major turnover in my character's developments within the first 10-15 chapters of the book. There's a lot of chapters for a reason.

Now. Without further ado...I hope you guys enjoy my story lovelies! 🤍 unicornsxpretty created the amazing cover!

"Someone I once knew wrote that we walk away from our dreams afraid that we may fail or worse yet, afraid we may succeed." – Forrester, from Finding Forrester
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Chapter 1
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I REMEMBERED THE first time I watched a romance movie. It was sappy, but still romantic nonetheless.

I still had the image drawn in my head. The girl had drowned in her tears, while her boyfriend packed his clothes after they had gotten into a big argument. They continued to ignore each other for weeks, only to get back together after realizing their love could not be replaced. I remembered asking myself, 'Who would put themselves through that much pain just to be with someone else?' 

Then, I was a little kid. But months ago, I received my first, real taste of love. Not one of the breathtaking, die for you, heart slamming against my chest ones. No, it was something entirely different.

The last time I'd seen my mothers' knockoff smile, it was in front of a judge. That day was one of the best ones I'd ever experienced. Everything seemed to be fresh.

Seeing my fathers' arms open wide for me as the judge declared custody. Hearing my mothers' objection. Hugging Ryland, my older brother, for the first time. Watching from a car window as we drove away from my hell.

I appreciated every effort the two of them made, but my mind had concluded something long before then.

It was all just a joke.

The ridiculous quotes schools plastered over the wall, the standards movies and books set that were too high to even be considerable in the real world. The temporary smiles and laughs, the idea of such things as happy families and relationships.

All a joke.

A terrible joke on doomed mankind that others, like myself, didn't find as funny.

My family had let me down far before a relationship ever could. It was all a repeating pattern. I'd convince myself that after middle school, perhaps I would be able to reinvent myself and the image that I see.

What a joke.

One thought was perched in my head as I set eyes on the new high school I'd be attending for my senior year. I chuckled. Perhaps, forgiving those who had hurt me in the past would have kept me from attending here.

"Breathe, Kimberly," I consoled myself. "Everything will be fine. Just fine."

My brown hair began to take shots at my face as I started the walk toward the entrance. Without glancing up from the concrete below me, I continued to the doors.

I mumbled a curse as my glasses tumbled down my face. Through my earbuds, I could hear the few snickers and side giggles. I felt my teeth almost pierce through my bottom lip as I increased my speed to the door.

"I need to get them fixed," I grumbled to myself as I attempted to hurdle my books neatly and fix the falling glasses.

Then, it happened. Like an earthquake perpetrated the school, I was on my knees before I knew it.

All the objects I'd been carrying scattered around me like an unfit puzzle. A shocking throb carried throughout my entire lower area.

Especially my ass.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath.

My cheeks were shaded red. The stares that I already managed to conjure in the total three minutes I'd been here was impressive.

"For someone with big ass glasses, the idiot couldn't even pick her head up long enough to walk right," a female voice commented.

"Good one, Natasha," another female praised her insult.

Even with my emotional bearings scattered, I managed to glance up in enough time to place a name with the disembodied figure.

Natasha's physical looks were beautiful, though they were useless without any inner beauty. And, I could tell that was something she lacked.

The pretty girl stood there with her arms crossed over her chest. Her blonde, sleek hair was cut evenly to the beginning of her back. She had the brightest of blue eyes to go along with it. Her flawless, creamy complexion didn't come close to my flawed skin.

Their hair was cut to an even length and styled. I couldn't begin to compare. I had given up on my looks a while back when things were different in my life. It'd been months, but I still wasn't able to adjust properly.

I settled for my dull brown eyes, my slightly bigger body, and my unattractive face. Even if it did bother me—as it did some days—there was nothing I could do about it.

"Did she trip over her feet?" I heard the snicker from the same direction the last insult came from.

I scanned the section Natasha stood in with careful examination. They all fit in the critique for beautiful, rich, stuck up, and popular. The only thing that differed were their choices in outfits for the day and the variety of eye colors and hair color. Their clothes looked like a luxury that I could never dream of affording.

I decided to settle on a blouse and a pair of jeans for the day. Back in Illinois, I would usually sport a hoodie and a pair of jeans just to fade in. But, my dad wouldn't settle for it on my first day of a new school. My upper body was at least considered formal, but I just couldn't throw away my trusty sneakers.

Through my earbuds, I could still hear the tainted laughter. I held my books together as if they would shield their hurtful advances.

I didn't have too much to miss back in Illinois, except for one thing. That was school. I had no friends there either, but they didn't bother or insult me if I left to the library for lunch, or sat on my own every day. And, I was beyond fine with that.

I looked up to see a rather tall man walking my way. He was red in the face, resembling a baby who would soon throw a fit. "That's enough! Why isn't someone helping this young lady instead of laughing like a bunch of animals?"

His reassuring eyes fell to me. "Are you alright, Kimberly?" he offered a hand to me, which I took.

Slowly, but surely, I removed my gaze from the fresh green grass. The man's expression offered his apologies, which I took with a small smile.

"I am Mr. Collision, and I will be your principle your senior year. I do apologize for my students' behavior," he apologized with a sincere expression.

I only nodded in response, my voice hidden alongside my confidence. My throat came in close to the Sahara desert for dryness.

Eventually, I found the voice I was born with.

"Thank you," I replied to his kindness.

The outside of the school had cleared now, thanks to the principal. My anxiousness lifted as I saw the students flee the area.

I took the opportunity around, and was blinded by the beautiful exterior of the school.

Aging trees shielded the school from any sunlight that raged down onto it. The grass underneath was low cut, and well tended to. The orange and black school itself was huge, the building stretched until you came into contact with the considerable football field behind it. The place was definitely taken care of and funded.

As I studied the near surroundings, my eyes landed on a certain someone in the parking lot. A very attractive someone, at that.

I looked over him with close examination.

His sun-kissed body was quite muscular, not too much, but enough to make someone think twice about stepping up to him. His neck was decorated with a great number of tattoos, along with his arms. I watched as the one summer wave of air blew his jet black hair back from his forehead. He had that fresh bed hair look that seemed to be working quite well for him. As if his appearance didn't already bless the public enough, his face looked as if it were crafted by a Roman god. His cheekbones were held in the perfect position along with his slightly crooked nose. Everything about his looks were just...perfect.

I stared far too long.

His eyes caught mine, luring me into the darkest stare in history. I captured a glimpse of his eyes, which were close to a warm latte, with cinnamon specks in the center. It was as if someone had a golden coin melted, and contracted a color that was specifically created for him.

My cheeks pinched with a blush. I anchored my attention back to my sneakers. Even then, I could feel him staring at me.

Immediately, I began to squirm in my spot under his intense stare. I cursed my stupidity. Why did I have to look at him for so long?

Questions of doubt weighed me down the longer he continued. I continued to avert my attention elsewhere, but it was too late.

"Miss Wrighton?" The principle's voice called to my attention.

I looked at him, an expression cursed with discombobulation. "Oh, y-yes sir?"

Some of his teeth were missing, but I still didn't miss the gentle smile he managed. "There's quite a wonderland in that mind of yours,  isn't there, Kimberly?"

For the first time since I arrived in town, I chuckled. "I guess so."

He pointed to his isolated office. "Well. If everything's alright now, you should go ahead and head to your classes," he advised. "If you need any assistance at all, don't hesitate to head to my office right over there." He pointed in the direction, to which I mentally marked.

I thanked him, again. With the schedule marked against my sweaty fingers, I advanced to my first class of the day.

Before I even made it to the door, I heard the principal's voice again. At first, I thought he was calling to me but then I heard,, "You get that cigarette out of your mouth this instant, Kade! Get to class, son!"

My curiosity bit at me until I couldn't help it. I turned to see Kades' eyes concentrated on something or someone. Then, I realized the something he was staring at, was me. Still.

Shit.

If I could guess, I'd say he fit in well with the popular crowd. He'd probably go back, and let them in on how hard I'd been staring at him before.

I graveled at my heart as it jumped in my chest. I methodically fiddled with the paper in my hands, praying that it would help prevent a panic attack.

I picked up my feet as another bell rang, which I guessed signaled that I was late. That was a fantastic start of a first day.

To my accursed favors, I just couldn't seem to find my class. After an awkward conversation with a teacher, I managed to get to my first period.

I walked into the class with the cold piece of paper in between either finger. I'd memorized the names of the teachers a million times over, so at least I had that under my belt.

Mrs. Lillian showed a look of disinterest once I entered her classroom. That was more than fine.

Those unnecessary icebreakers were more than outdated by senior year. If the students didn't know each other by then, then they probably weren't interested.

I walked through the isles, counting down with every single step I took. I continued alarming myself of the consequences that would take place if I managed to embarrass myself, again.

Of course, I never took my own advice.

As I went for my next step, it didn't take long to realize my backpack was caught on the edge of the desk. Not again.

I managed to yank the old strand away, but it pulled at the zipper, as well. My books and journals fell from the bag, weighing me down even harder.

Fuck my life.

Kneeling, I hurried and threw the books back into my backpack before I humiliated myself even further. I needed to get to my seat as quick as possible.

I could hear the attention from the group of girls behind me. In hushed whispers, obnoxious giggles, and side-eye glances, they continued to taunt me.

I paid them no mind, quickly pulling my bag up and taking one of the last seats in the back. I immediately pulled out my earbuds, again.

My clean-shaved number pencil skimmed across the paper in a random design just to pass as a distraction. Slowly, the panic that was beginning to creep up on me settled in a comfortable spot as soon as the strums of the classical music sounded through my earbuds.

I was on the verge of finishing a messy version of Cheshire the Cat when I heard someone drop down into the absent seat next to me. I jumped in shock, glancing over to the spot with a flabbergasted expression.

"Hey, babe," the high-pitched voice girl asked me. "What you drawing there?"

I had a good reading of her appearance from the corner of my eye. Her blonde bangs fell over her blonde brows. I watched as her perfectly manicured nails tapped against the desk in front of her. Her clothes were obviously off the latest fashion style that was currently trending.

I shrugged my shoulders in response. I knew that she wasn't trying to be friendly, but more arrogant than anything. She wasn't funny, and I wasn't giving into her thinking she was.

I went back to doodling on the paper while she continued to manage quick glimpses of the cartoon cat. With a snort, she giggled, "Put some makeup on, and you'll have yourself a twin."

I watched as she stood up, and walked back to her group of giggling friends. I reacted with the clench of my pencil, my white knuckles beginning to hurt as I watched her.

I bit down on my shaky lip, her words going right along with all the others. A good amount of invisible thorns tore through my heart as their constant teasing hit like a bow and arrow.

That was one of the worst pains of them all. Silent tears.

That terrible ache in the back of your throat. The burning. That clench of the eyes you had to hold to prevent the tears from spilling. That was the worst.

As class carried on, the girls continued to taunt me, as did some of their other friends in the classroom. The teacher didn't do a thing if she even noticed it at all, not that I expected her to.

How badly I wanted to stand up, to tear into their bullshit one by one until they felt a fraction of what I had all these years. But, I didn't. I never could.

Only one more year left, I told myself.

***

The day passed by at an agonizingly slow pace. I'd been called names, looked at funny, and laughed at so many times that I'd stopped paying attention after a while. I'd heard everything in the books, so none of it was particularly new.

Half of my the teachers didn't care about their students' education, but that didn't matter much to me. I took the thick packets off work given, put my earbuds in, and focused on until the next class came up.

Just as I thought things couldn't possibly grow any worse, the lunch period came.

The students hurried in large groups to the cafeteria, while I lingered behind. Once I stepped into the lunch room though, I felt the overwhelming pressure of socialism kick at my introverted personality.

"Yeah, I think I'll just eat outside," I mumbled to myself.

My mother had doomed any resemblance of 'social' in me. Over a large percentage of life, I hadn't been given the opportunity to truly understand, communicate, or even experience people. At least, not the good kind.

I'd grown accustom since well...I had no idea that it was even out of the ordinary. Now though, it was going to have its roadblocks.

I turned around, and pushed through the same cafeteria doors. With my eyes down, I followed my footsteps for an exit. Except, before I got to one, I planted right into someone.

I immediately stepped back from them. The sense who towered over me in both height and weight lingered, though.

"Whoa," I mumbled in a daze of embarrassment.

"Can you watch where you're going?" a deep voice with a rude tone grumbled.

I slowly raised my eyes in anticipation.

Kade.

His chocolate drop eyes stared at me with what looked to be annoyance. "Move." His expression was blank, the definition of unreadable.

I was frozen in my spot. I was trying to stray from his looks, but there was something about them that were so familiar. I couldn't figure how it, why, it was tugging at the back of my head the longer I looked at him.

His head cocked. "I'm giving you one more chance," he warned me. "Move the fuck out of my way."

I snapped out of it, then. I didn't care how hot he was, or what that recall was about. If his personality didn't match his beauty, then I wouldn't even associate with him.

His smirk fulfilled his entire face. He tilted his head to the side, his midnight black hair going along with him. "Alright then, this only makes things easier for me."

What?

With that, he walked past me with a grin of the devil on his face. In a confused heap, I continued my quest to the outside.

It took a while, but I managed to find a vacant spot. I decided to sit underneath a large tree, which shielded its users from the harsh sunlight.

As I began to doodle out the Mad Hatter's hat, Kades' words still pondered at the edge of my mind.

"This only makes things easier for me."

I frowned as I repeated the words. I had no possible idea of what he meant, and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out, either. Someone with the likes of him would only make or break me, and I only wanted to graduate without any issues.

My mind was running too fast, something it often did before a panic attack too place. I needed to breathe.

I unzipped my bag, in search of the thing that held my insecurities and my secrets. It was my sanctuary. My diary.

Even though I was one year away from being an adult, my diary was my everything. While dad forced me to attend therapy, the therapist had told me to start journaling, and ever since then, I hadn't stopped. It didn't cure everything, but it helped me get the thoughts out without any judgment.

It was a place where I felt safe to express my true feelings. It allowed me to be honest, and true, regardless of anything else.

Usually, I never tried to show my diary in public, but in situations like this, I needed to express myself. I didn't want a panic attack on my first day, let alone in this place.

The journal wasn't as high as I thought. I scoffed once I realized I'd have to dig deeper than I was intending to.

After minutes of searching and digging, I began to worry. Something wasn't right, not at all.

I lifted my bag upside down, dumping out the contents. Still nothing.

This was a joke. It had to be a joke.

I felt a fresh set of tears begin to bake in my throat at the thought of the black book being lost, but not only that, but me. It'd taken years to come out about my past, even if it were only on paper. I couldn't make it in my cruel mind without it.

I packed my things up, trying to hurry before the lunch bell rang. I stopped by every class period I'd been to today, asking the teachers if they had seen a small, black journal. They all responded with a no, to my doom.

While trapped in my head on where it could possibly be, a loud bell began to ring throughout the entire school. I glanced up with a curse of frustration.

I encouraged myself to breathe through it and, pray that it'd turn up. It couldn't have gone that far since I'd only been at the school for a few hours.

The rest of the day passed behind me in a daze. My only focus was on where my diary could be. I could already my chest and throat tightening under the pressure, but as bad as I tried to keep my mind off of it, the pain only intensified.

Finally, the last bell sounded out. I pushed past everyone, regardless of their stares and curses. My mind was on one thing: get the heck out of here.

I tried my hardest to leave as quickly as possible while remaining observant. I took every step with a close examination of my surroundings.

Nothing was coming up. As badly as I wanted to spend all night here until I found it, I needed to get home before dad or Ryland flipped about my absence. They didn't even know about my diary, and I wanted to keep it that way.

I began a walk on the sidewalk, my steps at their slowest. I felt my frustration turn into pure rage as the first droplet of rain hit my head.

Of course, today was the day I hadn't worn a hoodie. On one of the most stressful days, as well.

With a head storm of frustrations, I shoved my earbuds inside of my ears for a simple moment of peace.

Through the loud music, a loud crack of thunder signaled for me to speed up. Even though I did, it felt as if the distance to my house was only growing farther and farther away.

I yelped in surprise as I heard a loud horn behind me. I jerked around in a quick motion to see that the car was heading right for me.

I found it funny that whenever humans saw dangerous situations on tv, or read them in a book, they always said what they would do or would not do. But, in reality, when in situations of danger, you either freeze up or scream.

I went with both options.

With a scream, my body was frozen in paralyzation. At the last minute, the Dodge Charger slowed before coming to a complete stop. Its tires was only inches from the sidewalk.

I was a deer caught in headlights. Since the windows were tinted, I couldn't place the car with a face.

The driver let down the window a second later. I was dumbfounded as I saw the face. Kade. "Get in."

I gawked at him. "You almost hit me!"

"Well then," he paused, his lips hanging lazily in a smirk. "Don't walk with your earbuds in, and that wouldn't happen, now would it?" I wanted to slap the arrogance off of his face.

My lips parted, but I shut them. He wasn't even worth my time.

I placed an earpiece back into my ear. I wasn't going to entertain a stranger, not one that seemed to hate me anyway. And, I'd catch the Flu before I got inside of that car.

A loud, crackling clap of thunder swung through the air, cursing me and my stubbornness. Another wave of rain fell from the sky, completely drenching my already wet hair.

"Maybe one ride wouldn't kill anyone," I convinced myself.

As soon as I was seated, I felt a wave of heat hit my face. Basking in the warmth, I leaned closer to the source.

I could feel his eyes weighing me down as I ran my cold hands together. I cast a side-glance at him to throw him off, but his gaze remained in tact.

He was studying me over a little too closely. "You know..." he began. "I've never seen you around here before."

My eyebrow perked at him. "Because I've never been here before."

A sick chuckle fell from him. "Mhm, I can tell by the way you acted at school." He brought up the subject of school, the last one I ever wanted to talk about.

"Okay," I responded with a quiet tone.

With one hand on the steering wheel, he turned his head towards me for a moment. "Not much of a talker, are you?"

"Silence can mean a lot if you let it," I stated, my eyes on the wet window.

"That's fair."

Without speaking another word, I leaned back into the seat. I stayed silent for the remainder of the ride, counting each sign I caught through the rain-blurred window. So far, eighteen.

"What's your name?" he broke through the silence.

"Why do you care?" I mumbled. Regardless of the car ride, he'd still been an asshole.

The humor shone in his gaze. "What was that?"

I tucked my head atop my closed fist. "Nothing."

"Ah," he chuckled. "I'm starting to think you aren't so nice, sweetheart."

My lips parted to voice how I didn't care, but I didn't have the energy. I wanted to get out of this car as soon as possible.

"Kimberly," I responded in the voice of a whisper.

He kissed his teeth, biting back a grin.

"Let me tell you something, Kimberly," I didn't like the sound of my name on his tongue. "You shouldn't be so mean to me, sweetheart." I cast a confounded look at him.

I gathered enough confidence to steal another glance at him. "Why is that?"

He turned the wheel in one hand and caught it in the other as he pulled to the side of the road.

When he reached over to my side, his hand grazed past my knee. I smothered a gasp of surprise, my back painfully plastered against the car seat.

Kade glanced up at me with an eye roll. "Relax, sweetheart."

"Quit calling me that," I retorted, past the anxiousness and instead focusing on the agitation.

His lips dangled into a grin as he shrugged. "No can do." He reached into the glove department, pulling out a small book. A black book.

My diary.

"So you see...I came across this beauty this morning," he dangled the diary. "When someone was being a little too clumsy," his laugh was deep, but I felt no humor.

My heart picked up so quickly that my brain had to backtrack. I stared at the diary, mouth agape. My life story, my fears, my successes, my failures, everything was in there. And, this evil, conniving, arrogant asshole had it.

I was dreaming.

My eyes never left that journal. "Kade, this is not a joke," I stated very slowly.

Kade glanced around the car, the back then behind him. "Do you hear any laughter? I don't."

"Give it back to me," I warned, though we both know my threat held no danger to him.

He pouted, bottom lip out. "Nah, sweetheart. I think I'll keep it for a while."

The barrier that concealed my tears threatened to fall in a matter of seconds. The different possibilities of what he would do choked me with fear.

I tried to snatch it, but there was no hope. I swept the strands from my face, my glare falling over him. "I'll call the cops."

His eyes twinkled with mischief. "Over a journal."

I faked arrogance. "It's my property, you'll have to give it back."

His brown eyes ripped my facade down piece by piece. "Sweetheart, my mother controls this entire town," he chuckled, shaking the journal at me. "But, it's really cute that you think anyone would even try to stop me."

I didn't say anything. My body was shaking from the shock, but I couldn't come up with anymore threats. He was in control, for now.

He leaned back. "Now, let's talk about deals," he suggested with a grin so big that Cheshire the cat would envy it.

I decided to stay silent, eyes perched atop my clenched fists. I waited for him to continue speaking.

"You do what I say, and I'll consider giving this piece of shit back to you."

"But, if you decide to be a little smartass like today and not do as I say, then let's just say you won't enjoy your time here, sweetheart," his threat was loud and clear. "Be a shame if you spent senior year like that."

My mind warped at his proposition. "I'm not having sex with you or any of your buddies, Kade," I cleared up.

Kade snorted, his fingers lining the top of my journal. "Sorry to break it to you, but I wouldn't sleep with someone that looks or acts like you in a million years," he insulted with a laugh to follow.

His words went to the heart. It only mixed in with the other insults I'd endured today. I knew that I was unattractive, but hearing it from someone still hurt. I tried to tell myself otherwise, anyway. I shouldn't listen to someone with insides as ugly as his.

"So, do we have a deal?"

I weighed down each of my options carefully, not that I had too many at all. There was truly no other way. My chest weighed down with stress as I imagined every single one of my entries being in the hands of this asshole.

"Okay," my voice broke at the end of my response.

I quickly jerked my head to the side. I sniffled in frustration as I glared through the window. My head was beginning to hurt with all of the internal questions I had going on.

What did I do to deserve this?

Nothing. If it was because I didn't move from my spot today, then he was ultimately a child.

Who would go as far as exposing someone's personal life for that? It had to be something else, but I didn't care right now. I only cared about getting it back into my hands, and out of his.

My heartbeat drummed in my chest as I thought about all of the things in my diary. All of the secrets. Most of my life, I never had anyone to talk to, so journaling had been my outlet. I was allowed to unapologetically, absolutely, and entity be me.

Now, that was gone.

I directed him to my house in the quickest manner. All I wanted to do was get home, and try to make a plan. In order to do so, I needed to get away from any distractions, and him being the thief here was definitely one.

As soon as he put the car in park, I yanked my door open. I was moving so quickly, I barely caught his voice behind me.

Kade threw an easy wink at me, a sly grin building across his lips. "See you soon, sweetheart."

I jumped out of his car so quickly, I nearly fell. I shut the door without another word, and with enough force to make his car shake.

The cold rain prickled my skin like needles. I didn't expect to feel it, though. I was numb at the moment, from exhaustion, from fear, from everything.

No one was home, which I suspected of. My brother, Ryland, was working, or in his college classes. And, my dad should still be at work.

The mornings were the main time I got to see them. Even back in Illinois, we managed to have breakfast together nearly every morning, if not every morning.

I made my way to my room, dropping my wet bag onto the wine red carpet. Immediately, I grabbed my book to provide a clear mind.

But, even as I read, I couldn't deny it. My mind couldn't escape today. Or, how I mistakenly dropped the bag. Or, how I just ruined the rest of my senior year, if not mentally scarred myself for the rest of my life. Or, how an absolute stranger has possession of my journal.

My mistake.

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Hi guys! This is my new story and I really hope y'all enjoyed it!! Comment, vote, and share, please!  🤍

Destiny💜