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"Thinking of you keeps me awake. Dreaming of you keeps me asleep. Being with you keeps me alive." – Unknown

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Chapter 78
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|Kimberly|

I think I'm dead. I have to be dead.

I'm dead.

I know it, I do.

But, I'm not willing to accept that yet. My memories felt blocked, nearly gone from existence, but I still felt that hope. It was tugging me toward reality. It was begging me to wake the hell up.

My surroundings were dark, far too dark to be natural. But, I heard it. Crying.

I stumbled around until the cries becomes louder. It should felt like a scene from a horror movie, but it was not that. There was almost a sense of calm the longer the sound wrapped me in its embrace.

I turned, though there was no point. I ran, yelled, everything to gain the attention of the cries. They continued, completely unfazed. I carried on anyway.

I could feel myself growing entirely too weak as I tried and tried to find my way back. To wake up. To be grateful. To live. But, I couldn't find it.

As I felt my courage beginning to fleet, my legs went right along with it. I allowed myself to collapse, to break before I tried, again.

Before I could, the cries stopped. They just...stopped.

The silence became deafening as I gazed into the nothingness around me. I squeezed my eyes shut, begging, willing someone for a sign. Anything.

I knew that my pleas were unheard, but it was worth the shot. When I opened my eyes, I gasped as I stared back into anothers.

A little boy.

His face was familiar. I couldn't place it right away, but I felt a sense of calmness and peace wash over me the longer I stared into those familiar eyes.

The boys black curls tickled at his brown eyes, and he wore a SpongeBob pajama set. His bright face examined me over before he offered a small hand. I took it with uncertainty, but what was the worst that could happen if I was already supposedly dead.

"Who..." I paused when he shushed me. With a small smile, he continued to walk until I saw it. It was far, yet so close. A light, a bright light that could mean freedom. Another chance.

I released the boy, nearly tripping as I ran toward it. It was right there, staring back at me with so many hopes and promises, my heart swelled.

My attention flickered back toward the boy, who wore a smile so large, he showcased a missing tooth. I gasped as it hit me.

"Thank you," was all he said before he turned and diminished into the black nothingness.

My eyes fluttered open.

I squinted into the light glaring right back at me. I went to shield my eyes from its harsh glare, but as soon as I attempted to, an ache too painful to be considered natural shot through me.

I was alive. I would clap for joy if I didn't think the pain would take me out.

I tried to glance around to my best ability, but that was all I could do. My eyes watered as the reality of the pain set in. Everything hurt.

Then, I heard it.

A plea, a beg, a cry. And, it was from the man I never thought I'd see again.

I tried to get a good look at him from my angle, but I couldn't move my neck with this newfound pain. Not right now. I heard him loud and clear, though.

His voice was strained. I could hear the tears slicing through each word. "We could even get two cats, if you'd like that. We're going to get that library built in our house that you wanted, we're going to go and see that new movie you were telling me about, as soon as it releases. We'll go and swim with dolphins like you wanted. I'll take you to Disneyland this summer like I promised and we'll go see The Grinch next Christmas. I'll read every book you recommended. I'll get you another one of those energy drinks that had you bouncing in your seat. I'll let you watch cat training videos on my phone, again. I'll do anything. Anything at all."

I felt pressure on my stomach, telling me his head was there. I wanted nothing more than to let him know that I was awake.

Even though my body was aching, my heart was the most bruised up right now. I hated hearing the desperation, the fear, the pain in his voice. I wanted to get up, to scream and yell and pull him to me to tell him that I was okay. That I was here. But I couldn't.

His fingertips lightly grazed the exposed skin on my arm as he sniffled. "I know that I said I hated that coffee, but I did like some of them. I would try a million to get you to wake up. I'll get you that espresso machine I saw you eyeing the other day even though you know you're not supposed to have it." His laugh was cut off by a sob. "And I'll try goat yoga with you. I'll help you build big forts out of my blankets, again." His hand lifted to rub at his eyes, but the steady downpour made it useless. "And I-I'll stop complaining about your movies. I'll watch every single one of them. When you wake up."

Then his lips kissed my skin, a careful graze, as if I were glass. My heart panged at the feeling of his teardrops hitting my arm.

I heard him sigh tearfully. "But, I need you to wake up, sweetheart," he murmured, pressing his lips against the palm of my hand before he grasped it in his own. "I need you to open those eyes for me, okay? Even if you never want to speak to me again, just yell at me, scream at me, hit me, smile at me, hug me, kiss me, any goddamned thing you want. Just...please."

My throat tightened with emotion as the tears slid down my cheeks. I couldn't take it anymore. All I had to do was gain his attention.

"Even if you want to leave." His finger traced the scars across my wrists as he sniffled. "I'll love you that day and the next, and the one after that. Always."

My chest deflated as I willed myself to say something, anything, but my throat was no use.

"Please wake up," I heard him whisper. "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me too." I squeezed my eyes shut as my own tears fell. "I can't do this without you, sweetheart. I can't, and I won't."

The first couple attempts failed, but I had to let him know that I wasn't going anywhere. My bones rattled in my body with pain as I tried one last time.

With as little strength as I had, I lifted one trembling finger. It was all I had. It was enough.

Kade caught it in his peripheral. His head snapped up, his expression full of angst as his eyes met mine.

I attempted a smile, but his shock didn't change.

Slowly, he lifted from his spot, coming closer. He reached out then hesitated. Inhaling shakily, his hands were gentle around my face, barely touching as he cradled it.

"You're..." His eyes ran over my figure before meeting mine, again, and he whispered, "You're awake."

I gave a sample of a nod. I wanted to reach up, to hold him and never let go.

By his red tipped nose, puffy eyes with dark spots underneath, tear stained cheeks and ruffled hair, I knew he wasn't doing too good himself. I'd never seen him so distraught before.

"A-are you okay?" he whispered, further softening his hold on my face. Just his thumb stroked my cheekbone. "Are you okay, baby?"

I managed a head tip, my lips parting. I didn't think I could get anything out that would be considered decipherable, though. His eyebrows jumped, and my heart immediately clenched as he got my silent need.

"Water," he muttered to himself then spun around. "Fuck. You need water, I'm sorry."

When he returned with a cup, I nearly cried with relief. He held it to my lips so carefully, like he was handling a baby. I would have laughed if I could. But I was too focused on the coolness in my throat.

After he placed the cup down, his guilt filled eyes met mine. Then his expression crumbled as something set in for him.

His eyes glistened again, his body beginning to tremble. He clenched his fists then undid them, only to run his shaky palms over his face. He was breaking into pieces right now.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry," he murmured, using his arm to wipe at his flushed cheeks. "I'm so...so fucking sorry I did this to you."

I cleared my throat. The water had helped tremendously. Even though my voice probably sounded like hell, I managed to get out, "No."

Kade's shaky fingers swept across my arm, as he kneeled beside me. I ached for more comfort, but I knew he wouldn't go farther than light touches right now.

"It's my fault, Kimberly," he croaked out. "I should have been there. I-I should have—"

I shook my head, cringing at the stiffness in my neck. "I'm alive, aren't I?" I took a moment to gather up the strength to add, "You don't take any blame for what they did."

But I didn't even know who they were. I was hit from behind, and from that point on, everything was a blur to me. There was only pain, then blackness.

But I was alive. That was what mattered to me.

But Kade shook his head, matching the rest of his trembling figure.

"If I would have left you alone in the first place," he said, his voice so strained. "If I would have let you live without me, you wouldn't be in danger. If I wouldn't have been so selfish, thinking I could have someone so good...you were nearly killed because of me, Kimberly. Because of my life."

"Because of your old life."

Kade reached up, his fingers lightly treading through my hair. "I'm never going to let it happen, again. Never." He paused, his eyes moving to the sheets. "When I saw you, so hurt and fragile in this bed, I couldn't..." he shook his head, and his voice dropped. "I couldn't lose the only good I had left. It made me remember Kacen, and how I felt when he...I couldn't. I begged anyone up there for help, for a sign that they were real and could heal you."

I remembered bits and pieces before I woke up, and I remembered his brothers face vividly. His thank you. My heart beat harder than ever at the reminder.

Even though it wasn't real, I still felt the end results engraved in my head. He was so beautiful and special, just like his brother. And I'd never forget it or him.

Kade's hand lightly grabbed at mine, earning my attention. "I'm a selfish fuck, and I know that. I-I always have been, but I won't be it this time." He exhaled sharply, his glistening eyes raising to mine: "As much as it'll fucking kill me, I understand why you want to leave."

What?

"Wait." I attempted to shift, but my body told me otherwise. Instead, I settled on a stare. "Hold on. You think I'm leaving you?"

"You're not?"

"No, you damn idiot," I snapped before I began to cough. I guess I was pushing it with the water.

He blinked at me several times before tilting his head. The hopeful gleam returned in his eyes as he offered a weak smile. "I never thought I'd see the day where I loved hearing you call me an idiot."

"Well, what you said makes no sense," I replied sharply. "How dare you think that little of me?"

He smiled sheepishly. "I think the world of you, sweetheart."

I glowered at him. "I'm not leaving you, Kade. This happened. It did, but it won't again. Because you're going to be done after Chivo."

Kade still remained doubtful. It pissed me off.

My eyes jerked up to him. "I knew what I signed up for. I don't want or need any of your pity, Kade. I'm a grown woman capable of my own decisions, and I knew of the risks. I survived, and I'm going to be fine." I nodded hard to confirm my point, repeating the words before I lifted the cup to my lips, "I'm going to be fine."

Kade watched me for a quiet second, his eyes full with so much love and fear and even more love. Finally, he nodded his head, nibbling on his bottom lip. "You're right."

"Think. I've gotten beatings half of my life," I tried to joke, but his warning glower told me he didn't think it was funny. I shrugged anyway, offering an optimistic smile, "This is a piece of cake too."

Kade grunted back, leaning forward to set his forehead to mine just for a fleeting second. He murmured something into a kiss to my cheek before straightening up. "Do you need anything?" he asked softly, examining me over. "I'm going to go tell the doctor you're awake, I need to call your dad, and—"

"No, I..." I paused to examine him over, as well. "How long have I been out?"

"Four long days."

I blinked at him. Four days. "Could you tell me what happened?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "Are you sure?"

I didn't miss the way his jaw clenched or the flash of anger that seemed to darken his features. Caution touched my heart, but I nodded anyway.

Before he could continue, a doctor and nurse walked in. After I was very slowly checked and given medication, they were on their way.

I looked at Kade, and he started. By the time he was finished, the pain in my head only seemed to intensify.

"They tried to kill me," I muttered to myself.

As soon as I came to, I assumed that it was Chivo, but it wasn't. Well, not directly. It was Amber, Natasha, and Daniel.

I could understand Amber and Natasha's lunatic tendencies, but I didn't understand it either. They tried to kill me over jealousy, over a man they were having sex with before I even met them. It made my head hurt to think about.

I didn't know of Daniel's motives though, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't know if he was the hit man, but I could guess yes. I figured he was on some type of drug, and let his animosity against Kade lead to this. I didn't want to think about how long they must have been watching, waiting. I couldn't fathom how the three planned it, nor how they could actually go through with it.

They fully intended to leave me for dead, like roadkill.

Kade said nothing, but I could feel his rage from here. The air in the room was tight with tension as he continued to touch me, as if to confirm that I was real.

"They're going to be taken care of," he mumbled to me, but more to himself. "I wish I could have done it myself, though." He didn't leave out what Luke told him, and I wasn't too sure of how to feel.

I didn't want to sound psychotic, but it was an eye for an eye. They thought they killed me, and planned to leave my body outside to be found. Except they didn't. I was still here.

"How long have you been here?" I asked Kade.

"I never left. I've showered here, and Levi brought me some clothes. But, I wasn't leaving you."

A smile tugged at my lips. "You need sleep." By the dark rings under his eyes, I was more than right.

"I didn't want to miss a thing. Your friends came to visit every single day too," he told me. "And your family. Shay wasn't supposed to leave her room, but you should have seen her rolling in that wheelchair. I think she ran over Griff's foot." I chuckled along with him.

I urged myself through the pain enough to get a glance around the room. There were balloons of every shape and size, as well as gifts and different cards in every corner. I noted the hole in the wall, too.

Kade noticed me eyeing it. "I was trying not to give that one to Luke."

"I can't believe he saved my life." That was one of the most unbelievable parts of the story to me.

I still hadn't wrapped my hand around it, and probably never would. Even though Luke and I settled our differences enough to coexist, we weren't besties. I didn't expect him to care so much or do what he did, and even though it didn't change my dislike for him, I still had to thank him personally. I would probably be dead without him.

Kade pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead as he nodded. "Exactly why I didn't hit him."

I chuckled before tugging at his hand. "Lay with me, please." It'd been awhile since the doctor gave me the medication.

He looked taken aback, before he shook his head. "Sweetheart, you're in too much pain, I don't—"

"Kade, get in the bed," I sighed, wincing as I rearranged to give him enough room. I didn't care if there were a billion bullet wounds in me, all I wanted was him. He was my warmth, my comfort.

I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing as he got in. He was careful with every step he took, just until we were both in.

"Am I hurting you?" he whispered. "Are you—"

I shook my head. "Wrap your arms around me," I mumbled. He obliged, even though I felt his body trembling from behind me. "We're both going to get some sleep." The medication was beginning to take effect a little quicker than expected, but I needed to heal so that was okay.

"You're okay?" I heard him whisper. I trained my attention to the sound of his rapid heartbeat, using it as my own melody. "I'm okay," I repeated. I was alive, and I was here. They were the ones who lost.

"Two cats and a personal library were promised," I murmured as I felt my eyelids weigh me down. "And, a lot else that I will be expecting."

His laugh traveled to my toes. That laugh that I never thought I would hear again, it was here. He was here.

"And you're going to get all of that and more," he whispered before he feathered a couple of kisses along my earlobe. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure of that."