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"The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends." – Gwyneth Paltrow
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Chapter 13
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I was stuck in my spot.

I couldn't move; I couldn't breathe.

My stomach churned when Amber's mouth opened to release a moan of pleasure.

I had to get out of here. No, I needed to get out here.

Before I could bring any attention to myself, I spun on my heel. My feet had no trouble moving this time. All of my attention was directed to getting to the car.

I slammed Raven's door once I got inside. I wrapped my arms around my shaky body in order to order some type of comfort. I tried to hide the shock.

"Kimberly, what happened?" I heard Raven ask.

I couldn't answer. My breath hit into too many rocks and bumps, and it felt as if both of my lungs were being painfully squeezed.

Panic set in almost immediately as it hit me. I felt the pain coming, once the thought of Kade with her found its way back into my memory. But, I couldn't, for my dear sanity understand why. He was nothing to me besides my enemy.

"Kimberly?" I felt Raven's hand burn through my jean covered knee.

I jerked away from her as if I had seen a ghost.

She continued to try and comfort me. "Babe, I need you to tell me what happened. Or at least what's wrong, so I can help you. Please."

Her words went through one ear, and came out the other. I couldn't register what she said to me, yet her words still lingered around my brain. She wanted to help.

"Kade..." I couldn't get the words out, no matter how hard I tried.

The panic started out as a thin plastic bag smothering my bare face, like something my fingers could pluck breathing holes in. The way out was right there, but I couldn't reach it. Once I gave it a minute, the panic converted into the Pacific Ocean, overtaking my weak heartbeat, only climbing higher until it went pass my mouth and nose. That was when the attack became unbearable, like I had been underground for too long, like I had been endearing a storm and my body for shelter, for safety.

Raven's blurry face came closer to me. "Kimberly!"

My lips parted, just enough to release a choked sob. "I'm s-sorry." Raven was my first real friend, but I knew that was gone now. I was embarrassed, shameful for showing her this side of me. My own family hadn't even seen how bad the attacks got over the past years.

I felt the pressure of her hand on top of mine. "Hey, it's okay. Just breathe okay? You're okay, we're okay! See." She attempted a smile, motioning to the still car around us. "Take it slow, Kimberly. I'm right here with you."

Her words fought my panic attack in a world war. But, mine had been on the battlefield for far too long now. It wasn't going away without a fight, and I had ran out of that a long time ago.

She motioned toward her chest, following her own directions. Her hand rose with every intake of air, and she motioned for me to follow what she was doing.

Her eyes dropped before lifting with hope. "Come here," she consoled, pulling me into a hug.

I froze for a minute, my body arguing against hers. Then, I realized something.

She was being there for me. She didn't want anything in return. This was a friend.

I allowed my body to slump into hers. Fat, ugly tears formed a river along her neck. As hard as I tried, I couldn't grab a good grip on my emotions.

She rubbed my back with one hand, while the other stroked my hair. "It's okay, let it out."

And I did. I let it out, the anger, the tears, the humiliation, everything that I had endured ever since I came here. I had been treated this way all of my life, and even after escaping the very root of it, their torture still followed.

By the time I was finished, I knew the tip of my nose was so red that even Rudolph the reindeer envied it. I was all cried out and my emotions were drained.

I inhaled a shaky patch of air. "I saw Kade with Amber." Even saying it aloud ignited me. Not even for him, but for me. Technically, there was no reason to hold any type of resentment for what I just saw. My heart didn't seem to get the memo though.

Pretty eyes widened at me. "Really?"

I nodded, though I wished I had been lying. I wished that all of this was a dream, but instead it was all just a nightmare wrapped in a damn bow.

Her face scrunched in disgust as she eyed the house. "She's such a skank. I can't believe I ever called her a friend." She paused in her ongoing insults to examine me.

She grabbed my cold hand in hers, giving it a small squeeze. "I'm sorry, Kimberly. Who needs them? I'll tell you who, fucking no one. Pair of asswipes."

I sniffled, despite my wish to just suck it the hell up. "You're right." A chuckle fell from my lips.

She flashed a courageous smile my way. "How about we head to my house to binge on Bad Girls Club?"

I agreed quickly. Anything that could get my mind off the messed up situation I was in, then I would take it. Even if it were temporary.

I sucked in a breath before speaking again. I couldn't pity myself. "As long as we go to get pizza, then okay."

She grinned at me, patting my arm so hard, it kind of hurt. "That's my girl."

I scolded her with my eyes, though a small smile lingered on my lips. I still remained surprised at myself, and at the pace I was warming up to her. Raven was nice and seemed like she had good intentions, I liked that. I needed that.

After starting the car, she turned to me with a look of distaste. "We can't switch shows this time though. The Good Doctor, and pizza do not mix."

Laughter bubbled in my chest as I shook my head. "You mix hot Cheetos and chicken nuggets with mac and cheese."

Raven rolled her eyes at my remark, yet a humorous look remained on her pretty face. "You don't know art when you see it." She pulled off from our spot.

We drove to the nearest pizzeria and waited for our food to come out the oven. As we sat and conversated, I felt someone's eyes on the back of my head.

My nerves screamed at me to just keep looking at Raven, but my curiosity peaked. During our dispute, a handsome brown haired guy walked up to our table.

He threw a shy smile at us, and mentioned toward our order in his hands. "Here you ladies go." I thought that I wouldn't have an appetite after everything, but the delicious pizza in front of me said otherwise.

Raven was completely oblivious to the guy's stare toward her. Her concentration was only directed at her old nail polish that was chipping.

I tapped her foot with my own underneath the table in order to get her attention. Her eyes met mine with annoyance.

I motioned toward the eager guy with a flick of my head, and she followed my eyes. Her face didn't change, actually her expression only varied in between boredom and hunger.

"Thank god. I'm starving," she smiled as she took the boxes of food from the poor boy. "Here you go." She slid a tip into his pocket then turned.

Why do I even try?

Raven argued with me for a good while about paying, as she wanted it to be her treat. But, after several eye rolls, we split the bill before walking out of the small pizzeria.

I began working at my uncles dinner, and I had finally gotten my first paycheck. It felt weird to have money of my own, but there was pride I held from earning it.

When I came home with the paycheck though, it was a struggle. As soon as I laid eyes on Ryland, I handed him a good amount of the money, in which he refused. We got into a minor argument about it, until my dad settled the problem. He concluded that I was going to keep my money for myself, and 'be a teenager', I believe were his words.

The mouthwatering aroma of pizza and cheesy bread tempted me with every passing second. Though my stomach was still stuck in the tightest of knots from Kade, the knots loosened at the smell of the food.

Raven got into her car, and cranked it, completely ignoring my look. I felt the employees' eyes linger on the both of us, and I couldn't help but to feel bad about Raven's disinterest.

"He was into you," I noted.

She shrugged her shoulders, brown waves of hair falling across her shoulders. "He's cute, but I'm not trying to jump into a relationship so soon. Not after that entire thing with Justin and Amber."

I could understand that, her healing was on her own timeline. "I get it."

She nodded, her lips pressing into a hard line. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, in enough time to catch a sad look on her naturally beautiful face.

"You know I'm here for you, Raven," I reassured, and I was being fully truthful when I said that.

She blinked at the road as if she was leaving a trance. She glanced at me with a shaky smile. "Yeah, I know." Her smile didn't reach her eyes, but I would be there for her until it did.

Our friendship started strangely, beautiful but complicated. We barely spoke at first, but once we got used to one another, we began to open up more and even more. Raven and I were still stuck on the third stage. We began to grow, and now all we needed to do was get completely used to one another. It was scary, to say the least. But, I wasn't going to let myself chicken out of this. I deserved it.

We arrived to her house quickly since it was only a few minutes away from the pizzeria. The large two story home looked as if it were from a catalog. Beautiful, high arched windows accompanied dirt brown bricks that completed the structure of the house. A garage in the front, and a pool and jacuzzi in the back.

I wondered why a wealthy girl like herself would have to work in a grocery store. I didn't ask because I considered it rude, but she told me that her mom wished for her to be independent and earn her own money.

We stepped inside with the food in our hands and I looked around, still astonished by the beauty of the place.

Everything looked opulent, starting from the wood floors that were covered in loving throw rugs to and ending at wine red curtains over the windows. The antique furnishing looked as if it held many memories, ones that were too precious to misplace. Everything melted together, including heavy bookcases plastered against the pale walls, and fireplaces that went right along with the remaining elegance of the house.

I had been in Raven's home a total of fives time, though every time I entered, I still had to hold my breath at the beautiful interior.

We walked up the staircase to her bedroom, accompanied by the silence around us.

"Are your parents not home?" I asked her as I examined the art pieces along the wall.

"Nope," she answered. "Barely are."

Raven threw herself into her bed, before she handed me her phone and the remote to her tv. "Can you go ahead and hook it up for me while I go and fix our food?"

I nodded, and went to work. When I first came over, I had no idea how to work her new phone. I never even watched Netflix before until she told me about it. Nearly sixteen years were stolen from me, and in the time I'd been away from my mother, I learned and caught up with what I could.

As I connected her phone to the tv, I felt my finger graze a thin sheet. My brows furrowed in confusion, and I yanked on the piece of paper hanging behind the large tv.

My eyes fell over the old picture in curiosity. A smiling, younger version of Natasha, Justin, Amber, and Raven stared back at me from the picture.

It looked like they were all in early years of high school. The girls had the same appearance - high pigtails and cheerleading outfits with faces caked with makeup. Justin held Raven's waist in one hand and Ambers' in the other.

"Hey, I didn't know if you wanted the deep dish or—" Raven paused once she saw the picture in my hands.

I immediately placed the picture down on the purple blanket under me. "I-I'm sorry, I was just connecting your phone to the tv and I felt the picture."

Her lips stretched to a ghost of a smile as she stepped to me. "It's okay." She placed our plates down before picking up the picture I once held.

"This brings back old memories," she sighed, her voice breaking at the end. "Well, fake memories really."

I tried to offer a encouraging smile, but the picture she held caused prickly thorns to form inside of me. I couldn't figure it out without getting lost all over again. How could someone's best friend throw away so many years of love, so much trust and memories without a second thought about it?

Raven shook her head, curly ginger strands falling in her face. "How could I have been so stupid? I should have seen the signs."

"What signs?" I questioned.

Blue eyes raised up to meet my gaze, tears shining in them. "Missed calls from the both of them, absences on dates, the weird looks they gave each other, just so many signs that were right in my face. They were right there."

I grabbed her hand in mine in a attempt to comfort her. "Love does crazy things to people, Raven. It doesn't make you stupid, it just means that you tried to see the good. You don't have to blame yourself for what they did."

She stared so deep into my eyes, I had to look away. "You're right. It's going to be hell, but I have to move on." She sniffled, and raised a hand to wipe her damp eyes. "Fuck, I sound like a desperate housewife. Let's eat and binge these bitches knocking the shit out of each other." She attempted a laugh, though I caught the thick void of emotion laced in her laughter.

I knew what she was doing. She was trying to change the subject before it got too deep. I knew better than to push her since I hated to be pressured myself. But, she needed to develop and heal through her own timeline. All I could do was reassure her that I would be here.

During our dinner, I began on a new topic.

"I have to work tomorrow," I told a chewing Raven.

She bit into her fourth slice of pizza before speaking,"So do I, you want a ride?"

I answered her question with a nod of my head, and went in for another cheesy bread stick. Our eyes never left the screen, though my mind sure did.

That image was stuck in my head. I didn't know which memory bothered me the most. The way Amber's naked body sat on Kade's, or the sounds they were making. It was all on a constant loop.

What bothered me the most was that I had no idea why this affected me as badly as it did. Or why it sent me into a panic attack. It wasn't like Kade and I were together, so why should I care who he sleeps with? I owe him nothing, and he owes me my diary. That's it.

Maybe it had been the fact that only a few weeks ago, Kade was in my bed. He confessed a small portion of his feelings toward me, even though he thought I was asleep. It was all a ball of disaster. All I wanted to do was yell at him, hit him, or interrogate him for why he treated me like this. If not that, then my property.

That was the actual problem, my diary. If I even tried to break press his uncontrollable emotions, he would explode at me again. I didn't know what he was capable of when pushed to the edge, and I didn't want to find out. He could squash me like a bug if he wanted. Not only that, but he would begin to ignore me again like he was currently doing. Then, that meant we would be right back to step one.

I had no idea what to do.

This was so pointless. Why was I putting myself through mental torture for a guy that hated me? I needed to find a solution to get my diary back, and that was it. His activities and issues had nothing to do with me.

I had the exact same amount of dislike toward him as he did me, if not more.

Maybe I should just ignore him, I thought. Focus on earning his trust, getting my diary back, then going on with my life. Without Kade.

"Kimberly?"

I looked at Raven.

She drew in a breath. "I just wanted to say..." she smiled gently. "I'm happy we became friends. Like seriously happy."

I returned the smile, my heart wearing the biggest grin of them all. "So am I, Raven."

***

"Thanks for the ride," I thanked a drowsy Raven.

She nodded, barely holding the weight of her head. "Yeah, yeah, what time do I pick you up again?"

I closed the door after responding, "Eight, just text me when you're here."

Her head bobbed in a nod, causing a giggle to leave my dry throat. I turned around after telling her goodbye, and walked inside of the very busy diner.

Morning rush, huh?

I got a glance of at least fifteen customers on stools or booths. The diner buzzed with small talk as well as the kitchen utensils.

"Hey, sweet girl," Griff greeted me, craning his neck to plant a kiss on my cheek.

I smiled as a greeting before going to the back to put my apron on. As I put my hair up in a high ponytail, I looked in the old mirror.

"Long day, here I come," I muttered to my reflection.

By the time six o'clock rolled around, the building became packed with an army of hungry people. Whenever one left, another came in. For a small town with limited restaurants, this one was a favorite. By seven thirty though, everything settled into a peaceful chatter.

I let my head drop in exhaustion as I leaned against the counter. I was waiting on my next table but at least I had a second of rest. "God, how do you guys do this?"

Shay grinned at me, her braids bouncing with every step she took. "Practice, honey." I plopped myself down onto a stool.

Celeste appeared from the kitchen, her eyes landing on my slumped form. "What are you doing, missy?" Her accent came into work with her scolding tone.

I paused to glance around me. "Sitting?" I responded with a raised brow.

She patted my arm with a menu, clicking her tongue. "Oh, absolutely not! Get up, baby."

I opened my mouth to complain about my feet before she pointed behind me. "Look, there's a group of teenagers coming to the door right now. Now, go shake those hips, get their order, and you'll be close to done for tonight." I didn't want to turn around as I heard the said group enter. Just a minute ago, there were no new orders.

A groan left my mouth as she narrowed her eyes. "Celeste—"

Her plucked eyebrow rose in anticipation, an unspoken warning hanging through the air. But I heard it loud and clear. Get your ass up.

The bell of the diner's door rang, alarming me that someone had walked in. When the bell continued to ring, I wanted to rip it from its spot.

I stood on my aching feet to go and serve the customers. I walked to the group of teenagers Celeste alarmed me of and pulled out my notepad to take their order.

I stared back at the blank piece of paper. I could sense their eyes on me, and that was something that made me want to run out of the door. But, I had to pull myself through.

I repeated the standardized welcome before, "What can I get you guys?" I tried to keep my faked confidence in tact.

I raised my gaze from the paper when I heard a girl's laughter. I met eyes with a very amused Natasha. Next to her sat Amber, and a red headed girl.

Amber glanced toward the girls with a knowing smirk then turned back to me. "Wow, who would've known I'd see our pretty little pig here?"

I didn't let her get to me this time. Instead, I rolled back my shoulders and told myself to carry on. I wouldn't ever have to lay eyes on any of them in less than a couple of months.

I glanced over the remaining people that sat in the booth with them. I caught sight of Luke and a brown-haired guy before I heard Amber throw another insult my way, which I ducked. My eyes continued on a mission. I was still in search for something, or someone.

And, that was when I found that exact thing.

My eyes skipped over all of them to see Kade next to the very touchy redhead. Though, his eyes weren't on her.

They were on me.