Banner by: muslimah_07 (Love it!!❤️)

"Congratulations, you've done the impossible... You've broken me." -Adam Mathews, IASWAD.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO: You Make Me Crazier

Zamzam Amin

"Zamzam there you are!" Abdirahman exclaimed as he grabbed my arm and started pulling me God knows where. "What's going on?" I asked as I tried my best to catch up with him. "I don't know but Baba wants all of us to come outside. Everyone is already there." He responded.

Once we left the building we stepped into the parking lot where literally everyone was. "Isa is in the ER. I was talking with him on the phone when I heard tires screeching then I heard glass shattering. After a while someone picked up the phone and told me what happened. He's at Grey Sloan Memorial." Amir explained with a worried expression.

Automatically everyone started to get into their cars. I climbed in with Abdi, Ihsan, Aliyah and Samantha into Abdi's car and we immediately started driving to the hospital. Ya Allah please let him be okay, I prayed as a tear drop rolled down my cheek. If anything happens to him I don't know what I would do.

I remember at mom's Janazah we made a promise to each other that we'd always be there for each other no matter what. He's been keeping up his end of the promise but what have I been doing?

I sobbed as hard as I could after we prayed for Mama, everyone was starting to disperse but I still sat there in the corner balling my eyes out. Everyone was calling me telling me to get out but I refused to. I can't leave... I just can't. Grams walked up to me and placed an arm over my shoulder.

"Habibti we have to go, please get up." She pleaded as a tear rolled down her cheek. I shook my head and continued to cry as hard as I could. I was the last one with her before she passed away. Pretty soon Grams gave up on me, then Baba came in. He also tried to get me to leave but failed. Abdirahman also tried but he gave up after 20 minutes of trying to convince me. I know that I'm being selfish by not getting up but I just couldn't bring myself to leave these masjid doors.

I know that the moment I leave through those doors, life will never be the same again. I'll never see her face, hear her voice, or feel her hugs ever again. I don't know how the rest of my family has the strength to leave even though I know they're all feeling the same pain that I am feeling right now.

I just can't get myself to leave.

Finally Isa came in.

He sighed as he sat down beside me.

"Don't even try." I told him bluntly. There's no way I'm getting up so I wish they'd just leave me alone.

"I wasn't going to," He said as he let out a breath of air. For a minute we didn't say anything, the only sound filling the masjid was the sound of the Imaam's voice. All of the women in the girls side had left already so it was just us in here. "I've never been in the girls side before... It's much smaller." He tried to make conversation.

"You know you could cry all you want Zamzam. Just let it out."

That's exactly what I did. I cried until it was physically impossible for me to cry again. "It's okay, we will all get through this together. Ma wouldn't want us to be like this, she'd want us to move on with our lives. Although it may seem impossible now, day by day things will get easier In Shaa Allah." He said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. We both just sat there and cried together because, at the moment that was the only way we could comfort each other.

After that we made a promise to be there for each other. For the first couple of months we both grieved differently. I locked myself in my bedroom and drew pictures of mom while he got back into boxing. I wiped my tears with the back of my palm when Abdi parked the car in front of the hospital.

When we ran into the hall that Isa's room was located in, Baba, Grams, Aunty Amina, Fatima and her husband along with Amir and Adam were all sitting there waiting. I sat next to Baba and stared at the door where Isa was getting operated on. Baba put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.

"He'll be okay Habibti, I have faith in Allah." Baba said reassuringly. I nodded my head as he kissed the top of my head. I leaned on his arm and closed my eyes as I made a small prayer.

* * *

The doctors finally stepped out of the room with dreadful looks on their faces. Everyone snapped their heads at them the moment they closed the door.

"Is this the Amin family?" One of the doctors with a clipboard in his hands asked. They looked shocked when they noticed that everyone in the room immediately stood up.

"Yes," Baba answered. "Is my son okay?"

"There's good news and bad news. The good news is that he luckily he survived the car crash." The doctor said. Thank you Allah! We all looked at each other with relief. "But, the bad news is that he's in bad condition. He has a few broken ribs and a broken leg. I think it's best for him to lay off of sports or anything athletic for a year or so."

No, what about his scholarship? He's going to be so heart broken if he can't do what he loves. "C-Can we see him?" Grams asked the doctor.

"Yes but he isn't awake yet."

Baba, Grams, Abdi, Ihsan and I were the first ones to go into his room. We all approached his bed and stared at him as he slept. At that moment I couldn't be more thankful for him, I've always taken him for granted but I promise that'll never happen again. I'm just so sad that he won't be able to box for a whole year.

I grabbed a hold of his hand and it was at that moment that I felt it shake.

"He's waking up!" I shouted happily.

His eyes started to slowly flutter open, making Baba rush to him. "Ya Allah thank you so much!" He cried as he hugged Isa. "Baba, I can't breath." Isa complained.

"Do you know how much you scared us!?" Grams scolded him.

"I'm so going to kill you!" Abdi exclaimed as he rubbed his knuckles against Isa's skull. Ihsan and I just stood in the corner and watched the whole scene unfold.

* * *

After everyone left it was just Baba and I who stayed. Grams went home to grab some things for us so we could spend the night, much to Isa's dismay. He kept on insisting that he didn't need anyone to stay with him because he didn't want to be a burden, which is ridiculous. Right now Baba went to get some food from the vending machines so it was just us two.

"I'm sorry I scared you guys," He told me apologetically. "I don't even know what happened. One minute I was on the way to our house, then the next a car came out of nowhere then everything became black."

"Did you see the car that hit you? Or the person driving?"

"I saw the person," He said in thought. "They had some sort of mask on. I don't think it was an accident because the car was following me." I sat up straighter in alarm. "I think I know who did this to you." I immediately grabbed my phone dialed Adam's number. Adam! Oh my god. After what happened earlier how am I supposed to face him?

Get over yourself, I continued to call him.

"Z-Zamzam?" He sounded a little surprised that I called.

"Alec's men tried to kill Isa."

"What!? What do you mean they tried to kill him!?" He panicked.

"I mean they tried to kill him!" I emphasized on the word kill.

"How do you know that?" He questioned.

"I'll explain everything to in person." I responded as I rubbed my temples. This is all so crazy. I thought this whole Alec business was done with but the man is still able to do dangerous things to us even when he's behind bars. Of course, he probably sent his hit men, I thought to myself with a shake of my head. What else did he want from us? What kind of a man is this despicable? Ya Allah there is so much evil in this world.

"I'll be there in the morning." He then hung up the phone.

"You think Alec's men did this to me?" Isa looked like he wanted to kill someone at this point, preferably Alec. But he's lucky because he's already he's already locked up. Dr. Webber, the one who operated on Isa came back inside the room along with a few other interns.

"Hello, Isa. How are you feeling?" Dr. Webber asked as he checked Isa's vitals.

"Like I just got into an accident." Isa responded trying to be lighthearted

"I bet, but your surgery went successfully so you just need to take it easy for the next several months. It was touch and go for a while, you're very lucky to be here. You had a lot of crush injuries which leads me to say that you can't do anything athletic for the time being. I just found out that you're a boxer so I'm sorry to drop this news on you." He said apologetically. The color in Isa's face faded the moment he heard the sentence come out of his mouth.

"H-How long?" He stuttered.

"A couple of months, possibly even a year but that depends on how fast you heal."

A couple of seconds passed until he finally looked up at us with the most depressed look I've ever seen.

"Can I please be alone?" Isa said as he stared at the tiled floor.

* * *

In the morning, I brushed my teeth in the restroom and when I came back Adam and Isa were talking. Well Adam was doing all of the talking. Isa hasn't said two words ever since the doctor told him to lay off of sports. I knocked on the door as I walked in. I didn't even bother looking at Adam because I know if I did I wouldn't be able to control my emotions.

"So...what are we going to do?" Isa asked as he fiddled with his fingers. I sat down on the seat beside his bed while Adam sat on another chair that was on the other side of Isa's bed. "We have to tell the police, that way he can get a longer sentence. All we need is proof that he did this to you." Adam stated with a determined look on his face. "We also have to tell Baba and Grams about this." I responded as I stared at the tiled floor. I've always hated keeping things from my father and grandmother, even when I knew it was better for them not to know. But now, we don't have a choice. Even though both Grams and Baba know almost everything that has been going on, we haven't told them about how Avon blackmailed Isa for months and how I've been followed for so long.

"I'll tell him."

"I'll help you, we can do it to-" Isa stopped me mid-sentence.

"No Zam, I have to do it by myself."

"Are you sure dude?" Adam asked.

"Yes, can you guys leave now? I want to be alone." Isa responded in a solemn tone as he turned to the window beside his bed. We both did what he asked and left the room. I was already about to leave anyways cause I had to go to the house.

"Wait," Adam called out. "I've been thinking a lot about what happened yesterday and I-" I cut him off. "Not now Adam. It's been a long couple of days." I tried to walk away again but he stopped me.

"Can you just listen to me for two seconds? Do you think I wanted this to happen? To fall in love with the girl I know I could never have? Do you think I want to constantly be worried about you, to know if you are okay? Every time I'm not with you all I do is think about you and it's driving me insane. You make me crazy, Zamzam Amin but I wouldn't change any bit of it. I know what I did yesterday was out of line so I apologize. But I won't apologize for how I feel. I love you Zamzam and I hope you feel the same. But I'll leave you alone if that's what you truly want." He walked towards the double doors but then stopped and turned around.

"Congratulations, you've done the impossible... You've broken me." His voice cracked a little at the end, making me want to go up to him and give him a hug but I held myself back. After a few seconds he then walked out of the double doors, leaving me behind in my tangled thoughts.

I felt a pang in my chest the moment those doors closed.

I love you too, I desperately wanted to say that out loud but once again, I held myself back.

You make me crazier.

* * *

"I can't believe all of this was going on without me knowing! What kind of father am I?" I over heard Baba say to Grams. I stopped in my tracks and stood there as I saw the most heartbreaking scene in front of me. "I should've known, Ma! I should've known.." He said as he ran a hand over his face in distress. I crouched down on the stairs of our house and held my knees close to my chest as I tried my best not to cry. "How could you have known, Ahmed? Huh? You shouldn't blame yourself for anything! This isn't your fault, it isn't anyone's fault but the guys that did this to our babies." Grams tried to comfort him.

"Ever since Samira passed I haven't been there for them the way that I should have. I was so consumed with grief that I buried myself in my work. I wasn't there for them, Ma." My father said as he sat down on the couch. Grams crouched beside him the moment she heard what he said. He blames himself for what happened, that thought broke me more than I could express.

"You listen to me Ahmed Muhammad Amin, what happened to the kids is not your fault. That man did this to them and he will pay. So don't you dare thank that any of this happened because of you. You are an amazing father and everyone knows. If Samira was here she would be so proud of you." Grams said in a strict tone as she laid her hand on his head.

"Thank you Mama for everything." Baba said while holding Grams hand and placing a kiss on it. "Alec Mathews will pay for everything he's done to not just us but to all of them families that he's ruined. First he kidnapped my daughter and now he tried to kill my son. I will not let him get away with it." Baba got up and grabbed his phone I'm guessing so he could call his consultants at his firm.

I've never felt so guilty before until this moment. But the one question that haunted me the most is, what would Mama think if she saw me? I know she would've been so disappointed at me for keeping secrets from Baba and Grams. "I'm sorry Mama." I whisper as tears began to fall down my cheeks.

Before I knew it Grams, found me on the stairs crying my eyes out.

"Oh sweetie." She immediately crouched down and enveloped me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry Grams."

It was at that moment that I realized how selfish all of us have been the last couple of months. We never thought to tell them the truth, we kept them in the dark and pretended that things were okay when in reality they were the complete opposite. And that was the one thing that I know I will regret for the rest of my life.

2 Weeks Later

Two weeks has passed by and today was the day Isa got discharged from the hospital. He's been sulking all week that he couldn't take on his scholarship. But what he didn't know was that Baba got in touch with the coaches there and that he could still move to California once his ribs and leg heals. Then after a year, his spot will be given back to him. I also haven't talked to Adam since that day in the hospital. Whenever he'd come to visit Isa he wouldn't even look my way. But then again, what was I expecting? He told me he loved me and like the idiot I am, I didn't say it back to him even though I know that that was how I feel about him too.

I hurt him and in the process I've doing that, I hurt myself too. I guess when a heart breaks it really doesn't break even.

"Let me help you." I said to Isa as I closed the car door behind him.

Baba and I gave each other knowing looks before ringing the door bell. After a couple of seconds Grams opened the door with a huge smile on her face. "Surprise!" Everyone came out of where they were hiding.

Isa smiled as he walked inside with his crutches. Abdi, Ihsan, Amir, Adam, Alex, and Aliyah were all here.

"Welcome home!"

Our eyes locked with each others and just like always he walked away. Zamzam Amin you've really done it this time.

* * *

After the little party finished, I crawled into my bed and tossed the covers over my face. All I could think about was what happened between me and Adam. I still wince every time I think of what I had said to him. I shouldn't have said those words, I wish I could take them back but I can't.

Even if he did convert to Islam, he still has to figure things out before we take a step further. Also we're too young. I at least want to be in or out of college before I get married. I have to depend on myself before I depend on anyone else. I started to toss and turn in bed. "Ugh!" I finally got up and walked into the kitchen to get milk.

When I did I saw Isa sitting at the table typing away at his phone. "Trouble sleeping?" I asked as I grabbed a cup and milk from the fridge. "Yup." He replied, popping the 'P'. "I was supposed to be leaving next week but now I can't."

Don't tell him Zam! It was so hard not to just spill everything out right now but luckily I found a way to compose myself.

"What about you? What's up?"

"I-"

"It's about Adam right?"

How did he know?

"He told me everything that happened," He explained. I sighed as I continued to pour the milk then put it back in the fridge, and sat down across from him. "I knew this would happen so I warned him that the only way you guys could be together is if he becomes Muslim. I know that he shouldn't become Muslim for you but I just had to tell him."

I nodded my head in response.

"You know what's crazy? I feel the same way about him but I know we can't do anything about it. At least not now," I said as I stared at the glass table.

"I get it. You want to be independent before depending on anyone or having anyone depend on you. That's exactly how I feel." He stared off into space. "You both have a lot to figure out."

"How are you though?" I asked as I took a sip of the milk. He hasn't said much about how he was feeling lately which was totally understandable. Isa has always been then type of person that wasn't good at expressing their emotions. He usually did that through his boxing. "I-I don't know... I thought I was okay but now I'm not sure. All I know is that I felt like crap after I explained the whole Avon/Alec situation to both Baba and Grams." He stated as he put his phone down. "I couldn't bare seeing the horrified looks on their faces."

"At least now they know and they'll take care of it. You don't have to carry all of that weight on your shoulders anymore." I responded as I squeezed his hand comfortingly. "It's all over so we don't have to worry anymore. Now all you have to do is heal your wounds both literally and metaphorically." I gestured to his ribs and leg. "I guess you're right. Man, since when did our lives become like some sort of blockbuster movie?" He half joked.

"I don't know but we do make a kick ass duo."

"Damn right we do!"

Hey guys so there's going to be one more chapter and then the epilogue! But don't be sad because after that I will publish the description for book two! I've already got the title, description, everything ready. Now all I need is to finish this book before publishing it! Also I can't believe y'all would think I'd kill my baby Isa! Isa is bae so I'd never kill him off!

I'm so excited for book two! I've already got A LOT planned for it! It's going to be better than this one In Shaa Allah!;) So anticipate it! I also realized that requesting a certain amount of votes and comments isn't my thing. I don't write for that stuff and it isn't fair to the people who have done that and want an update. So I'm no longer going to do that!

MUCH

LOVE!

STAY

QURUX

MY

QURUXLEYS

MWAH!!:)😘