Chapter 88

My threat to Jackson made enough of an impression. Despite doctor's orders, they couldn't force me to stay. The next day, with Jackson's help, I discharged myself from the hospital. That's right, folks. I was out of that hell!

It was the first time I felt like I actually had a say in anything. Feeling the fresh air against my face... pure sweet relief. Let's not get carried away though. Since leaving the hospital, there was plenty to deal with. Plenty I would learn and have to face after leaving the hospital. Though that included some obvious trauma, I tried focusing on the surface things we needed to contend with.

Like regrouping and moving back across the country.

After I left the hospital, Luke wanted us to get on a plane and fly back to Ohio. He wanted to hire others to collect our things in Washington (and move my stuff from my home in Connecticut). My stubborn ass could not handle that though. I discovered I had an unhealthy need to physically be moving so driving sounded better to me. I hated being a burden and making things harder, especially when Luke was going through some mental grief himself, but he understood. He agreed for us to drive home across the country and pack up our things ourselves.

I think he needed the long quiet drive too though. He and his family learned a sick thing about his grandpa. They were all shocked and Mike especially was devastated. He wanted to give up the business, wanted to throw away all his money. The fact that they built their lives off of this money was the hardest thing for them to stomach. Still, they were all very grateful that Hailey was alive.

Though it's been only a few days since I've left the hospital, a lot has happened. Including Hailey being admitted to an intense therapeutic retreat. Which was a fancy way of saying a mental home. Unlike the kind I was familiar with, it sounded lovely for her. It was a place centered around brainwashed individuals. And yes, funny (and not so funny) enough, Mike paid top dollar for her to go. It only made them feel that much more guilty.

She was in no mental shape to see her family or anyone. Her doctors said in a few weeks though she could probably meet the family. Whether seeing her family results in a good reaction or bad reaction, it would still be progress. According to Luke, everyone was excited to go. He very clearly stated though he would not be going. Didn't say anymore about it, just that he couldn't.

So yeah, overall... both Luke and I were a little fucked up at the moment. Each with our own shit to deal with. Unfortunately, I might have him beat. He didn't need to board up all the windows and doors in order to get even a little bit of sleep.

We were both fairly quiet on our journey back. We did go to our Washington home first and collect our things. Though it was taped off since the house was basically destroyed, the police allowed us in. My paranoia was through the roof the whole time we packed up our things, but I did find comfort in talking to our neighbors. It felt like it's been forever since we last saw the sweet family. However, this time we visited them as Albany and Luke. After the ambush that shook up the whole neighborhood, the FBI informed them that we had been in disguise under fake names since we moved in next door.

So when we knocked on their door, we received nothing but understanding and tears of relief from Grace. She explained how even after she learned the truth about us, she was scared and was just happy to know we were okay now. However, her kickass little daughter was too innocent to know all that. When I said goodbye to little Chrissy, it was as her babysitter, Peggy. I would miss her. And her occasional assholeness that was just plain charming to me.

Leaving that house, leaving Washington, was relieving but also sad. Though our time here scarred us from some very horrific incidences, this was also a beautiful place. Luke and I built our relationship back up here. He proposed to me here. Though paranoid, someday when I know I'll be safe, I wouldn't mind coming back here.

For now though, Luke and I were many hours away. Away from the majestic mountains and massive forests and trees. I was staring out the window of flat farm fields. It reminded me of our drive through Oklahoma: nothing, nothing, boring-as-fuck flat nothingness. Seriously, why the fuck would anyone live out here? You can go cow tipping anywhere and I'm not sure the losers here knew that.

Though it was sunny, the wide open spaces around us allowed for the wind on this cool fall day to shake the truck every few minutes. We were silent, listening to only the tires against the road and the wind.

"Did you want to stop and eat soon? Within a few miles, we'll be hitting a small town, I'm sure we could find something," Luke said with a smile.

If we find anything out here, I'd be amazed. "Yeah, that would be nice."

After leaving the hospital, you better damn well believe I hit up all the greasy spots. Guess what guys, it didn't kill me! Yes, shocking. I wanted to send my Clare-look-alike nurse a picture of me chowing down a big ass burger, just to piss her off.

Don't worry though, I was being careful. I was aware I lost a lot of weight from being in that institution, so I kept my portions smaller. Soon enough, I wouldn't have to worry about being cautious to eat. Being cautious on a physical level though was unfortunately a different story.

Luke was not the happiest camper about me leaving the hospital early. Sure, I had been shot a few times, severely cut, and was physically weak. Big whoop. Regardless, he made sure to check and rebandage my wounds daily. He forced me to stay away from any physical labor too. Considering I was still incredibly sore and had frequent headaches, I did understand. Thankfully though, I was slowly doing better.

He knew mentally was another story. I didn't say much about my time in there. He didn't ask either. Though he was going through a lot of stuff himself, he always had a brave face for me. But you could see in those beautiful green eyes how scared he was. How troubled he was. I think he was scared to see how much I truly changed. I was ashamed of myself for it, but there was nothing I could do.

I didn't give any details or express my emotions about the whole thing, which probably didn't make it easier. But I didn't want to upset him, get him worked up. I mean when he saw the brand on the back of my shoulder the other day, that was all it took for him to leave the room and try any gather himself. Seeing that made me feel terrible because he did not need to see that. Just imagine though how much worse it would be though if I told him the story of how I got it.

Funny enough actually, I often was the one asking him questions. They were a good distractor and I truly wanted to know what happened while I was in that hell. As it turns out, a lot. When Luke and I stopped for lunch, I learned even more.

The highway we were on merged into the main road of a little village. We stopped at a small diner on the corner. After we ordered our food and were waiting, I couldn't help but ask him some more of what happened while I was in Reid's care.

"So you told me that you guys weren't allowed to get involved in their plan or strategy, right?" I asked, searching his eyes from across the booth.

Sitting next to a window, the sun lit up his face. His caring eyes, stubbled cheeks, and his strong hand that extended and rested over mine on the table. "Well... there was no not getting involved. We basically forced our way into their little inner circle. Didn't have much of a say, but we told them we were going to be there when they raid it."

Luke went over most of it with me already. It was interesting to learn about what all went down without me. According to him, it started with freaking out. I wasn't surprised about that. After the deed was done and I traded myself for Brooke, Francis returned with his daughter safely. He released Luke from where I handcuffed him – and woke up an unconscious Jackson. After Francis apparently got slugged in the face, Luke and Jackson met up with the FBI. And after a few FBI agents got slugged in the face too, they calmed down enough to demand to work with them.

Basically, the whole time I was in there, it was nothing but fact-searching and anxiety. Getting the layout of the institution, studying the land, and collecting data about the cult. The FBI did most of that. Meanwhile, Luke and Jackson waited, and it was agonizing. To the point where they tried going in and after me themselves, but were caught, restrained, and kept on watch. They could do nothing besides push the FBI and help them with a fight plan. It did not sound like a fun time.

"I couldn't imagine. Did they set a date when they would actively go in? Or were they just 'working on it' until it happened?"

He chuckled in frustration at the memory. "Nope, it was always, 'be patient, we'll launch soon, but we have to get it right' and that nonsense. I respect good judgement, and I know it was a crucial operation, but they took too long in my opinion."

"It's just... so ironic I got out as you guys were going in," I chuckled. Then again, irony had an interesting place in my life, didn't it guys?

Luke sat forward more, resting his elbows on the table. He turned my hand in his, clasped it, and squeezed in encouragement. "Yeah, that was weird, wasn't it? If your beautiful stubborn self would have waited one more day, you might have saved yourself some battle scars," he said, wanting to keep the mood lighter.

I didn't mind his attempt. It made me snort under my breath. "We never were great with timing though, were we?" I smirked, giving his hand a quick flirty squeeze. Forgetting that the bandaged cuts on my hands were strangely what hurt the worse, I winced.

Glancing out the window, he chuckled. The sound was as nice as the sight of his white smile. "You aren't wrong."

More seriously, I continued. "There is something else I've been meaning to ask. Where is your coat? The one I stole from you when I went into witness protection?"

He looked back to me, and then down at the table, brows scrunching in thought. "It was... still at the house I thought. Yeah, after you guys got ambushed there and we started living in motels, I just left it with the rest of our stuff at the house. But yesterday when we packed up, I didn't see it."

He was in a dark green fall jacket, sleeves pushed up to his elbows. Nothing like the thick wool of his coat that Reid presented to me while I was under his control. It made me think at the time, almost believe, that he got to Luke and killed him. I realized now I clearly failed to think logically before. Half our things had been sitting in a house we temporarily abandoned for safety. Easily one of Reid's guys went in and snagged it.

"Yeah, I wonder what happened to it," I said.

"I'm sorry, I know you loved that coat, baby. Hey, it's one less thing to haul across the country though," he said, sitting back and taking a swig from his glass of water. With a scoff, he nodded towards the parking lot. "I can't believe how much stuff we managed to cram into that truck as it is."

From a house we had been temporality renting... oh yeah, it was a lot of stuff. Thankfully we had Francis's truck to help. While I was busy being Reid's bitch, Francis flew back to Ohio with his daughter. He left her with Jan and Mike, took his truck, and drove back here. Yes, a lot of traveling. And that was before we all needed to regroup.

Now, there was still plenty of traveling. Once I got out of the hospital, Francis and Jackson booked a last minute flight to Connecticut. By the time me and Luke drive there, they both planned on having all my things in my house packed up. Usually, I'd have a problem with them going through all my shit. At this point, the last thing I really cared about now was the stuff I own. Plus, who knows, I might get brownie points when they find my vibrator.

After lunch, we were back on the road. With each hour that passed, my anxiety increased. This is how it's been every day since I've been out of that shithole. Just paranoia, building more intense as the day wears on. Each hour gone was one hour closer to when we'd stop for the night. Just as we passed the 'Welcome to Illinois' sign, we did stop for the night. Once again, it was a restless one.

***

Breathe, breathe, it's fine. You're fine. Safe. But it was too still, too calm, too... not threatening. Things were fine and normal – but for how long? For the rest of the night and into morning? How could I believe that? We were sitting ducks, not moving, and I have to expect that nobody is going to find me?

I stood there almost awkwardly, watching Luke sift through the duffle bag. He set it on the queen sized bed of the motel room. It was a homey place, but too small. Too unsafe and too still. Licking my lips, I looked down at my bandaged hands fiddling together. "If you don't mind... I was just going to go for a little walk. Stretch my legs."

Luke glanced up to me, pausing in sifting through our clothes. Taking a moment to respond to me, he looked down and just nodded. He expected it at this point. "Okay. Did you want me to come with you this time?"

"No, it's alright. You relax and unpack, okay?"

Just as he nodded, I spun on my heels, opened the door, and walked out. My lungs released to the crisp autumn air. I could breathe easier – and relax slightly with each step. For the past few nights, wherever we stayed, I needed to walk. I craved on continuing to move.

The motel was a one-story U-shape structure with maybe 20 rooms. It was run-down, which was perfect. Blended in nicely, couldn't be seen as well, and there were only a few other businesses on this road. Besides that, the area was just lined with houses. Regardless of how safe it seemed though, having a gun strapped to my side was a necessity.

Rounding the motel, there was nothing but a patch of trees and the back of a few houses. After finding a side road, I entered the subdivision behind the motel and walked the left side of the street. I was alone, safe, with nothing but the sight of typical middle class houses on both sides. Their yards were groomed with a few trees and occasional solar decorations. The only footsteps against the pavement and dead leaves scattered along the street were my own. Yet, it wasn't enough.

My heart was still beating at a fast pace. I was still out in the open, still visible by the moonlight. It was irrational, illogical, but... it was a real feeling of paranoia and fear. Call me stupid because I knew – I knew damn well – that I was safe. Walking helped a lot though. It eased the fear to a level where I could bear it, even if I still was on edge.

I stared down at my tennis-shoes against the road. The road had maybe 10 houses on each side before it curved ahead. I couldn't help but be jealous of the people sleeping behind those walls. I didn't know how I could possibly become one of them. I mean even right now, staying in a motel while we travel across the country, made me uneasy. What's going to happen once we get everything settled? Once I move in with Luke when we get back to Ohio? I will permanently be living there. By the time that happens, I don't see this overbearing and illogical paranoia going away. How—

Slam.

Not even looking back towards where the sound came from, I took off in a full sprint. Someone was here, someone was going to kill me. I was going to die; I could almost already hear the gunshots! Fuck! Sprinting up into a lawn, I ran parallel to the road. Running from yard to yard. I was too out in the fucking open!

Then, behind me, there was a different noise: the fast pounding of footsteps, running – and it wasn't me! Shit! Before I could turn and see the monster, before I could pull my gun, I felt a grip on my arm. The person who ran up on me slowed down, forcing me too as well. "Albany," came his hushed voice. "What the hell are you doing?"

I whipped my head around. It was Luke! "Me? What are you doing? I heard a noise. We need to keep going!"

With his grip, he pulled me to an abrupt stop in someone's front yard and turned me to face him. "The noise of a car-door slamming shut?"

His words made me pause. I wanted to refute him instantly. Looking around us though, everything was still. There was no threat apparent. The only sound was our heavy breathing and the crickets chirping. Biting my lip, I looked down to the grass. Wow, a fucking car-door? How pathetic and embarrassing.

Ignoring the pain in my joints from running, I looked back up and found his eyes. Glinting from the moonlight, they were full of concern and confusion as to why I would run. If you guys couldn't guess, it was because I was out of my fucking mind. I mean come on! A car-freaking-door! "Never mind that. Wait, why— W-Where did you even come from?" I asked, flustered.

He untightened his hold and gently thumbed my arm through the hoodie I was wearing. "I was following you."

"Why?"

Sighing, he closed his eyes for a long moment before opening them. "Albany, after fucking everything, you think I can just let you out of my sight? And feel comfortable? After you slipped away from me so many times?"

He had a point.

Catching my breath, and ignoring the pain in my shoulders, I couldn't do it. We were just standing here in someone's yard. Yes, I'm a fucking idiot for running at basically nothing. Yes, I know I am safe. That didn't stop the uneasiness and paranoia though. "You're right and I understand. Let's head back to the motel," I said, turning and walking towards the road.

My stride lasted three steps before Luke's grip tightened on my arm and he moved in front of me. "Wait. Just... Let's just stay here for a minute, okay?"

"What for?"

Licking his lips, he stepped closer and slid both his hands down to my sides. He spoke in a fragile voice. It matched the cautiousness in his gaze. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I need you to just stop moving, stop walking, and be content with your surroundings. Please, just stand here with me for a bit."

My chest flooded with anxiety. Up until now, Luke went with the flow of how irrational and paranoid I've become. Didn't say anything, didn't intervein, didn't try to stop my craziness. Now, he couldn't help it. Couldn't hide how scared he was for me. All I wanted to do was reassure him, but I couldn't – could not – keep standing here like he wanted.

Stopping at a gas station, going out to eat, even when we visited Grace and her family... it caused anxiety, but nothing I couldn't handle internally. For those things, they involved me being behind walls. They involved a lot of innocent people and potential witnesses. Right now, it was just Luke and I. Nobody else. We were outside, visible to the world under the moon. Most importantly, what mattered to me, was that we weren't moving. Luke figured that out. He realized I needed to be on the move to feel okay.

"Stand here?" The longer we stood there, the faster my heart raced. The more my mind spun. The deeper that ache sunk that told me I was going to die.

"Yes," he said.

You guys know how I am though. I scoffed, waved my hand dismissively, and forced my breath to not escalate. "I appreciate your concern. Really, I do. I'm fine though. Even though its chilly, it's a nice enough night. Let's just finish up my walk – and this time you don't have to stalk me like a creep," I said lightly.

He let his hands drop and curled a piece of my loose hair behind my ear. "Sounds good to me. After we stand here for a few minutes."

I tightened my jaw. "You don't understand." Heart picking up, standing here was becoming mentally and physically demanding. It was hard not to look around me for any incoming threats. "Luke, please. I'm finishing that walk right now. You can join me or I'll see you back at the motel," I said, spinning around and walking back down towards the road.

Walking offered the illusion of safety and freedom. After everything that happened, movement was like a drug to me. Last time drugs were involved, he handcuffed me to my bed. He made me defenseless. Made me fear that Clare would kill me that night. And feeling so controlled and scared, being physically restrained when I was fearing death, it made me break. It made me cry for the first time in a long time that night.

This was not any different from what happened a few years ago. Aside from Clare being dead now obviously.

Just as I was about to step off the lawn and back on the street, his hand captured my waist. "Baby," he said, voice frantic. He spun me back to face him in the lawn. The love, pain, and desperation flowed from his eyes to mine. "Listen to me. Please. We've been driving without stopping every day. Even when it's time to stop, I go farther because you don't want to stop. And when we do stop for the night, you need to go for a walk. You need to pace the hotel room. You need to shove all the furniture against the door, against the windows, and you need to sleep with a gun. Even with me next to you. I need you to please stop. Please take a minute to stop and see that we're okay. We're okay out in the open and not moving," he said softly, pleadingly. He bit his lip, brows creasing in emotion. "Please, I just want you to see that nothing bad is going to happen if we just stand here. I—"

"I know nothing bad is going to happen! I know that. I know I'm fucked, okay? It doesn't change the-the fact that I can't do that! I can't just stand—" I cut myself off and tried stepping away from him.

This time, he didn't let me. My stomach dropped at the sensation of his hand clamping around my wrist, holding me there. "I want to help you so you're not scared anymore because I can't take this, baby. I can't take seeing you this way. I'm sorry!"

My heart was picking up faster. Someone was going to come up and find me, see me, shoot me. His hold felt like a prison and immediately, I pulled and strained away from him. "I-I can't do that, Luke. Let me go, let me go, let me go, please fucking let me go," I pleaded and begged. I was breathing hard, I was stuck, I was nothing.

"Baby, I will, just please calm down and listen first, okay?" He struggled with me and grasped my other wrist. He towed me in front of him and faced me, but I didn't stop struggling.

His hands felt like vices. Like the shackles, handcuffs, and zip-ties. Like the hands of everyone who escorted, guided, and delivered me. Like the cold shock collar. Like the weight of everyone who has overpowered me! And who knows who's next! Who knows who gets ahold of me next because it's coming, it's going to happen, we're out in the open and vulnerable!

"No, no, I just want to keep going!" I exclaimed. I was worthless, a burden, and this was just proving it. "I don't want to be controlled anymore, Luke," I begged, voice breaking. "I deserve this, but let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go," I begged and begged and begged. A lump was rising in my throat. My body shook. "Let me go, let me go, let me go!"

Then, finally for the first time since I've escaped, I broke down and cried.

My pleas turned into sobbing pleas. I buckled, falling onto my knees in the grass. And though his hands did slip away, that's all there was: that dumb plea. "Let me go, let me go," I cried, shaking uncontrollably. I turned over, buried my head in my arm and the grass, and sobbed. I wanted to walk, I wanted to walk, I wanted control and I didn't deserve any of it!

Laying there, I just cried with everything I had in me. Sobbed from my unanswered string of pleas, the paranoia, the fear, and the internal voice reminding me it doesn't matter because I'm nothing. I'm nothing, worthless, filth! I bring death to everyone around me. I needed that next person to come here right now and shoot me in the head. And guess what, my stupid selfish dumbass would fight out of instinct.

Then, I was pulled out of that self-hating sobbing state. When I felt Luke rest a hand on my back, I instinctively reacted. I needed him, I needed him! He was the only constant piece of this fucked-up world that told me my life was worth something. And I had no choice but to cling to it. Immediately, I sat up in the grass and turned to where he was kneeling next to me. I threw my arms around him as I cried. I didn't want to let go. Even though I was scared out of my fucking mind, being out in the open, he was all that mattered.

Luke's arms circled me and secured me tightly. Shaking and sobbing against him, I buried my head against his shoulder. He was home, he was the only home I ever wanted, and I didn't deserve him. God, I didn't deserve this! I didn't deserve him. And if I died, he wouldn't have to deal with me and my bullshit anymore. Until then though, I get to call him mine. "I'm sorry, Luke. I'm sorry, you— You just don't understand," I cried. "You don't know how much i-i-i-i-it hurts! It hurts just sitting here. Because you don't know what I fucking went through! You don't know," I cried, releasing more tears down my cheeks, chest uncontrollably shaking.

"No, I don't baby, you're right," he whispered, voice almost desperate. Secured in his arms, he gently rubbed my back. "I won't ask either. You're going to tell me when you're ready. And I'm scared for that because I know I won't be able to handle it." He paused, taking a shaky breath. "I have no idea... not a clue of everything you had to endure in there and everything you did to escape. I'm sorry, I just... just want to help you." He moved back slightly and got to his feet, pulling me carefully up with him. "Let's go back to the motel, okay?"

I forced my sobs to stay back for a minute, my stomach shaking as I searched his eyes. The amount of relief that flooded me from those words... it was unnatural. Nodding very thoroughly, he took my hand and led me across the street. My other hand was cupped over my mouth to stifle the pathetic sobs I tried holding in.

We cut through someone's backyard to get back to the motel faster. Not like I was fully aware or functional the whole time. Like the dramatic loser I was, I couldn't hold it together; my mind was spinning out of control in fear, flashbacks, and self-destructive mental rants. It was so overwhelming, that by the time we entered our motel room, I couldn't take it. I let my shaky legs give out, sank to the floor, and rested my back against the door. I bunched my knees up to my shaking chest and rested my forehead against them. Luke knelt down in front of me, rubbing my leg soothingly.

"I'm fucked, I'm so fucked, I'm just fucked in the head," I cried loudly, curling a fist against the grey and green carpet under me. "You don't deserve this shit, Luke. I'm not fine, I'm not going to be fine for a long time. And you...." I broke off into just sobs for a few moments before trying again. "And you are wasting your time with me. I'm worthless, I really fucking am. It's never going to stop either, it's not! Someone is always going to want to hurt, kill, punish me. Abuse and beat me, okay? That's how it's always been; what, it's magically going to end? It won't."

"If you—" Luke started

"Baby, you don't get it," I cried, lifting my head. Through my blurry eyes, I searched his emotional gaze. "No matter what you say, I cannot just... feel better. I'm fucked. I'm fucked in the head and you can't deny that."

From where he knelt in front of me, he rested both his hands on my kneecaps. "You are right. I can't deny you have issues right now. But Albany," he chuckled under his breath. "Do you ever remember me giving up on you when things were tough?"

Holding back my cries, I shook my head. "Trick question. Shit's always been tough."

"Sure has. And here I am." Smiling softly, he shuffled closer to my left and cupped my wet cheek. "'Always been' doesn't mean 'always will' sweetheart. I know you're not going to think better of yourself tomorrow. I know you're not going to feel safe a week from now. I know you're going to expect something bad to happen at some point in time. That's what life taught you to expect. Things do change though baby. And if you think I'm not going to be here, you're wrong. If you think I'm not going to be the only guaranteed 'always will' in your life, you're wrong. I am going to be by your side for everything."

I bit my quivering lip, trying to calm down. The genuine love he was expressing for me did help because I knew it was true. With how much we have both went through lately, this was the first real open conversation we've had. I forgot how much I missed it, missed him, thrived with him. I rested my hand over where his sat on my cheek. "You know, I should have figured that out the first five times I tried getting you to leave for your own sake," I said softly with a smirk.

"Yes, you should have," he said lightly before sighing. "And I'm sorry for earlier, I just want to help you and I know I can't. I didn't mean to make you upset like this, but I'm also really relieved you finally are crying, sweetie."

I looked away, trying to still hold it together. "I'm so fucking weak."

"You're strong, you're a fighter, a survivor—"

The mental strain of his words pushed me back over. Glancing away as I cried, I whispered, "You didn't hear me. It doesn't matter what you say, you can't just... make me feel better. You can't change how fucked-up I am."

"I can't, I can't, I know. You need more than just my support to help you."

I did not like what he was hinting at. "I hate therapy."

He took a deep breath with a sign of amusement. "No offense, but what you need is more than an every-day therapist. Besides. I think you'd pick therapy over dealing with being scared and hating yourself the rest of your life."

Despite my dislike for therapy, he was right. Let's face it ladies and genitals, I'm pretty high on the 'fucked-up' chart. I would have to get professional help, but the thought of therapy filled me with more anxiety. I already felt so weak and meaningless; now if I go talk out my feelings, I'll be even more of a pathetic cry-baby.

"Anyway, you're right. I can't change your thinking and I can't help you right now. But I can give you hope. You know I'm always going to be here. That's what this is, baby," he said, raising my hand up with the gorgeous engagement ring that was back home on my finger. The reminder made my heart swarm in love, yet made me sick knowing I didn't deserve someone so above me. "This means it's okay to be fucked-up in the head for right now. It's okay to lose it and be crazy and have problems. Because this means I'm here with you through all of it. We're stuck together for the rest of our lives," he said with a smile, eyes watering slightly too as he searched my gaze. "This ring means we have a future. A bright future beyond this hell, weather you are able to believe that now or not," he whispered, cupping my cheek and wiping away my tears. Searching my eyes, kneeling over me, a tear escaped his eye. "I can't convince you of anything. But you know how much I love you, don't you?"

"Of course I do," I said, gradually fighting my cries off.

"Then at least have hope. I can't give you the help you need, but I can offer you hope that things will get better. Things will change. I'm going to be there to show you that. Look at where we are, how far we've come."

Sniffling, blinking away the remaining tears, I nodded. He was right. I was fucked in the head, had a low opinion of myself, and was scared out of my mind. I also had a man who helped me see having him was better than all those things. Even though I escaped several days ago, I didn't feel reunited with Luke until right now. I loved him, trusted him, and could at least hope that things will change. Him being here, alive and before me, allowed for that. Especially when I thought for too long that he would be killed among all the chaos.

Searching his eyes, mine own started to shed more tears. This time for a different reason. "I..." I breathed unevenly. "I missed you so fucking much," I said desperately, voice breaking.

Eyes growing with love, his breath hitched, and he cupped my cheeks. Then, he swiftly lowered his lips to mine. Kissing me deeply, passionately. My heart spiked to a level it hasn't been to in a long time. A level full of need and love. So much love. Folding my arms around his neck, I tilted my head and eagerly kissed him back. I missed him so much, loved him, and though I hated myself, he mattered more. His alive lips sweeping me away mattered more.

Moaning softly against his lips, he dragged me closer. It left my back with no support until he swiftly swiped his arm around my back. holding me up to his lips as I kissed him back with as much desire. So much love and desire, and I let myself get swallowed in everything sensation of him. Feeling the breath leave his nose unevenly, his lips moving deeply against mine, the warmth of his hold and the strength of his body.... I could feel a few the ends of his hair brush my face. Cupping his neck, feeling his stubble, the structure and texture of his skin. It drove me wild because I missed him, loved him, and needed him for so long. And I had him. I fucking had my man! Though I could not let the paranoia go, even though I couldn't stop feeling worthless, he was right.

I could hope. So much shit has happened, so many terrible things, to where its hard to believe the world wasn't trying to destroy me. But I was kissing a man who should be dead right now. I was kissing my man when I should have died long before today.

Ever since he entered my life, his has been at stake. From my mother, to a gang, and a whole cult. We faced life-threatening situations, ambushes, bullets and gunfights across the country. And most recently, I miraculously, single-handedly, broke free from a heavily guarded institution full of killers. That doesn't happen where we walk away alive every single time.

For everything we endured, for how much we bled and suffered, here we were... damaged, but alive, and together. That alone gave me faith. I was weak, scared, and deserved the bullets that I somehow dodged. But being alive, here with him, was enough to hope that my outlook would improve and things would get better.

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The end.

Naw, not quiet yet, just kidding.

However, we are close! This is crazy... we don't have much more to go at all. This chapter basically wrapped up the crazy and latest chapter in their lives. So what do you think is next? What will happen to Albany, Luke, and everyone else? I'm so sad things are going to be ending, but also satisfied that I'll be able to finish a series I've been working on for many years now. I love you guys and thank you for reading this story!