Chapter 8

There were a lot of little memories in this truck. Ones that helped us along and made us grow closer before. I felt those hit me when he started to drive closer and closer to my house. It just made me want to escape this space I was in now with him. I didn't know how much more of this I could handle. Not to mention, I didn't know how much I should handle.

So when Luke got about a block away from my house, I made him pull over onto the side of the road. The streets empty with nothing but cement and moonlight reflecting, sidewalks laced with shadows from scattered trees in lawns... I knew it was a good place to drop me off. If he gets any closer to my house and I might throw a fit because this alone was practically asking for someone to shoot us in the head. And honestly folks, after so much, is that how you would want to go? I didn't think so.

We sat there in his truck silently for what seemed to be too long. Too long to be safe and comfortable. And yet, even with his presence and those memories spinning in my head, with wanting to escape... I didn't know when I would see him again. He would surprise me he said, which was just peachy. Who knows, it might bring a nice little show. I could faint again. It's not like I'm exactly use to him being here and have accepted it fully yet. Either way, putting aside that, I was more concerned than anything about his safety.

"Luke," I whispered gently, glancing over to where he was sitting in the dark beside me. His eyes stared blankly out the windshield and with the few street lights, I could see his dead gaze steady on nothing. When I said his name, he removed his hands from the wheel with a sigh and sat back slightly as he looked over to me with a sad look. One... one that made what I had to say next quite hard. But I had to. "The next time we meet... it has to be the last time. It has to be," I whispered with a shaky voice.

He looked at me, just staring blankly for the longest moment, before he finally swallowed. He even looked a little more pale at my words and it made my heart ache. Luke had to understand this couldn't last... and though I saw he clearly didn't like that, I saw he accepted it had to be that way. I watched in a sad state as he lowered his eyebrows and pursed his lips. It was a look that made the hair on my arms stand on end and instantly, I almost wish I could take my words back. I knew I still wanted him to be mine. I wanted to be selfish and do anything in my power to make him happy. I would give anything for that. But I knew I couldn't and it had to stay that way. It hurt, deeply it did terribly. Even when he agreed. It was like I almost wished he had fought me on the issue. "I understand. I know you're right. This is too selfish to keep putting you in danger--"

"And you. You're in danger too."

He nodded solemnly and looked down at the seat under us and didn't meet my eyes. I saw a soft smile come to his lips after a moment. And for that moment, as I watched him with curious eyes, I saw a glint I haven't seen in a long time. One that wasn't guarded like he has been since I first saw him after all this time. It was strange and very intriguing. And heart breaking too at knowing I won't see it much after this. It matched his words he spoke as he shook his head slowly. "We never did get it...." he whispered.

"What are you talking about?" I asked in a soft voice.

His eyes looked up into mine, piercing mine with a mesmerized gaze. "Do you remember how I always told you we would be free one day? How we would make it and everything would be okay? How we would end all this bullshit? Well it... it never happened," he paused in the gentle and shockingly vulnerable voice he possessed. Then... he spoke again and it tore at me. "I lost you to it.... I'm very sorry," he told me in a soft voice, even as his eyes remained cautious. But cautious with obvious signs of turmoil behind it that made my stomach turn. He spoke rarely like this I could tell after three years. Staring at me, I understood why he said that. Because he really was sorry even with it not being his fault.

It was the truth. When we were together, when we fought all these problems, we kept looking ahead. We didn't get swallowed in the chaos of what was happening around us like most people would. He tried to be calm and fight on because in the end, we had something to look forward to. And that was our lives, being alive, being free and with each other. It just... it never happened. Things escalated to this point and I think it was the first time Luke was starting to see that it not just never happened. That it would never happen.

It made my throat thick because I felt what he did on that matter. I always dreamed of him coming in, sweeping me away, and us leaving. Of us just living together happy. It was too late and it couldn't happen with the danger, with the amount of time that passed that seriously damaged us. The world doesn't work where it would be fine. That's why one more time we would meet and no more.

I bit down hard on my lip, already feeling the slight quiver start. I cleared my throat and forced my words out because of how true I felt them. "It's not your fault. But I'm... I'm sorry too."

Watching him carefully, seeing his eyes unwind my nerves, I felt relief when he looked away, a little fast I noticed. And not a second later, he spoke. It just wasn't in the same voice. It was harder, with sadness but more stone than anything. "You should probably get going," he said, eyes down the whole time as he reached over to his door, and pushed what I could hear was the locks unlocking. As he did, I glanced out ahead towards where the road curved and I needed to walk.

"You're right," I say, unable to look at him again. I knew he wasn't looking at me anyway. "Goodnight Luke," I sighed on a lighter note as I grabbed the door handle and flew the door open. And as I bit my lip, I stepped out and glanced ahead where my destination was. Slamming the door shut, I was on my way and he was on his.

It was a little unsettling really. Knowing I would see him only one more time... ever. It brought tears to my eyes that I had to instantly wipe away before I overdid it and broke down like a bitch. I wasn't a cry baby - I still wasn't - but this was hitting me as hard as some of the heavy duty shit in the past hit me. After all, he was still such a huge part of me and I didn't want to let him go.

***

It was ten in the morning and I was not a happy camper. And this time - shocked I know - it wasn't because I was tired. It wasn't because I was hungry either. That's why I was heading over to Jackson's; he would wake me with his annoying nature and feed me with what I could already smell a nice breakfast brewing. So nope, that's not why I was in a bad mood this morning. Not because I was tried or hungry. It was the fact that a few hours earlier, I did something I didn't want to do in the bathroom around dawn. And no that wasn't take a nice explosive shit either ladies and gents. It was much worse and it didn't hold the same kind of relief. This made me feel worse.

Sympathize with the one that doesn't want sympathy. It was terrible. I hated it. I couldn't get anymore clear on that. Though it wasn't black, I knew I had to remember to be thankful it wasn't blonde. Like I said, any color but blonde. Light brown wasn't something that would get me excited though either but what's done had to be done.

Of course, all that didn't matter I knew. I would feel safer. I already was as I was walking down my driveway at the moment with my happy dog; I could already feel less paranoid with being outside and having Luke somewhere in town. The next time I'm with Luke, it might be a little better if in fact someone is watching him from a distance or at least keeping an eye on him. I honestly didn't know but I knew it would at least help me look a little more like Morgan and not Albany. Either way, Jackson would have something to say. That's what I wasn't looking forward to.

I knew that would be the huge downfall. Jackson wouldn't just tease me about it. He may question me on it which wouldn't look good for me after that incident where I punched him. I mean, he knew how much I hated dying my hair. The first year we were here, besides me being a mess, he could tell I hated the blonde hair; I didn't feel like myself even more and it was the one thing I could control. So the condition was after they felt I was safe, they allowed me to grow it black again as long as I kept it straight and not naturally curly. So of course, Jackson will want to know why I would want to dye it again.

The morning sun up and shining down at me and Jack as we crossed the little street, I looked down at my little buddy walking beside me. His ears perked and tail wagging, we got up to his front porch. "Jack want some breakfast? Yeah?" I knelt down and scratched the top of his head. He tried licking my occupied hand on him before I laughed and stood back up, facing his front door.

Walking through the door, and instantly smelling the scent of eggs cooking and the sound of some sizzle action going down in the kitchen, I yelled out the first thing I thought of. I closed the door behind me as I shouted, "Jackson! Is my breakfast done?" I said as I started walking towards the kitchen that was on the right.

Entering the brightly lit room by the windows, I watched as Jack started to run towards Jackson and start to jump up and down against him where he was standing and facing the stove. Like usual, already up and dressed with a shirt that showed his muscles through his back. His hair was slicked back and I could already imagine that blank look on his face. Jackson, as he turned and leaned down and pet Jack on the head, yelled back at me just as obnoxiously. "No you ungrateful neighbor that just walks in and eats my shit." Watching him, half his face visible as he bent down and pet Jack, I watched as he glanced to me for a second before getting back to the stove. "I don't even get why I--" he cut himself off upon turning back around and staring at me. Yeah... he noticed, even with that little glance. "What the hell did you do to your hair?" He raised an eyebrow.

I felt the groan that reached my lips come from a mile away. I was waiting for him to do this. I just want to get this out of the way so bring on the questions and chit chat now. Licking my lips, I looked down away from where his eyebrow was raised and where his eyes were caressing my face and hair. "What does it look like? I dyed it," I shrugged, walking over towards him and the stove. Eggs and sausage. Yes.

"Yeah no shit. Why?" he asked me. He was watching me carefully; I could feel it next to me as I glanced from the food I saw was about done to him. More curious than annoyed for once too. His brown eyes were guarded like usual but also searching.

"Change. Now I know I bitched before about my hair being anything but my natural black but that's when it was blonde not light brown. I actually think it looks nice," I said, a flat lie so he would buy it and drop it.

"I don't," he mumbled. "I loved your hair as it was before," he said, lifting his hand and flicking the burners off as I went to the fridge. I grabbed the gallon of milk from the fridge, pouring myself a glass. And with that, I kept glancing over to him as I did, shocked to hear him say that. I was convinced I heard him wrong.

"What are you talking about? Since when have you ever liked my hair?"

"It's better than brown to me," he murmured back as I grabbed my glass, facing him at his side and taking a sip.

I was expecting more 'why did you do it' and not 'I don't like it'.... I knew I was too soon to think that though. "Maybe I'm sick of having my father's hair," I joked as I took a seat at the table. After all, apparently, from the little I knew, me and my dad had the same eyes and hair.

Looking to Jackson, I heard him laugh as I watched him from behind. He removed the pans from the burners and started making himself a plate. When he turned and headed towards the table where I was sitting with his food, he met my eyes with seriousness. God I hope he didn't see through me....

His face, lips, and eyes blank.... he stared at me as I did back. Then he glanced down to his food for a minute as he smothered the scrambled eggs on his plate with ketchup. That's right guys. He liked ketchup too on some of his food like me. That's probably the one thing we will even have in common and I'm taking the credit for turning him on to it. Taking his first bite, I noticed him look back up to me and he gave me a look that told me I couldn't fool him. "You're telling me you dyed it because of change? Either that of because you didn't want it to match the hair of the son of the bitch that helped create you?" He scoffed.

I pursed my lips and refused to break my eyes away from him. It did sound silly I suppose. But I had to stick to it. After all, what else could I say was the reason for dying it? I could only chuckle and speak as convincingly as I could. "It's true. I just wanted change was all," I shrugged.

"Whatever," he said in a light voice I didn't like. Mainly because Jackson doesn't use his light voice too often if you guys get what I mean. "I'll figure out whatever you're hiding eventually. You deck me in the fucking face, get all worked up over nothing, question me, and now you dye your hair. You sure it's nothing?"

His words... that tone. Those eyes. Accusing, accusing, accusing. I didn't like it and it was as if I could see he already knew the answer or suspected something was up with me I wasn't telling him. I chuckled and nodded. "Alright hoe, good luck figuring it out," I said laughing as I stood up and headed towards the cupboard all his plates were.

"Hoe? Did you just call me a hoe?" he asked in an incredulous voice, one that helped lighten my nervousness in me. After all, the man looked ready to drag the answer out of me a second ago without a fight. Which wouldn't be pretty at all. I wouldn't want to know what Jackson would do if he found out Luke was here and we were secretly meeting. It wouldn't be pretty at all that's for sure.

"I think I did," I said as I grabbed a plate and started to fill it of what he made on the stove. And after I sat down, started eating, we fell into our usual talk and what not. But what mattered was that the subject before was dropped and I was happy he bought it. After all, Jackson is a very observant guy and he can put shit together fast when it comes to figuring stuff out. It was a real concern of mine, of him finding out about Luke. Of course, I was still on edge. I knew Jackson was still suspicious. What happened next did not help either....

Just as I got my plate full food - and Jackson scolded me for how much I took like usual - I took a seat beside him at the table again. But before I could even take a damn bite, I was interrupted. Unfortunately, it wasn't by Jackson either or the current topic of conversation. It was by my phone in my sweatpants pocket.

I groaned loudly, setting down what would have been a nice fork full of eggs, and caught Jackson's humorous eyes as he ate. "God, I just want to eat," I muttered as I looked down to my lap and allowed my free hand to grab at my pocket where I maneuvered my hand in and grabbed my phone ringing. Looking back up, I raised my phone and looked at the screen. I already groaned. Spencer. I liked Spencer but with Luke in town, it felt almost poisonous in a sense to be talking to him at the same time. Either way, I answered it.

"Hey," I said into the phone after pressing it against my ear.

"Hi," he said in a soft voice. "How is Miss Morgan today?"

I scoffed and internally groaned. Less talky, more eating was my slogan at the moment. I wanted to follow it but I couldn't. "I am okay," I chuckled. "What's up with you?" In other words... why did you call? I loved how nice Spencer was and how he could make me feel better. Make me smile. But sometimes... it was too much for me. It wasn't his fault, it was mine. I just wasn't in the mood to talk to him with how Luke has been in town because it was almost the extremes of both my lives and all happening at once.

"I just wanted to see if you would be up for a date this evening? Thought maybe I could treat you to a nice dinner... maybe some hunting?" he said in a voice I knew was joking. Through the distorted sound the phone gave his voice, I could still hear that amusement when he mentioned hunting.

"Oh hunting huh? What are you hunting for? Some pride?" I scoffed and teased him gently, seeing Jackson from my side vision take a bite of sausage.

My stomach couldn't take it as I watched him eat. I took a bite of the eggs that smelled too good and listened to Spencer's response as I chewed. Eyes resting on the table, I heard his small chuckle fill my ear. "Oh aren't you funny!" he said, making me crack a smile as I looked over to Jackson. Who was watching me intently. I really wish he wasn't. It wasn't just because he was staring at me. With my reaction coming up... it wouldn't help with him thinking there was nothing going on with me. "What do you say? You open for tonight?" his voice from the phone brought me back.

I knew the one percent of this conversation I liked would go away and it did. After all, he asked me on a date and I needed respond. Did I want to go on a date with him? Sure. I liked Spencer a lot but for some reason, I didn't feel the excitement I had before when he would ask. I didn't feel like tonight anyway. After all, he asked me to meet his family which was a huge step ahead that I was unable to take. I wanted time. Even more... I wanted to not feel like shit if I'm on a date with him and wondering about Luke. I would rather go out with him after Luke leaves. But if I'm being honest with myself... would that really make a difference? I'm sure Luke would still be in my head more so than before.

But that's not a good reason. He was in my head because Luke was a big part of my life before and no other reason. Or at least that's what I kept telling myself. I could make it work with Spencer and I liked him more than I thought I would. Then what was my issue tonight? Because he was too much sometimes? "I would love to but me and Jackson have shit to do unfortunately," I said, saying the first thing that came to my mind. And seeing Jackson's eyebrows raise with a glare, I internally sighed. He didn't look happy that I dragged him into my excuse.

"Oh okay then. Maybe another time then," he said, still keeping his voice up through the phone. Though I could tell he was slightly disappointed. Just as I could tell the conversation was about to wrap up, and before I could apologize for saying no for tonight, he brought up something that changed everything. Made my body shift, made my breathing fall from it's even flow.... "Oh but before you go, I remember I need to tell you something," he added through the phone.

"What is it?"

"Some people came by, asking about you.... They wanted to know about me, and they wanted to know everything I knew about you."

I felt the blood drain away from my cheeks. Felt the weight of his words drop hard on my shoulders. I felt my lips part, jaw dropping, and I knew my first reaction and thoughts were the ones that would stick with me on this. I felt a sick feeling come within seconds of letting those words he spoke hit me. And with that, the last thing on my mind was the fact that Jackson was watching me with deep fascination that I couldn't feel with the horrible sensation that filled me.

Because when I hear that... what else am I suppose to think? Those guys that are after me.... Reid. However, that could be my first thought just because that's what I feared the most - especially after becoming paranoid with Luke in town. I needed to breathe and not jump to conclusions. I took a long moment just to breathe and blink. Then, I responded to him, my eyes locked on the table as if in desperation.

"What were they like? What did they look like? What did they ask?" I asked in a low voice, taking a deep breath into the phone and licking my lips.

"They acted very official. They said they were from the FBI but why would the FBI want to know about me or you? I couldn't tell. They asked how I know you, what our relationship is, how long you have been here.... I don't know, just questions like that."

Relief. It the was the best thing I could fell right then, even if for a moment. All I could think was thank god to be honest. I could feel it lighten the load that put on me. He didn't mention the FBI until now. But that didn't last too long. After all, with the instinctive thought of it being Reid right away, it didn't want to leave.

If it was the FBI... which it probably is... that could help out and make me feel very relieved. But who the fuck knows though too! I mean these people that talked to Spencer... they could be anybody. Including the FBI or the psychos after me, even if they said the FBI. I can tell you one thing though. No matter which one, it wouldn't be shocking. After all, I wouldn't be surprised if Reid's followers were here and realized I was too. Luke was here and associating with me. Not good. But then again, it could be the FBI. I found out the FBI have been playing dirty with me this whole time and lying. They are up to something or at least are keeping shit from me. They could also be doing this as a way to investigate the people around me to make sure Spencer wasn't a threat. That sounded most likely to me....

"What did you tell them?" I asked.

"That me and you have been going out but I wasn't happy how they wanted to know all my business and yours. That's all I really said. They asked about what I knew about your past and I said nothing to that really besides that you moved here a few years back. I said nothing specific. Do you know anything about why they would want to know?"

Uh, it could be either to find me and take me if it was Reid; to make sure you won't find and take me if it was the FBI. I glanced up to Jackson instantly at that thought. He was a part of the FBI, no matter how much control he claimed he didn't have. His eyes locked on mine intensely and he seemed to scoot his chair closer to me, searching my eyes as I responded to Spencer.

"No I don't have a clue. That's actually really strange," I said on autopilot, swallowing. What was I suppose to think? All I could think was it better be the goddamn fucking FBI like he said it was! "Is that all they asked?"

"Besides wanting to know about me more, yeah. They were nice about it though when I said not sure about stuff I clearly would know if that counts."

Did it? I didn't know. What did I know anymore? Oh yeah that my hair is brown and that's about it. That's all I really had too I realized after I saw there was no more that was to be told on Spencer's side of this.

After we hung up - with the promise of another date soon and for him to not worry about the questioning - I was locked with Jackson. Staring. His brows were low over his light eyes that were calculating in mine. Fascinated. And worried. "What was that about?" he asked after I got off the phone with him and slipped it back into my pocket.

"Apparently the FBI went over to Spencer's, questioned him, and wanted to know about me too."

Jackson arched a brow at me, resting his elbow on the table and propping his head, facing me more. He didn't look nearly as concerned. But then again he didn't know how great the chances were that it wasn't the FBI. It could be those assholes disguising themselves and trying to get to me. It made me get that sick sensation within me again. He did look confused on that matter and that's enough for me to know I'm not alone in not understanding. "What?"

"Yeah, just got off the fucking phone with Spencer. That's what he said."

Jackson pursed his lips and nodded. And for a long moment, he sat there with a thoughtful face as he pondered over my words. "I'll contact them by tomorrow, see what that is about. I know you don't trust the FBI anymore but don't look like you might die over it, Christ," he said, noting my sick and scared expression from before.

"I thought you couldn't contact them," I said in a more threatening voice. One that made Jackson even more clear in his expression. This one said that I better back down with how much light lit up his brown eyes.

"I said I can't when it comes to arranging a meeting between you and them because you saw some articles online and think they lied to you. I can on this issue though," he nodded, looking more sympathetic than anything else after he spoke those words. "Just don't worry about it, okay? I'll find out. Unless you are hiding something from me..." he added on, reminding me when he spoke earlier to me. Noting that this is twice today I was acting weird. The first coming in and saying I dyed my hair based on change. After all, Jackson can pick up the smallest differences and thrive on them and know something is up. Like this now with me looking ready to die at just hearing that the FBI talked to Spencer.

"I'm not hiding anything," I said into his eyes, my voice annoyed with his accusation again. I started eating my eggs again that were already starting to get cold. My eyes on my fork as I took another bite, I continued. "Just find out what you can and tell me tomorrow. I'm just worried is all," I lied. I was more than worried. But what could I do? I had to wait for word until tomorrow and in the meantime, that is something I will try and not think about. Like that ever really works....

***

It was late. Late and raining and a night I sure won't forget.

All the windows were open, letting in the gentle and relaxing patter of the rain hitting the ground, cement, roof. I loved it like I always did, just laying in bed and listening. Always so calming, always a way to escape anything that was occupying my mind. People were always just going on, continuing with their everyday stuff this evening. Shopping, watching TV, cooking... but I was still. Laying in bed with my dog. Calm - and loving the sound of the rain as it pelted against the Earth. It always soothed me and I was happy this was one of the few things I could take to my new life. And it was something I could be thankful for tonight after the worry running in my head about what Spencer told me.

Rain pelting, the occasional car passing by, and a few straggling crickets. It was a nice evening and I was loving not working. Instead I was laying here, running my fingers along Jack's fur who was laying against my side sleeping. Thunder would occasional rumble in the distance and only make me more compelled to relax into my bed, my other hand playing with the stone on my necklace against my chest. I took a deep breath of the rainy air, just as I felt myself nearly drift off. However, a simple noise that added to the melody of the rain and cars passing by seemed to have broke the gentleness that had begun to settle. What a fucking shock.

It was the doorbell that broke the silence. It brought on a confusion of wondering who it was and guess what? I wasn't in the mood to resolve that confusion. It was either Jackson or Spencer and I honestly would have enjoyed relaxing and staying here more. I didn't want to deal with them right now. Lord how I wish it was someone along the lines of either Luke or the pizza guy. Both sounded pretty good about now. Of course, I would rethink that about the first one with what happened a few moments later.

With the doorbell, Jack was already off. He jumped down from the bed, raced down the hall, and I could hear him barking at the front door in the kitchen. If Jack could do it, you can do it.... I sat up, moving my necklace back where it usually rests behind me on my back under my shirt. I forced myself to my feet next and started to make my way out of my room in my red tank top and grey shorts. Down the hall and to the kicthen, I faced the front door where Jack moved out of my way to let me answer it. And when I did... I stood there completely stunned for a long moment. I had no time to prepare for this at all. But then I guess that was the definition of surprising me like Luke said he would. It's just when he said that, I didn't think he would show up at my fucking house like this!

The light hitting him from my small kitchen light on, it lit up his green eyes that were resting in mine the moment I opened the door. And not only that, the shattering calming noise of the rain hit my ears upon opening the door. Which I saw only affected Luke with a couple drops of water in his hair and on his clothes of just jeans and a white muscle shirt. Besides that, his eyes, and him being here making my heart jump, something else did. And it was the reason I had my hair dyed.

I stared at him for a long moment but when then it hit me... that he was here. On my porch. At my house.... I didn't wait much longer to usher him inside and shut the door a little hard behind him. I watched the second I shut the door Jack started to jump up and down like a maniac against his legs, tail wagging at super speed it seemed.

"Could you be any more stupid?" I hissed instantly at Luke, facing him now in the kitchen as he stared down into my eyes. But at seeing the little guy at his feet, the little guy that Luke gave me for Christmas a long while ago, I watched his expression change softly. To something that was joyful and full of sorrow at the same time when he looked down at Jack who wouldn't stop jumping and whining for attention.

A smile started to form along Luke's lips, making my heart jump despite it already pounding in nervousness. His eyes down at the pup that he used to share a love with too, I watched as he crouched down and allowed Jack better access as Jack raised up on his back legs and pressed his paws against Luke's chest when he came to kneel on the floor. "Jack," he said gently, smiling down at my little buddy who was straining up and trying to lick Luke's chin. "Do you remember me?" he asked in a lighter voice, running his hands over his fur slowly.

However, after he gave a nice greeting to Jack, he stood back up to face me. I wasn't as excited as Jack you could say and he saw it in my face. And with that, his soft expression faded as he stared down at me, waiting. As if he knew I would yell at him over this which I wanted too. I could tell he knew how dangerous this was; why the hell would he do this?

"Do you know how irresponsible this is?" I asked him a quiet but low voice, pursing my lips as I searched his eyes staring above mine. Taking a deep breath, I could only shake my head and run my hand up through my hair in distress. What answer could there be that was reasonable? It was dangerous enough! And yet even more so with the chance, even if small chance, that those men that talked to Spencer were associated with Reid. Either way, his answer was quite surprising to hear.

"I needed to see you. Tonight. And when you weren't working, I came here," he explained in a blank and stone voice that was plastered back on him. His eyebrows lowered gently though. "You dyed your hair," he whispered.

"Why tonight?" I asked him in a curious voice, completely ignoring his hair comment. A curious voice but one with sadness laced deep. This had to be the last time we see each other.

He sighed a deep breath, licking his lips. Looking down to the floor beneath us, I watched his trailing expression on Jack become lost in his thoughts. Crossing his arms, I watched as his eyes shifted back up to mine. Full of a fire I didn't like, a deep sorrow that I couldn't even comprehend. "Because I'm leaving soon. I know it seems as if I'm putting you in great danger and don't care. But I do care. The longer I'm here, the greater the risk. So... I'm leaving within a few days," he mumbled in a low voice, his jaw tightening as he spoke those words. It made my own jaw tighten and several other points in my body including my stomach.

I knew this would be the last time we see each other. But to know it's happening here and now because he didn't want to risk being around me much longer... it stung. It made me hate our situation. It made me despise what he was doing because of me. My stupid problem was driving him away. The worst part was that I knew it would be for the best too. It made me bite my lip because anything else would be an out lash of emotions, tears, and pleading words for him to stay. But that would be selfish of me.

I looked down for the longest moment, nodding to him but unable to meet his eyes. "Okay," I said under my breath in a sigh. What else could I do? We were stuck. And I knew he had a life that was worth living rather than dying for me any day now if we kept meeting like this. The thought though made my eyes almost want to water. Instead, I held it in. Swallowing and staring at the ground, I eventually looked up, knowing I could handle this. I would handle this and I had to. This last time with him had to count. "Do you want a beer?"