Chapter 7

It was nearly as surreal as it was the first time we spoke after three years.  Mostly because I really still couldn't grasp the actual concept of him being here.  Here.  Right now and before my eyes.  Even as I stared into his gaze... I couldn't believe it.  I had enough time to accept this actually happened yet it seemed hard.  The shock faded slowly as we began to talk but it was still there.  Even if just laced over the conversation and the presence of him.

Since the basement of Express had some things in storage and extra tables and chairs, we put those to use.  Under the lonely light bulb hanging over our heads, we sat facing each other.  It lit up our surroundings enough to let me take him in, staring; it was probably making myself look like a creep doing it as we talked.  Before we spoke I just stared at him as we sat there.  And even now as we were conversing, my eyes didn't slow.  I penetrated his deep eyes.  I stared down and into the depths of them.  I felt almost desperate to fall into them.  I wanted to know when his shade of green grew duller.  I wanted to know how besides the obvious why of it being my fault.  I wanted to know everything.  I wanted to know why his face looked thinner even if he was just as attractive.  I wanted to know why his hair was different besides three years passing and change always happening being the answer.  So I just stared... as if that would do anything.  I stared at his swallowing eyes, those lips that made my heart beat faster at the memories. I glanced down him and his blue striped button up and jeans.  I was so fascinated by everything in front of me that was of him.  That's why I said what I did after the first few words of awkward conversation between us both.

"I want to know what happened," I whispered gently, searching his eyes.  Luke knew what I was talking about. He understood I wanted to know about what's been going on with him and the family the last three years.   

He looked just as fascinated and interested in me as I was him.  He probably wanted more answers himself. His eyebrows lowered gently as his eyes gazed deeper into mine when he heard me. He almost looked more emotionless.  Then again, his face was pretty void of it to start with his guarded eyes. "As in what?"

"As in... well, what happened after I left?  What did you go through?  How is your family? Just... everything I guess," I said, looking down and away from his eyes for the first time.  Partially because his eyes grew in heat and it wasn't one I liked.  It was one that warned me to not ask.  Because he knew I wouldn't want some of those answers.  

I felt a hard ping in my chest at seeing this.  His eyes so hurt and angry and yet so full of relief to as he searched my eyes.  And that wasn't even talking about how tense I noticed his body becoming.  "You don't need to know," he said gravely and it made my stomach twist.  "Instead, I want to know something," he took a deep breath and looked a little more normal in terms of emotion.  He pursed his lips, looking a little concerned.  "You said the FBI lied to you... Then you mentioned before that this guy watching out for you, your guardian, probably lied then too....  Is that who you punched in the face last night?"  Besides the initial shock, I was taken aback at seeing a smirk come to his lips for a moment, even though it was there for no more than a second.

I stared at him for a very long second.  My jaw tightened as did my fists that were resting in my lap where I was sitting in the wooden seat.  I took in a deep breath.  I could tell he was conscious of the fact that he knew I would be upset about that.  Good.  He better if he wanted to block my possible out lash.  "You were spying on me?" I asked him in a deep voice, my lips screwing up in a scowl.

He scoffed gently, closing his eyes off from mine.  I watched him lick his lips.  He looked a little embarrassed but not much.  He watched me closely and just shrugged, speaking as if I should have known from the start he would spy. Was he crazy or what guys?  I mean fuck.... He sure seemed to have a reasonable explanation though.  "You think, after three years, I am going to trust you?  You think I was going to just let you walk away and not at least see where you were living?  For all I knew, you were going home, packing up, and leaving town and never planning to see me again."

I could only close my eyes, shake my head, and dip my head down to rest my forehead to my palm.  Seriously?  He was that scared I wasn't going to keep to my word?  He had to see I wasn't going to run that night and leave town?  I understood.  I really did get where he was coming from and his paranoia.  But at the same time, it made me upset.  Very upset.  It was way past this just being a violation of trust - mainly because there wasn't much trust - but it was much worse. 

He didn't need to know where I lived.  The closer he is and the more he knows, the same went for the men watching him.  He could be leading them right to me.  That's why we're meeting here.  In a damn basement.  So being at my house, watching me from his car probably, that wasn't safe.  He watched me march across the street, punch Jackson, and not come home until the next morning if he stayed that long.  Yeah, that sure looked good.  It could lead those guys to me and to Jackson, who didn't need this on his plate.  Even worse?  How does that look, me not coming home?  Yeah, I'm no slut.  He probably just saw us drinking too through the windows. 

I groaned against my hand, my lip parted as I spoke staring at my lap. "You idiot," I whispered, shaking my head before looking back up. "What the hell is wrong with you?  Do you understand how dangerous that is?  For you and me?" I said in a little louder voice.

He gave a half eye roll and sighed.  At least I could see his gradual acceptance and embarrassment come though.  Eyes flickering to mine, I watched him purse his lips and sit back more in his chair, crossing his arms and getting comfortable.  "I know.  But I couldn't risk it.  I needed to know you wouldn't run.  It's in your damn nature for Christ's sake.  I needed more," he said, that last part almost under his breath. "But that's not the point.  I want to know why you punched him and who he is.  Why did you spend the night there?" he asked, more curious if anything.

I groaned.  Pushing aside the fact that it was dangerous for Luke to do that shit, I had to tell him.  I wanted him to give him as many answers I could for a man who has been wondering with no mercy for three years.  Sitting back myself and taking a deep breath, I rubbed the back of my neck. "That was, like you referred to him as my guardian, Jackson.  He's been with me from the start.  And he kind of just watches out for me, checks up on me.  He works with the FBI so I thought he was the one to blame for not getting my message through.  And I can't tell you how upset that made me.  I mean I honestly thought you knew," I said, just hoping he understood that.  I already told him that but I couldn't stand the idea of him thinking I was heartless and abandoned him.  "I thought they told you.  It was all that got me through pushing on.  So when you told me you didn't know jack shit... I slugged him in the face. Then he explained to me that he didn't know anything.  That he told the FBI to get my message through and they just must not have done it.  I believed him; I don't think he was lying.  And because he can't know I met you, I lied and said I lashed out and found out through online articles that you didn't know.  So... I mean we sat up, drank, talked.  Then I fell asleep."

I heard him inhale and exhale deeply before he spoke.  "Hmm," was the only thing I got from him.  Licking his lips, the soft pink glistening under the light, he sighed as he continued. "Well, I won't lie.  I really missed that about you.  You're fighting nature," he said, looking down and away from me, clenching his teeth.  It made my chest ache for him; made me yearn to comfort him somehow.  Before he could drown in a sea of what I'm afraid to say is sadness when I watched him, he quickly moved on. Even though I would replay his words over in my head later. "Anyway, I was worried so thank you for telling me.  But what are you going to do now?  Try to face the FBI the next time you see them?" His same blank gaze was back; only curiosity was projected among who knows what else in his heart.

I only wish I knew how to answer him.  I asked Jackson to try to set up a meeting but he said he didn't have that kind of control.  Bullshit if you ask me but I didn't know.  "I wanted to meet with them as soon as possible.  I don't know when that could be though but trust me, there will be words with them if nothing else," I sighed.  "On a related note... how is Kathrine?" I asked him.  A bit sharply too which I didn't mean.  The answer would hurt regardless. Yes means he is with another woman, no the FBI are lying assholes even more.  Both didn't make me feel great.  If anything I should be rooting for him to say it was true.  I wanted him to move on with a better woman who could actually be there fore him and wanted to know the FBI weren't lying about that. 

"Who is Kathrine?" 

***

It was more than obvious now.  The FBI lied about the updates they have been giving me.  Therefore, what the hell happened with him in the three years we didn't see each other?  It opened a large window of possible information I felt incredibly desperate to figure out about him. And what the hell was the FBI up to then?

I explained that to Luke.  How Kathrine was apparently his lover. I told him about how they said he took it hard with me leaving but slowly was moving on now with another woman.  And I told him about how those updates pushed me to live on as well.  I approached the subject carefully... but when it got down to it, I had to ask him flat out.

"Since they lied, can you tell me what really has happened these past three years?" I asked him.  I wouldn't be shocked if he shut me down completely and said nothing.  After all, even though it wasn't my fault, he had been in pain because of me.  I could be to blame and I still believed - even knowing the truth - that he was upset with me.  For some reason, I didn't blame him one bit.

Luke's eyes dropped to the cement floor between us and eyebrows dipped.  I took in his tense body again and how hurt this question seemed to make him. Biting my lip and just hoping he would let me in, it seemed to last forever until he sat back and found my stare again.  His eyes were hurt, a warning, and overwhelmed in pain.

"You don't want to know," he told me in a soft and almost caressing voice.  His green gaze was glazed in a gentle mixture of something that was serious and told me I shouldn't near those waters.  "You honestly really don't and you don't need to know either."

Oh but I do want to know.  Very badly.  Between the spaces in his words, they said that he just didn't want me to know either.  I had a rolling feeling in my gut that his words came from the idea that his three years without me were just that bad.  So bad... he didn't want to talk.

"Listen... I do want to know.  I really do.  And I just might need to know too to get some fucking closure."  Deep down I knew this would only make me feel worse about it.  But I would take that if it meant getting the truth for once during these years. "Lets just start with your family.  Please.  Can you tell me how they are?" I smiled softly.  I always thought about them.  I always wondered if they were fine and what was going on - especially with Francis.  Not to mention, I figured it would be an easy way for Luke to start

With my idea to start on an easier note, he sighed and nodded.  His eyes searched mine and he told me everything that is not only going on with his family I came to love.  But also how they felt after I left. "Well... all of them were devastated to hear you ran away because you needed some time for who knows what.  It hurt them and they helped try to find you.  They were upset and angry and didn't know what to think," he said, swallowing gently.  He spoke in a quieter voice, a spark in his eye. "They still wish you would come home sometimes." 

Hearing about his family stung a bit.  It did but I did figure they felt that way.  All they got was my stupid message from Francis and that's it.  I would have been pissed and devastated too.  Biting my lip, I nodded.  "I wish they didn't suffer.  They didn't need to," I said staring deeply into his eyes. But recalling him saying they wished I came home... oh god, how I could only dream for that.  I just couldn't though for reasons even besides Reid and us together being dangerous.  There was the whole issue of mine and Luke's futures bound to differ.  After all, he was older now and I'm sure he wanted kids. I couldn't let that happen with me. 

"But they did," he said.  "They loved you.  They still do even with how hurt they were.  But I mean they are doing quite well," he said, speaking on a lighter note.  He offered a small smile when he spoke.  "Shannon got married.  She met a nice man about two years back and she just got married about a month ago.  I'm glad she is happy; she deserves it.  Plus she deserved a new place on top of that. They moved into a nice house just two weeks ago," he nodded, eyes on the ground as he spoke. 

I smiled softly to hear that news.  I agreed with him; she did deserve it.  I just hope it lasts between her and this guy.  "Well that's great," I said, filling in what I could tell were tense pauses.  The awkwardness was here but I felt it growing now as I watched him.

"Yeah, it really is," he cleared his voice.  "Mom and dad are the same.  Happy and well."

"That's good." I smiled at that.  I mean I thought about Jan enough as it was so I was glad to know that.  I really missed her - more than I expected I would.  Not to mention Mike... I missed him almost as much and thought about him too.  What it would be like to have a guy like him as my dad.  But I had to ask.... "How is Francis?"

Luke sighed, almost in a scoff and ended up shaking his head in almost an amused manner. "Just fine.  We didn't think he was going to recover.  He didn't actually for a long time.  It took tons of therapy, a lot of work and money, and it damaged him a bit really.  But he is his same old self now and can walk perfectly fine," he said.

Guys... you wouldn't believe how relieved that made me in that moment. I mean it nearly made me forget everything else.  I just wanted to jump up and down, maybe make animal noises... I was that relieved to hear that.  I dwelt on it for years.  When I even asked the FBI about it, they said they didn't know (Which makes them fucking losers.  If your going to make up a story, be sure about the stuff in the story).  In all seriousness though, I was very happy with that news.  I carried that guilt this whole time even though he told me it wasn't my fault.  I know Brooke's got to be happy too.

My smile stayed there for a bit at just letting that sink in.  Until staring into Luke's eyes made it slowly vanish when I knew we were getting down to it. "And what about you?" I asked him in a gentle voice.

He knew I would ask.  He didn't appear surprised but he also didn't look ready to face that question either. He leaned forward from where he was leaning back.  Resting his elbows on his kneecaps, he sat forward closer.  It allowed me to see him much clearer.  Not to mention... get a whiff of his sweet scent.  He smelled the same.  Like he always did and I wasn't sure what it was but it helped in triggering the tears that started to water around my eyes.  It was the topic at hand that helped a lot with that though. "Like I said... you don't want to know and you don't need to know."

"Please," I said instantly, leaning forward like he was and coming closer, searching his painful eyes that were filled again with the warning that was there earlier.  "I need to know.  I-I just... I just really need to know; it doesn't have to be anything too deep but I don't know anything." I whispered softly, swallowing.

And that... that got a reaction out of him.  He scoffed but it was cut off in a deep and shaky breath.  His lips tight, flat, his eyes lit up like two flames.  He shook his head and I saw him stare harder in my eyes.  He was snapping.  "Why?  Why? What the hell do you want from me?  To know I fucking cried my eyes out for you?" his voice broke and I saw his eyes water, almost a bit too easily.  And it really scared me to see and hear that.  My breath caught and he didn't stop.  "You want to know how I fucking mourned you?" he asked almost daring me to go ahead and ask.  His voice acting so incredulous and hurt, deep, he didn't break our gaze.  "Do you really?  You want to know how it felt looking and looking for so long and not finding the woman that I loved?  How I lost my life in this?  Do you really?"

A few of my tears spilled out surprisingly. I didn't expect it either.  My eyes were wide as my throat was closing tight.  Tight and suffocating me nearly.  I took in his words as a bullet each time he spoke.  It hurt more than I thought it would.  But  didn't expect him to lose his control, even for a little moment like that.  I didn't have any idea what he went through clearly.  I really didn't.  But that didn't mean I shouldn't know. Didn't mean I should though either. To know this man cried and looked and hurt for me.... I just wish he understood this wasn't a one sided pain.  He didn't understand how much I hurt. "I do want to know," I whispered softly and in the process, almost on instinct, I took my hand and raised it to his smooth cheek. I don't know what possessed me to do it but I had to. Cupping his cheek, I stared deeply into his eyes, pursing my lips. "Tell me.  I want to know what you went through.  I want you to know too... it's not just you.  It's not," I said as a small tear fell and I kept wiping them away with my other hand. "It hurt me too.  But I would be willing to tell you.  And... you don't have to.  Just tell me what you can."

"Good.  Just don't expect to get much about my pain out of me.  That's only my business." His words... they made me sigh in relief but also in slight pain.  But I could respect him not wanting to share some stuff.  I just needed something that was the truth.  That was all.  The FBI deprived that of me this whole time and I was glad I would know some of the truth now about him.

He looked almost tired.  "What do you want to know?"

I swallowed and searched his eyes, my hand slowly dropping from his cheek and he eyed it as I rested it in my lap. I started to wonder about what exactly I wanted to know.  And I said the first thing I thought of. "What happened after you saw I was gone?" I asked him softly.

"Instant panic.  I thought this couldn't be happening.  But  I checked everywhere. Checked with all the cops, all the places I thought you could be.  And by late that night... I was so scared.  I felt broken.  I thought they finally got you.  They had taken you I was so sure.  That night I sent out a search party with me driving to different towns too, knowing you couldn't have gotten that far in that span of time.  I notified all districts and made sure I put each ounce of help in finding you that night.  And when I didn't... that's when I got news from Francis the next day.  He was going under that day in the hospital and he couldn't get word to me.  But when he did... I felt incredibly relieved.  But at the same time, I couldn't believe him.  That you would willingly leave.  I knew if you left, it would be to protect me or to get away from Reid.  But the way it sounded... it was heartless and upsetting.  I couldn't believe it."

It was all interesting - even more depressing. I could picture Luke well enough in that idea.  Of him panicked, looking for me like a mad man.  But one thing really piqued my curiosity that I couldn't put aside.  And I realized another reason why he didn't know all this time. "That one cop... That one cop knew.  Ramper," I nodded, happy I remembered his name.  "Ramper and maybe one or two other cops knew.  But I bet the FBI told them to keep their mouths shut and made them not tell you anything."

I watched him react with surprise.  His eyes grew slightly and he arched a brow. His face slightly shadowed by the crap light above us, it was enough to see how much that surprised and hurt him. I would probably react the exact same way too. "You sure? You're sure they knew?"

I nodded.  That had to be painful to hear.  After all the answer to what happened to me... worked beside Luke and couldn't say anything this whole time. The FBI probably convinced them I would die if they ever told Luke what happened to me.  "Yeah, they knew.  They were with me when the FBI met with me.  They at least knew that the FBI knew where I was."

He shook his head, offering up a humorless scoff that I understood fully.  But he quickly moved past that, or at least pretending too.  He wanted to tell me everything, get it out and over with before he lost control again.  And I noticed as he went on explaining things... they didn't involved much more than just events.  Not feelings.  Which I understood.  I guess that was his business but I at least wanted to know other things.  And he told me them.  He explained everything I asked.  How he went to the airport, got that tip I was blonde, and knew I flew out.  But he also explained to me something I found quite surprising with the topic.

"I come to Connecticut every once in a while for the illusion it gives me.  I told my parents that I came here originally to look for you and at the same time, kind of escape - which is the truth.  Since they have become more concerned since I always do it though, I've been telling them that I have been seeing a girl here so they won't worry as much.  They believed me I think."

I nodded, intrigued by what he said.  I mean to lie and say your coming here to meet a girl... and instead are just here to be here and try to feel better... it was terrible.  It sounded like he was anxious for a way out too.  He couldn't take it.  He couldn't take his own pain... and he didn't need to tell me what happened to him emotionally I realized.  Hearing that and I could read the hurting he went through.  That the extent of it was unimaginable.  Where he might not be able to explain it to me, it was so bad.  It was that deep.  And it made me feel like pure shit.  I wish I could take the pain away.  Because clearly this did more than emotional damage.  This reached his head.  It made him different and unable to sit still at home. It made him a zombie, moving just to feel like he was doing something.

I had to look away.  It was beyond upsetting for him and now for me.  It got to the point where I wanted to be numb.  Instead, I asked a question that made my heart pick up slightly.  One I hoped I could count on.  One that wasn't about the past.  Rather one that could maybe help his and maybe my future. "Do you think you will be able to move on after this?  After seeing me like this?  You know now that I am in Witness Protection."

Looking up, his eyes caught mine.  Blank faced or at least guarded, he only blinked.  Nothing showed an expression.  Eyebrows and lips flat... it made me shiver with how serious he sounded when he spoke.  "Maybe things will get better.  I hope so.  But knowing you are here and staying away will be painful," he sighed and paused for a moment.  "That's in terms of feeling better.  But moving on.... How could I move on?"

My heart thumped faster and it bothered me deeply, that answer.  I just wish I could make it better.  I wish I could take him in my arms and tell him I'll do anything he needs me to do for him. "Find yourself a wife.  Have kids and let this go," I said, trying to sound as even as I could on the manner.  It hurt telling him that but that's what he needs I think.  He deserved the best damn life someone could get and I hope he gets it one day.  For some reason, it almost made my eyes water again.

He watched me for a long second, reading my eyes.  Strangely though, he reacted a little differently than I thought he would.  He nodded, looking down to the ground, and laughed softly.  A genuine laugh that made my insides shift. "Right... because the last wife was just peachy," he said. "Oh boy. Can't wait for another one," he said sarcastically and it made me chuckle softly.

Shockingly... shockingly those words came from him.  And it was beautiful and amazing all at once to hear something that wasn't his blank tone.  To see more on his face.  As in the color moving alive in his eyes, even just lightly.  I liked it and I couldn't believe it.  Maybe he was tired of talking about all this heavy shit; I wouldn't blame him.  I went right along with him.

I scoffed and smiled to him. "I don't think all wives are like that.  Just a hunch though."

"Well damn then.  I was hoping to find one just like Clare," he said, shaking his head with a small smile.  And when his eyes looked up to mine with that smile, it made mine grow and nearly faulter at the same time.  Made me want to laugh and cry too.  I haven't seen a look like that in a long time.

"You could also make Ramper your wife.  You guys had a thing going if I recall correctly," I said, laughing gently and it made him crack up in a beautiful and charming laugh that I had been longing to hear all this time.

"Me and him?  Maybe," Luke joked, making me smile sweetly to him. "Last I saw him, he was really riding my ass though."

It was so... so weird.  It really kind of was.  The mood shifted between us and for the first time in three years, we had a light and fun conversation.  One I enjoyed very thoroughly. I mean it's not like I forgot about how awful his pain had to be or the fact that he wanted answers from me.  But this... for some reason this seemed way more important.  Just talking and joking around.  It was really nice - and I mean fucking awesome when I say that.  Last week, this was only a dream to be dreamt again and again.  It was special and light.

I could tell Luke felt the same way about it as I did as we chatted about lighter topics.  Pointless topics.  He smiled and laughed and I really think it was the first time in a long time he let himself have a moment like this.  I could tell because the start of that conversation led to much more.  Much more until we were laughing almost as hard as we could.  About the past in some cases.  We talked about Ramper a bit, teasing, and mocked all the shit that happened to us.  How we could survive anything now.  We talked about things that were different now too.  I admitted to him I listen to country music more now and he told me how he is starting to eat his eggs with ketchup.  It made us happy.  And though I have smiled, laughed, and had fun with my coworkers, Jackson, and Spencer... there was nothing quite like this and I would deeply miss it when he would have to leave for good.  Which we realized... it couldn't be tonight.

Something interrupted us.  It was that of the dusty clock going off on the wall that the stairs lined against.  It said it was midnight to my surprise when I glanced over to see the hands on the clock.  And that meant both Seymour's and Express will be closing soon enough.  We didn't have much time left at all.

I glanced back to Luke, who had his back to the clock and stairs.  I took in a hard breath and pursed my lips. "We need to leave.  Both restaurants are closing...."

I told him we could only meet this one time more.  And now it was up.  But we both knew there was no way that could be true.  We had to see each other again.  For us both, there were questions and answers yet to be said.  Beyond that though... we would have found another reason to meet each other again though.  This was just so wonderful and I could see in his expression he wasn't ready to let this be our last time seeing each other.

Both standing up from the chair, sighing, I stepped closer and stared up at him.  I needed him to understand how dangerous this was going to be.  Because I already knew he wouldn't object to seeing each other again either, even with how risky that is. I also wanted him to know that it really shouldn't happen again though.

Stepping closer to him under the light and on the cement floor, I watched him carefully.  His eyes widened gently as he stared down at me.  His head tilting down to look at me, I heard his breath catch slightly.  I probably shouldn't be this close to him... It would make me want him in my arms.   

I gazed into his eyes with pursed lips. "I said this had to be the last time we meet.  But... I don't want it to be.  And I know you don't either.  We both want answers and to talk again," I put clearly, crossing my arms.  I felt strangely a bit insecure staring up at his tall figure so close to me.  He didn't object to it; instead, I think he even stepped closer. 

"I want to see you again," he said to me softly in a gentle voice.  Nodding, he swallowed and spoke softly.  "I missed you too much to let this be the last time. I wouldn't let it be.  I'll be back here to see you then we can meet down here again."

"But when?" I asked him, biting my lip.  As soon as fucking possible please....

"I'll surprise you," he said, surprisingly sounding in a lighter mood. He even smiled down to me and it made me smile up to him in return.  It was a nice sight.  His eyes even seemed a bit lighter.  I mean I learned a lot tonight and so did he even though there is much more to be answered. To know we are meeting again... it will be amazing, I could already tell.

***

Remember folks... I was walking home tonight.  On a late night during summer, with mosquitoes, with woods around, and with my feet sore after work.... Hmm. I'm sure there are more 'withs' but I was too lazy to think of any more.  After all, my mind kept returning to two things. One was Luke - which wasn't surprising.  He was all I could really wonder and think about lately. It's not often a man you don't expect to see again reenters your life.  The other thing keeping my mind busing was wondering how much fucking farther I had to walk.  I mean come on, I walked to work this morning and it wasn't bad.  A couple miles is nothing.  But now... walking along the grass between a line of trees and the shoulder of the road... ugh.  The main problem I think was just how hot it was with the mosquitoes.

I thought about calling Jackson to come and get me but then there is the obvious question he would ask: why the hell didn't you take your car, dumbass?  It's not like I can explain I wanted to do it for the hell of it.  After all, he will be suspicious enough with me when I dye my hair tomorrow.  And yeah, that's right unfortunately.  It was a decision I just made but a necessary one with agreeing to see Luke again.  I mean, I looked very different as it is with straight hair.  But I should dye it a different color than my natural hair color just to be safe.  I might do anything... anything but blonde.  I'll take the whole  rainbow over blonde this time, no offense.  

I was probably about a quarter of my way there.  Yeah I know call me a lameass for whining.  But it made sense with the timing of when I heard a vehicle pull over and onto the shoulder of the road right by me. I was surprised to hear a car and it had to be because of me it pulled over.  Which was just great.  It called my attention and I looked over my shoulder to where it was on my right.  Instinct, as embarrassing as it was, helped me out a bit.  I was already getting ready with the pepper spray I have in my bag.  However, when I turned and saw the truck, and really looking at it, I could feel my heart jump in surprised.  It was his truck. His white truck he still apparently had.  I was right since the man who pulled his window down that was driving sure looked familiar.

"What are you doing?" he asked me the second I could see his green eyes peering down at me from where he was in the truck.  I watched him put his truck in park and gave me all his attention.  Shadowed by the darkness for the most part, I could only sigh and walk closer to the truck to see him better.  And not surprisingly, he looked just curious to see me walking along the road. No doubt I looked curious too.  I mean what the hell?  I didn't think we would see each other again that fast but I won't complain.

"Um... walking.  What are you doing?" I asked, resting my hands on my sides.  Smirking at my stupid question, I then looked away from his eyes to the dark grass under me. 

"Driving.  Why didn't you drive?" Before I could answer, I watched him  search me with his eyes when I looked back up to him.  He was confused but didn't let it faze him when he spoke to me again in a lighter voice that wasn't as accusing.  "I'll take you home.  Here, come around and jump in," he said, leaning away from where I saw him towards the passenger door to unlock it from what I could guess.

I sighed.  Did he not understand the danger in that?  Wasn't he the paranoid one that carries around handcuffs and probably a gun while not on duty?  Why wasn't he scared of coming around me and my house out in the open like this.  Honestly, I don't know but I wanted to make it straight how bad this was.

"Luke," I said in a hiss, going up to his window and looking in at him.  "You know how dangerous this is?"

"I do know," he said back to me, almost instantly. "That's why I have been very careful lately.  Please.  I don't want to see you walking on the side of the road," he said in concern.  Where his words were quite nice, to me I found it to be funny too.

"What does it make me look like a hooker?" I joked gently.  I could see him chuckle a little at my words.  But beyond that, I could see his trusting eyes.  Ones that said I had nothing to worry about.  He said he was careful and I knew that wasn't enough.  Yet somehow that didn't stop me for some reason. 

I got in on the other side and I didn't need to tell him where to drive.  He already knew where I lived.

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Alright guys, I don't think some of you got my message a while ago.  It said I was going on vacation and I wouldn't be able to upload for a while which is why I couldn't.  So I am sorry for the long wait but I am very relieved to post now.  I hope you are liking the book so far; it's different for me to write haha but I am liking the way it's going. :)