Chapter 53

The sound of the door opening did nothing to us. With him crouching and me kneeling, we couldn't look away. The man's stunned face remained frozen, eyes zeroed in on the necklace. My necklace. I was dedicated to hiding it for so long. Now, the charm hung in plain sight.

"Hey guys!" Grace's excited voice reached us from up to my left. "Everything okay...?" she asked in an unsure tone.

Tingles ran down my spine. Luke's eyes traveled up and met mine, lips slightly parted. I could only imagine what was occurring behind those big green globes. Besides obvious shock, what else? Did this make him angry? Sad? Relieved? Feel loved or feel hated? How would this change things? This was the last thing we needed.

It was mind-blowing. Out of all the rough and tough shit, the fights and gunshots, the damn wire holding the slack chain and charm behind me breaks now. From what? Walking? Maybe it was when I dangerously brushed my teeth earlier. You know, not when I was in a ditch with Vic drowning me. Not when I was being jostled around, firing a gun, facing death. Nope, it happens now.

Disappearing seemed like the only solution, all I could wish for in my head. Instead, the only thing I could do was repeatedly cuss in my head as I came back to reality. While Luke continued staring, I forced myself to chuckle. I stood up with my bag, stuffing the rest of my things back in it. I turned to Grace in the doorway. She looked nice, with a bright sundress and a few curls in her short hair. "Hey! Great day for this party, isn't it?"

Grace's delicate lips were slightly tilted, a cautious smile with a raised brow. Nervously chuckling, she looked down to where Luke was still crouched. "It is! Good chance to soak in the sun. Are you guys okay?"

Hell no, we were not! What would this mean? What would he think about this? He now knew I always had it and never took it off. Hopefully, that would translate that I truly did care about him. Unfortunately, after all I've put him through, I had a bad feeling that all this did was hurt him. The awkward wall was already building between us. But there was much more than the usual drama.... It produced a massive pressure of my chest and shoulders.

"Oh yeah, we're good," I scoffed. From my side vision, Luke finally rose to his feet. God, how am I going to be able to look him in the eyes? "Just dropped my things," I said, carefully glancing up to Luke. He held my sweatshirt along with the dish of Jell-O in a daze, eyes down. A small but tight smile appeared on his lips for Grace's sake.

After picking up the glass bowl of the potato salad I set down, Grace's chipper voice possessed more confidence. "Come in," she grinned, pushing open the door wider for us. "Thanks for bringing something! You can just set your dishes on the counter," she said, gesturing behind her.

Forcing away the sick feeling growing in my gut, I licked my lips and nodded. Talk about the worst time for this to happen! Him seeing my necklace already filled me with dread. Now, we were forced to endure this party and act normal.

So far, I was doing well with Grace. But my lord, I might just throw up. Following Grace into the grand house, I had no time to take it in. Didn't care. All I could focus my mind on was Luke, silently following behind me. What would be said once we get back to the house and are alone? Unfortunately, this would be a long and tense barbeque. He didn't say a word yet. Would he be even able to keep up this act as Kyle?

The guy was already not thrilled to be here. He didn't want to come, but dragged himself anyway. Now with this, I didn't know. I had been excited to come here and now, I wanted to make up excuses for us to leave. The sick feeling would only grow. If we could just get home, he could blow up at me, whatever the case... I just wanted to get it over with.

However, I soon learned I wouldn't have to wait to see the toll this took on him.

The house was empty, all voices coming from the backyard. The kitchen counter was already full of food when we added ours. Bowls and casserole dishes, emitting a wave of deliciousness. Well, it might smell delicious if I didn't feel sick. My appetite was gone.

Then, Grace lead us to the glass sliding door, allowing us to view the party in progress. According to her, everyone was excited to meet us. Unfortunately, I couldn't return the same excitement. The anxiousness to sell my fake life completely backfired. The last thing I wanted now was to put on an act.

Grace and Luke on either side of me, I took in the clusters of people. There were several long black tables set up in the grass, including two round patio glass tables. Foldable chairs were pulled up to each table, many of which were occupied. There were already a lot of people here. Beyond the tables, there were a few kids running around and playing by the water. On the side of the yard was a man, standing at a grill. I had to assume it was Grace's husband.

"Drinks are in the coolers," she said, pointing towards a big shady tree. Several coolers were lined in front of the massive trunk. "So just help yourselves to some pop or beer. Once everyone gets here, then we can eat," she said, smiling to Luke and I. "But yeah, go mingle. I'll come join you in a bit."

"Sounds good," I nodded, pushing as much pep in my voice as I could. I needed to make up for the completely silent man next to me. Hopefully he will be able to converse with everyone. We didn't want this to blow up in our faces. More importantly, I wanted to know I didn't paralyze the man.

When Grace left and I opened the door, I caught a glance of Luke. And this time... I could see there was nothing I could do to change whatever will happen. It squeezed my insides. The power building in his gaze, the fire, it was not good. His smile appeared genuine, but I knew better.

Just as we stepped outside, eyeing up the tables, Chrissy ran up to me, a big smile on her face. "Peggy's here everyone!" she shouted, drawing eyes to us. While I laughed, I just wanted to turn around and leave. "Meet the new neighbors! It's Peggy and Kyle!" Chrissy shouted and laughed before running away.

Her announcement at least made it easier to meet these people. Many people from tables waved, called out 'welcome to the neighborhood' in some fashion. While I was not a people person, I felt like I needed to act my stupid heart out – and there was no enjoying it like I wanted. Grinning with a sigh, I waved my hand and replied in a loud voice to everybody. "Thanks everyone!"

"Sit with us, new kids," said a chubby man from a long table to our left. Chuckling, the long bearded and bald man raised his hand and beckoned us over. The soft breeze tossed the tops of the other big tree in the yard, moving the table in and out of the shade. It looked promising. Not many people occupied the table, just him and another person. Good. If I throw up, only two people will be in the splash zone and not five.

Not a minute later, we were sitting across from the man. Don was in his late 50s if I had to guess. Beside him was a thin woman who looked the same age, who shook our hands and introduced us as his wife. Her soft greying brown hair brushed against her thin face. Her name was Beth.

These nice people might have been a good distraction... if Luke wasn't sitting directly next to me. Thankfully, after explaining how nice it was to meet them, I did get some form of relief. Luke spoke for the first time since we got here.

"It's so nice to meet you as well. We've been looking forward to this," he said, voice polite. I even dared a peek. He was smiling sweetly between them. It helped ease my nerves, but not much. The building tension in his gaze was mounting.

"How's Washington treating you two? You came all this way from Indiana, right?" the woman asked in her light voice, looking between us.

"Yeah quite a ways. But it is beautiful here. I love it. And everyone around here seems so nice," I nodded.

Luke immediately jumped in. "It's wonderful, I couldn't have asked to move to a better place. As you've probably heard my mother is sick and refused to move back. I can see why now," he said. While he sold his words to these people, hearing him speak with exaggerated eagerness sent a cold chill down my back.

"You know, most young couples like yourselves are too busy and selfish to care about their folks," Don said in a gravelly voice. Crossing his arms, he nodded in approval between us. "What you did for your mother, goddamn. Wish you were my kid," he laughed.

While these laid back people were awesome, I couldn't keep my head above water. That uncomfortable sensation within me doubled from Luke's next words. They were filled with over the top excitement. "It was quite a struggle to get here, but traveling all this way for her... worth it since she is so ill," Luke said. He paused for a moment, clearing his throat. The lightness in his voice grew to a scary level. "She doesn't know how much I've done for her, but it was more than she knows. It was hard leaving home and everything it took to move here. Worth it though. Anything for her. Even if she doesn't understand and can be mean and inconsiderate sometimes, oh trust me, trust me, it's worth it!"

Holy shit, no. Keeping my eyes on the table, forcing a smile to stay in place, Luke's words acted as knives against my heart. Obviously throwing a hidden message in those words for me, I wanted to cringe.

He was saying I didn't understand how much he's been through, that I've been mean.... The worse part was I couldn't fight back in my mind. Because it was true. If this man didn't go through hell, he wouldn't be saying these things. He wouldn't be acting out to me through a conversation. And while he was disguising his words for these nice people, the message was very clear to me. Especially those last words, 'worth it'... his fake enthusiasm clearly told me it was not worth it. It hurt more than I would admit.

Luke wasn't close to done though. Rubbing it all in my face, this fake relationship, he mocked it. He wrapped his tense arm around my back tightly. "Isn't that right, honey? It's been quite a lovely adventure!" he said, eyes on me.

Swallowing thickly, I turned towards the man. For the first time, our eyes locked. And it nearly collapsed any mask I was emitting. His voice was light, smile sweet, but it was a lie. His eyes were fuming in power. Power that these folks saw to be just over the top enthusiasm. In reality, it was masking growing frustration. I wouldn't be surprised if he suddenly decided to storm off.

"That's right," I chuckled.

Thankfully, these folks were oblivious to it. They must just think Kyle is a very intense and dramatic person. They didn't know he was mocking everything and shoving his pain into my face. "Well, God bless you two," Beth said with a smile.

"Thank you," Luke smiled when we glanced back up to them.

Before my bones shattered from pressure, Grace's loud announcement interrupted this conversation. "Everything is ready! Come and eat! Grab the chicken before Tom spills his drink on it like last year," she said from the sliding door, causing laughter to erupt.

Grace headed back inside while everyone started to gradually get up to make a plate. Don looked between us with a smirk. "The Brandals always bring the best noodle salad."

"Really?"

He nodded and gestured with his thumb to the house. "It'll go fast, go grab some."

I chuckled and smiled sadly. "I actually don't think I'm going to be eating much. My stomach isn't in the best shape today."

Luke instantly pounced. "Aww really honey? But you said when we got here how you were starving. You haven't eaten all day," he said, sighing in 'distress' over me.

Though I knew seeing my necklace would hit him hard, I did not expect this. Knowing Luke, I would have expected him to be quiet and distant with me. Kind of like the first few minutes he was here. I didn't expect him to turn into this confrontational and talkative person, covering his aggravation with dramatic acting. He was taunting me, pushing me to eat. While it was annoying, it was more upsetting. I caused this.

Slowly finding his eyes again, I kept my smile in place for the sweet witnesses across from us. But I couldn't keep from giving him a glare. "No, really. I'm fine. Stomach just feels off."

"That's so strange... why would you all of a sudden not feel good? Maybe it's because you're so hungry. Here, let's at least get you something small," he said, standing up from his chair. Moving around me and towards the house, he gestured for me to follow.

Each word he spoke was filled with strong aggravation underlying the dramatic sweetness. It only made me feel more sick. Now, thanks to his persistence and him revealing I had been hungry, I'll be attempting to eat something.

Standing, I followed behind him. Parting my lips, I filtered a deep breath through my lungs, hoping to ease my unnerved body. Maybe I'll choke on a chicken bone if I'm lucky and die.

When we went into the house, Luke made himself a plate of all the delicious food set out. Me... I took a small piece of the chicken lathered in barbeque sauce and some fruit. Getting our food, we met a few more neighbors in the process. Chatting for a bit with them was difficult. It was hard to follow the conversation. And it was hard to put up an act when the necklace in sight weighed as heavy as a brick.

I really shouldn't bitch about talking with people. The opposite was worse. Walking back outside with our food, there was a rare moment between Luke and me. When he shut the sliding door behind us, nobody was around. Then, catching sight of where we had been sitting, I almost dropped my plate. Wonderful. Where was Don and Beth? I hated putting up and act, but the last thing I wanted was to sit with Luke – alone yet still in sight of everyone.

Unfortunately, we caught sight of the older couple sitting with other people at a different table. So, since the popular kids claimed them, we had a table alone. With nobody in range, Luke had no reason to keep up his already shaky act.

Biting my lip, avoiding his eyes, I took a few steps in the direction of the coolers to get a drink. I figured he would follow, but instead, he spoke to me. "Hey," he said, voice dead. Turning around, Luke didn't disguise the disgust in his eyes, in his flat tight lips. "Grab me a beer?"

"Sure," I swallowed.

Looking down to the full plate in his hand, he headed to the now empty table. Dazed, I walked to the cooler. Sitting together alone... fuck, I might truly throw up. My insides were going through a storm. Who knows, maybe I could play that to my advantage. Could play sick and head home. I could even sell it if I trap myself in the bathroom for a while. Make a bunch of shit sounds if I really go all out. Even better though, it would allow me to escape from Luke for a bit.

Though I truly did not feel good, I would force myself through this. What Luke was doing was something I deserved. Groaning under my breath, I reached the cooler. With only one free hand, I held the pop and the beer to me.

Crossing the yard, passing the other tables, the dread picked up big time at my destination ahead. The empty table, with just Luke sitting there... I didn't know how I was going to handle it. Thankfully, I was saved.

Just as I nearly passed by the backdoor, Grace caught my gaze when she stepped out of the house. Her wide smile and excited eyes smoothed the natural wrinkles around her features. The real relief was in her words.

"Hey, where are you sitting? Me and Dwaine will join you guys," she said, coming into step beside me.

Thank god. We had chaperones, witnesses. It would force Luke to keep up some act of politeness. Sitting back in my chair next to Luke, he already managed a somewhat convincing smile. By the time we started having a conversation with Grace and Dwaine, who joined us a moment later, my nerves eased up slightly.

Under the splotches of sun, seeping through the overhanging tree, the three of us were listening closely to Dwaine. The topic of conversation at least wasn't as bad as his name. Even if it was, I wouldn't have complained. Dwaine talking about his fishing experiences off the river didn't give Luke a chance to bash me as we ate.

Luke eyes were trained across the table and on Dwaine. Taking a bite of the mashed potatoes from his plastic fork, he was sitting forward, listening intently. Whether his interest was genuine or he was using it as a distraction, I had no idea.

After my quick glance, I returned my eyes back to Dwaine. The soft clattering of leaves sent a patch of sun onto the man every few minutes. It would highlight his red hair and thick eyebrows. He had a long face, square chin, and warm blue eyes. "You'd be surprised what you can catch. I caught a massive sturgeon," he said, throwing a thumb towards the water.

"Really? I didn't think there would be anything that big on this river," Luke said, eyebrows raising. Setting his fork down, Luke took a sip of his beer.

"Well not in this area," Dwaine said. "The current isn't harsh, but it's not much of a fisherman's dream. A few miles down, the river widens and leads out to a lake. It's deep and calm; that's where most of us head and sure enough, you can catch sturgeon, trout, pike, salmon...." He smiled, glancing between me and Luke. "We'll have to take you guys out there sometime."

"We would love that," Luke said, resting an elbow on the table. "It's been a long time since I've been fishing."

From where Grace finished off a bite of her roll, she smiled and glanced from Dwaine beside her to me. "It's such a gorgeous place too. You haven't seen the true beauty of Washington until you go out into the middle of that lake. You are out in the middle of nowhere and it's just beautiful. Sometimes, I'll go just to see and hear the rapids."

Now that sounded a little more interesting than fishing. "Rapids?" I asked, taking another small bite of the strawberry on the end of my fork.

"Oh yeah," she said, picking at the last of her chicken with her fork. "Past the lake, it drops off into just rapids. Breaks in between, but they look beautiful from the bank. If you hike along them far enough, you'll reach some incredible waterfalls."

Damn. If Luke doesn't end up killing me when I get home, that would awesome to see. That was one thing I was really looking forward to about this place. And that was the beauty and nature. Just hearing about it made me anxious to see it.

"That sounds amazing."

"It really is," Grace said. Her smile dropped off when she noticed my mostly empty plate for the first time. "Not too hungry?"

Ugh. Thanks lady. Risk Luke acting like an asshole even more. And sure enough, he did. The man jumped right in, voice filled with 'sympathy.' "Yeah, she said she wasn't feeling good. Not sure why," he said, his last words hinting sarcasm.

Daring to glance up to Luke, his head was tilted and facing me. The same power was in his eyes, blocked by his act of sweetness and sympathy. He sat back into his seat, shoulders now even with mine. It made it easier to meet his eyes and I was forced to immediately look away. I hated this, hated what he was doing, and hated how close we were sitting next to each other.

"That's too bad," Grace said.

I scoffed. "Trust me, I'm okay. Drinking water seems to be helping," I said, grabbing my water bottle and taking a big swig.

Just as I set my water down on the table next to my plate, from my side vision, I noticed Luke tilted his head slightly in my direction. Forcing myself another look at the man, his body remained relaxed back into the chair. His sharp gaze made up for it. Angled down and to my hand on the water, he didn't look away.

Confused, I nonchalantly looked back ahead of me. Nothing seemed off. Eyeing my hand though, a sick realization flooded me. The band of my ring... he was staring at the band of my ring. It was always in sight, but now that Luke knew about my necklace, maybe he was suspecting this wasn't just a normal plain ring.

"Stomach pains? I might be able to find something for you," Grace said, glancing to the house. "Maybe tums?"

Withdrawing my hand from sight, I rested them in my lap under the table. "Thank you, but no really, I'm okay. It will go away." While my eyes rested on Grace, my attention was zeroed in on Luke. He didn't move, say anything yet. Hopefully, it will stay that way. God, I did not want him to be suspicious of my ring.

It was too late.

"I sure hope so, honey." After Luke spoke those sweet words, I felt Luke's hand reach down and clasp my arm under the table. So on edge, I nearly jumped out of my chair. The contact doubled my dread. Please no....

Eyes moving up and staying on his, he gave me a smile. One that the fire within him wanted to twist into a scowl. "I'll be fine," I said.

No, no, no.... His hand slid down my arm more and into my lap. His fingers inching closer... and closer to the truth he wanted to know. His descending hand nearly crushed me. Nearly crumbled my insides when his hand stopped. His palm rested over my hand, skin brushing the ring band. The ring he assumed this whole time wasn't from him. Now, he was persistent to see if he was wrong.

Dwaine was eating his chicken, Grace offering me kind eyes. Both oblivious of Luke's nonchalant movement under the table. As for me... the only thing I could do was fake smile – and even that was hard to maintain.

"Peggy is always trying to play things off. She likes to hide if she's not feeling good," he smiled, glancing between them.

I shrugged and chuckled. "That is true."

Then, as his enthusiastic eyes distracted the couple, he slid his fingers down and around my hand. Invading the inside of my hand, his fingers reached the stone. The beautiful stone I kept hidden from him. The ring he hasn't seen in years and the ring he now realized had been on my finger this whole time.

Throughout the barbeque, he spoke with confidence. He went above and beyond to emphasize and exaggerate. The man didn't care, and in some form, snapped. He was comfortable going all out to mock me out of anger as much as he could. However, the act he was using to hide it, faulted.

The moment his fingers brushed the stone, his eyes widened. Sucking in a hard breath, his eyes jumped quickly to me. "Um...." The knowing green in his charged gaze sent shivers under my skin. Glancing down to the table, tense, he bit his lip. "Yeah. You just need to stop hiding things like this from me, Peggy," he said before chuckling lightly.

Turning and glancing up to me, the fire and tension in them exploded. I was waiting for him to either scream or run off. His expression and how shook up he suddenly was struck me hard. His words... made it all intensify. Because guess what, if you were too stupid to catch it, he wasn't talking about me hiding getting sick.

Dear god, ugh! Why?! My heart was pounding, failing, and stumbling. His fingers were frozen against the stone. All I wanted to do was yank my hand away, but I couldn't. As if that would take away his pain, his building tension, and the overwhelming emotion radiating from his eyes. The grief, the frustration, the love, and the disgust.

Looking back to an uncaring Dwaine eating and Grace's ignorant smile, I forced a deep breath through me. If he's talking code, I could do it back. "I know, honey. But sometimes I can't help it. If I'm not feeling good... the last thing I want is to cause drama or trouble."

"The last thing you want to cause is trouble? That's why you hide it?" he asked, sharper. Recovering quickly, he chuckled and shook his head.

"Until now, it didn't cause trouble," I mumbled.

"Right," he said, his fingers on the stone moving again. Luke began turning the ring around on my finger. It turned my stomach with it. Don't shove this in my face too... When he was finished, the stone was properly facing up. Clearing his throat, he focused back on Grace. "I have to admire her for not wanting to cause trouble," he admitted.

"Of course," she chuckled. "Putting on a strong face says a lot." While she somehow stayed interested in our dragging conversation about me hiding being 'sick,' her husband rose with his empty plate and left.

His absence might be a blessing. It was becoming harder to stay composed. After he turned my ring up, he intertwined his fingers in mine. "Thank you," I smiled to her.

Then, it just became too much. I felt him grip my hand hard, lifting our folded hands into sight.

It was too much for me. Instinctively, before he could rest our intertwined hands on the table, I resisted. No matter how much I deserved this torture, I yanked against his hand. Trying to break away. All he did was grip my fingers harder and whip my hand up onto the table with his, causing a bang against the table.

I couldn't stop myself from sending him a scowl. The asshole forces us to hold hands and drags them into sight. It shoved everything into my face. His pushy words, tight and tense expression, and his now forceful display of my ring.

When I turned my eyes to it... I got lost. The aquamarine stone shimmered, sunlight catching all the delicate facets. What looked to be hundreds of facets came together to make one round crystal. Little white diamonds you could hardly see circled the aqua stone. All of it... exposing me more. Putting my weakness on display, the embarrassment for hiding it this whole time.

Then, to see the ring and his hand in mine, it was a surreal moment. That gorgeous stone upright, with the man who bought it for me holding my hand, it defused my scowl. God, why did I have to hurt him like this? Why did he have to discover it? Why couldn't we be happy? I couldn't believe this was happening. And though I hated how he was acting, forcing my hand to the table hard, I deserved every bit of it. Holding back the threat of tears from the stupid lump in my throat, I knew I deserved this.

Biting my lip, I glanced up to Grace. She was eyeing Luke and I in curiosity and suspicion. Probably at how hard he slammed our hands on the table. No doubt, I was having a hard time hiding my pain too. Luckily, the ring did do us a favor.

Once her eyes caught it, it was all she could focus on. "Oh my god, what a beautiful ring," Grace said, eyebrows raised. "I don't think I've seen you wear it before."

I smiled, nodding. "Tha—"

"Really?" Luke asked, voice full of astonishment. "Really? Wow.... That's crazy you never noticed. She hasn't taken it off in who knows how long! In fact, I think she's had it on since I gave it to her. That would be.... Hmm. How long ago, honey? Three years ago, right? Ah, yes, that's right. Three years ago and she never took it off."

Rubbing it in my face, I had to look down for a moment. Composing myself was hard when I felt like shit. It didn't stop the growing heartache and the hurt in my bones, but it gave me enough time to find a smile.

"I can see why you wouldn't take it off, Peggy. It's beautiful."

"Isn't that sweet of her? Never took it off. Can you believe that?" Luke scoffed, eyes finding mine for a second. Searching my face, his admirable gaze gave away a dangerous and menacing heat.

Grace smiled, brows dipping slightly. The suspicion returned to her face. Maybe she was finally catching the overexaggerating in his voice. Or how much he was dragging on with these subjects. Maybe it was how little strength was left in me to put up a façade.

There were so many things it could have been... but the point was that she started to see it. While Luke managed to hold up the act of sounding loving and sweet, it was his obsessive rant that marked this as anything but normal. Despite his engaging eyes in Grace's, despite the sweetness in his voice... he put too much emphasis in it all.

"Let me tell you, Grace. I'm lucky I found a woman who loves me that much. As much as Peggy does. Even after these years, I am still amazed," he said, disbelief drenching his voice. Enough where a sarcastic note slipped through. "She's done everything in her power to make me happy. No matter the consequences. Regardless of the future, she loves me enough to show being with me is worth facing any problems that might come our way. I guess it's because we've had rough times and survived it all. She realizes we can make it through anything. It would be such a shame... if she believed otherwise," he said, pausing. Turning, he searched my eyes critically. "She respects me, listens, lets me make my own decisions. Honestly, I just feel absolutely blessed. Thank you, Peggy."

It was at that moment when I made my decision.

After what felt like an eternity of torturing myself, I was done. It wasn't just his words. It was me saying fuck this shit.

Luke threw in my face everything I was doing wrong, how I did the opposite of all those things. To hear it out loud and by him... a weird sensation filtered through me. The same sensation that reached me the night Luke got drunk outside in the rain.

During that moment, I took a step away from myself and this table. Here Luke sat, covering his venom in words with double meaning and bottled anger. Because of me, someone who loved him terribly. And someone who refused him, caused all this drama, caused this much stress and pain... over one thing. One issue. And it was an issue because I was scared to cause him pain. But at this point, I realized it could not be worse than this. I have never seen Luke act this way. One issue wasn't worth him suffering this much, an issue that wouldn't affect us for years.

I closed my eyes. What was wrong with me? Even still, I should have given in long before this! What Luke said was right; we've been through worse than deciding to have kids or not. We faced death too many times. Navigated through numerous issues. Shit that was more than deciding on or against fucking parenthood. Having kids or not... huge issue. But my god, was that really what was going to stop me? I sighed, keeping my eyes on the table. In such shame. How could I have done this to him?

I took away his decision, took away our chance to be together. I've known it was wrong before this; I won't pretend I didn't know throwing his decision away was wrong. But right now, the importance of that punched me in the gut. How dare I ever do such a thing to him! Fuck, how could I have done that? Thrown his choice away! Even if it was for his sake, it was his choice!

Not a minute ago, he voiced the value in having a woman who would respect his decisions and what he wanted. And it stung because I didn't do that. If Luke wanted to make the choice to not have kids for me, that was his choice. I could feel bad for him, but if he decided for himself that's what he wants, I needed to respect that. And up until this point, I didn't. Talk about the biggest fucking bitch. Good god! I didn't deserve him.

Realizing all this, realizing the ridiculous nature in what was happening right now, it enforced a strong factor in this fight. And that was taking advantage of the present. By now, I should have realized the value of my life – and took full advantage of it. For all we knew, we would be dead soon. We better make living now as wonderful as possible. If we live through it all, we take one step at a time. And it will be worth it....

While it was half logic that brought me to a final conclusion, there was an overwhelming love for him that I knew I could not deny giving him. Looking at this man, how much pain he was in now, how upset he was, I couldn't take it. I didn't want to take it. I didn't want to fucking care about a thing! Nothing was worth going through this. Putting him through this hell. All I desired was apologizing and showing him I loved him! And beyond that, I wanted to be fucking selfish. I wanted my man! I missed Luke! I missed the man I was forced to leave three years ago. I might not deserve him for all the shit I put him through, but I wanted him. Fuck, I wanted my man so bad. It's been torture without him this whole time, and now, I didn't care. Luke, I miss you! I want you! I love you!

The weight of finally – finally – deciding what to do was gone. But the pain in realizing the extent of shit he endured did not make me feel good. Everything was still heavy. My ring, necklace, stomach, and heart. Throat thick. Christ, I just wanted to pull Luke aside now and tell him I loved him! Let it all go. I would have to wait until we get home. Because honestly... with how he's acting now, I had no clue what my confession might do.

The thought that I would really do this was exhilarating but also nerve-racking. I was excited yet full of shame over what I did. And Luke made sure to not make it any easier. I fully deserved it too.

"Yeah, she is a keeper," Grace said, chuckling uneasily.

"Peggy sure is," Luke said. "Compared to my last girlfriend, she is an absolute angel. My last girlfriend only thought of herself. Fell out of love with me too."

Please stop, my god! After going through a rush of realizations, those words only enforced how terrible I was. It tempted me to blurt it out now and not wait. Blurt out how much I did love him! I loved him! I always loved him and I hated – hated – hearing that he didn't think I did! Oh god, I never fell out of love. It never dimmed. Though I knew I was finally going to do it, I don't think I'll ever let go of the guilt from putting him through pain and heartache this intense.

Hearing him bash me sucked. But I didn't feel as sick to my stomach. I didn't feel as hopeless. Even as the barbeque continued, and we mingled with others, I didn't feel as bad. While he continued adding double meaning behind everything, mocking and insulting me, it couldn't hold back my joy and anxiousness! The second we get home, I was telling him. Finally, I get to end this. End our suffering. Just hope he takes me back after all the shit I put this beautiful man through.

***

The darkness surrounding us, it seemed too quiet. Besides the distant chattering behind us of people still at the party, the only noise echoing in the air was our shoes against the pavement.

Walking side by side with Luke, I was braced for him to start yelling. Surprisingly, for all the remarks Luke made at the party, he said not a word now. Perhaps the man wasn't sure what to say. Or maybe he was waiting to get to the house like I was to say my piece. Peeking up to him, it was more than clear how he was feeling though.

From the bright moon and clear sky, I could easily take him in beside me. He held the glass dish of leftover potato salad, hands tight. The same went for his shoulders and arms, constricted from tight muscle under his shirt and where his skin was exposed below his elbows.

For the first time tonight, I allowed myself to fully admire him and his attractiveness. His strong arms, the beautiful features across his face. And even though he was wound up, that charged power still behind him, he was beautiful. Never mind how furrowed his bushy brows were – or his mouth set in a tight line. Even his eyes, painful and full of fire, they possessed life and the green I loved. The green I would stare into... within minutes... and confess how I loved him.

Jesus, I was really doing this. Within minutes. I inhaled and exhaled deep, needing to calm my ass down. The anxiousness was flying through me, and I had to force my pace to slow. I was so excited and so ready to tell him. And scared too. Yes, just as equally scared. After all the pain and hurtful things he said towards me, maybe he wanted nothing to do with me. Honestly, I wouldn't blame the man one bit.

We were nearing the house. The sight was daunting. Each step, I get closer to saying it. Each step down this road was one less step I needed to take before I confess. The night air helped sooth me, but not much. Zero idea of how he would react, I was on edge. Though I was so anxious and ready, I was very aware that Luke wasn't in any mood for my bullshit.

My breath picked up, throat thick. The silence dragged our walk out, but we reached our driveway. Then, we walked up the porch. Oh god, this is it. Nice knowing you guys. I'll see you on the other side.

By the time the door was open, I walked inside, Luke following behind me. It was darker inside, the moonlight limited and only finding its way in through the windows. However, we always left a small lamp on at a small table next to the stairs. It was dim, but enough to see.

The second I heard Luke shut the door behind us, I took a deep breath. I spun around, facing him by the door. "Luke, I lo—"

"Take them off!" he interrupted, shouting two feet away from my face. Staring up at Luke, I froze. His eyes were wide, fuming with a painful bitterness. It matched his reddening cheeks, body towering with power before me. Teeth clenching, he continued, venom and sadness drenching his voice. "Take them off right now! I am not living in this house with you wearing that ring and necklace. Because it's a lie! You're a fucking liar!"

All cover he used at the party, the resistance of saying anything on the way home, was gone. Unveiled, he let it all out. Not looking away from me, he shifted his arms, carelessly tossing the dish with the remaining food to the floor. It produced a loud shattering nose, one that made me jump. I didn't look away from him. Luke didn't even notice. He just cared about having a free hand so he could point an angry finger at my necklace.

"Take it off. And throw both in the trash!" he hissed.

Snapping out of the haze, I needed to say it. Tell him. So maybe he would stop and see I wasn't lying. The reason the jewelry was still on was because I loved him and never stopped! "It's no lie! I—"

"Stop talking! I don't want to hear it anymore!" he shouted, this time his voice breaking, agony escaping. It pierced my heart, my lungs too that were overworking. "I don't know how much more you can do to me! So I'm telling you that you will take that ring off. That necklace off. It doesn't belong to you anymore," he said shakily, lips pressing together hard. His eyes that were pinned down to me started to rim red. "That belonged to the girl who loved me! A woman who told me she would look at that ring and always think of me! And that she would never take off that necklace," he said, glancing down to it hanging from my neck. "She said those things, that beautiful girl, because she loved me. And you don't. So how dare you wear them?"

I was breathless, heart breaking and racing all at once. The pain in his voice, his eyes turning slightly red, it triggered water to immediately cloud my vision. A tear fell down my face. I was weak, felt dead. It made me even more anxious to tell him, but I couldn't say a word. Not with him pouring out all this to me, full of anger and sadness and so much love! He needed to say this. And I deserved it.

Body shaking, he scowled, moving closer to me and staring down with more pain in him than I knew. "You dragged me through three years of hell! Every day without you was hell! There was nothing I wanted more in my life than you. It was absolutely devastating and it broke my heart," he hissed softer, a tear crawling down his cheek. "And when I finally find you... you break my fucking heart all over again!" Before Luke allowed another to fall down his tight cheeks, he shook his head and walked into the living room. "I've never wanted or missed anybody like you!" he continued yelling. "And what do I get after all this time?! One reason why you can't be with me? Like it matters!"

Taking every word like a bullet, I cringed. More tears fell down my face. I was a terrible awful person, but I did love him! Blinking away my blurry vision, I slowly followed him into the living room. Until I stood at the couch, and was staring at his back across the living room. He was gazing out the sliding back door. Though it was dark, I could see him shove his shaking and tight fists into the pockets of his dress pants.

But I was done. I was through! He can push me away, fight me, but he needed to see. Sucking it up, I shook my head and neared him with purpose. My man, this was my man, and I didn't deserve him! But I wanted him and was done.

"What do I get for all I've done for you, all the love I gave you? You wearing shit that means nothing to you! You do not love me. You are selfish and inconsiderate! Stubborn and a liar! You'll take them off or I'll do it myself and throw that ring and necklace in the damn river! There is—"

I turned the man around. Gripping the front of his button up shirt, I pulled him close and leaned up, cutting off his rant with my lips.

The second my fast lips reached his and my eyes closed, my insides exploded. Everything under my skin suddenly had no structure. My bones, my heart, my blood bounced with lightning, an intensity I haven't felt in so long! I knew it was because I dreamed of this for three long and brutal years. And it was better than my private fantasies; Luke's lips, his closeness, it was heaven if there was one!

Oh god, this was real! Happening. I missed him so much! Loved him more than anything. So much that it became too much to contain or handle after I connected our lips. His sweet lips on mine! The contact was warm, home, beautiful. Ugh, beautiful and smooth and everything I needed.

My heart was overwhelmed, racing and jumping at an unhealthy rate. What was even more effected were my lungs though. This sensation, anticipation, was too much. Kissing his lips, it literally shook me and took my breath away. Then, after a few seconds of holding my lips against his, shaking and trying to calm my lungs, it became impossible. Luke responded.

Pushing away the shock of my action, I felt him begin to melt against me. Luke's smooth lips started to move with mine. In haste and need and... god! It was amazing and perfect and this was Luke! I nearly buckled!

However, he was just as overwhelmed. Our kiss drained him out of breath even more than me, probably from not expecting this. It caused his lips to leave mine suddenly. My hold on his shirt breaking, he stumbled a few feet back, a gasp releasing from both our lips.

Lightly resting against the glass of the door, his chest moved up and down fast. It was too much of a surprise and probably just as intense for him. Of course, I needed to remind my spiraling head of reality. He might not want me. Moving away might also be him denying me.

Long seconds passed. Luke's bright beautiful eyes shined in mine, intensity growing and emotion building. The redness in that stare was still fresh, making the love and shock much more powerful. We were both breathing hard, staring at each other. My dumb ass blanked, and I forgot to say those three words. Unfortunately, I was too consumed in him, watching and waiting intently. Thankfully, saying the L word wasn't necessary for him to react. That kiss was all I needed to do.

Because after those seconds of staring at each other... he calmed his breathing. Luke tried to speak, opening his mouth and forming the first word with his lips. But, nothing came out. He was just fixated on me, lost like me. Instead, he followed what I did and spoke with actions.

Desperation filled his eyes. His eyebrows dipped in pain, framing the love in his eyes. Rushing back to me, he swiped an arm around my back. Pulling me against his chest, he smashed his lips back down onto mine. Kissing me with so much love and desire, I was soon swallowed in his arms and lips with passion.

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Alright, time to freak out! So... worth the wait? Hopefully it was :) I've been preparing for this chapter for a long time and hopefully you guys think I wrote it well. Let me know what you think! What do you think will happen now?