Chapter 51

The sizzling bacon tempted me to burry my face into the burning hot pan. It smelled so freaking good, I could hardly stand it. I needed to remember I couldn't shovel it all into my fat face though. Nope, this was for Luke too.

The bags under my eyes didn't dim my excitement as I flipped over the pieces of bacon before tending to the eggs. Stretching our playfulness into today might be too much to ask for, but I had to be greedy and try.

Driving home yesterday after our wonderful day, I honestly was nervous. We had such a fun day, I was scared that returning home would ruin it. I am happy to report it didn't. From the time we left the festival, went out to dinner, then got home, nothing changed. The sweet and light air didn't fade. I wanted to believe it would continue today.

My anxiousness for more sweet flirty moments didn't mean there wasn't a lot weighing on me.

Since that moment in the woods yesterday, I couldn't shake my uncertainty. The fight between resisting my emotions or giving in was becoming much more violent. That's why I laid awake for several hours last night, my brain not letting up. I couldn't stop going back and forth with myself. By 2:00am, it produced a horrible headache on top of my worries. If that wasn't enough, once I somehow managed to fall asleep, I had another horrific dream revolving around Jackson. So, I didn't get the best sleep last night. Feel bad for me, bitches. I couldn't even sleep in either. Grace called an hour ago and asked if I could watch Chrissy today. She was called into work unexpectedly and would be dropping her off earlier than normal.

Obviously, I should be in a shit mood. I would... if it wasn't for yesterday's vivid memories and the hope for today. That's the only reason I had enough pep to make breakfast and not get pissy.

Flipping over the eggs before they burned, chopping them with my spatula, the yummy steam rose and kissed my nose. The nearly finished bacon along with the fresh air filtering in from the open window completed the homey feel. Lowering the burner heat, I reached over to the bacon and turned the strips over. Almost all finished.

"What do we have here?"

Glancing to my right, Luke was leaning against the kitchen doorframe. The morning light shining through the window above the sink lit up a portion of him, mostly his grey sleep shirt and shorts. My attention went looking for any signs that he was still in the playful and free spirit as yesterday.

So far, so good. The small and relaxed smile he wore grew. "Were you planning on sharing?"

"Depends," I said, suppressing a smile when I turned back to the food. "Would you be willing to make toast and pour us something to drink?"

"I suppose I can do that," he teased, straightening up from where he was leaning and running a hand through his disheveled hair. Taking a few steps towards me, he stopped and opened the fridge door.

"Then I suppose I can share," I said, feeling lucky for his apparent high spirits. Maybe it was possible to keep a good thing going.

Ten minutes later, we were sitting at the small table across from each other, chowing down the kickass breakfast. Grabbing another piece of toast from the plate between us, I piled on it a piece of bacon, eggs, and ketchup.

After taking a bite, I took in Luke's humorous stare. "What?" I said, swallowing the goodness.

"Nothing," he said, smiling and taking a bite of the eggs with his fork.

"You judging me?"

"Oh yeah," he laughed.

Hiding my smile by taking a sip of my milk, I stared over our plates and across the table to him. His bright green eyes along with his amused expression painted a beautiful picture. The young light flooding in with the chirping birds only enhanced it. "Is it the fact that I'm a pig or are you still hung up on the ketchup?" I asked after setting my cup down.

"Both," he said, giving me a wink I very much enjoyed receiving. Sipping at his coffee, he rested his elbow against the table and offered me a teasing smile. "It's more of disbelief at how you can manage to eat so much and gain no weight. And I'm use to the ketchup, even though it's weird."

"You know damn well it's not weird, it's sexy. Ketchup is sexy," I said, picking up a slice of bacon. Holding back a smirk, I slowly dipped it in the red goodness and seductively took a bite.

"You are something else," he laughed, shaking his head. "There is nothing sexy about ketchup," he said, taking a bite of his eggs.

"I disagree," I said, taking another bite of the amazing food. Setting down the piece of toast, I reached forward and grabbed the ketchup bottle, wiggling it for him to take it. "Put it on your food, I'll orgasm."

Rolling his eyes with a grin, he grabbed the ketchup and put it back down. "No thank you."

Talking and joking throughout our breakfast, the day was already off to a great start. And shockingly enough, Luke informed me that the weather channel reported it was going to stay sunny most of the day!

Once we finished eating and started cleaning up, I couldn't help myself. Hearing about the weather made me push my luck with the sweet air we were living in. "After we finish cleaning up, you want to try some fishing? I could use your help," I chuckled. "Last time I fished, I sucked so much ass. Still fun."

Glancing to him as I walked to the sink with the dirty pans, his face lit up at my suggestion. Shutting the fridge after putting everything away, he turned towards me. "We can definitely do that. I can't remember the last time I went fishing," he said, swiping the rest of the dirty dishes and joining me at the sink. Placing them in the warm water with mine, he smiled and glanced out the window before us. "Can never get enough of this sun either."

"I know, right?" I said, peeking up to where he stood close next to me. I admired his alive smile and eyes, which lit up even more when they found mine. "Plus, I found an extra pole in the garage so we don't have to share."

"Good, I don't want you dragging down my game," he said dramatically.

"Dragging down your game?" I turned entirely to him and narrowed my eyes.

He snickered and faced me too, resting a hand against the edge of the counter. "You're the one that said you suck and need help."

"What makes you think you will do any better?" I challenged.

He leaned down and shook his head in a stuck-up manner. "Because I said so."

Before I could call him a bitch, the front door opened outside of the kitchen. Must be Chrissy. Grace said she wasn't sure when she would drop her off but it would be in the morning. Good, she got here just in time. Hopefully, she will see that Luke isn't a skilled fisherman either.

Me and a confused Luke glanced towards the sound. Then, we heard the door latch shut. Chrissy appeared in the kitchen entrance a moment later. "Hi Peggy," she said, her young and careless eyes scanning over us and the kitchen. Sporting a yellow dress, white ruffles along the edges, she was holding the handle of what appeared to be a small metal box. "You just ate breakfast."

"Good morning. And yes, we did. Would you like some eggs and bacon?" I smiled. "It's still fresh and warm."

"No thanks."

Luke looked between me and the little girl with confusion. Probably because I forgot to mention that she was coming over. He couldn't blame me for forgetting though. Between the delicious food and our high spirit teasing, I had trouble focusing on anything else.

Being surprised by Chrissy's arrival though didn't explain the instant change in his now tense body. His arms turned stiff at his sides along with his shoulders as he stared at the little girl. It only lasted a few seconds. Forcing himself to relax, he raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Hi Chrissy," he said in the sweetest voice.

"Hi Kyle. You're usually gone when I get here," she said, swinging the mysterious box at her side.

Her words spiked my interest. Stupid me never made that connection before. Every day Luke went on his jog, he left the house just before Chrissy came over. Then, most times, he finished and was back home only after Grace picked her up. Kind of ironic, wasn't it?

It was about to hit me that there was no irony or coincidence about it.

"I suppose I usually am." With an adoring smile aimed at the little girl standing in the kitchen entrance, he said, "It looks like you brought something fun to play with."

"I did," she nodded.

Unable to hide my own smile, I walked over and grabbed the plate we piled all the leftovers on. "Come on, take some bacon, it won't hurt," I said, nearing her before crouching down to her level.

Her soft yet stubborn eyes moved over the plate I held out. Pursing her lips in deep thought, she snagged a few slices with her free hand. Biting off the ends of all three at a time, I couldn't help but want to laugh. I was liking her more and more.

Just as I stood back up and set the plate back down, Luke drew my eyes with his words and a deep breath. "Well, I'm going to get ready. You girls have fun," he said, moving towards us and the kitchen entrance.

"What do you mean?" I asked in just as light of a voice. My question made him stop in front of me.

"For my jog," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if we didn't just talk about going fishing.

Hearing the signs of adult conversation, Chrissy ran out and into the living room. The muffled sound of plastic objects hitting the floor reached my ears. I had to assume she poured out the contents of her box.

Luke held my attention though. Did he already forget? "Weren't we going fishing?" I asked under my breath so she wouldn't hear.

He shrugged, offering me a sympathetic smile. "Well, I figure you guys can do that and I'll get my jog out of the way."

Or you could skip jogging for today like you sometimes do. Or maybe jog for only an hour and not four or five. If I thought he was just being an ass, I would have said those words. I would have been more persistent in some fashion. However, there was clearly more to this. Hearing his immediate excuse to go jogging, I knew he didn't want to be here. The only thing I could think of was that he didn't want to be around Chrissy.

I stared at him for a long moment. I didn't understand what it was, what was making him suddenly want to leave, if it was about Chrissy. Searching his eyes, his eyebrows dipped slightly, in worry and sorry. I wasn't going to be a bitch when something was clearly bothering him.

"That's okay, we'll fish another time," I said nonchalantly. What the fuck this was about?

"Great. I'm going to get rea—"

"Wait!" a shrill voice sang, cutting him off. Chrissy came running back into sight. Long brown strands swinging with her movement, she stopped and stared up at us. "Kyle, you can run in a minute."

Smiling with so much sweetness for her, he said, "I really should get going...."

"No. First, I need to show both of you my magic trick."

Chrissy loved to entertain and have fun. Every time she came over, she brought something new. Either a new toy, project, or something random she wanted to show me from her room. Honestly, I was quite fascinated each time. This though... a magic set, this might just be the coolest.

"You mastering magic?" Luke asked, eyes growing.

"Well duh, everyone should know magic. Marcy does it and she's the most popular girl in school," she said. "Everything is set up so come to the couch." Spinning around, she rushed back to the living room.

By the time we were seated, Chrissy was kneeling across from us on the other side of the coffee table. A deck of cards sat on the table, her other magic equipment scattered on the floor. I was already full of excitement and anticipation. It grew even more when she selected me to assist her in the trick.

Moving down to kneel next to her on the floor and at the table, my eyes found Luke. He sat forward and on the edge of the couch with interest. We couldn't help but share an amusing smile. His turned adoring for Chrissy when he turned his attention to her beside me. "What will you be showing us today?"

Chrissy gave a smug smile. "I'm doing the hardest magic in the magic set. It's a card trick too."

"Really?" Luke asked with an excited tone. "Those are tricky... you sure you can do it?"

"Course I can!" She sounded offended, narrowing her eyes on him. "I've been practicing."

"Oh okay," he said quietly, looking down with pursed lips. Just as she swiped the cards and began shuffling them on the floor, Luke's amused smile broke open. Eyes meeting mine, I couldn't help but grin too.

"Yeah, you don't think she can do it?" I asked in the same defensive tone Chrissy used, biting my lip and bouncing my eyebrows towards him.

He held back laughter at us gaining up on him. "Of course not, I have all the confidence Chrissy will do great," he said, watching her prepare for her trick.

After she shuffled the cards as best as she could, she had me draw a card randomly from the deck. "Pick any one, look at it, show it to the audience. Kyle, tell me when you see it," she said in a serious voice.

Once I picked one from the deck, I peeked at the card once Chrissy turned away. It was the three of diamonds. After showing it to Luke, he glanced to Chrissy. "Okay, I saw it."

Turning back to us, she moved closer to me. Holding the deck out in front of us, she spread the face-down cards out in her small hands. "Put it back in the deck anywhere you would like."

"You got it," I said, sliding it among the rest in her hand.

She shuffled the cards together, struggling slightly with her small hands. And watching her... it made my heart tug. With how cute and harmless this whole thing was. How beautiful – a cute kid doing a magic trick. When was the last time anything like this happened to us? Where we got to watch something so innocent.

Setting the shuffled deck on the table, she slapped the top of it. Since the smacking sound wasn't enough along with the glass shaking, Chrissy shouted, "Bam!" Raising the top card, she showed Luke the card then me. "Peggy, was this your card?" she asked with a wide and proud smile.

Her small hand held the king of spades. Not the three of diamonds. It was honestly surprising. She had so much faith in herself, I didn't even consider the possibility that she would screw it up.

While she could get mouthy, I couldn't bring myself to let her down. I didn't want to see her lose that confidence, get upset, or feel embarrassed. That's why I let my jaw go loose, my parted and surprised lips tilting up into a smile. "Yes! How did you do that?"

"I can't tell you," she laughed, setting the cards down.

"I don't understand how that could be done," I said, shifting my amazed eyes to Luke. "Can you? How do you explain that?"

The moment my attention shifted to Luke, my chest ripped. My insides churned in pain. My eyes were hypnotized to freeze on him too. And no, it wasn't because his attractiveness caught me off guard like a pathetic girl. Not because it triggered my feelings for him. It was much more damaging.

The little lie I told to protect Chrissy's feelings captured him. Though he was smiling sweetly and lovingly to me, his eyes were swallowed in sadness. Embedded in the warm green aimed at me was clear longing too. Sadness and longing. It was a painful and beautiful sight.

The intensity behind that expression grew when Luke slowly looked between me and the beaming little girl. The sad longing increased, the admiration – and it continued building. It began to dim his genuine and sweet smile.

When his eyes stopped and rested on mine again, it was hard to handle. Searching my gaze, the care and hurt he was projecting took over. It deposited more sadness. His warm smile fell even lower until it hardly held any shape. Until what was left... was love and devastation.

It was unlike anything I've seen. I felt unbalanced. My mouth was dry, lips parted and assisting my fast working lungs. For once, I didn't have to wonder what his crazy expression was about. Seeing Luke's strange state... it wasn't just heart breaking. It helped piece everything together. I understood. And I wish I didn't because it burned.

For how great of an actor Luke was, it was obvious he did not anticipate undergoing such a revealing reaction. He suddenly looked down with a scowl, getting it together. He pushed that painful mold away, smile returning when he looked back to Chrissy.

The little girl was oblivious of him, caring only about the praise we were giving her. She focused on him once he began to speak. "Yeah, I mean," he cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably despite his growing smile. "I have no idea how you could have done that," he said with disbelief. "You sure you won't tell us how you did it? Pretty please?"

She shook her head smugly. "Nope! Sorry. You will just have to keep wondering!"

He chuckled. "I suppose that's fair." Taking a deep breath, running a hand back through his hair, his eyes hesitantly found mine again. It shot the pain through me again, and all I wanted to do was make it better. His smile turned tight and he rose to his feet. Moving away from the couch, he said, "Well, I'm going to get ready for my jog then head out. Definitely worth the wait though, Chrissy. That was very good!" he said, bending down and offering his hand for a high five.

"Thanks," she said, slapping his hand.

A moment later, he walked away and to the stairs. Chrissy was going through her other magic items. As for me... I was still kneeling on the floor, stunned with a pounding heart that was kicking my ass.

I didn't know how I didn't see it before. And to think... it was revealed all because of the sweet gesture I made towards Chrissy. Because seeing me do that for this little girl, it caught Luke off guard and exposed him.

His weird behavior made sense. Leaving to go jogging before Chrissy was here, getting back after she was gone.... It was torture for him. He wanted me to be his, wanted to have a future with someone who didn't want kids while he did. And what does he get? The cruelest tease possible. Seeing me, his 'girlfriend' Peggy, babysitting a little girl.

It reflected a future he wanted. A future that became extremely vivid in his mind with what just played out. Seeing how well I did with hiding Chrissy's mistake, it overwhelmed him. Because it's what he craved. It mimicked what could give him ultimate happiness. And that was having a wife and family of his own. Something I denied him. Something I hated about myself.

How was that not torture? Each time I babysit her, it bothered him – to the point where he needs to leave the house. I couldn't blame the guy now that I knew! It was the ultimate slap in the face. 'Hey Luke, you see these girls spending time together? Kind of like a mother and daughter? It will never be real or true for you!' That's what this was doing! It was mocking him.

Jesus Christ, I couldn't imagine what this man was going through. To leave the house, for several hours, just so he didn't have to see his desires mocked and thrown in his face.

Before, I managed to push aside my guilt and pain over my decision to not get back together. Things were so erratic, I couldn't handle worrying about anything other than not dying. Now that we were safe and living with each other... it was much harder. I started going back and forth over it in my head like a freak. And now this... how could I get over what I just realized was hurting Luke even more? I don't think I could.

This new and fresh gash would not heal. I knew it in my gut.

***

For how little sleep I got the night before, I had hope my tired state would beat out my racing head. It didn't. In fact, my brain session of chaos was worse than the night before. Hours were spent that night consumed in my thoughts. Beating myself with these ideas, fears, and uneasiness took its toll on me too. It induced a massive headache and, as embarrassing as it is to admit, it nearly caused me to have a break down.

I learned Luke wasn't having the easiest night either.

Staring up at the ceiling of my dark room, something broke the constant silence in the air. A sharp clatter hit my ears. The sound was distorted through the walls and my door, but loud enough to break my concentration and make me sit up. I wasn't sure what it was or the source, but the direction of the sound came from Luke's room.

The clock on my dresser read 2:13, but here was no hesitation.

Standing up in my loose shirt and shorts, I moved out into the hallway and flicked on the hall light. Nothing suspicious caught my eye. The next best possibility was that the sound came from Luke's room. I half figured my investigation would lead me into going in his room. Did I want to bother the guy? No. But my worry and curiosity was powerful. Not to mention, I had a feeling he was up and probably the source of that sound anyway.

I didn't want to be nosy, but that was a loud and sharp noise. Hopefully everything was okay. Opening Luke's bedroom door, the hall light invaded the dark room. Swinging it far enough open, the light reached him in his bed.

The distressed man was sitting up under his covers, arms propped up behind him. He was breathing fast, the rush of air from his lips audible and causing his bare chest to move with his racing heart. The man's eyes were stuck ahead of him, lost in whatever just happened.

My own heart was racing by the time his wide and intense eyes reached mine. I had no idea what was wrong, but seeing him in this state... it confirmed the crash came from in here. Not that I could care at the moment. After a night of thinking about how much this man has suffered, I did not want to see him go through any more.

Rushing forward, I approached the heavy-breathing man. Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to his legs, I turned towards him, tucking my left leg under me as I faced the man. His eyes were glued to mine, but his body was tense. His breath didn't slow and his eyebrows were out of shape in distress.

This poor fucking man. "What happened?"

Instinctively reaching my hand out and resting it on his leg under the covers, he flinched. The guy's powerful eyes dropped down and away from me as well. "Please don't touch me," he whispered through his hard breathing.

"Sorry," I said, his words zapping my hand away. I didn't expect that. And I for sure did not feel like I would be able to help.

Closing his eyes, he forced his mouth shut. Slowing his breathing to just his nose, he just shook his head. "C-Can you leave?"

Leave? Jesus, what happened? My muscles grew thick and I was on edge now, matching his demeanor. I took a deep breath of my own. "Okay, I'll go. But I need to know everything is okay. What was that noise?"

"Doesn't matter," he said, speaking a little sharper.

Though he didn't want to tell me, it was natural to start looking around for the source of the noise. Maybe that's what was freaking him out. I eyed the carpet, his bedside table, and then the back wall adjacent to his bed. Below his window covered by curtains, straining up on the bed, I took in the low and long black table that supported some of his clothes he had yet to put away and some knickknacks. Nothing weird yet.

It was when I fully turned around and took in the dresser across from his bed that I noticed the source of the loud noise. The digital clock usually on his bedside table was in pieces at the base of the drawers. The black plastic shards stood out against the carpet along with the long cord that appeared torn.

The broken clock was a caution sign for me. If Luke was throwing shit – like ripping the fucking clock from the plug – it couldn't be good. His obvious uneasiness didn't make me feel any more confident that I would be able to help.

Swallowing thickly, I turned back to the guy. Staring down at the bed, he couldn't shake the tension in his body. He was unnerved, as if he was cornered by something he presumed was a threat.

"Was it a nightmare?"

I wanted to know. I didn't want to push him, but the guy can only take so much – and he apparently had. If there was a way to sooth the guy, I wanted to try. Just like he was there for me when I needed him, I would always be there for him.

"Yeah," he sighed sharply, jaw tightening when he glanced up to me. He didn't have much patience and his was running out. "I can't fucking do this tonight. Please go."

Biting the inside of my cheek, I looked down and nodded. Though I hated hearing that, my absence was the only thing I could give him that may help. "Alright," I mumbled, feeling weak and useless. I was worse than that because I contributed to his problems. I just hope he doesn't have another nightmare after I leave. "You need anything, I will try my best to help. Goodnight," I said, dragging myself to my feet and leaving.

Shutting the door behind me, I rested my back against it, exhaling deeply. Standing in the hall, everything was still and calm. Except my head. My mind started spinning like it was earlier, only now there was more on it.

I just wanted to help him, make him happy. It was making one side of my debate very strong. After what just happened, the only easy and quick solution was to just give in to my emotions and rekindle our love. Yet, I couldn't think about that. If I let my fried brain hold such a temptation, I would break. I was out of energy and I felt like the biggest piece of shit you'll ever drop. Fuck, even if I went back in there and confessed my love, I didn't feel worthy of his. Yes, it quickly turned into one of those night.

Closing my eyes tight, I wasn't sure what to do now. How do I proceed with my miserable night? I was open for suggestions, ladies and gents. Should I go back in my room and continue thinking? Go back to my bed and be completely consumed now?! Guess what, that was the only thing that would happen. There was no peaceful solution for tonight.

What was I supposed to do? Ignore my guilt and my temptation? Ignore my worries? Sure, let's say that somehow happens. And then what, I fall asleep? Well, what a wonderful option that was! Yeah, because that would be a peaceful rest, wouldn't it? Let's fall asleep and have another beautiful fucking dream. Jesus Christ. My nightmares were every night and I was fucking sick of it! The blood, the death, and fucking Jackson. It was getting to me more and more. Eventually, I will snap in half!

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know of any solution. However... beer and pie weren't bad things.

That thought is what sent me downstairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed one of the pies from the festival, a beer, and sat outside on the front porch swing. The night air was soothing as I took delight in the only thing that could help. Sometime during my enjoyment of the beer and pie, I fell asleep on the long swing.

Beer, pie, and sleeping outside. It sounded bad, but honestly, it was the best possible ending to my night. Luckily, Luke never found out either. The early and bright sunlight woke me up, allowing me to get back inside before he was up. The last thing I needed was him worrying about me. Especially now that I felt much better. I got enough sleep, plus my dream wasn't as vivid as they usually are. So, despite my circling thoughts revolving around Luke, I wasn't drowning in them like before.

Turning on the TV and laying down on the couch, holding myself under a blanket since I was cold, I allowed my mind to be consumed. It wasn't too long until the sound of footsteps on the stairs came from behind me. Hopefully, he slept better after that awful nightmare. The man didn't need to suffer like he clearly had last night. Not to mention, we didn't need any more digital clocks getting smashed.

I heard him walk into the kitchen, no doubt to pour himself a cup of coffee from the pot I prepared for him. Moments later, the guy entered the living room behind me. His footsteps stopped, telling me he paused. As if contemplating what to do or what to say. Oh boy. Might be one of those awkward times. How I've missed those.

He settled on rounding the furniture and coming into view, sitting in the chair adjacent to me. "Good morning," he said after a long moment, eyes staying on the TV. "Thanks for making the coffee."

"No problem," I said, sitting up from my laying position. Slouching against the arm of the couch, I folded my legs under me and pulled the blanket up around my shoulders.

Luke finally looked up to me, a restrained smile reaching his lips. "I think we might have to do some more ass beating."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you check the camera?"

I raised a brow. This was interesting – and a welcoming distraction. For the past day, every time we would check the computer, showing the live feed to Carter's work space, he wasn't there. We figured we were just checking at the wrong times. Like when he's taking a shit, eating... after hearing that he still wasn't there when Luke checked this morning, we had reason to start worrying.

"That's a little weird," I said. "He was doing really well."

Yes, shockingly, that was true. With the camera shown on our computer screen, each time we checked after our last encounter with him, he's done a good job. We would check, and there he would be. Bored out of his mind, but watching all the computer screens and doing his job.

It lifted a weight from our shoulders. Scary to think about, but we basically relied on him to find the key to everything. Without it, we won't be able to get far in our plan. That's why we were more than thrilled that he started doing his job.

But now... what the hell?

Bringing the laptop into the living room, we kept an eye on it throughout our day. By 4:00pm... there was still no sign of Carter. All we saw through the camera we had set up in his apartment was the shit chair, a little of the desk space, and a portion of the living room behind the chair. Nothing and no sign of life. The same picture all day. We had no choice. It was ass kicking time.

After I pulled on a sweatshirt and he finished tying his shoes, we were ready to leave. "Alright, keep your fingers crossed there will be a normal or reasonable explanation," Luke said down to me. Sighing, he opened the door and we walked out onto the front porch.

Closing the door behind us, a cool breeze brushed against our exposed skin. The overcast sky painted our surroundings in dull colors as we headed down to the truck. "I can't think of a reasonable explanation. Besides maybe him getting caught and arrested for being Carter Forbes, mass murderer," I mumbled, half kidding and half pleading I was wrong. Honestly, it was the only thing I could think of.

Unfortunately, Luke agreed. He groaned, shaking his head and laughing humorlessly. "That is a reasonable option."

Once we reached the truck, I climbed into the passenger side and slammed the door shut. However, when I glanced to my left, Luke had yet to get inside. He stood outside of the driver's side door, staring at a paper we didn't notice before. It was taped to the window. This would be interesting. Maybe it's from his brother Trent.

Pulling it off the window and looking it over, Luke's eyebrows dipped from where I was staring at him through the glass. He didn't like it, whatever it was. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, he opened the door and climbed in.

"What is it?" I asked, snapping my seat belt across me.

Handing it to me and shutting the door, he buckled up and started the truck without saying a word. Pulling out of the driveway, I glanced down and focused on the paper. It wasn't from Carter. It was a colorful flyer, typed in a curly font. The biggest letters on the page said 'Block Barbeque.' According to the sheet, a big neighborhood cook-out was happening this Saturday. It was happening in the backyard of – guess who – Grace's house. It requested we bring a dish of some kind.

My initial reaction was to throw the flyer out the window. The last thing I wanted was to meet a bunch of people and hold pointless conversation. Though I liked Grace, this was a bit much. I'm no social butterfly. However, I found the thought exciting at the same time. Going to a gathering as someone that wasn't me, as Peggy, the thought was enlightening. I loved abandoning everything and focusing on my fake life.

Luke was not on board. "I bet she set the whole thing up just to get us to finally have dinner with them."

I didn't understand why he was so against it. Even though I now realized Luke didn't like seeing me babysit Chrissy, this was completely different. This was more of a social event. It would mostly be meeting all the new neighbors. So why did he want to avoid it? If anyone should be against that, it should be me. Luke was the social one, a people person.

"I doubt she is that desperate. It sounds like they do this every year anyway," I said, glancing over to the annoyed man.

"Maybe you can go without me," he suggested, meeting my eyes for a small moment.

"Why do you want to get out of it so bad?" The reason had to be something significant – and I knew it was too. Because once I asked that, I remembered what happened just a couple days ago. When Grace came over and asked us about dinner, Luke came up with an excuse, said we were busy. For whatever reason... he was entirely against meeting the neighbors.

"I just don't like the idea of lying to people. Feels like I might get caught. And it just feels wrong," he said, shrugging and scanning the road.

I could completely believe that about Luke. Him and his morals, I suppose. However, there was probably a bigger reason he didn't want to reveal to me. Sighing, I set the sheet down. Whatever the reason was, it must be significant. I wouldn't make him if he didn't want to. It's not like I couldn't go on my own.

"Okay," I scoffed. "You can stay home, I'll go. More food for me."

After a long pause, I turned back to staring out my window. I thought that was the end of that, but after a minute, he surprised me. "I'll think about it."

Glancing back over to him, I smiled. "It's up to you," I nodded, eyeing his relaxed figure and blank face staying ahead. He deserved some slack after everything he was going through. Not to mention, the last thing we needed right now, was to stress over anything that wasn't this situation with Carter. Everything better be fine.

By the time we reached the apartment complex, we were still wondering what Carter possibly could be doing. Walking side by side along the sidewalk, we turned and neared the familiar door. "I bet he won't even be here," I sighed. "We should have been able to see him on the camera."

"I guess we will see," Luke said, stopping with me once we reached the door. Pulling out a copy of the key to the apartment we recently made, he glanced up to me and offered a small smirk. "Want to do 20 bucks again? I think he's here."

Raising a brow, I crossed my arms. "Depends... can I borrow a twenty?" I asked in thought, tapping my chin with my index finger.

Chuckling and shaking his head, he turned away from me, facing the door. "How about no," he said, making me scoff. Sliding the key into the lock above the door handle, he unlocked it and we were soon inside. Little did we know we would not walk out this door the same.

Stepping inside and shutting the door behind us, we were engulfed in the shit lighting we came to expect when monitoring Carter. It was enough to see, but nothing great. As we looked around the open space, I walked over to the window and opened the blinds.

It flooded the room with light, highlighting the bluish carpet and the station he set up. The station he had been absent from for some of yesterday and all of today as far as we knew. Scanning the area with Luke, as we expected, nothing looked different. Not yet anyway.

"Unless he's having fun with another hooker," I said, nodding towards the hallway. "But I think he's gone."

"We don't know." Glancing between me and the hallway, he began to near it. I followed behind him until we reached his open bedroom door. The hallway was dark and the room only slightly lighter from the few windows blocked with closed blinds. We didn't need to flick on a light though to see a definite difference.

Carter wasn't here, but something weird must have happened. Frozen in the doorway, we stared at a big mass that covered the floor. It looked like the guys dresser. Staring at it and around the room, there was no mystery once Luke reached over and flipped on the light.

It highlighted the cluttered room. Clothes were littered everywhere, his low bed unmade and messy. What caught our attention wasn't his clutter. It was the dresser, which was in fact laying on the floor. Even more, a section of it was smashed in, the wood bent and broken.

"Oh god," I groaned. I would have loved to hear that he innocently disappeared instead of seeing this. Don't get me wrong; him just wandering off would be ass. We wouldn't know where to find him. But it wouldn't be as bad as assuming something bad might have happened. And staring down at this dresser... it's not like the sight screamed puppies and rainbows.

"I don't know what this means," he whispered.

Trying to think logically, I took a deep breath. "Maybe he just... left."

Looking up to the man beside me, his eyes were stuck on the dresser before finding mine. "It makes no sense for him to just leave though. He has no truck. Where is he going to go on foot? He wouldn't do that when the whole country is looking for him."

Pursing my lips, I nodded and sighed. "Then I don't know. Maybe he got pissed off, smashed the dresser, and decided to take a nap in the bathtub. We haven't checked there yet," I said. Yes, I know, talk about grasping at straws. But I didn't want to think about what else might have happened.

Luke sure didn't have a problem with voicing the other potential possibilities. The green in his gaze turning more serious, he raised a brow. "It seems likely that he was caught and identified." Immediately after he spoke, he cleared his throat, not liking the fact that he voiced such a scary and real option. "Or honestly, there is a chance you are right too. He could be anywhere."

Smiling softly at his attempt to keep things optimistic, I turned back towards the hallway. We checked the bathroom, but there was nothing out of place – and no Carter in the bathtub.

Regardless of what happened, it wasn't good. Even though we had no idea, we knew he should be here and nowhere else. It did not make me feel good at all. I couldn't help but rub my hands together as we walked out from the hall.

"I don't like this," I said. Absently staring past Luke at the kitchen counter that separated the kitchen from the living room, I rested my hands against my hips in thoughts. "We may...."

I trailed off just as my eyes registered something on the counter bar. Carter obviously wasn't in the kitchen; we could stare right into it. But there was something laying on the counter. A sheet of paper with what looked to be words scribbled on it.

"Is that a note?" I asked, instantly moving into the kitchen area.

Just as Luke followed behind me, he knocked slightly against me. Because the moment I stepped into the kitchen and could see everything, I froze, my eyes catching the rug laying on the ground at the base of the sink. The light tan fabric absorbed a thick long line of red splattered liquid. Blood.

With a shaky heart, I immediately eyed the rest of the kitchen. Nothing off. Nothing else weird or wrong. Just what I could assume was blood splatter on the rug! I couldn't look away from it when my wide eyes found it again. It sent a deep and sharp pain through my body, a rough sick feeling stabbing into my gut. A sickness that was unlike the one that appeared from my broken heart or guilt. It was a sick and torturous sensation I haven't felt since being on the road. And it was the horrible and deep ache of fear and panic.

"Fuck," Luke breathed when he noticed the rug.

When the horror left me... I looked up and rushed to the counter. What the fuck did this note say?!

Whipping the thing off the counter and into my hands, I stared down at the white page. There were a few small lines in pen. I recognized this person's handwriting.

You call the cops, you get exposed. Don't.

Take everything of his out of the apartment. Leave the computers and equipment.

He needed to go. A deal is a deal. Keep an eye on the news.