Chapter 42

With how anxious I was for answers, I could only handle so much time in the car. Precisely, four and a half more hours. It would have been sooner if Luke didn't remind me Washington was still our destination. We hoped to reach our new lives by tomorrow.

It was 6:00 when I made Luke stop. Unfortunately, by then, we were close to Boise, Idaho. The fucking capital, of course. Populated with many potential observers of the infamous mass murderer. That's why we stopped several miles outside of the city.

The hotel was nothing like the rundown and remote motels we've visited. It was a normal hotel. Somewhat busy and not a dump. Luke booked two rooms, using the name Kyle Doyle for the first time to do so. After Carter came through the vacant backdoor entrance with disguise accessories, we found our rooms on the fourth floor.

You can bet I already hauled up the necessary luggage. I wanted to do everything I could to get the show on the road. Even when Carter said he wanted to shower before our 'interview' (for good reasons), he received a big 'hell no' from me. I wanted answers. Now.

After I tossed Carter's crap into his room where he was getting settled, Luke urged me a few doors down and around the corner to where he and I will be staying. Not for a quickie, not because we needed to unpack, but because he was worried.

"Let's slow down for a second," he mumbled. Shutting the door behind us, he turned to me. By now, his right cheek showed blotches of blue thanks to the punches from Jackson. It couldn't distract me from his eyes. They were raw green globes. Filled with care and caution. "Albany, be honest. Can you handle whatever he might say?" He raised a hand and softly caressed my arm.

The touch was warm and nice. Alive and human. This was the first time being alone with Luke since the truth was revealed. Though I was needy for answers, this slow moment in time was a nice breather. It allowed me to truly consider his question. And get distracted by the sweet human sensation of his thumb rubbing my arm.

Sighing, I closed my eyes. "I don't know."

"Maybe it would be a good idea for you to wait," he said, voice compelling my vision to return. "You can only handle so much."

If that were the case, my brain should have been fried by now. "I'm starting to doubt that." I gave him a sad smile. "Do you know how much shit has been thrown on me in the past? Even on you? Overloads of... insane stuff to process. I think I've learned to adapt. Or it's just going to build up, I will cope or block it out, then it will either eventually sink in or eat me up."

In the past, I'm not sure how I came to accept everything that occurred in my life. Some things were still hard to believe. Like Clare being dead. That's still hard to grasp sometimes. Then the memory would return.

Crazy occurrences and memories like that... I managed to live with. The theory that it will build up until I go nuts like my mother was still a possibility. But based on the past, there was nothing I faced that I couldn't adapt to. The impact of everything was massive, but I survived. Even if it changed me, I adapted and survived.

Luke was there for many of the life-changing events and information that crossed us. He knew where I was coming from and sadly nodded. "I realize what you mean. I'm not saying that you won't be able to cope or accept it. This is just a lot you will be learning. Right now, I'm not sure if... you're ready. Or... in the state to handle it all."

Those last words made me smile. The man was scared I was still too shocked, upset, and angry to handle this. He wasn't wrong. "Look, I get this shit is brand new. And yeah, my feelings are not stable at all. But Luke, my emotions will never be stable about my piece of shit father," I said, holding back the frustration from entering my tone. "The subject will always infuriate me. That won't pass. And who knows. Maybe finally getting answers could give me closure."

"I understand," he nodded.

Staring at me for a long moment, it was clear his thoughts shifted. Luke pinched the bridge of his nose. From the bright lamp, his raised arm casted a shadow on the growing stubble along his cheeks and chin. A long second passed. "I'm sorry," he whispered in defeat.

"For what?" While I was anxious for answers, I was locked onto Luke even more now.

Shoulders slumped, he held his bent fingers to his nose, hiding sympathetic eyes. He revealed them to me once he dropped his arms to his side. "That this happened. You didn't need this. I knew there was something off about him," he mumbled, stare cautious. "I wish I had been wrong."

Luke wasn't shy about sharing his distrust and suspicions of Jackson in the past. It made sense now why Luke never found any record of a Jackson Honeywell. Soon, a lot more would make sense.

"So do I."

After checking to see if I was okay and sure, we returned to Carter's room with the copy of the key Luke had. While Carter's room had only one bed, it was the same as ours. A nice cherry wooden dresser with a TV, a bathroom to the left upon walking in, and a balcony. The sliding door blinds were pulled aside, revealing Carter though the glass. He was relaxing in a plastic chair, his feet propped up on the other chair. As if he didn't get shot just hours ago.

When we stepped out onto the balcony, Carter refused to go inside for 'our little talk.' He claimed we wouldn't see sunny days like these in Washington. Plus, he was enjoying the view. Which wasn't anything grand. The balcony faced the back parking lot and a string of houses separated by a long chain fence.

The man rose and leaned against the rusting black railing, too excited to stay seated. It allowed for Luke and I to claim the plastic chairs. We sat facing him in his cloud of smugness. My heart was picking up already. I didn't know what to expect. How does this even start? How much did he know? I still didn't understand how Carter could have known Jackson years prior to this shitfest.

Carter's hands were sprawled out, gripping the railing he leaned his back against. The sun highlighted his bruised face and faded blood smears along his neck, peeking from under his shirt. "Well students, I heard you have many questions." He smirked, glancing between us. "I must be honest class, that makes me disappointed. Many answers have been under your nose the whole time," he said, eyes lighting up.

Mine narrowed. How were the answers under our noses? My mind wanted to go back and retrace everything, attempt to find clues. However, as he was about to reveal, there were clues regarding more than Jackson just being my father.

"No questions? Do you expect story time, kids?" he asked slowly with a grin.

"Yeah, I want story time then," I snapped. "I don't know what to ask when I know nothing." I didn't like the pleasure he was thriving in. While he spoke like a teacher, his excitement suggested he was a rambunctious school boy.

Relishing in the moment, Carter looked towards the pinkening sky with a smile. As if he was admiring the breeze that sifted through our hair. He stretched out a sigh. "We can do story time," he nodded slowly. "There is a lot to tell. Also, I will be milking the shit out of everything I tell you!"

Fuck no, he isn't milking anything! "I don't think so. I want my answers now."

"I don't know..." he tsked.

"Jesus fuck, do you need questions to get 'story time' started? How did you know him? How did this all happen?" I pushed.

Slowly looking back to me, he took a dramatic deep breath. I wanted to strangle it out of him. "Let's simmer down," he said with amusement. He crossed his arms carefully over his chest. "How did I know him? How didn't you know of him if you were a part of the organization?" he scoffed.

Why? Why was he well known in the organization? We said nothing, giving enough of a sign for Carter to continue. His stupid smirk never left. His eyes moved between Luke and I to catch our reactions. "Jackson Higgins... was a powerful worker under Reid. He was one of the few ever that managed to revolt and successfully get away. Escaping made him an infamous and embarrassing symbol of the group's failure. I was lucky enough to have worked with him."

It was hard to grasp. My heart was flapping and exhausted. How could the same man that was my guardian have worked under Reid? Being a worker. Like Carter. And apparently one that successfully got away without being caught...? It was hard to match that picture with the Jackson I knew. Or the Jackson I thought I knew.

My stomach was flopping around. I didn't feel good. Clearing my head, I attempted to open myself up for anything. I would take it all in and process it later. I only needed to know, not deal with the shit.

Carter's blue eyes were electric between us. He paused, loving this. Loving whatever look shadowed our faces. "Story time is already off to a good start." His smile grew. "I met your dad over ten years ago. Keep in mind, what I know is based on what he told me – back then and even recently since joining you both on this fun adventure. Which, I should point out, Jackson always protested if you remember..." he smirked, eyes zeroing in more on ours.

My eyes widened. Jackson never wanted Carter to come along with us once we captured him. He fought Carter on many things.... Jesus, I never would have thought it was because they knew each other! Plus, the fact that apparently Jackson confided in Carter during this little trip... it fit with the evidence! After all, both were tied at the hip during our road trip.

Carter was soaking up our surprise. "Ha! Yes, you see? It's no coincidence. So many clues...." He chuckled, that crazed glint crossing his gaze. "Jackson protested me and my ideas. And if you specifically recall, he was quite angry when you guys came up with the polygraph idea. But we will get to that."

Shit, that's right....  Jackson was always hating on Carter's presence and his ideas. He was especially furious when we gave him the polygraph test. Was it because Jackson was scared his secrets would come out? And because Carter knew them? It made me want to know now, not when we get to it.

"Before you go into everything, first explain what happened when we captured you. Is this where that promise comes in?" During the car ride, I began contemplating what that promise between Jackson and Carter meant and how it began.

"Pausing story time for questions," he said amused, taking a deep breath before answering. "Okay. Since I've worked with Jackson in the past, he obviously didn't want me spoiling everything he was hiding. That's why I kept my mouth shut the minute I recognized him. To hopefully keep peace and not throw each other under the bus. I didn't have much hope. Figured he was going to kill me the second you two weren't looking. But the first time we were alone after you took me prisoner, we made a deal. A promise. If I revealed the truth about him, he in turn had the right to kill me. We covered each other's asses for our own."

Wow. That sure explained all those little inside moments between them. Either the glares he received from Jackson. Or the constant amusement from Carter. Most likely that was credited to these secrets between them and that promise.

"Now that you say that, I'm surprised he didn't kill you when we weren't looking," Luke said.

I nodded, agreeing. Clearly, Jackson must have always been on edge about Carter revealing anything. Even if it meant death for Carter, I would constantly be scared about him revealing the truth. It all made sense... why he was so negative towards him. Why Jackson was so on edge – especially after the nutcase started talking about suicide. As for Carter... he found it all amusing, knowing all this inside information. Knowing Jackson was my father when I didn't. I'd find the whole thing humorous too if I was him.

"You're not the only one who is surprised. Then again, me dead would have probably made you both suspicious of him." Carter said, tapping his thumbs against the railing.

"Why would he confide in you then? You said he told you shit recently that added to everything you know. Why would he tell you more things you needed to keep secret?" I asked.

"Trust me, Jackson didn't want to say anything, but I was on his ass about it. I hadn't seen him in years, didn't know what happened to him. I was nearly as lost as you dumbasses are right now," he said, tilting his head back and laughing. "I didn't understand how he reunited with you, how neither of you knew the truth.... I also argued that I wouldn't understand a thing unless he told me. He finally caved."

So Carter knew how we were feeling right now. You'd think he would want to relieve our anxiousness out of sympathy and not pleasure. Then again, this is Carter. He was someone who could find fun in anything, detached from emotions. Maybe that could explain the weirdness behind Jackson's personality.

Interesting. I was similarly not a people person or someone who was openly emotional. Maybe my upbringing wasn't the only thing to blame for that....

The thought made my breath catch. A sour taste tickled my tongue. I pushed away any other automatic thoughts or theories wanting to find similarities between Jackson and I. Of course, I needed to be ready for the truth regarding how he was my father anyway.

"Any more questions before we get back to story time, class?" Carter asked lightly. "I suppose context was needed, but it feels good to prolong it for dramatics," he said, raising and lowering his eyebrows at me.

"Nope, go for it," I pushed.

"Hmm... I don't know if the class can handle this. It's rated R talk."

"Get on with it," I growled.

"Well... not sure how to start. Where to begin. There is just so much...." He grinned, responding with patience to my impatience. He tapped his chin, thinking.

Luke most likely sensed the growing anger in me. He jumped in before I could scream at Carter. In the off-chance he needed guidance, Luke said, "Just tell us everything you know. From when you met him and what you learned.  Like you are writing his biography for us."  Unlike me, Luke was sitting back and controlled with only stern eyes aimed at the beaming maniac. Aside from Luke's bruising cheek from earlier today, his face was blank. Beats me how he wasn't fuming like I was! Well, probably because this wasn't his dad we were discussing.

Carter snorted, raising a brow towards him. "Biography? Excuse me, I wasn't up Jackson's ass the minute he was born. I don't know everything, especially his personal life. If you are looking for a biography though, I can write one about you Mr. Prenta," he replied with a wink, referring to the years he spent spying on Luke.

Everything Luke and I said, the asshole was eating up as fuel to stall the conversation. I wanted to punch this dude with my already swollen knuckles. Then again, it would only take longer to learn anything! It's why Luke and I could only stare him down. Waiting.

Even with his gloating tilted lips and satisfied eyes, he finally allowed some serious back in. "Alright. Time for story time to commence," he said, clearing his throat. "I met Jackson 13 years ago when I first joined the institution. We were both 25, but Jackson wasn't new to the system like me. He was already in the squad I was assigned to. Apparently, he joined when he was only 18. Ballsy move at only 18, I must say. Anyway, I learned very fast that he was the most respected worker among us. Even almost as respected as our leaders and bosses. The respect didn't just come from his longevity in the system or because he was more knowledgeable with more experience. Like I said," Carter paused, eyes staying on mine. "I didn't know much about his personal life. He didn't talk about it. Didn't talk about why he did the things he did. But there was one thing that was common knowledge among our sect because Jackson did something unheard of. Can you guess what he did...?" he asked, sharing a knowing look.

I sure could guess what he did. Bastard. It was the only thing I knew for sure when I walked onto this balcony. Looking down and away from Carter's stare, I noticed my hands were balled up in my lap.

Though my silence was answer enough, he still felt the need to validate it. And more.

Carter's words plowed through my head, painfully flicking at my drowning brain. "Jackson was desperate to fix his financial issues. He was only 18 with a family to support. As you know, he sold his one-year old daughter. When he did that... he gained a lot of attention.  A lot of respect from the organization. Not many would sell their fucking kid. If people did, they usually did it before they even had kids, removing the emotional factor or attachment before it could exist. But Jackson's daughter was already alive. Such a nice dad.... In fact, even after he fucking sold you, he continued to raise you with your mother for another year. The only—"

"What do you mean he continued to raise me for another year?" I was on my feet instantly.

Closer to eyelevel with Carter, he stood up straighter. Smirk growing wider. Good for him. Good for me then because I was about to smack it off his face. What the fuck did he just say?

"Yeah. That's right. He didn't sell you and split," he chuckled. "Is that what you thought happened? That the bitch sold you and left right after?"

Yes! Yes I did. I assumed that this entire time. With reason. You sell your kid, that's a big enough sign you're done caring for them. Who gives up their child yet continues raising them? That's sick! Hell, who gives up their kid, period?! How could he have been so... heartless? Was that enough of a word? Maybe he was just sick in the head or even worse because true heartlessness wouldn't involve him staying! Was he numb to everything and didn't care?

My lips were parted, trying to speak. I just shook my head, unsure of how to summon anything to express my rage and confusion. "H-How?" I wheezed out.

I didn't get it. The flash memories I had weren't images, but I remember being a normal family. With a mom and dad who cared for me for the first two years of my life. So why sell me? And if selling me didn't make him leave, what did a year later?

"Because he didn't take the contract seriously," Carter said, sagging back against the railing. He glanced between where I continued to stand and where Luke was stunned in his chair. "Now Albany, if you want me to explain more, I'm going to need you to sit down like the rest of the class."

"How isn't selling your child a serious matter?" Luke asked, scoffing in disgust. Slowly sitting back down, resting on the edge of the chair, my eyes stayed tracking on Carter.

"Because he was 18 and fucking stupid," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Jackson didn't know shit about the people he was messing with. All that mattered were his severe money issues and it got the attention of an institution worker. That worker became his friend, but was vague about the group. All Jackson knew about the institute was that they give you unlimited money for doing shady work. He thought their power and authority was a joke. He figured he could rip them off."

Carter paused, taking a deep breath. The glint of enjoyment continued glowing at the knowledge of how valuable his words were. "You see... Jackson's contract gave you over to the institution only after you turn a certain age. The agreed age was 15. When you were to hit that age, the institute could claim you. Jackson thought 14 years was enough time to apparently get out of the deal he made to give you up. His ego was that massive. He was arrogant enough to think he could screw over these people. After all, to him, the people he associated with weren't much older than him. Plus, the issue of his daughter being pawned off was 15 years away. He didn't need to worry about it until later."

Jesus. How could he have done that? How could he live without worrying? Well shit, obviously, you know he didn't worry. He was rich at that point. What a dumb asshole. A dumb and heartless asshole! It was heartless even if he thought he could save me from it in the future. It was heartless because he took that stupid risk! Because clearly, he did not save me from it. I wasn't picked up at 15, but they did eventually come. Maybe it would feel less of a heartless action if he sold me off right away. It would have at least saved me from Clare.

It made an interesting question occur to me. "Wait, did Clare know about this deal?" She never freaking mentioned it. I wouldn't be shocked though. When Clare planned on killing Luke the night we found Emily, Reid was there with her to claim me.

Carter shrugged. "How would I know? I said I don't know much about his personal shit."

"You fucking know everything else. I'm waiting to hear about the crush you had on him and how you stalked him. Christ, man."

"Do you want to hear everything else?" he asked with a wide grin, loving how worked up I was. "Let the teacher teach what the teacher knows." Carter tilted his head up, peeping down at me.

Easily, I could push him off this balcony. Make his old wish come true. I rolled my eyes and sat back in my chair. Propping my arm, I rested my forehead into my palm. There was nothing wrong with asking for more in the chance there was more he wasn't recalling on the spot. Then again, I'm sure he made it his job to recall every little thing right now. He was loving every word he revealed to us. Dick.

Rocking on his heels, he continued. "He wasn't interested in a work contract, which would have made him a member. Money was all he wanted. The higher-ups though didn't understand that. They thought he was giving up his kid towards their belief system, not just money. That's why he was well respected; people believed he was committed to the cause. So, the worker he became friends with wasn't finished with Jackson. He began revealing more about their organization, even introduced him to heroine, other drugs. For whatever reason, the chaotic message of living however you want spoke to Jackson. The organization's bigger ideas were still a secret to him, but he agreed at the time with wanting excitement and freedom from consequences. He wanted that freedom and that meant freedom from his family. I don't know why, he just did. Eventually, he signed a work contract and became fully involved, lived within the sect. And I am guessing that is when he abandoned you because it was about a year after he sold you."

Through my whole life, I was disappointed in my mysterious father for leaving. The disgust that spiked under my skin now was on a new level. Those words pricked my nerves. I kept my eyes towards my feet.

My view of Jackson didn't get any better as Carter continued. "When he began, he realized the organization was much bigger than he thought. There were more people, more sects. Most importantly, he became obsessed with the chaotic beliefs. As the years past, he stopped worrying over the fact that he sold you. I suppose because he was too fucked in the head. Because by the time I joined, he was as... charming and crazy as me," he said dramatically. Teasing me. Making me want to kick his ass when I glanced up and saw that smirk. "Just from the jobs we would do together, it was obvious how dedicated he became. Our regular jobs at the time involved taking out people who broke their contracts or finding people who may be interested in a contract. Reid Taylor was just taking over his dad's business and was trying to rebuild. That's why we did a lot of 'house cleaning' shit. Occasionally, we would have a weird or more exciting request. Too bad Jackson wasn't around when our entire work became based around you. Every job before that pales, Albany. You were the most exciting of my life," he said, bowing to me.

"Anyway, your daddy was such a proud pet in the Ohio sect, he received attention from Reid himself. This happened maybe... three years after I joined; Jackson and I would have been around 28. And Jesus, talk about a fucking party," Carter scoffed, shaking his head at the memories his mind got lost in. "It was rare Reid visited to promote any worker, but he heard of Jackson's growing potential. He wanted him involved in the big picture ideas of what Reid called his 'movement.' Us workers didn't know much besides he kidnaps women or kids, sells them, or keeps them for himself. We didn't know about the actual society Reid was attempting to build; we just knew it was for a higher cause. Jackson was privileged enough to learn about the 'movement.' Reid wanted him doing hands on work. So, he had Jackson transferred to the main headquarters in Washington. Now, it's a different one from the one we are looking for," he quickly reassured us. "We'll get to that.

"When Jackson got to the headquarters, started climbing the ladder, his vision of chaotic freedom was fucked. He saw the true movement in action. Didn't like it. He was given jobs that broke him. At the base, he was forced to take care of the women. Teach them their new roles in the movement, tame the resisters and convert them, brainwash them into this cult. I'm not sure of the details, but he said he hated it. Even though he knew about selling kids and women, Jackson never saw it until then. Was never a part of it until he worked in Washington. He said it made him sick. And it made him think about his own daughter. And how she would eventually be 'enrolled' into this system too," he paused, taking a deep breath. "I don't recall the other details. But he only lasted a few months working there before he snapped and escaped."

Carter was loving it. He stopped explaining after that, watching the impact his words had on me. I can't say I was too upset that he paused, milking it. If he rushed the details, if he kept going without a break, I wouldn't be able to catch it. Handle it. Face every disgusting terrible detail that left his happy mouth.

The content contradicted the peaceful leaves clattering in the breeze and the deepening pink sky. It didn't contradict the dark and deep depressing pit that starting jutting at my gut. Sitting back in my chair, forcing at least my back to rest, I instinctively glared towards the ground. Not at Carter, not at the outside world that didn't exist, not even Luke. I stared at the few cracks and the surrounding cement.

There were no questions. No thinking. Absolutely nothing. Nothing in my head. I understood what Carter said, was following it without confusion. That's all that mattered. It was all I needed and all I could handle. Nothing more than that. No opinions, no emotions, no shock. I only allowed myself to follow Carter's story. I nodded for him to go on once he goaded my eyes back up to him.

"The man was careful when he planned to escape. The main headquarters was where all documents, contracts, were kept on file. If daddy dearest broke his work contract, he knew the workers would have claimed you up the next day. That's why before Jackson could run, he needed to 'revise' the information on the child contract. Stealing it wouldn't have helped. Reid would have been able to figure it out, do the math, research, track you down. But if he changed the information, secretly change the document, it would throw them off. That's what he did.

"He did numerous jobs in those months at the headquarters. Lucky for his ass, one job was security. Without any trace of tampering, he managed to get in and change the details regarding you, destroying the original copy. He also changed his basic information. Everyone knew he was from Ohio, but he changed the cities, changed his age on the documents. He did it so well, when he did escape, nobody questioned the information. They instantly attempted to find his daughter and couldn't. Nothing fit. And that's why they never found you when he escaped. Never managed to find Jackson at all. Reid was so pissed, he put a target on Jackson's back, sunk his workers into searching for him. When they never found him, it made Jackson infamous for more than one thing now." He paused, smile growing and looking between Luke and I. Snapping us out of the haze of information, he asked us, "Does all this make sense so far?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't know how to answer, but didn't mind. The silence was nice. It didn't slow the burn erupting in my chest and turning my stomach. I didn't care about much of anything.

After a long minute, Luke spoke up in a quiet voice. "Why did he become highly infamous for just escaping?"

"Someone climbing the ladder in his position never attempted to escape. And the workers that did never got away. They would get killed – and their families. Reid couldn't do either. Bothered him for years and eventually consumed him."

Silence again. Carter let out a soft chuckle. There was a tapping noise along the railing and I could imagine his thumbs and fingers were the source. Tapping so simply when in the past, those hands had been covered in horror.

A soft brush caressed my limp left arm.  Luke was leaning over towards me. It was the first time I really took in him in. Lips pursing in concern, his forehead was wrinkled and stress embedded. "Hey," he said in a light whisper. "Do you want a break?"

I stared into his eyes. So pretty and green. I would be satisfied if that was the only thing that existed right now. Swallowing, I took a deep breath. "I'm alright."

Unsure, he didn't look away for a moment. Then, sighing, he closed his eyes, moving back to rest in his seat. I wish he wouldn't worry about me. I wasn't going to think about any of this until it's all over anyway. I refused to.

Looking back up to Carter, it was his signal to continue. An excited glint lit his eyes when something occurred to him. "I only just learned this from the source himself a week ago. Remember Bill?" he asked, looking between us. "Apparently, Reid would hire him to help cover their identities if police were looking for someone in the group. Bill made sure to never get involved, never signed a contract, and was completely independent. He helped Jackson stay hidden when he first escaped about 10 years ago. Jackson knew him through the organization, worked with him a few times. Bill helped him get a new life under the name Jackson Honeywell. He somehow stayed hidden and off the radar since then.

"I'm not sure how, but Jackson said every so often, he would check that you were still safe from Reid. He knew his plan worked, but I guess occasionally he would somehow check to see that you were still in Ohio. You can imagine he didn't need to check when your story hit the news," he laughed. "He saw the story about an insane girl who went missing for a year only to return and get attacked by some gang. It was a massive flag Reid had been looking for. Jackson needed to somehow save you before Reid nabbed you. Because let me tell you girl, you were the present Reid always wanted. That story got big, went national, Reid would see it in no time. Your dad knew that. According to Jackson, he decided that day to approach the FBI with a deal."

The story was slowly tying in, slowly coming together. I sat forward more at attention. Of course, Carter once again decided to toy even more with us. He grinned widely with excitement. "Anyone have a guess what this deal was?"

I wasn't playing a thinking game. Neither was Luke. A guess would be a guess until he confirms it. All we did was stare at him.

Carter grinned and rolled his eyes. "Fine. By the time your daddy decided to approach the FBI, Reid's organization was a massive target on the FBI's hit list. The FBI have been after Reid and his men for years at that point. Jackson knew going to them, and revealing who he truly was, was a massive risk. They could've sent him away for life the minute he admitted he took part in that institution. But the guy was smart and knew that they could use each other. He would feed information to the FBI about Reid and where they are located. In return, the FBI would protect his daughter through witness protection and go along with the act of Jackson staging himself as an FBI worker to cover his identity from his daughter."

Carter paused for a moment, savoring this as his eyes dug into mine. "So, Albany. Him apparently working beside the FBI was bullshit. He had contact with them and it's true that they even offered to clean up our messes – and did until that got fucked up. That is at least true. Other than that, the only thing that mattered to Jackson this whole time was that you and him stay hidden and safe. He lied about most everything else. The FBI never screwed you over by not telling lover boy where you were," he said, throwing a thumb in Luke's direction. The light in Carter's eyes shined and when he continued, any light in mine dimmed in damage. "Jackson never intended for Luke to know anything. He never intended for you to even go back to Ohio. The one year thing he said... bullshit. He didn't know when the FBI would find Reid, but even if they had, you may have never known. The life you rebuilt as Morgan was intended in his mind to be permanent."

Carter spoke with excitement and enthusiasm, knowing how valuable the words he just said were. I couldn't stand those blue eyes anymore, couldn't stand anything. And after that... I felt sick.

This wasn't about Jackson's past anymore. We've moved into recent territory. Things I remember. That might be why hearing those last words were so hard. Because I was a part of it and because I now knew he was at fault for Luke's grief and mine. And even worse, he never intended for me to go home! For me to know that Reid was captured if that ever were to happen. I would have lived my life thinking I had to stay safe and couldn't leave.

Rotting inside, my eyes found Luke's. While it still made me anxious to know Luke still loved me, I was thankful that this man next to me is recovering to the man I knew years ago. It was beautiful. Luke was perfect to me. It hurt knowing that it was a struggle for him (and still is) to come back to life. And even still... we've changed. We are the same, yet what happened impacted us. It's because Jackson didn't relieve him. Didn't tell the FBI to get word to Luke that I was safe. Jackson allowed Luke to go three years with nothing but torment. I will never forgive him for that.

The beautiful man was pale. Not from hearing that Jackson was at fault for not getting word to him. The part regarding me struck him heavily. His eyes remained in mine as he asked. "Carter," he said in a whisper. "Why wouldn't he have told her if Reid was found? Why force her to stay in Connecticut?"

"I don't know, Lucas," Carter said in a light sarcastic voice. It triggered our eyes back to him. His smile was stretched wide. "From what I recall, Jackson wasn't all that fond of you...."

He was hinting at something, loving this, milking it. The pieces were coming together. And it did not help my twisting insides. The truth was cruel and hearing validation was worse. When Luke spoke, it reflected what I began to wonder.

"He didn't want her to be with me?" Luke asked softly.

"Hell no," Carter cracked up. "You married his ex-wife. Then fell for his daughter. I mean come on!"

Well... sure explained Jackson's dislike towards him! Even before he met Luke, he never showed much sympathy towards the man I would mention. Jesus Christ, was that what motivated him to support me moving on? Fuck, fuck! You know what, I didn't want to know right now.

"That couldn't have been the only reason he didn't want me going back to Ohio," I said with a rough voice.

"As satisfying as it is to display your father's oh so disgusting and terrible history, he did care about you. The man said he loved living across the street from you. He wanted to make up the time he lost with you. Wanted to be in your life. For him, that meant staying in 'witness protection,'" he shrugged. It was the first time his expression didn't scream he was excited since it supported that Jackson is an actual human being. Not like it mattered to me.

What in the hell...? I didn't know what to think. How to even begin to think. Fuck, I didn't know anything! It was hard hearing that he didn't get word to Luke. But on top of that... to be even more selfish?! That he would keep me in witness protection forever and leave me in the dark? I will never forgive him for thinking he could keep me prisoner in Connecticut. I will never forgive him for any of this once it all sinks in.

The bubbling anger was contained through shock. Like I said, I would only allow myself to listen and not let it hit me. Not let everything Carter said swallow me whole just yet. Reminding myself of that, I waited for Carter to go on. To continue. To finish this overwhelming dump of shit I never knew.

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Hey guys! Unfortunately... this chapter was a freaking struggle haha. That is why it took me so long but I will have the next chapter up much sooner! Please tell me what you guys think because I was worried that all this information was too much. It's part of the reason that there are a few more things you will discover from Carter in the next chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and are enjoying the book!