Chapter 32

Not much was said between Luke and I once we regrouped and he got in the backseat with me. However, there was enough in the crammed backseat to make up for our lack of words. There was tension along with unspoken worries I knew we both wanted to voice. It was written all over his stone face too thanks to the interior lights and the flashlight Luke set on the dash to shine back towards us. It helped him see as he patched up my hands, but it also assisted me in watching Luke.

His body was tense and he went out of his way to keep his eyes down. It allowed for me to closely take him in with no shame. It's how I saw the unusual amount of sweat forming around his face and his clenched jaw. The obvious silence highlighted his uneven breathing too. Clearly, there was a lot sitting beneath his tough surface. I think the reason he managed to keep it all hidden was because he was focused on my hand.

Luke's eyebrows stayed low and his gaze on his work. He began wrapping a long piece of fabric around my hand. The cloth was ripped from another blanket he found in the trunk of the car when he searched for more materials he could use.

Yes, after Jackson's outburst, Luke needed to collect more things before tending to me. Luckily, while he did that, it gave me a chance to take off my ring and tuck it into my jean's pocket. Trust me though, him discovering my ring was the last worry on my mind.

I looked between him and my extended left hand he was tending to, wishing I could do something to help him. Honestly though, I wasn't in much better shape mentally and I didn't know what I could do for him. Luke knew that – and that's why he was in the disturbed state he was in now. And it was bothering the hell out of me!

I needed to help him, keep worrying about him! I mean, he must be going crazy, right? Not knowing what to do, how to help me, how to control his feelings towards what happened. He didn't even know what exactly happened! Hell, the only thing he did know was that he couldn't take away anything that I faced tonight!

Couldn't take away anything I faced.... Ugh! It all flashed through my head again! The fear, paranoia, shock, the bodies and blood! All those gunshots too! Bullets that could have ended me at any second. They flew past me, all around me, and it would have only taken one to kill me.... I was lucky to be alive right now.

Oh god, I could see it all in my head! I could see it, hear it, and feel the pain and realization hit my gut! Everything that I numbed was crawling back into my system. I didn't want to deal with it! How could I block it out though?!

I pushed it away successfully when I forced my mind to continue worrying about Luke. I needed to keep my head in the present and busy. Keep my mind stressed and on Luke! Yes, that's it. Keep busy with worrying about him! It was easy enough to worry about him. What also helped so far was simply focusing on him being here with me. I just need to stay focused on that.

I winced when Luke pressed the fabric tighter against my palm. It made him pause and wince too, except he winced at seeing me in pain. "Sorry," he whispered, eyes remaining down.

"Don't worry about it, I'm okay," I said a little too quickly with a reassuring tone, needing to get something out to try to ease his pain.

He didn't answer me. He didn't even continue wrapping the material around my hand. He just... sat there, staring down, and it caused a ping in my heart. He was obviously having a hard time and needed help, right? What could I do to fix this?!

I didn't know what to say, what else to do! I felt ready to explode! I needed to help him. Yes, that's right. Luke didn't need to be worried and he sure didn't need this weighing on him!

After he returned to working on my hand in silence, I had to blurt something out! "You can tell me what you're thinking, you know."

His hands started shaking like mine were earlier. I watched his fingers as he forced them to slow down in order to tie off the fabric. "No, it's okay. I'm happy just helping you right now."

Glancing up to his face, his eyes still were down. All of him was still hard and stone and I couldn't take it! "I am happy you are helping too. I mean, how am I supposed to do anything if I can't use my hands, right?" I asked in a light voice.

That earned me a quick glance. It was only for a second but those eyes revealed a great amount of concern before flickering back down. He said nothing and shifted to take my other bloodied and cut hand.

I couldn't handle it! I needed him to be okay no matter what it takes! I was starting to feel sick. "If-If you're wondering what Jackson was yelling about, it's nothing serious." That might be what's getting to him, right?

Honestly, I was surprised Luke didn't jump down his screaming throat before to defend me. Of course, I did understand. Neither Luke or I expected his outburst and were shocked by it. I didn't even know how to properly respond. Not to mention, Luke most likely didn't think it was his place to get involved.

Luke at least validated that. "Trust me, him and I will be talking later. That was very uncalled for, regardless of my lack of knowledge of what happened," he muttered, not at all sounding happy about that.

His words still revealed nothing I wanted and I was losing it! "D-Don't you want to know how I got these cuts? Would that make you feel better? I mean, you must be wondering what happened." I realized that at some point, my breath picked up because it was now audible.

I got his attention again, but this time he didn't stay as silent. He aimed his stone face and eyes up to me. "You're asking me... what would make me feel better?" His gaze gave away surprise.

I nodded, persistent. "Yes. W-What can I do?"

Raising an eyebrow, he offered me a careful and guarded answer. "You are the one who needs help right now. I want you to feel better and that's all that matters. Okay? I am the last thing you need to worry about. And I can learn those details later," he mumbled.

Shooting his gaze away in retreat, he also leaned out the open car door. Luke lifted the first-aid kit from where it was resting on the cement, and leaned back up with it. Setting in it his lap, he opened it and rummaged for what he used to treat my other hand.

He didn't want me to worry about him but I had to right now. I had to and needed to tell him what happened if it would help! I knew he was wondering what happened, right?! "No, it's fine don't worry, I'll tell you! I ended up killing Vic but I had to use glass. I got lucky too especially because... because he was on top of me. Man, maybe he overheard us talking... talking about dumping his body and that's why he tried killing me," I laughed. "Then again, he wasn't fond of us."

Luke was done focusing on anything but my face. His wide green eyes slowly found mine and froze. He probably wanted to know more, right? Definitely! Obviously, that's why he finally put all his attention on me! This was helping him!

"You don't need to worry though because... I-I was completely fine and safe. Jackson turned into a fighting machine, dropping them left and right! It was hard to keep up. I tried though and did a good job I think! I shot a couple from under him a-a-and and it was like nothing! There were just so many that killing a few didn't matter if there was more! T-Then," I said, trying to catch my hard breath. "Then it was after that that I tried calling you! But Vic attacked me, put me under! But it was okay because there was glass, glass under me. Then... then...." My breath was coming too fast and so was the lump in the back of my throat. I felt it building hard and fast like my breath and I couldn't continue speaking.

That's when I realized what I was doing with a sharp pain to my stomach. I wasn't doing shit to try to help him, not really at this point. I only convinced myself that I was helping him. And it was because I didn't want to lose my shit right now and was using worry as my distraction. Clearly, subconsciously, I knew that I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I needed to get away from here, right now.

Eyes shooting down and away from Luke, I spoke in a more controlled tone and voice. "I need to go for a walk."

"What for?"

I could feel I was running out of time before I crumble to pieces. If I wasn't about to start crying, I might have laughed. We've been down this road a couple times. "I need some air."

I waited for him to say something. He was taking too long though. Keeping my eyes down, I pulled my hand away from him and shifted around and towards the door on my side.

Before I could reach it, I felt Luke grasp my arm. "Albany," he said, voice cracking open and releasing what he was hiding. I knew my ears weren't lying when I whipped my head back towards him.

My eyes began to water when they reached his. There was unbelievable heartbreak all over his face. It wasn't just pouring from those loving and hurt eyes, but it was present in the caring lines of his face too. His lips were pursed and distressed just like his eyebrows that weren't sure where to rest. His entire expression made holding it in much harder.

"I really should go for a walk right now," I persisted. I didn't want to break down right here and now. It felt like I didn't have much of a choice from the massive and expanding lump in my throat.

Luke also didn't give me a choice. He turned towards where the door on his side was open. He slammed it closed, causing the interior lights to turn off. Then, he sat up and put his attention ahead of us, towards the front. Maneuvering his body to assist his reach between the two front seats, I realized what was happening.

There was nothing I could say or do once he reached the flashlight he propped for us. Turning it off and leaving us in complete darkness, he returned to his spot next to me. And I knew I was doomed the second he wrapped his arm around me.

Filling my lungs involuntarily with air from my shaking breath, I let it all out. I dropped my head against his chest and started crying without any control or willpower left in me.

With his arm wrapped around me, he carefully towed my whole body towards him. Turning us, he stretched his legs out along the backseat, resting his back against the closed door. All I could do was curl my legs up in his lap, bury my head against him, and cry like a bitch. He didn't need to see this shit! I hated it and loved it.

"I-I-I'm sorry!" I blurted out against his chest and the fabric I was desperately gripping with my still bloody hand. My cries increasing with my insides aching even more, I felt him now rest both arms around me and hold me tight.

"Don't be sorry, please." I could hear his voice slightly shaking too, as if he needed this too. I could feel it with how tightly he was holding onto me. He also tucked his head down and against me, allowing me to feel his quick breath brush my neck.

Wrapping my other arm around his neck, clinging to him tightly, I felt the pain grow in my heart and lungs. It made my cries louder until I was fully sobbing against the guy. I tried speaking, scrambling to tell him how sorry I was. Not only was it too hard to get out though, but all images from earlier were continuously hitting me like a train now. Just flashing over me! And with each flash of blood and violence, it hit me harder how today could have been it. I could have fucking died tonight.

And what would that have done?! Besides send me who knows where, what would that have done to him?! To Luke! He told me how I needed to live! Based on how tightly he was holding me, I couldn't imagine the pain my death would put him through! My death... so possible and so close! Oh god, I'm so lucky I lived through tonight!

The next thing spoken reflected that was true. He let me cry against him and encouraged it with his hold. Then, in a soft, sweet, and scared voice, he whispered, "You scared the life out of me when you called. God, I felt like dying. I don't remember being so scared." Slipping a hand up my back, he began stroking my messy hair.

"I... I am so sorry!" I belted out through my tears and quivering body. Like a fucking baby.

Unlike my whining and crying self, he spoke smoothly. "No. Please, it's not your fault. I'm sorry I wasn't there! I'm so sorry," he said, voice cracking slightly while his head tilted even more down. Resting his forehead against my neck, I could feel his arm around me tighten.

Fighting through my weakness, I managed to shakily respond. "It's not your... your fault! Luke...." My shaking body and crying fit made it impossible to finish.

"I don't care, I don't care," he whispered. His hand stroking over my hair stopped, gripping the strands instead to hold me against him more. "I'm sorry."

His body so close, my face buried and held against his upper chest, it made it impossible to slow down or stop. I just gripped him harder and allowed the tears to soak against him. His face pressed against the side of mine, his breath in my ear, it was all I needed. It was everything I needed to know I was home, alive, and okay. It only made me sob harder against him.

"Fuck me," I groaned in annoyance over my weak behavior through my sobs. Jesus, after all this time, I should be able to suck it up! I couldn't help it though or stop it. All I could feel in me was the fear and pain needing to be released. The fear, pain, need, and sadness over everything. Over everything that has happened that led to this. It made my cries pick up even more!

Luke welcomed it as he supported and held me to him. "Shhhhhh. Please, it's fine. It's fine, don't worry. Just let it out now. You're safe. You're safe," he whispered soothingly.

I nodded against his chest, knowing I was a lost cause. I let out what he was allowing. Sobbing uncontrollably against his chest, clinging onto him, I felt absolutely exposed. I couldn't stop the flood gates or my mind from floating away too. To the pain I needed to let out. The fear I held onto this entire time. The fear and horror not just from tonight, but this entire hunt.

We stayed like that for a long time. With me just pathetically letting it out and him holding me tightly against him in his lap. After a while, my pathetic cries slowed down enough for him to reach down towards the floor where the first-aid kit was. He managed to treat and patch up my hand while I weakly stayed against him. But even after he was finished and I was able to get myself to together, he kept holding me against him. With him stroking my hair and me resting against him.

It was the first time in a long time that I actually felt incredibly safe. Crying everything out helped calm me down too. That didn't mean I came to terms with everything. Who knows how or when that will happen. All I knew was that I felt better. It was the reason why I finally managed to relax. I was safe, I let it all out, and it allowed my mind to stabilize.

By the time the early morning hours arrived, I accidently fell asleep against him.

***

It was the difference between night and day. Not just because new daylight now filtered in through the car windows, smartasses. It was everything else too. It was the quiet music coming from the radio. It was the gentle breeze that brushed against my face from the window that was half down next to me. Most importantly, it was the feeling that came over me when I opened my eyes. Of course, that feeling entered me only after I realized what happened!

Great. I fell asleep as a bloody and snotty mess against a certain someone. Sounds appealing don't it folks? Jesus, how embarrassing! Was it not enough that I was weak last night, allowing Luke to be there for me? I guess not because I just had to pass out on the guy! And if that wasn't bad enough, I clearly missed everything! It was day, we were driving... obviously everything was already taken care of to cover our tracks. I had hoped that by the time I sucked it up that I would be able to help Carter with his 'chores' but nope. I missed it all! I couldn't stop myself from rolling my tired eyes at myself.

I might have spent more time internally kicking my stupid self if it wasn't for a very interesting feeling that reached me. I didn't feel the usual threatening and oppressing vibe that was always under my skin. I didn't feel the weight of fear or the shock from last night. I didn't feel the heaviness of not knowing what was going to come our way. Why? I had no idea but it was weird to not feel any of that. I was positive that feeling would return as the violent memories of last night did. But... it didn't. Why? It had to be my surroundings. The fresh air, the music, the cars passing by us along the highway. Or it might have been the clean clothes I was now wearing.

By the time I was fully awake and sat up from where I was leaning against the back of the seat, it was hard not to notice. The bloody clothes were gone and it its place were cotton shorts and a loose red tee-shirt. I could feel that my bra and underwear were still in place from the dampness it brought my skin. Thank god. Man, I just hoped it wasn't the pervert next to me who changed my clothes!

I glanced to my left where Carter was sleeping, slumped at the other end of the backseat. His legs and arms were spread for comfort, head tilted to the side and resting on his window. Out of all of us, I'm sure he needed the most sleep.

When I looked ahead, I noticed Luke was driving silently. Taking him in from the back, I couldn't see his expression. Which was a shame because the second my eyes landed on him, my stomach twisted. I wanted a chance to uncover what he might be feeling regarding my shameful break down. I could only see the right side of him but it was enough to tell he was refreshed too. The breeze that entered from the window he had down, it sifted through his hair and his clean clothes. He was now wearing a light green baggy shirt along with jeans. What drew my attention the most was his hands on the wheel. His thumbs were lightly tapping against it to the muffled music.

When my eyes shifted slightly to where I knew Jackson must be sitting next to him, I was almost sure he wasn't in a 'thumb-tapping' kind of mood. In fact, Jackson was probably sleeping which I wouldn't mind at all. I wasn't very fond of him at the moment.

Leaning to the left to peer around the passenger seat in front of me slightly, I saw Jackson was unfortunately awake. He was facing forward towards the road, holding nothing but blankness on his face like usual. There was obviously much more though from how tense he appeared. I instantly looked away and moved back into my seat. Though it felt like Disney World in here from how all my worries were gone, I still did not get a good vibe from Jackson. He was still clearly on edge about what I did.

Despite the heaviness from him and my personal shame about my crying episode, I knew it was best to push it away. It happened and that's all there was to it. I wasn't going to let it ruin this strange universe where I actually felt okay, lighter, and not stressed. That's why I happily would jump into the questions that popped in my head.

I took a deep breath and set my eyes to where I could see part of Luke. "Who changed my clothes?"

He glanced behind to me before back ahead, surprised to see I was up. Access to his face didn't last long but it was enough to see no sign of conflict about my weak moment last night. "I did. Sorry, they needed to come off," he said simply.

I sat back and relaxed more. "At least you didn't let dickface do it," I muttered, glancing back to Carter before looking out my window. There was nothing but yellowish grassy fields and flat land in view.

"Trust me, he offered," he said in a displeased voice, getting a small smile out of me.

Then, it disappeared when something entered my head. "Where are they? The clothes I had on?" He better not have thrown away my shorts! My ring was in them!

"In the trunk in a bag. We haven't had a chance to properly dispose of them yet," he said smoothly.

Thank fucking god! "Before we throw them out, I think there is something in my pocket I need."

"Oh we should be stopping for gas soon so you can get it then," he said and I could hear the lightness in his voice.

It made me feel relief. Not just for the sake of my ring, but I had a feeling that things would be fine between us from the way he's been speaking. He clearly knew me well enough to know how I would want things to go after having a weak moment like I did last night. And that was to go on as if nothing happened. Of course... there were a few things I wanted answered.

"What happened after I fell asleep?" I asked in the most normal nonchalant voice I could muster.

Luke tilted his head slightly my way, keeping his eyes on the road as he answered. "Well Carter did everything with Jackson's help. He did a good job actually and even hauled up buckets of water from the ditch to wash away the blood on the road. When it was all said and done, it was about four in the morning. Then we went south another hour, dumped Vic, then headed back north at around five I guess."

Glancing up front towards the radio, I read the digital clock built in. It said 1:14. "Have we been driving the whole time? And where are we?"

"Besides changing plates on the car and getting gas right away, yeah it's been nonstop. We're in Oklahoma. It looks too barren and empty," he said with a snort. "Maybe it's just this area."

He was right. It was very barren and empty. For visiting a new state, I expected more to be honest. I just hope that not all of Oklahoma looks like this. Because if that's the case, man I can imagine people catching depression from this!

"Dude I sure hope so because damn, this is just sad. Where are the fucking mountains?"

Laughing, he glanced back to me again for a small second. "We have a ways to go before we see those so don't even hope for that yet. But hopefully this won't last forever. I want to get to Kansas by tonight. Though I've never been through these states, I wouldn't get too excited. I think Kansas isn't going to be too different from this."

Though mountains would be awesome and better than this, I was content. There was still that feeling of lightness that put me on top of a mountain already. It was weird and I still didn't understand it but... I actually felt good. With the worries gone, I felt more like... me.

Maybe Luke was feeling the same thing I was and it was what was keeping him awake and alert. He sure looked refreshed for someone who hasn't slept yet! I raised an eyebrow. "And how long will it take to get to Kansas?"

"Um..." Luke glanced from the road over towards Jackson. "What's the map show? We're nearing Norman."

That's right. I almost forgot Jackson was even here, he was so quiet. I heard him rustle the map around in his lap before answering to Luke. "A couple more hours. We'll probably hit Kansas around six."

Luke nodded, keeping his eyes steady on the road. "That's not bad."

"Not bad?" I asked, my eyes widening. He was kidding, right? "I'm surprised we haven't stopped yet! You haven't even slept!"

Luke didn't say anything for a long minute. I could make out that he pursed his lips but not much more. "I actually did get a lot of sleep. When I woke up, everything was already finished and Carter was the one driving."

That shut me up real quick. He clearly didn't want to say much more, either for my sake or his, but what he said was enough to figure it out. Luke did fall asleep... holding me. Man, that's how Luke looked so refreshed! He fell asleep with me and probably woke up not too long before I did. I could feel my cheeks heat up. Oh god, I can only imagine the teasing I would receive from Carter (and possibly Jackson once he removes that pole from his ass).

Sagging back into my seat and letting my eyes wander to the window, I could feel my chest twirl within me. Despite how embarrassing that is, I couldn't stifle a small smile from my lips.

"We're stopping for gas soon so we can get something to eat. What are you hungry for?" Luke asked, allowing us to move pass that awkward subject.

"Anything at this point. I'm sick of fast food but I'm starving," I said.

"We can sit down somewhere if you want. It's not like we have to rush." There was a note of happiness in his voice. And... it helped me realize why I had the light feeling.

We didn't have to rush. We didn't have to worry. Yesterday took a deadly turn and it would leave a lasting impression. I didn't even want to think about the horror of it. But it resulted in something incredibly beneficial for us. Thanks to Carter capturing that scared man, we now had time. Weeks, as Carter said. Everything was in place that would allow us to get ahead of them. So much that they wouldn't be on our trail for a long time. Hell, they might not even be able to find us!

My smile grew even more, the sensation of freedom filling me. "Yeah, let's do that."

***

After we finished eating, we were back on the road for the rest of the day. Sure didn't matter to me though because guys... the dinner I ordered... holy shit. That was all I had to say about the chicken dinner I ate. Holy shit. It was so flipping good. Not only is chicken always good and I was hungry, but having not had anything close to a real dinner in a long time, it was perfect.

The high it gave me lasted even when we entered Kansas. Even when we checked into the motel for the night. Actually, I could still feel it in me as I showered.

Though food is amazing, I think a few other factors contributed to me feeling so good. It could be the fact that I felt safe. We all did and it resulted in me even getting my own room for the night. It was so nice to have privacy like this for once. And then to be able to shower like this, oh yeah it was paradise.

I happily was taking my sweet time too. I let every droplet that hit my skin take me over and wash away any sign of that gross ditch. It felt so good! And even though cleaning out my cuts didn't feel as great, I was happy to get that over with.

When I finally got out, I put on my pajamas and happily returned my ring to it's proper place on my finger. However, before I could even return to the bathroom to brush out my dripping blonde hair, a loud knock came from door.

Pausing in front of my luggage where my brush was, I looked up and to the big wooden door. Great. The last thing I needed was company during the one night I actually have complete privacy. Then again, I'm sure it was just Luke which wouldn't bother me.

I glanced down at my bright red sweat pants and the baggy grey shirt that was slightly damp around my shoulders from my hair. My knotty and wet hair. Yep, looking sexy for whoever this was.

Sighing, I walked over to the door and opened it. Then, I completely froze in surprise. I didn't expect to see Jackson standing before me. At all. He was the last person I expected a visit from.

Eyes wide as I held the door ajar, I just stared at him, not sure what to expect. I couldn't figure out anything from his hard expression. Or his eyes that refused to stay on mine for long. He looked to the door, the ceiling, and towards our feet every other second. The only thing that was clear was that Jackson was out of his comfort zone.

Aside from uncomfortable and tense, he also looked bothered and annoyed at whatever brought him to knock on my door. Running a hand through his brown hair, he groaned and still said nothing. It made me push for him to get on with whatever it was he wanted.

"What? I'm trying to enjoy my once in a lifetime shot at absolute privacy," I said with a sigh, resting my side against the doorframe as I stared up at him.

He still said nothing. However, once I said what I did, his eyes finally came to stay on mine. He didn't look comfortable but he did look sure about what he was about to do. And what he did... shocked me more than he probably knew.

I would have predicted that he would have punched me before he did this. That's why I was caught completely off guard when he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my back. Jackson was giving me a hug.

It was so weird, so unlike him. Anyone would have been able to tell this wasn't like him if they witnessed this strange act. He was tense and it felt forced from where my chin tilted up to rest on his strong shoulder. But after a long second of nothing besides tension, he finally relaxed his body as he held me.

As for me... I didn't know what to do! I was too shocked to even respond! I just stood there, wondering what this even was. It was so unlike him, so unlike how we were around each other too! After several seconds though of him holding me, relaxed, I finally wrapped an arm around his back to rest against the material of his black shirt. Because strangely... despite the overwhelming awkwardness, it felt nice and welcoming.

"What is this for?" I asked, laughing awkwardly. I had a feeling that this was his way of forming peace between us. It was just so different and not expected!

He held me close for maybe a few more seconds before he abruptly pulled back and away. Looking up to his face, I could see he was still fighting to hold in anything that would give away emotion. He didn't even answer me. He just walked away and back towards where his room was down the hall.

It left me completely stunned.  I mean the guy didn't say one word. He just gave me a hug.

_______________________
______________________________________

I am very very sorry that it took this long to upload.  You may not believe me but I have been trying hard to upload more often. I'm just very sorry and I really am trying. I hope that since Island Rush is officially published that I will be able to have more time. I am very anxious to write the next one!