Chapter 26

The reason I was so anxious to get in the shower had to do with wanting to feel clean and be away from everything. I didn't want to feel as dirty as I did in those slutty clothes. I also wanted time to process this long day. But... there were more reasons for wanting a shower, reasons only my subconscious was able to identify with. I wish my stupid subconscious would have told me though. I didn't expect to react the way I did after I stepped into the hotel shower.

The moment the water hit my skin, I let out a sigh of relief. It was warm, soothing, a break. It felt wonderful, those first two seconds that I stepped into the hotel bathtub. The warm droplets made me happily walk fully under the haze of water. After such a long and insane day, this was heaven.

However, after a couple of seconds of letting the water surround me, the fact that I was alone set in. Alone. It was beautiful. There was nobody to see me, hear me, judge me. It was a luxury but also a key that didn't hesitate to allow the flood gates to open. And they did, ambushing me hard.

It happened the moment I looked down at my body and the bathtub floor. Finally seeing the blood in the best light, seeing how much there was, it set me off in a way I wasn't ready for. The blood... it brought it all back. The pain, the memories, and my fears.

I shuddered, my hand moving up to my bare and wet stomach, clutching at it as my eyes widened. As if I needed myself as a crutch. Ironically, it was the only damn spot on me that I didn't see blood! My chest rocked unexpectedly with pain at seeing myself and the amount of blood. I saw it on me the past few hours. But now under the bright bathroom light and seeing the immense amount of blood that was rinsing from me... it made me feel sick. Most of it wasn't my blood either! What was worse... was that some of the blood was dried on my skin!

Looking down at all the blood that continuously fell from me towards the drain hurt my head. But seeing the blood that was dry and wouldn't leave... Fuck! It made my stomach knot up hard. Staring at it all made me feel like shit, to take in how much red there was! It might as well have been actual shit. It was dirty, I was dirty! Jesus Christ! Not good! It's all over my chest, my legs, thighs, and arms! Fuck! It was stuck on me.... Dried. Ugh! I needed it off!

I could hear my breath quicken through the steamy air. "Ugh! God!" I hissed through gritting teeth, my hands frantically flying over me now. Needing it all off me. Wanting all sign of slut gone, all signs of the night! Gone! All this fucking dirty shitty blood! It was as if the blood finally allowed myself to feel and accept tonight. But not just tonight. It brought it all back.

I took in a hard breath as everything in my mind rushed back at me. Jackson, who choked that man who broke into my house and killed the other men at my house. Then the guys that found us at the hotel, forcing Luke and Jackson to kill all but Carter. Then tonight, I watched Jackson strangle a man while I knocked out some girl. What the hell kind of lives were we living now? How could it have gotten to this? How? I was living a normal life not long ago. Now, I was back to wondering if I would be dead or alive the next day.

My breath coming faster, for the first time in a long time, I allowed the fear I always blocked out pulse through me. How could I not? I accepted this as my life and it's not like this is the first time my life was at risk. But now... the threat was coming at us fast. I wasn't home with Luke anymore, living at least some semblance of a life. None of us had a home right now. None of us knew when this would end. The worst: none of us knew how it would end. This was not living. We were running, not knowing when or if they would catch us. That's why all I wanted right now was a break. Tonight, our head start, was the only form of a break I would receive. But what made me scrub even harder at the blood on me was the possibility of Jackson and Luke not making it out alive.

Feeling my throat thicken, I took a deep breath. "Shit, fuck. Fuck!" I could feel the urgency in me rise! It needed to be gone, every sign of it! Gasping hard and fast, over and over, I leaned out and reached around the shower curtain. I swiped a wash cloth that was sitting on a rack in reach, instantly bringing it to my chest and legs. I scrubbed it off me hard, hoping it could ease my mind. All it did was make me breathe harder. I needed every spot off! I wanted it gone, wanted all that was happening to be gone! All that was occurring in my life gone! Washed a-fucking-way!

What happens if they win? What happens if we win? All I wanted was Luke and Jackson safe. I wanted them to get their lives back. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened. Tonight, fuck! I thought we were screwed! What would have happened if Luke didn't distract Vic with the window, allowing us to attack him? I could have been shipped away to Reid with Luke and Jackson dead. It did not make me feel good! What if things get worse?

Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm down but it didn't work. Realizing I even had some in my blonde hair that wouldn't come out, I cringed and worked as fast as possible. I leaned up and got as close as I could to the shower head. Shaking with anxiousness, wanting the blood off, it took all of me not to meltdown and rip my hair out! Off! Get off! I roughly gripped my strands and pulled the rag through my hair, over and over and over.

My thoughts continued racing out of control. They went in circles with different fears, scenarios, and possibilities of what could happen. They went back to tonight and everything that led me to this moment. It was relentless replaying everything in my head. To the point where I became temporarily obsessed with getting any sigh of blood off.

***

Opening the bathroom door, the towel around me tucked under my arms, I finally took my first breath of real relief. I had to have been in there for an hour or more, freaking out and scrubbing the shit out of my skin. Even when all the blood was gone, it didn't feel good enough. That's why I must have went over my body three more times, scrubbing so thoroughly it made my skin burn. It's why I looked unnaturally red. It's also why I finally, after all that, felt clean and not dirty. Facing those negative thoughts helped too. I felt clean and got out all that pent up energy. It didn't change my fears but at least facing it helped, no matter how gay that sounds.

Walking past the bag that I put the bloody and trashy clothes in, I unzipped my suitcase from where it was laying on the first bed. Sifting through my clothes, I found the perfect outfit for summer: a long and baggy red sweatshirt along with grey sweatpants. I slipped it on after I dressed myself in a bra, underwear, and socks first. It felt great too despite being a little warm; I wasn't exposed, it was comfy, and not riding up my ass. Finding my necklace and putting it on too, I tucked it under the heavy material. Sliding my ring on too, I tucked it into my palm, sighing in relief.

Pulling out my hairbrush next, I started to gently run the bristles through my damp blonde hair. Wincing slightly, forcing the brush to move carefully, I made sure all knots were out. Once done, I put it back in the bag and zipped it closed.

Moving my bag to the side, I glanced over to the clock. It was 4:34. It made me chuckle and sigh as I moved back into the bathroom. Standing before the mirror, I didn't like what I was seeing. My face... well, I guess we were back to what I had become used to a few years ago.

Back then, there was always some sign of a fight from everything we went through. After all, it takes a long time for everything to heal. "Welcome back," I mumbled to the bruise that formed on my cheek and near my nose. The blue color and puffy effect reached down to my upper lip too. But don't think my bottom lip was absent of abuse! Nope, it was split and red. At least neither lip felt left out.

The marks had another friend to talk to that rested on my neck. There was a very defined and deep red line along my neck from where Vic pressed the knife. Nothing on my face was bleeding anymore though, which made it at least look a little better. My eyes traveling over everything else on my face, I groaned.

I took a long ass shower. One that might be considered 'suspiciously' long. Don't worry though guys, as you know I wasn't masturbating. Unfortunately though, I didn't bother with trying to wash off the make-up. The hot and rushing water took a lot but staring at my face now, there were signs of the caked on make-up from tonight. Heavy streaks ran down my face and cheeks.

Not having anything to use, I grabbed a clean wash cloth and turned on the sink, wetting it. I began removing the stubborn black streaks, which made me wince too many times to count. Not only because I had to work around the ache in my face. My head was still pounding from where I smacked it into Vic. Hours later, it still hurt and wiping away the make-up didn't help.

By the time I was done, my face was bare. I shut off the bathroom light and left, finding the sight of one of the two beds appealing. Unfortunately, sitting or lying down would have to wait. I needed to see who else was going to sleep in here. I was also curious to see how everything was going with Vic.

I never did see how Vic was holding up along with Jackson or Carter. The moment I grabbed my room key and opened the heavy door, I paused before I stepped into the hall. There was someone who caught my eye, making me raise a brow. I stared down at where Luke sat on the floor and against the wall, across from my door. I felt a smile reach my face. His eyes were heavy, but they opened fully at seeing me, as if now he was completely awake.

The guy was wearing an orange striped tee-shirt, cotton black shorts, and white socks. His green eyes met mine and he gave me a caring smile. I also noticed he had a few things with him. A big brown bag sat in his lap with the Burger King logo on it. Struggling to his feet with the food, he also picked up a small bag of ice that was sitting next to him. Most likely for my face.

He cleared his throat and neared where I stood in the door. "I know your hunger doesn't care if it's five in the morning. Neither does mine. You up for a fancy dinner?" he asked, rising the Burger King bag while his eyebrows jumped up and down teasingly. Despite how tired I was a moment ago, suddenly I didn't feel too exhausted. Not with Luke here.

A few thoughts from the shower came back to me. The first one was how this would most likely be the only break we would get. I wanted to take advantage of it. Physically and mentally. I smiled and nodded, my heart jumping at how... open those green eyes were. It was like he wanted this to be a break too, even from his 'new' self. "Who do you think you are talking to? Of course I am," I said, moving aside and letting him in.

He chuckled and stepped into the room with the amazing smelling food and ice. However, once the door closed and I turned towards him, the next thought that came to my mind made my stomach twist. Staring at him, his sweet self, I recalled my dominant fear. How much he meant to me and how I couldn't handle the idea of him dying. He would for me. He was here for me right now because he would fight, die for me, and protect me. Though it scared me, I couldn't do anything about it. All I could do was hope and try for the best outcome.

The chance to let go and relax wouldn't last long, so I wanted to enjoy my break with him. Him, the guy that wants to be here and fight for me. The only guy I wanted to be around after a night full of creeps staring at me.

"I got a lot so don't be afraid to fill up," he said, setting the things on the dresser next to the TV. "We have all the time so don't worry. Jackson is watching Vic and Carter is sleeping. I forgot to get us drinks but there is a vending...." He trailed off, looking up and catching my eyes that were on him. I don't know what in my gaze made him stop speaking, but a shy smile crawled to his face. "What?"

Since the moment I met him to now, he's done everything for me. I couldn't help myself as I neared him and his curious eyes. My heart racing, eyes never leaving his until I reached him, I wrapped my arms under his and hugged him. Resting my head against the front of his shoulder, I held onto him.

It was the best feeling. The most amazing sensation I felt since I gave him that goodbye hug before he left my house. Only now... I knew with all my being that he wasn't going anywhere. No matter how much I wanted him to for his safety, he wouldn't. It crushed me and yet, made me feel blessed.

Holding him to me, taking a deep breath, I felt myself relax more than I managed to early. Even through my thick clothes, it felt wonderful. Like home. And when he relaxed a second later and wrapped his arms around me, holding me to him.   I missed this, him, more than I could comprehend.

"Albany?" he whispered, ducking his head and resting it on my shoulder lightly. He clearly welcomed this too. "Are you alright?"

I nodded against him, my breath picking up. "Yeah," I said softly, closing my eyes. "I just want to hug you."

Yeah, yeah, I get this wasn't like me. But I couldn't help it. I just wanted to hug him so badly. I missed him, was so thankful for him in my life, and I wanted him to know that. I was scared and I knew he was too. That's what made this that much more special, more needed! Oh god, he felt so good. And taking in quick but deep breaths, taking in his clean scent since he showered too... it was heaven. More of a heaven than any hot shower could be.

We stayed like that for a long time. He didn't let go and neither did I. Saying nothing, I was surprised to find that there was no awkwardness. Not even when eventually, both our arms loosened and I leaned back to stare up at him. There was so much there too in his beautiful eyes. He was there. My Luke. The one I missed and loved. Somehow, someway, he dropped his guard completely. Maybe because he didn't expect this. Regardless, his eyes flooded with so much care.

Staring at each other, as close as we were, it made my heart ache. He swallowed and took a deep breath himself. Gently removing one hand from my back, he brought it up to cup my cheek. His cool delicate fingers were a relief on my skin. Especially when he lightly brushed his thumb over my bruise. "D-Do you feel better after that shower?" he asked, clearing his throat.

I nodded. "I do. I needed it and I needed this. Thank you."

"For what?" he asked, searching my eyes.

I chuckled to myself, shaking my head. "For everything. Ever. For when you finally believed I wasn't insane. For helping me find evidence and take Clare down. For protecting me the entire time the gang was after me. For giving me my life. And for being here, fighting for me, fighting another group of people who want me. Though I wish you weren't for your own safety, it just... shows how selfless you are. Thank you for everything you have done for me." I said, blushing and making my cheeks redder.

I still wasn't used to offering thanks even though I was more willing to do it. Hoping I wasn't suffocating him, I left my arms fall. I knew I probably shouldn't have done that, hugged him and said those things. Yet, I'm glad I did. I needed it and knew Luke was okay with it.

As he moved his arms away from me, I saw his gaze light up. "Don't thank me. It's been an honor. Still is," he said, taking a deep breath, glancing away. Clearly surprised about our exchange, I could see conflict cross his face. But for only a second before his eyes returned to mine. "I will always be here to fight for you. Right now... we have a few days head start. Let's breathe and take a break," he smiled, grabbing the bag of food.

***

We sat across from each other, legs crossed with burgers in our hands. Let me tell you, it was the most delicious thing I've ever had. After not eating for so long, it made sense why I already scarfed down the fries he got. Though it was like magic in my mouth, it couldn't beat spending time with Luke.

"When I first met him though, I didn't like him," he said, chuckling.

"What didn't you like about him?" I asked, taking another bite of my burger.

Chewing his food, Luke shook his head. From what he was telling me, Shannon's new husband seemed really cool. When he first met him though, he didn't care for him.  He spoke up after swallowing, his eyes in mine. "It didn't seem like he enjoyed anybody's company beside Shannon's. He was uncomfortable around us and was somewhat closed off. It made me wrongly think that he only liked things his way. Therefore, I didn't see anything besides him being quiet. I didn't think the guy had much of a personality. But as time passed, he opened up. He admitted that he was just very shy and scared about what her family would think about him. It made sense because he started opening up when he got used to us. He's fun and knows how to make her happy."

I smiled hearing this. Shannon deserved someone like that and it made me glad that she found him. "That's awesome for her. To be out of that crammed apartment too I'm sure," I nodded, taking another bite.

Luke finished off his burger. "Oh yeah, she was happy. They found a really nice place on the west end of town. Gorgeous home."

When he said that, all I could compare his words too was the reality I learned about. Shannon found a nice house with her husband. Luke only had an apartment and it took him a while to sell our house. I think the reason my mind returned to the truth about what Luke went through was because I just learned about it. It was still hard to process. That didn't take any excitement or curiosity away though from what I felt for Shannon.

"What does he do for work?

"He fixes cars. Loves it too from how much he talks about it. He fixed mom's car several times actually."

"I can see Shannon liking a guy like that," I chuckled.

"She brags about him all the time. I can't blame her. I started hanging out with him and he's a good guy."

It was so nice to hear about the things I've missed and not about what was happening with us right now. Finishing off my burger and setting our wrappers over on the table, I turned slightly and stretched out my legs. It felt so good, this bed. I couldn't get over it. "I highly doubt though that they have a bed this nice," I said, staring down at the dark blue comforter under us.

He snorted.  "I'm surprised you haven't laid down on it yet."

Though he wasn't daring or challenging me, I pretended he was. "Oh yeah? Watch this!" I said dramatically, slowly leaning back. And when my head hit one of the many pillow on the bed, I rested back and against the bed fully. "Oh fuck yes! Shit that feels so fucking good!" I said loudly and with an extreme expression, making Luke crack up under his breath.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes," I said, stretching the S out in the word as I closed my eyes.  Sighing, I tilted my head and caught his eyes. "Do it," I demanded, hiding a fighting smile. "As queen of this room, I order you to do it and not have an orgasm. Because dude, this bed has that kind of power!" 

"Alright, alright," he said, putting his hands up in surrender. He scoffed, shifting himself and stretching out his legs. Turning and looking down at me, his eyes intentionally became intense. He stared at me with that dramatic stare as he leaned back just as slowly as I did.  I couldn't help but laugh out loud at his act. When he fully was laying down and next to me, he imitated me as best as he could. "Whoa, whoa!" he said, freezing and eyes widening in mine. "This... is... Jesus!" he said as loudly as I did, making me relax and laugh.

"Very convincing," I approved.

He smiled sweetly, relaxing his body and sighing in relief. "Thank you. This really does feel good," he said, turning and resting his cheek against the pillow so he could see me. "I won't want to get up."

"If you do, you probably won't be going far. I'm assuming your sleeping in the other bed in here?" For the fact that it was after five, I had to guess the three others were settled and not leaving the other room. Otherwise, they would have come to check on us.

Luke nodded. "I think Jackson understood you wouldn't want Carter or Vic in the same room as you for tonight. So he's staying in there with them. I was worried for a bit, honestly.  Even though Jackson knows how to be reckless, he also knows how to be cautious. I gave him my handcuffs and to be safe, he cuffed Carter to one bed. Vic won't be moving. He's hurt and we made sure he can't get out of those cables. So Jackson is probably sleeping peacefully right now," he said, pursing his smile.

"Hey, I'm okay with that. The less people, the better."

"Then I guess I'm sleeping in the hall," he joked, watching me as he very slowly started to get up.

I chuckled, leaning forward and slapping his arm. "Shut up, you are not! You know what I mean," I said, making him grin and lay back down. Moving back and laying my head down, I froze up and winced. A sharp pain made its way up my neck and through my head.

Propping myself on my elbow for a second, I removed the pillow and laid my head carefully back on the bed. It was too bad that Luke did more than notice my distress. "What hurts?" he asked.

I didn't try brushing it off like it was nothing. I knew he would be persistent. Sighing, I found his concerned gaze. "It's just my head. It's not bad."

"Like a headache?" he asked, sitting up slightly and turning on his side towards me.

"Kind of. It's mostly just soreness. I smacked the back of my head against Vic because he was holding a knife to my throat," I muttered, looking down. I didn't want him knowing the details. He heard it all, he didn't need a detailed picture.

His eyes flickered down to the red line across my neck before moving back up to my eyes. Eyebrows lowering in worry, he nodded and sat fully up.  He moved off the bed and grabbed the small bag of ice he brought it. Then, he went in the bathroom and snagged what I was guessing was the last clean rag in there.

Taking some ice and wrapping it in the cloth, he sat back down on the bed. Only now, he came closer and hovered over me. "Here," he said, taking my hand. He put the rag of ice in my palm and guided my hand to the back of my head for me to hold it. 

"Thanks," I said.

Watching him move back and away, I saw he still looked worried.  "Would you like a little for your face?"

"I think I'll be okay," I said, smiling.

He laid back down the few feet away from me as he had before. I could tell he wished he could help more. Leaning on his side and propping himself on his elbow, facing me, he let out a sigh. "At least you kicked his ass and didn't give him any more chances to hurt you."

I offered him a reassuring smile. "What can I say? I learned from the best."

"Did you use anything moves I taught you?"

"No," I said lightly, making him smile and scoff. "But hey! Don't think I forgot the tricks you showed me."

"I knew you wouldn't forget. It helped you a couple years back. It feels good to know that I at least taught you a few things."

"Look at us now though. Mr. Cop had the guts to give me a new toy," I said, nodding towards the bedside table. It's where I put the gun he gave me when we were in truck earlier.

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? You think you get to keep it?"

I didn't really know. I nodded with confidence though. "Being the target of these men, I think I need it. I know how to work one."

He spoke in a light voice. "I wouldn't want you shooting your foot or someone on accident...."

I laughed. "I love how much faith you have in me. If you recall, I was a good shot when we practiced that one time in the garage."

"That you were," he nodded, eyes falling to the bed and getting lost. Taking a deep breath, he smiled and glanced back up to me. "We really have been through a lot."

"Damn right," I nodded. "We've been through more than a lot. We could write a fucking book if we wanted." It was crazy to think about all those moments we shared. The obstacles we faced. The different things we did together too, as a couple or not. We concurred so much and we still were. And those three years a part, still a lot happened. Shannon getting married was a good example. However, she wasn't who I was dwelling over regarding the past three years.

"We probably could.  Nobody's been through the stuff we have.  Then again, we are awesome," he said, voice light.  It made chuckle, searching his eyes in amazement. 

The green in them... they were so clear. So beautiful. I didn't want to make it go away if I brought up everything Shannon told me about him. I knew I needed to talk to him about it. I wanted to know more, from him this time. I couldn't bring myself to bring it up though, not when it's been so long since I've seen him so open.  That's why I was perfectly happy continuing our conversation.  

"But at least before we weren't constantly moving with no break," I said, repeating my thoughts from when I was in the shower. I smirked. "This life on the run... it doesn't give me the free time I need to help the community and for all the social groups I'm in."

Luke stifled his laughter towards my more than absurd claim. "Right. Because out of everything I remember, you were all for being social and helping the community."

"Hey, I didn't litter. Plus, I went to that party once."

"Wow," he chuckled, nodding. "So much work towards helping others...."

"Exactly," I laughed, shifting the ice away from where I rested it against the back of my head. The cold feeling felt good and it helped for now.  I put it down on the bed between us. Relaxing with a smile, closing my eyes from where I was laying, I could feel the need for sleep catch up to me. "I can't get over how good this bed feels."

"Well, this was a very long day. I'm surprised I'm still awake," he said. Feeling the bed shift slightly under me, I knew he relaxed more into it too.

"I'm not surprised," I said, opening my eyes and meeting his. "You had the privilege to spend time with me. That kept you up."

He gave a teasing smirk. "Oh? And you're not still awake for the same reason? You like my company."

"Maybe," I whispered. Truth was, that was 100% the reason I was still awake. I loved this too much. He was loving this too much too. And though that might not be the best thing for us, I couldn't bring myself to care about that at the moment. I was happy right now, especially when he playfully replied.

"Maybe, eh?" he said back.

"Uh-huh. You'll never know if I like your company," I teased.

"I guess I never will," he said, shaking his head and smiling. But this time when his eyes caught mine, there was something different. There was a tinge of pain in the green and it made me stare back. We froze, gazing at each other. It made my heart jump and ache.

His breath slightly picked up and when he finally looked down, that smile still hung there. He chuckled awkwardly to himself. Then, he glanced over the clock behind me and took a deep breath. "We should probably get some sleep. It's nearly six. And we won't be running off anywhere tomorrow. We can relax, take our time for once," he said.

Watching him carefully as I nodded in agreement, he stood up from the bed. Taking the ice with him to the bathroom, he shut the door behind him. It left me wondering... what that stare could have meant. The obvious answer was that he missed me. Missed what we used to have and I could imagine that was a part of it. Because if tonight did anything besides make us happy, it was a reminder of what we once had. What I dreamed to have again.  But what I couldn't afford to let us go through again either.

______________________________
____________________________

Hey guys!  I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  I felt it was time for them to have some alone time.  More than that though, they did need a break after everything that's been happening.  I would love to hear what you all think! It was fun writing this and I hope to update the next chapter just as fast