Chapter 16

His name was Carter Forbes.  And how did I know that the man we took prisoner had that name? Well the man formally introduced himself to me in a manner that almost made me confused.  Shouldn't he be screaming and cussing at us? 

He continued speaking, once again only aiming his words at me.  "And Albany?"  This time I couldn't fully ignore him.  I ended up turning around in my seat again where I was sitting up front.  Neck craning, I stared into his bright blue eyes that found mine, lit by the early blue shaded sky.  They were chillingly calm and not faltering.  "I genuinely am honored to be in your presence. You are looking quite lovely - especially this early in the morning."  The last words he let flow from his lips were more harsh and sarcastic.  After all, I was still covered in blood.  At least I managed to get the flung drops off my face. 

We have been driving for quite a while - and very fast too might I add.  Jackson was just in need to get as far away as we could from that motel.  None of us spoke the whole time.  Except the guy Luke held handcuffed in the back obviously.  Upon speaking those words to me though, I spoke just as calmly back. 

"I can't express how much that fucking means to me," I said, my tone packed full of sarcasm and disgust.  I narrowed my eyes on his and for a moment, gripping the back on the seat with a hand to keep me steady.  "Don't talk to me," I hissed at him, stressing my words.  My eyes then darted over a little to see Luke's curious eyes on me too.  He looked almost guilty but didn't say anything before I turned back around in the front seat fully.  It was a relief to stare out the windshield to the gently paling sky this morning.  I didn't need that sick man's eyes or words aimed at me.  I didn't want to deal with him for whatever reason he was here. 

I welcomed the sight of Jackson more too.  Rubbing my hands nervously up and down my legs and thighs, I took him in.  Anything but that guy Carter and my bloody body - or my now very red hands picking up the blood on my legs.  Jackson wasn't a pretty sight either though; just a bit better.  He was sitting up straight, filled with nerves and anger radiating from every point of him.  Eyes were wide with a clenched jaw, looking flat forward on the road ahead.   I guess he at least wasn't as bloody as I was but not by much; we were both spotted up is the best way to put it.  I understood that only helped make him more tense.  As well as the many other things....

He didn't know what was going on, why Luke would take this guy with us, or what would happen.  And even more, he was pissed off at how Luke took charge and didn't listen. Besides me, nobody ever went against Jackson.  It was evident not long after the weird guy spoke.  Jackson was done leaving everything contained inside.

We were still driving out in the country.  It was a good thing we were the only ones in sight on this road.  Especially because Jackson surprised us all - and made me jump - when he slammed on his brakes.  We screeched to a stop with overworked tires, jerking all of us forward before back with finality. It all happened within a second and my mind went into panic mode. I instantly thought something horribly wrong happened.  Instead, it was just stupid. 

Nobody said a word. We were all just shocked and unsure of what to think.  Jackson did though.  He stopped only to unbuckle, unlock the doors, and open his.  The interior car lights went on, brightening what was mainly just dim shapes before.  My eyes however were on the man who opened the door and got out swiftly.  I turned my body to the left and stared as he stepped out and turned towards the back of the truck.  He walked over to the back car door, flung it open, and grabbed the man Luke had cuffed.  I watched him grab the man's shirt, and jerked him towards him.  I could just catch how stone faced the dude was, his eyes down as he stumbled out of the truck by Jackson's hand. 

"What are you doing?!" I groaned in panic and annoyance.  It was instinct for me to do what I did - which was to unbuckle and throw open my door.  I stepped out into the early morning air and felt a refreshing and soft breeze.  It flirted with a few of the locks of my hair as my feet moved along the shoulder of the road.  I walked up and around the front of the truck until I was standing there.  Staring at the scene before me, facing Jackson's back and looking beyond him to see the man's confused face.  I couldn't blame the handcuffed dude pushed up against the truck.  I was confused too.  Luke though was not having this.

He climbed out in a rush and looked between Jackson and the guy.  He didn't look panicked but he most definitely was tense.  It would have been worse if Jackson had a gun in his hand.  "What's your problem?" Luke growled at him, his side to me as he faced them.

"You are.  Entirely you." Jackson said, glancing over to Luke before he gripped the man's shirt who came to be almost both their heights.  He turned back to face him straight on, staring at him with such anger in his eyes.  But staring back into Jackson's brown eyes were his strangely numb and calm blue ones.  It contrasted well with his longish and stringy blonde hair.  "Before I drive one more mile, I am going to know why you took this man," Jackson put simply, darting his eyes over at Luke. 

Luke started to look annoyed more than anything.  I watched him shake his head curtly, offering a half eye roll.  "We could use him. Better than killing him for our convenience," he spat at him.  His eyebrows lowered and I watched him tilt his head slightly down.  He pursed his soft pale lips in a thoughtful expression.  A hurt one too with his words he spoke echoing back into his head.  Because that really is what it feels like.  We are doing things to get by and be safe.  For our convince.  These were not just puppets.  They were people too.  It added a sick feeling onto the weighing feeling against me.  I hated how it felt.  I hated it with all my being. I didn't want any more blood on our hands - literally too.

I was tired.  I was sick of this.  Sick of running and having people die.  I don't care if they are mean and stupid people.  If they are after me, or if they want to kill me.  I didn't wish them to die back because right now, it really and truly did not feel worth it.  I was adopting the feeling of becoming a dangerous person to be around - and it hurt.  I was at least a little glad that Luke spared this man, even though it was for a different reason besides saving his life. 

"Please elaborate," Jackson said to him, resting one strong hand on the man's chest so he could fully turn and face Luke.  He didn't look surprised by this idea from him.

He didn't elaborate when he tilted his head back up to stare at Jackson.  His strands of chocolate brown hair framed his face perfectly, even with the soft breeze pushing against his back. But then, Luke stepped towards them and ended up facing the guy too.  "Interrogation," I heard Luke say up to Jackson when I stepped closer and crossed my arms, observing this. His bright green eyes turned to Carter's.  He spoke in a stone voice.  "First, he will tell us how he knew where we were."

We all waited for an answer until he gave one.  "If you plan to use me for answers, I expect to be treated like a person.  You will not kill me after you have what you wanted," he aimed those words directly up to Luke.  "I know an officer like yourself can follow through with that, correct?"

His gaze searched his.  He nodded and pursed his lips.  "I can do that.  We will not kill you by the end of this," he said, stressing his words as he finished by looking up at Jackson.  Making it clear that he better follow through with that too.  I almost laughed really at just how Luke directed that to Jackson.  I could tell he was about to blow.  It was strangely satisfying though I must admit. But my mind was back on the matter at hand.  I was done playing stupid girl.  

I nudged at Luke's shoulder softly, making room for me to get in on this.  Jackson and Luke backed up slightly as I came to face this man more still held against the truck.  More light by the minute flooding the sky, I took in this man up close.  His stringy hair was curled back behind his ears.  He had pale skin and the indents of age showed he was probably around Jackson's age; mid to late 30s maybe.  He looked so calm.... It was unnerving.  

Without even knowing, I already had many questions.  "Now answer the man.  How did you know where to find us?" I pushed.

He didn't answer for a long minute.  Just stared straight at me.  "I followed him," he nodded towards Luke.  "And things just seemed to work out a little to perfectly that he wound up meeting up with you," he said as his eyes returned to mine.   

I was slightly confused by his words.  I glanced to Luke and saw he was just as surprised as I was by the guy's answer.  "But you guys already found her; when I met up with her in Connecticut.  Why were you still following me now?" Luke asked him.  Jackson reluctantly took his hand off Carter's chest; he could see he was cooperating.  He was cuffed anyway and we surrounded him.

Luke felt terrible about this being his fault from the start.  He led these men to me back in Connecticut.  Me and him were both to blame and I hated that he wanted all the blame.  But.... why would they still be watching Luke if they already found me through him?  This man's answer would make Luke feel even worse about his part in this.  "Yeah, we found her.  But these two," he nodded towards me then Jackson, "Killed our men.  Then took off.  We started to follow them but weren't completely sure where exactly they were.  That's why we were instructed to split.  Half of us follow the girl's trail from Connecticut.  The other half... watch stupid you," he said to Luke.  "We figured you could maybe bring us to her again if we were lucky.  And you did."

I stared hard at that man's face as he answered. All the while... I could feel a heavy ping ripple through my chest.  For learning that it happened again.  That Luke led them here - again.  However, I was more worried of what this would do to him.  Glancing to my side to him, I watched his green eyes glaze away from reality.  He paled, he blinked a few times, and shifted slightly like it physically impacted him.  Great.  The last thing he needed was to feel even more guilty.  

I was done with feeling like shit and with Luke feeling like shit.  We didn't deserve this.  I narrowed my eyes on the man's.  Maybe he really could help more than I originally thought.  "Explain why you are after me," I asked. 

His eyes stared up into mine and he smiled strangely.  "Oh honey, you know why.  We own you."

"Because of my father?"  I knew that was why.  But I never really had it validated after this long.  It sent chills up my body.  

His smile grew amusing and he nodded as he stared at me.  "Yes.  We're taking what is ours.  Your father sold you to us when he needed to.  After so many years, we wouldn't give up on finding you.  You are a jewel.  A star for your life story, your struggles, for being the topic of conversation everywhere.  Reid is just pursuing what is fairly his."  He leaned forward with enticing eyes and stressed.  "And just because you have me trapped doesn't mean anything.  They will get you."

It made things very clear to me.  Half the time, I just hoped that they were after me because they were mad they never got me.  It's clear how persistent Reid is.  And to know it had to do with whoever my father was... it made me sick.  With as much confidence as I could muster up, I responded back to that. "They won't.  Having you changes everything...." I said, moving closer to him, forcing my words clearly in his face.  "I am finished running.  Do you understand?" I asked the man.  

Without an answer, and only getting a blank stare, I continued.  "You are going to tell me where Reid is.  You are going to tell me how this whole thing with you following Reid like a loyal dog works.  Why people work for him and everything in between.  And you will tell me where to start when it comes to stopping this bullshit.  Now... do you understand?" I said sternly up at him, my mouth twisting up in a scowl.  I wasn't fucking around either and he knew it.  He looked less amused.  I think he knew I would get those answers or he would regret it.

"Yes," he said in a hard voice of his own, staring down at me.  

"You are going to lead us to Reid," I persisted.  

"Albany--" Jackson tried to jump in, almost wanting me to just stop talking to him now.  As if my words were dangerous.  Carter just started to laugh and look at me as if I were nuts before Jackson could finish. 

"You think I know where he is?" he sneered at me, shaking his head as he stared down at me.  He shifted slightly from where he was still leaning against the truck with his hands behind his back.  Clearly uncomfortable.  Good.  

"Why wouldn't you?" I asked a little more aggressively.  I knew the two men alongside of me were getting impatient with my persistence.  But I couldn't help it.  I was realizing how much this man could help.  How terribly we needed this.  I mean just a few hours ago, I considered running away.  As shameful as that is, it sounded like the best solution.  However... what if there was another way to end this?  He had answers, information, and he was ours.  Staring up into his eyes... I could see the potential he had to help.  This dude wasn't stupid.  Plus he was calm and actually talking. 

At this point, I was out voted by the gents next to me whether I should push more.  They convinced me it would be better to not interrogate this guy on the side of the road at four in the morning like this.  The plan was to get further away, stop someplace a little less wide open, figure things out, and eventually get cleaned up from the blood on us, mainly Jackson and I.  Because now, Jackson knew why we had to keep this man as a prisoner in a sense.  That didn't mean though he was fully on board with the idea even if he did understand.  

We ended up pushing the guy's ass back into the backseat.  Only this time, we had another way to restrain him besides the handcuffs.  I didn't see the need but Jackson pushed for it.  He managed to dig out something that could help.  Among all the things we packed, he was able to reach far back and under the back seat.  And in hand, he retrieved bungee cords. 

"Good thing I took these from my car," he muttered under his breath as he untangled the long and stretchy cords often used for car purposes.  Then, Luke and I watched as he wrapped the cables around the man's legs as he was seated in the back.  And with the hooks on the end, he stretched those under the seat and hooked them on a bar used for adjusting the seat. 

"What was the point of that?" I asked.  Luke's going to be in the back with him anyway, fully armed. 

Jackson, taking a deep breath, looked at me evenly when he turned away from the bound man and the truck.  Facing where Luke and I stood in the road, not even one car in sight yet. Jackson suddenly and quickly walked the couple feet it took until he was right in front of him.  "So I could kick his ass without worry," he said in a low voice and not a second later, I watched his hand fly up and grip Luke's shoulder.  The same second, a scowl deepened on his face.  He cocked his other arm back and punched Luke right in the face. 

My eyes grew and I stumbled to the side, my eyes glued for a second to what happened.  Luke sure didn't expect it.  He stumbled really far back and towards the other side of the road, crouched slightly as he cupped his face with his hand. Watching him, he forced his lips to stay shut and not groan.  He just blinked until he closed his eyes tightly, cupping the side of his face, and trying to stand straight. However, Jackson came at him again without warning and - with a weird grace - swiftly threw his fist into Luke's stomach. 

And just as Luke absorbed that punch, he was quick.  He managed to grab Jackson by his arm and he spun him back towards him, to face him.  It was so fast.... Luke landed a hard punch to his face like he had.  The speed and impact was intense when Jackson took it.  He grunted but only backed up a few steps.  It was quite clear that he didn't want to stop going at him, even though Luke punched him back. 

I did not waste time.  After realizing that he wasn't done, I moved.  I moved and skidded right between Jackson and Luke, turning and facing Jackson very closely.  I pushed up against his chest and showed him he needed to back off and calm down.  My mind was in enough of a whirl and I knew theirs were too.  But I knew how angry Jackson was.  

"Move and let me take care of this.  Your boy toy is strong enough to fight like a man," Jackson hissed down at me, then looked up behind me to where Luke stood. 

"You are not going to 'kick his ass' or do anything!" I shouted up in his face.  I could feel the temper in me rise at just how pathetic this really was.  "You are not the designated fucking leader!  You are not meant to give orders.  You are meant to help me and accept help in any way possible.  I don't care if Luke went against you and did something crazy--"

"You think that's all I'm pissed about?" he shook his head down to me. With a thumb, he gestured back behind him to the truck.  "Do you know how dangerous it is to keep a guy like that in the back of my truck?  Do you know how stupid it was?  I'm happy we can get answers out of this guy but at what cost?  He is going to drag us down, be trouble, and if he goes free, he will have a lot of information on us.  That's why I don't want anything to do with that guy."  He was speaking more calmly but there was something in his voice that was weird.  Like pure nervousness.  "He could get free, hurt one of us, he could blow our cover.  He demands attention all the time now because we have to watch him.  And you're okay with that?" he asked me, shaking his head.

I pursed my lips.  I understood fully where he was coming from.  And to be honest, I agreed with him.  Yet it was something I don't think we can risk losing.  "It will be worth it.  I can trust that.  I want to end this.  And if it means a risky move, I'll take it.  You should too," I said in a hard voice. 

"Albany," he shook his head.  "That man..." he gestured behind me to Luke.  "He is slowly taking us down.  Step by step.  He's not helping.  He's making the situation worse.  Him taking this guy like a fucking prisoner is one thing.  But he is why our lives are ruined now and why we are running to begin with.  And he not only did it once.  He managed to speed up the process of our downfall," he said with tense and cooked lips.  A bloody one at that from the punch he took.  Other than that, his powerful brown eyes spoke deeply to me.  "You and him were dumb.  Dumb.  Now, I find out, he lead these men to us again.  He wants to help you but he's killing you! He is why we are all splattered in fucking blood!" he said, gesturing down him and them me.  "He led those men to you more than once.  And now, he wants to drag one of them around with us."

I was mad at him for saying something like this.  Because I already knew this was eating Luke up.  It hurt him knowing he was a partial cause to this happening.  He didn't need Jackson to rub it in and display the too many reasons.  And Luke most definitely didn't need to learn what he just had from Carter: that he brought them to me again.  "We have bigger issues to worry about.  Grow some balls, Jackson."  I looked behind me to Luke who stood straight, as if he wasn't hurt from the blows he took.  In fact, he had his hands resting on his hips with his weight favoring one side of him.  But his expression was tight.  Blank as he took in Jackson's words.  I could tell instantly though how hard it was for him to hear that.  First from Carter and now said more harshly from Jackson.  His eyes were on the road under us and nowhere else.  He didn't even care to wipe away the blood that leaked out from his nose and that was sliding down his lip then chin.  "He didn't do a damn thing wrong - including finding me and taking that guy," I said to Jackson, still staring at Luke. "Because of him, he is here to help me and we have an insider with answers.  I don't care about the risks or the fact that he decided to do what he did.  Because it's in my best interest, his, and even yours."

With a few more exchanges between me and Jackson, and not a word from Luke, we agreed we should probably be going.  To just get on the road and keep driving until we find a safer area not out in the middle of nowhere to do this.

We did just that.  And the entire time, I was not concerned with getting answers.  Or getting further away or safe.  I didn't even have to try to block out how bloody I was because I wasn't thinking about it.  I wasn't thinking about questions I wanted answers to either.  All I could think was that I needed Luke to not feel guilty.  I didn't want him to dwell over that and think he brought this upon me.  Because I knew that killed him on the inside.  That man hurt enough for one lifetime and probably more. 

I was relieved when we entered a small town that actually had a couple buildings more than the one before.  The further we drove into town, the more it began to look like a town a bit more. The sun rising over the landscape of trees, houses, and establishments like the little markets and stores they had, I was getting antsy.  Jackson was going to stop to question the man bound in the back seat somewhere.  I wanted to take that chance to talk to Luke. 

I felt relieved to finally get that chance.  Jackson pulled into a private park which, at this hour, was vacant.  There were open trails to walk into the woods that surrounded the open grassy areas.  They were empty besides random spots that had a mound with a tree and other brush surrounded in mulch.  A little playground was on the other side of the field and against the back woods.  Sidewalks traveled up and around the place.  It was a nice and peaceful location ironically for what we were here for.  And Jackson argued, a place with no people and no cameras too.  He drove along the lone road into the place and stopped in one of the dozen of parking spots. Interrogation time. 

"Albany, I don't want to hear anything while we do this," he said, referring to us questioning the man.  I had a few things to say to that with a raised eyebrow when I looked to my left over to him. 

"Excuse me?  First of all, why not?"

"You did enough with the last round of questions," he muttered.  The fact that the guy himself was actually here and listening to this probably restricted Jackson's explanation.   

"Well it doesn't matter anyway," I told Jackson, taking off my buckle and facing him a bit more.  "I need to talk to Luke.  Plus we need to get cleaned up too."

Jackson searched my eyes for a moment with his brown ones blankly.  After a minute, he just shook his head shortly and pursed his lips.  But he didn't oppose.  "Okay," he said softly.  And though I knew Jackson wasn't happy with keeping Carter, he would still put up with it.  I could trust him alone with him while I talk to Luke.  I noticed Luke didn't object to me dragging him away for a minute.  To be fair though, he really hadn't spoken much for a while.

I glanced behind me to the back seat where Luke sat.  My eyes met his and they looked darker.  I noticed he still hasn't wiped away the blood that had dripped down from his nose and now neck; it added to the contrast of the couple spots of splattered blood already on him. 

A few minutes later, I got out of the truck as did Luke.  I grabbed one of my bags I had some of my clothes in.  Grabbing a dark blue cami and grey sweat pants, I got out Jackson's suitcase as well.  I grabbed pants and a few of his muscle shirts - for Luke to wear and for us to use to wipe up blood.  I wouldn't feel too bad about that. 

We ended up walking along the sidewalk and up towards where there was a building further back around the trees more.  Bathrooms.  It was exactly what we needed first before we started talking.  It reminded me of when I ran away before I even met Luke.  Public bathrooms were my sanctuary for getting cleaned up. 

I ended up stopping him where there was a door for both genders.  "Here," I said, not being able to look up at him just yet.  I didn't need to see his tortured expression.  So I just gave him the clothes that I grabbed of Jackson's.  "That should be better. There's another shirt too to help you clean up."

"I don't want his clothes," Luke said in a deeper voice.  It triggered my eyes to look up but he was just looking at the ground. 

"You will if people are going to see us in public." I said and he didn't fight me again on it.  He took the clothes I gave him and disappeared into the men's room.  I went into the women's and not one second after the door shut, I was shocked how being alone could trigger so much. 

What happened hit me again.  After I flicked on the dim looking lights lining the dirty bathroom, it was as if I flicked off my guard.  I let the thoughts of earlier wash in.  Jackson''s words to Luke and how I knew I could believe Jackson was right.  But I was holding onto what happened was for the best.  Even still, I didn't know how much more I could take.  And knowing that, I flicked my guard back on and got on to what I had to do. 

I roughly stripped my clothes down with a rush.  It felt so disgusting having that blood all over me and to see it in the bathroom mirror.  I just wanted to rip everything off me, I felt so gross.  But after I got just down to my bra and underwear, I forced myself to put on the dark blue camisole and sweats.  I decided this time to wear my necklace not behind me but in front; it was long enough to hide the charm under the front of my shirt. And though by now I knew it was only a matter of time until Luke sees it, I still wanted to keep my ring on me. Just kept the jewel turned down.  I knew it was only a matter of time before Luke noticed; it was obvious.  But what could I do, I am not taking it off.  

When I was done and clean, I grabbed the bloody clothes and went outside. I was surprised to see Luke was already waiting for me.  I instantly groaned.  He stood there with his strong arms crossed against his chest.  His eyes met mine blankly but I saw his jaw tighten.  He wasn't wearing any of the clothes I gave him to change into.  Instead, all he did was take off his tan uniformed shirt that was spotted.  The white tank top he always wore under his uniform was visible and clean.  His tan pants and belt remained.  There were a few noticeable spots but you had to really look.  I suppose he was actually decent enough to get away with just wearing what he has.  To be honest, I won't complain.  He and his attractiveness is always a better distraction from my thoughts, right guys?

I looked him over again and could feel my lips part with a gentle smile for him.  "The roles flipped," I put softly. 

He lowered his dark eyebrows when I came to stand before him.  "What do you mean?"

The blue morning light illuminated down on us.  It made his defining features stand out that much more.  It finally felt like we both had a freedom with each other with Jackson not here.  "You always told me how stubborn I was."

He smiled and my heart jumped at seeing his teeth shine through for a moment before forming one with just his lips.  His eyes weren't afraid to met mine again; it was as if we pushed out all the terrible issue at hand.  "You always were.  You still are," he nodded down to me. 

"Come on, I'm not nearly as stubborn," I scoffed.

"You're right you aren't as bad," he said softly.  "But you still are," he mumbled under his breath, his eyes melting away the stone with the sweetness there.  It made my eyes grow seeing him being a little playful.  Even if just at this moment.

"You are stubborn and you never used to be," I smiled softly up at him.  "What did you do with the clothes I gave you?"

"Threw them away.  There wasn't any blood on them because I used toilet paper to wipe the blood off me."

"That's what I like to hear."  I cracked up at that, laughing and shaking my head.  Of course he did.  He was pissed at Jackson; I would throw his shit away too if I was pissed, I did it before.  Staring up into his eyes, them shining down in mine, this rare moment only lasted a few short moments longer.  I would miss it. 

"That doesn't mean I don't agree with him," Luke said to me in a more hallow voice.  "He's right about me," he persisted. 

I sighed.  I needed him to see that what happened happened.  He shouldn't feel guilty about it.  He should not feel like he doesn't have a place in helping me.  Pursing my lips, I glanced away from his eyes and looked beyond him.  The open field curved around the trees and gave us a chance to get out of sight. 

That's what we did.  I dropped the bloody clothes in the grass for right now and gestured for Luke to come with me.  I've been itching to tell him this for what felt like days now.  So we followed the sidewalk behind a wall of thick trees that separated us from the parking lot now. I knew we were far enough away.  I wanted this to be private after all. So when we took a seat on a cement flat bench in the grass besides the path, I knew we were good.

He sat down beside me.  Before us was the sidewalk and beyond that, a long strip of field before another wall of trees.  The sunlight was rising more by the second and turning the beautiful sky pink.  It gave me a chance to take him in better with the light and how much closer I was.  His soft green eyes stared down at me in curiosity.  But stone too; he let nothing else show.  My head tilted up and staring at him, I took in his hair that was combed back behind his ears.  His face was smooth, all except his bottom lip that was split from the punch.  I was just waiting for a bruise. At least he cleaned up the blood from his nose. 

"What are you thinking?" I asked him gently.

His one hand rested behind him, his other in his lap.  I saw him clench his fist with no change to his expression.  "How sorry I am," he said in a hoarse voice, looking down and away from my eyes.  His long eyelashes fanned over them for a moment. 

I knew how bad he hurt.  Years ago when he protected me from everyone who thought I was insane, it drove him crazy how he wasn't able to save me from certain things.  He always pulled through but he was never happy with himself.  I knew it especially hurt when it came to Clare.  She would hurt me and not only could he not save me.  He had to keep up an act and hold steady.  So I knew his pain and knew that now... it was far worse.  Because now, he isn't trying to stop bad things from happening to me.  He was technically a big part of the cause.  I just wish somehow he didn't feel this shitty.

"You don't have to be sorry f--"

"Oh yes I do," he said in a stern voice, his eyes darting back up and into mine.  "On every account he is right.  I ruined what you had.  And now, I find out I am the one who sped up the process of them finding you - again.  Do you know how sick that makes me feel?"

I licked my lips, turning more towards him. And in an intimate voice I didn't intend, I spoke to him the first thing I wondered.  "Do you regret us running into each other again after all this time?"

My soft words were greeted with newly found softness in his jade pools.  I saw he faltered just slightly, instantly pursing his lips.  He took in a short and uneven breath; my words were getting to him.  Neck craned and just staring with a power I haven't seen in him in what felt to be too long.  "No.  Never.  I could never in my life regret that.  It gave me a peace I lost hope on finding.  But  I do regret not leaving sooner like I should have.  Your life's worth more than a few days with me.  And you know... I was the biggest bastard to choose those few days and risk your life.  I was so so selfish because I couldn't let you go.  I can't ever let you go," he said with closed eyes, shaking his head.  His hands rose and he bent forward, groaning into his palms.  Elbows resting on his thighs, I watched with curiosity.  "But that was my problem to deal with, not yours.  I was being totally selfish.  It was the most selfish thing that I have ever done." he muffled into his hands before lifting his head and glancing over to me with strained eyes.

His words made my heart jump.  I always loved him.  Fuck me for that.  Because I contributed just as much.  "You think I didn't know the risks?  I knew this was an option that could happen.  And it did.  It's my fault too and I share the blame with you.  We both made that mistake."

"Yeah but then I fucking rammed into you.  Found you again," he argued.

"Because you cared!  Because you were trying to protect me even more.  You came after me thinking I was taken.  That's not on you. That's not your fault you cared so much!" I swallowed and took a deep breath.  This was crossing into familiar territory.  "Would I rather have you home and safe?  Of course. I want you to run home and be safe - but not because some ass like Jackson said you are making things worse.  He's wrong.  You brought them on, sure.  But Luke... I share the blame for them finding me.  And I know for a fact that if you didn't crash into us, they still would have got us.  A few mistakes is nothing to what you are really offering me."

I meant that too.  I hated him here and it hurt.  That's why I wanted to run away, because I didn't need that man or Jackson dying for me.  But when it came to who's fault it was that all this is happening... it didn't matter.  It really didn't when it's made up in him actually throwing away his safety and protecting me, even though I hated it.  

"You can't convince me in any way that this isn't my fault.  You can't tell me to not feel guilty when I have to live with the fact that I did this to you - whether intentionally or not.  I am why your life is ruined.  And Jackson's right.  Taking that guy didn't help.  We will get answers and for that I am proud.  But it comes with more risks.  I don't know how many more risks I can deal with until I have a fucking heart attack.  The guilt and worry is going to build up. And... you can't do anything to stop that.  I'll deal with it," he nodded, as if trying to convince me of that.  "I know you are trying to make me feel better," he sighed in relief at that and smiled slightly when he spoke.  "But I'll be okay.  And I know I shouldn't be here to continue to protect you.  But I'm going to be.  Because I would feel even more guilty if I let that prick run me off when I could help you." He leaned closer to me with determined eyes.  "I'm just sorry I made things worse."

I took a deep breath, leaning forward and closer too.  My side against his with our legs touching, I managed to search his face more with the sun higher.  They lit up the sweet color in his eyes.  "Well, I wish I could help you," I said slowly.  I pursed my lips.  "I'm sorry I can't with this."

"Just knowing you understand, and knowing that maybe I can make things better will be enough.  For now anyway.  We just have to keep at it."

I nodded to him and pursed my lips.  I really had wished that I could  somehow in anyway help him.  I needed to help him.  He didn't deserve this type of pain.  The depressing part was though... was how true his words were.  I couldn't do anything.  What happened... happened.  "I regret how long we stayed in touch for too.  Because it did cause them to find us.  But if it weren't for that... you wouldn't be back in my life.  And that's a plus, even if selfish.  I wasn't lying before.  I hard a hard time moving on and still do.  It's just... one selfish relief that I had been craving for years.  And for that...thank you.  For everything."

He stared deeply into my eyes for a moment.  I realized just how much the softer side of him was showing again.  I missed how he was three years ago and I knew that I was slowly staring to see it again.  This was a big step in that direction right now.  His eyes were sad, and hopeful all at once.  "You never have to thank me for a damn thing.  What I do... I do for you."  He raised his left hand when he sat back slightly and ended up resting it on my back.  He gave me a very nice and sweet smile just then.  "It's because I meant what I said before.  I am so proud of you," he whispered, almost as if mesmerized. 

I swallowed thickly and I was surprised how fast my heart could go from calm to racing.  I've been blocking out my past feelings for him as best as I could; they were there and I couldn't deny that.  The more I remember about how happy we were together before, it stings.  This though triggered it and it pushed my stomach in stages of knots.  He was still just as beautiful and pure.  His shell only protected it more.  Made it more special for rare glimpses like this.  I was grateful. 

"That's all I wanted.  Just for you to be proud of me," I nodded up to him and when I couldn't handle his smoldering eyes, I was forced to look down. 

"We should probably head back," he said instantly, almost too quickly after I looked down.  My gaze reached back up to see his diverted now, shifting slightly away from me.  I saw him get to his feet and I followed, clearly seeing that he needed to end that moment we were sharing for whatever reason.  I can't complain; I didn't need to be remembering our past together.  

It was impossible to think about that a few minutes later when we got back to the truck and I threw the bloody clothes in the back.  Jackson had some news for us that had my mind stuck.  He stepped out of the back seat of the truck where he must have sat to question the man.  Facing the both of us, his brown eyes stared down to me.  Then glanced to Luke as he told us.  "I got a few answers out of him. The biggest... involves our next step.  We have to go to Ohio.  We can't keep running like you said," he told me.  "We have to fight back."

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As strange as it sounds, I have been writing this one since the last was posted. Haha so I hope you like it!