The street on New York was quiet, the 3am middle of the night calm finally allowing the city to rest. The city that never slept certainly was more prone to naps during the late hours of the night on a Wednesday, and it just so happened that on this particular Wednesday, the residents were all sleeping soundly in their homes.

All but three.

The soft taps of fingers gliding across a piano drifted inside one of the apartments, two cats lazily mewling periodically at being woken by the inner musical musings of the starlet. Her fingers danced across the keys as if they were performing in their own ballet production that only they would ever attend, a secretively blissful tune that brought a peaceful hue to the building.

Meredith Grey - the cat, not the TV surgeon - proceeded to interrupt this moment of serenity and creativity by knocking over the starlet's open notebook, her hand writing splashed across the page in various chicken scratches of lyrics that she would never sing out loud.

Taylor Swift sighed as she crouched down, a soft smile on her face at the chaotic antics of her cats even when they were annoyed at her keeping them awake. Her finger trailed slightly over the newest lyrics that she had written on the page, her mind spinning five hundred miles per minute as she also reached out to stop the phone recording she had began once the inspiration had struck.

Sighing as she hummed the tune back to herself, the girl looked at the lyrics before looking over to where Olivia Benson was peeking out at her from the rug next to the grand piano. The cat did not show any emotion as it seemingly stared into Taylor's soul, looking at the woman that would lay down her life for it.

"What do you think, Olivia?" Taylor mused as she rose from the bench, scooping the cat up from the floor as she followed where Meredith had scurried off to after knocking over her songwriting book. "Does 'ocean blue eyes' work better than 'crystal blue eyes'?"

Taylor didn't expect the cat to even acknowledge that she had said anything. Her cats usually never really cared much for what she had to say or do, and maybe that was why she loved them so much. They were the only people in her life who gave her the time to think alone that she always craved.

A soft mewl from the cats mouth almost caused her to pause in surprise. Meredith was looking up at Taylor from where she was resting in the blonde's arms, her head titled slightly as she almost seemed to reply to Taylor's previous question.

"You're right. Ocean blue eyes works much better."

As Taylor got back into her bed that night, she continued her dreams of the ocean blue eyes that had woken her in the first place and brought her inspiration to life. What she originally had thought were the blue eyes of her current boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston, were quickly warped into what she would describe as "true" ocean eyes.

She hadn't quite realised yet that they belonged to her best friend, Leia Hudson.

_____

Georgie Hudson wasn't sure what to do.

For weeks the girl had been trying to hold a conversation with her sister on the phone for more than three minutes so that she finally had the chance to talk to her. And for weeks, Leia Hudson had been downplaying their calls or flat out ignoring her teenage sister.

And during those weeks, Georgie Hudson was well aware of the increasing paparazzi photos and social media posts of various A listers on nights out or lunch dates with her older sister - A-listers that her sister barely knew. She had reached out to Leia's friends before Taylor's 4th of July party, having had the chance to tell them that she was growing worried with the up and rising star's sudden change of friendships and recreational activities - especially if the rumours surrounding the people she was hanging out with the were true.

Taylor had tried to ease the girl, telling her that they were all still in touch with Leia and that the tabloids were blowing things massively out of proportion. She reassured the girl that there was no need to worry about her sister, and that Leia was attending her party, so she'd speak to her then. Georgie ached for Leia to reach back out, but with an entire ocean between them there wasn't much she could do.

She couldn't help but feel that she was losing her sister.

And when Taylor's party came and went without even a text from her sister, she just had a gut feeling things were going from bad to worse.

____

The black dog nuzzled closer to the brown haired girl as she mumbled against the satin pillowcase. Lightly moving her hand from her side to rest in the thick fur of the mutt, Leia Hudson didn't bother to open her eyes as she rubbed smooth circles in Tate's fur as he tried to get comfortable in the bed.

Her head was pounding - something that was becoming almost as common as the sight of the familiar dog in the mornings. He seemed to always know when his human was suffering, and Leia was sure that the poor dog thought she was dying with the amount of times he had woken her up in the past weeks.

She slowly sat up as she rubbed her eyes, Tate taking this as his chance to crawl further on to her lap. She continued to be amazed at the large dogs ability to believe he was a lap dog, something that she knew she was going to have to train out of him soon enough. Yet, there was a piece of her that never really intended to even undertake said training.

"Oh boy, I sure do get myself in some states," Leia muttered to the dog as she turned to the table beside her bed to try and put her contact lenses into her eyes. She could never really start the day without putting her lenses in, as wearing her glasses was such a rare occasion that it never felt right.

Her hand paused as it extended to her case, noticing the small powder that remained on the stand. A fleeting thought crossed her mind from the events that had occurred last night as she blinked away the voice at the back of her mind that was the only rational part of her. She knew this wasn't right, but she just wanted to impress Dylan and his friends. They had made her feel so welcome into their group and she just felt like that they were maybe right... maybe she did just need to relax and loosen up.

Her friends didn't get it. Adrian and Riven didn't get it. Georgie didn't get it.

They didn't understand the pressures Leia felt since she skyrocketed to fame. The expectations, the constant scrutiny, the need to fit in with the elite circles. It was overwhelming, suffocating even. And Dylan and his friends offered an escape from it all.

A voice inside her whispered that this wasn't who she was, that she was on a dangerous path. She clenched her fists, her knuckles turning white.

The dog on her lap let out a soft whine as he launched himself off her lap as the bedroom door clicked open, his hackles raising as he moved back to the dog bed at the side of the room. A low growl slipped from his mouth as Dylan passed the dog, Leia shushing Tate's behaviour that she simply put off to the dog being jealous that Dylan shared the bed with her more than he did.

The man smiled softly at Leia as he leaned over, pecking her lips lightly as he passed her the water that he had entered the room holding. She smiled as their lips connected for a moment, before pulling back and noticing the small pill he had also placed into her hand. Leia furrowed her brows as she turned it over in her fingers, not having quite seen something like it before.

"Kieran's wanting us to all go round to his to meet someone he's trying to impress, this will help with your nerves," Dylan brushed off, watching from the side of the bed with eager eyes to see if Leia would take the pill that he had given her.

The brunette was conflicted. Before she had met Dylan and his friends, she had been very anti-drug. And then the night of the party had happened and it just seemed to be a habit that she was constantly encouraged into doing by Justin and his friends, and she was constantly just too afraid of what would happen if she said no to them. Or that's what Leia told herself anyway, but maybe what kept her coming back to the boys and their life running habits all came down to what she felt and saw while under the influence. The blurred gaze of her mind always seemed to make her almost believe that instead of Dylan's lips, that she was kissing a certain blonde.

Besides, her friends hadn't tried to reach out to her in weeks. Her phone had been radio silent from them all, ever since that night of the party. Leia's loose pride had kept her from being the one to reach out, and instead had clung to Dylan's side.

Leia glanced at Dylan, his eyes filled with expectation, waiting for her to take the pill. His smile faltered slightly when he noticed her hesitation.

"What's wrong, babe?" he asked softly, reaching out to stroke her cheek.

She pulled away slightly, her mind racing with conflicting thoughts. Her heart ached for connection and belonging, but deep down she knew this wasn't the way.

"I... I can't," Leia finally whispered, her voice barely audible.

Dylan's face fell, disappointment evident in his eyes. "Come on, Leia. It's just one pill. It'll help you relax."

"Dylan, I don't want to take this when I don't even know what it is," Leia murmured, looking up at her boyfriend in confusion as he scowled back at her. His eyes flashed with anger for a moment before he reached over and unscrewed the water bottle he had gotten for her.

"You're going to take it Leia. If you embarrass me in front of my friends and Justin, you'll just annoy Justin and you know he can end your career as easily as Adrian started it."

Leia wanted to argue with him, and tell him that Adrian hadn't started her career. Sure, he'd been a huge defining voice in it, but everything had always been her. She had wrote the songs. She had done the performances. She had talked the interviews.

His grip on her wrist was tight, causing the girl to wince slightly as she noticed the bruises that had formed on the spot from when he had grabbed it previously. She was sure that he didn't mean to hurt her, he had already told her that he got annoyed at her sometimes because he loved her so much.

But Leia knew deep down that this wasn't love. It was control. Her heart pounded in her chest as she looked into Dylan's eyes, the fear and desperation welling up inside her. She swallowed the tablet, knowing that it would take a short while before whatever side effects kicked in. Excusing herself to go and cover up the bruises that littered up her arm, she left her phone lying on the bed next to where the angry Dylan sat.

If she had left the bathroom ten seconds earlier she would have seen the man on her phone, making sure that a certain group of people's phone numbers were still blocked from the device. Her password had been easy to guess - it was her best friends birthday. 1312. He had quickly deleted all the direct messages that her friends had sent her over other social media platforms before closing all the apps and placing her phone back on the bed. After all, he was only doing this to help her.

A snarl from across the room caused the man to look over at the large black dog that had stopped being allowed to sleep on the bed when he visited. Tate had hated the man from the moment that he had met him, and Dylan guessed the feeling was mutual.

"Shut up, mutt."

____

"Hey Leia, ehm... it's me, Taylor, again... have I done something wrong? You've not replied to any of my messages... or calls... or voicemails... or anything really. I'm sorry if I overstepped at mine... please, just let me know what I've done to upset you. Or even just let me know you're okay."

____

It was two weeks after the 4th of July party, and they'd been met with nothing but radio silence from Leia before Selena decided that she had had enough of the girls behaviour. Sure, the others had all tried their hardest to reach out to the girl but they had all been met with the same response: nothing.

Cara had tried to go round to the girls house various times now and confront her but it just so seemed that Dylan was always around chaperoning everything. The British blonde had even told them all that Tate had stood between her and the man when he had opened the door to her, snarling at the man as if the dog was trying to protect Cara from him, and how Dylan had told her that Leia didn't want to see any of them.

Selena sighed as she sat in her bedroom, staring at the unanswered text messages on her phone. She couldn't understand why Leia had suddenly shut them all out. She'd been nothing but supportive to the girl, and then it was almost like as soon as she had met Justin her behaviour just switched. Sure, that happened to people, but Selena didn't believe Leia was like that.

She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, noticing the worry lines etched on her forehead. Her heart ached for her friend, worried about what trouble she'd gotten herself into. Selena couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong... Leia was smart, but she had been so naive before.

Selena was well aware of the friends that Justin kept around him. Some of them had been lovely - she couldn't deny that, but she knew that not all of them had been as nice. The recent rumours in the press about Leia and Dylan's late night blowouts and parties only seemed to confirm her worst nightmare and she knew that she needed to see the girl before she gave up like everyone else was starting to.

So here she was, parked up on the other side of the street across from Leia's house. Her old baseball cap was pushed down across her face as she studied the front door, waiting on Dylan to leave on his daily 2 hour exit from Leia's house. She had convinced one of her assistants to stakeout the house for the past week and make a note of when Leia was alone in the house and it almost had shocked her that she seemed to never spent more than two of her 24 daily hours alone. The Leia she knew was a big fan of having her own time and this just didn't seem right to her.

Watching as Dylan came storming out of the house and towards his car, a newly lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, Selena got ready to pounce.

She gave it a moment before getting out of her car as she watched the man drive away, his radio blasting music that she was sure could be heard for miles. Selena's heart raced as she approached Leia's front door, her determination fueling her every step. She had to make Leia understand that she wasn't alone, that her friends were there for her.

Picking up the key under the plant pot that she knew Leia always kept there cause of her forgetfulness, Selena took a deep breath as she prepared herself for whatever she was about to see when she walked in. She could already hear the soft sniffles of Tate as she opened the door, the black dog circling frantically and excitedly around her ankles as she entered the hallway. He let out a soft help as she crouched down to give him a scratch, noticing how he seemed almost relieved that it was her and not someone else who had entered the room.

She moved into the living room, the dog glued to her side as she studied the sight around her. A hand flew to her mouth as her eyes confirmed what she had dreaded - what the signs had told them all had been happening. Two thin white lines were on the coffee table, a rolled up bill beside them as they taunted the girl from across the room.

The air in the room grew heavy with a mixture of sadness and anger as Selena stood frozen, her heart breaking for Leia. The sight of the drugs on the coffee table confirmed her worst fears. She knew Leia had been hiding something, but witnessing it firsthand left her feeling helpless and scared for her friend. She reached down and picked up the rolled-up bill, her fingers trembling with a mix of anger and concern.

Tate whimpered beside her, nudging his head against Selena's leg as if to offer comfort. She absentmindedly scratched behind his ears, taking a deep breath to gather her thoughts.

"Dylan? Did you forget something?" Leia asked, walking into the room after she had heard the door reopen and close. The girl stopped suddenly as she noticed her friend standing and staring at the sight on her coffee table from the night before.

Selena turned to Leia, anger written across her face as she slowly pointed towards the table.

"Selena?" Leia's voice wavered, her eyes wide with surprise and confusion.

"What. The. Hell. Is. This?"

A sudden rage ignited in Leia as she crossed her arms and looked at the dark haired girl who was standing uninvited in her house. She had no right to judge her when she had been acting like she didn't exist for the past month.

"As if you care," Leia snarled, although there was an uneasy feeling of disappointment in her stomach at her natural reaction to push her friend away. She knew that this wasn't her, that this wasn't right, but she couldn't stop it.

Selena's jaw dropped as she threw her hands up and rested them on her hips in a disappointed and irritated stance.

"Leia, what the hell? Of course I care what you're doing to yourself - especially when you're fucking yourself up!"

Leia stared back at Selena, her eyes welling up with tears, a mixture of anger and vulnerability coursing through her. She clenched her fists, trying to push back the overwhelming emotions threatening to break her.

"Hasn't seemed like you cared, considering none of you have bothered to even speak two words to me in weeks."

There was a small pause as Selena's face contorted with genuine confusion. Leia wasn't making any sense now. Selena and the others had been reaching out to her multiple times a day every single day for the past month with no response. Georgie had been telling them she was getting 2 minute phone calls with her sister if she was lucky that she was even picking up. Something wasn't adding up here.

"What are you on about? We've been trying to reach you EVERY DAY LEIA! FOR THE PAST MONTH!" Selena yelled, getting agitated at the girl in front of her. "Poor Georgie is worried sick and you've been ignoring all our phone calls, voicemails, texts, direct messages... what is going on?"

It was Leia's turn to get confused. She hadn't had anything from them at all. Not a single message or call or voicemail like Selena was claiming. Her eyebrows furrowed as she glared back at Selena in disbelief.

"Well that's funny because I've not had anything from ANY of you, you can check since you clearly think I'm lying," Leia snarled back, taking her phone out of her pocket and throwing it across to Selena.

Selena's eyebrows became more scrunched together as she clicked through various apps on her phone, getting more and more confused as time went on. Leia however, was just getting more and more agitated at the girl's lack of response. Moving over to her, she reached out and snatched her phone back from Selena's hand.

"I promise you, we never gave up on you," Selena said softly, her eyes filled with sincerity. "We've been trying to reach out every single day."

Selena reached out, grabbing on to her wrist as Leia went to withdraw from her. Before Selena could even begin to explain that something wasn't right, she stopped as she noticed the quick look of pain on Leia's face.

"Get off me," Leia snarled, knowing that she hadn't covered up the bruises on her arm with makeup that morning and if Selena pulled her sleeve up that she would see them.

Selena's grip loosened as she saw the flash of pain on Leia's face, realizing that something was seriously wrong. She released her hold on Leia's wrist, her heart sinking with worry. She took a step back, giving Leia space, but her concern only grew stronger.

"Leia, what happened to your arm?" Selena asked softly, her voice filled with genuine concern.

Leia's eyes darted away for a moment before meeting Selena's gaze again, her defenses crumbling bit by bit. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke.

"It's nothing," she mumbled, her voice trembling. But Selena wasn't convinced.

The girl ignored her and jumped to an instant conclusion, ripping Leia's sleeve upwards so that she could see why the girl had flinched.

A gasp came from Selena's mouth as she noticed the dark bruises that littered her wrist and seemed to extend further upwards underneath the hoodie sleeve. Leia snatched her arm away, awkwardly now standing on the other side of the room as the look in Selena's eyes had gone from betrayal and confusion to pity and anger.

Leia began to pace, her hands twitching to take another hit of the white powder that rested on the table in front of her. She could feel her body beginning to miss the hit and the withdrawal was about to kick in but she didn't want to do it in front of Selena. She knew that if she didn't do it soon that she wasn't going to care about the girl being in the room and would only want the hit.

Selena stood frozen, her heart pounding in her chest as she watched Leia's restless movements. The bruises on her arm now made sense, and Selena's anger turned into a fierce protectiveness. She couldn't bear to see her friend suffer like this.

"Leia..." Selena breathed, not sure what to say. "Did Dylan do that to you?"

Leia instantly started stammering his defences.

"He didn't mean it, I just bruise easily. You're making a big accusation here Selena."

"Leia. This is assault."

"What is assault?"

Both girls jumped as Dylan's voice entered the room from behind Selena. The man had a fake smile on his face as he looked at Selena, his eyes turning to notice the way Leia had pulled the sleeve of the jumper back down and how Selena had obviously seen the lines on the table.

"I didn't know we were expecting any guests."

Leia swallowed harshly as she looked back at Selena with a stone cold face. "She was just leaving."

Dylan nodded in approval, hoping that Leia would kick the woman out before any more discoveries could be made that would make Selena jump to conclusions.

There was a moment of silence before Selena shook her head and gave her friend one last look of disbelief before moving to head out of the door. Tate looked between them all as he took a step towards Selena as she left.

"Selena?" Leia called out to the woman as she paused at the front door. Selena turned around to look at her friend, praying that she was going to tell her to not go. "Would you mind looking after Tate for a while? He's being quite hostile to Dylan at the minute and it's not helpful."

Selena shook her head in shock and concern at Leia not only kicking her out, but now kicking her own dog out too. Grabbing the lead that was hung up by the door, Selena clapped for Tate to follow her out the door. The dog obliged instantly, and they took off out the house.

Just as Selena closed the door, she watched Leia sit on the couch and move towards the little white lines.

.

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originally published: may 2020

rewritten: february 2024