Don't freak out, Alexis reminded herself. Only some drinks, let them have it, not you, okay? She swallowed hard as Penny uncapped a bottle of wine. She poured it into a red plastic cup, passing it to Odetta.

"Cheers, mate," she croaked in a horrible British accent, downing it. She puckered her lips, coughing. "God, that's strong...too strong...Another one, Penny! Gosh, you need to try some."

Alexis freaked out. "What? NO!"

"I was talking to Tellie," she scoffed with a roll of her eyes. She handed a cup towards Tellie Hollows and Alexis' stomach twisted to knots. "Drink up, eh?"

"Don't t-take it," Alexis said nervously, gnawing the inside of her cheeks.

Tellie was sixteen, just like Alexis. She was underaged and couldn't drink. Alexis fretted, feeling as if she would faint and drown into the Cage Pool of sorrows. She glanced at Lypsie who already looked tipsy.

Tellie would listen to Penelope, she thought. She looked over to Penny who sat on a reclining and waterproof chair. She looked too busy with her wine and looked at Odetta with strange eyes. Ugh, utterly useless.

Before Alexis could protest further, Tellie grabbed the cup and drank all of its contents. She licked her lips, already looking drunk. "More, please? G-God, that's good..."

"No!" Alexis' words escaped her mouth. "We're here to have fun, not foolishly drink our days away! What's wrong with you?! It's supposed to be a vacation, you stupid idiots!"

They ignored Alexis, chatting away about what song they should play. "Taylor Swift forever!" Penny roared like a lioness.

"What? No way, why not Lana Del Rey, the queen of Summertime Sadness? Iconic, truly iconic," Lypsie said, looking at Penny with an uneasy amount of hatred. Alexis saw the same kind of hatred in Penelope Goode's eyes as well.

"Tate McRae anyone?" Alexis asked hopefully, trying to steer them away from the alcohol and salvage a good time. Tate McRae had her heart forever, forever to drown out her heart.

"What? Ew, no," Odetta said as Penny came back over to the pool. Before Alexis Kathan knew it—the whole Cage Pool was filled with the sickly stench of alcohol and her friends were bobbing in the pool. And they finally decided on Lana Del Rey's Radio song.

Odetta and Penny were in the hottub together, whispering hushed words and giggling quietly. Alexis noticed that Lypsie and Tellie observed them very closely. Speaking of Tellie, Alexis paddled over to her, treading lightly.

"Put down that drink," she ordered Tellie.

"It's o-only my third one," Tellie murmured back, looking woozy. "You're not my m-m-mother, Alexis. My mom, Porta Hollows, was a slice of heaven. She's an amazing actress and..."

Her words started to slur as Alexis gritted her teeth. Don't let her push on your buttons, my mind said. Don't blow up in her face like...Alexis didn't let herself finish that sentence. No, she would not remember the past, not right now.

"Please, Tellie."

The dark-skinned girl grinned. "No, Lexis."

That blew off a loose fuse in Alexis. She stormed out of the pool, the breeze sending chills down her spine, and shook off all the excess water. Alexis grumbled, muttering endlessly. She wringed all the water in her hair out. "I'm leaving."

"C'mon, Lexis!" Tellie's voice mingled with the others'. "Relax!"

"Shut up, shut up," she whispered to herself. Don't let them push on your buttons, she thought mindlessly. They are your friends—this is your second try. Don't screw it up. Alexis knew she should have stayed, making sure that they didn't drown to death, but Penny could be the leader.

Not Alexis, not the left out friend of the group. She would just have to be selfish this one time.

Alexis was jamming out by writing in a journal and playing Tate McRae songs she knew by heart. She was listening to all of my friends, a song she probably shouldn't know. It's just music, she convinced herself. I do have friends.

Her pencil scribbled across the pages of her journal, something she was a bit embarrassed of.

Dear whoever, probably me in the future,

This isn't a diary, it's an escape, so it's called the Escapism Journal. Yes, I do realize how cringe that sounds now on the paper, but you'll have to deal with it. I'll just start with the easy stuff to make me feel better about crap.

I like Tate McRae and maybe some of Connon Gray's songs, their vibes are cool. The House of Riches (kind of weird if you ask me) is fine, very expensive-looking as well. Penny's Uncle Mel must be loaded with cash, though, that's probably not a nice thing to say, or write about. (Like I care, too bad.)

I don't know what happened—isn't Penny the responsible one? This can't be possible, and she's been acting weird. In fact, everyone has been. Tellie has been acting weird whenever we ask about her scholarship for sports. She's on track, so what's to worry about?

And Odetta is always so angry these days, and it gets on my nerves, not hers. She and Penny have been flirting, it's sort of easy to tell. Are they lesbian? No, Penelope also likes men, so is she bisexual? Everything is so confusing as I write this out.

And the new girl, Lypsie Lee. Who is that girl? Where the hell did she come from? I don't know if I should be frightened or annoyed at her. She and Odetta seemed to have had a fight in private, probably about her pushing me off the boat.

I wish everyone would just shut up and be my friend—my good friend. They're being so difficult when I'm trying to be helpful and keep them safe. I just can't stop thinking about...no, I'm not writing about her here. It's too great for me to cope, she's gone anyways. I can't bring her up, they can't know. Will they even look at me the same again if I tell them the truth?

Everyone says it wasn't my fault, that she should have known better, that I was just the helpless girl stuck in the middle. But if it wasn't my fault...why do I feel so horrible about it?

Maybe I'm not made for this.

Hatred from Alexis Kathan.

Alexis sighed, knowing that was a lot to unpack. I feel so...

What was the word for it? She couldn't place her tongue on it. The songs on her playlist kept switching up as Alexis got off her bed. She glanced at a door that didn't lead to her closet. It must be a bathroom.

And indeed it was. It was modern with fancy mirrors. Alexis looked horrible, her hair mangled with the pool water and bits of salt. She is also still wearing her bikini to her embarrassment.

There was a bathtub by the wall and she turned on the faucet for hot water. She decided she would have a relaxing bath to drown her sorrows. Not drowning myself as well, Alexis added as she stripped off her swimming suit, leaving it abandoned.

She slipped into the water, seeing some oils, shampoos, and body washes on a tiny ledge parked next to the tub. Alexis dumped some soap into it, making it bubbly. A bubble bath sounds amazing to unwind, she thought.

She rested her head on the tub's curved edge, letting out a sigh. This was perfect, perfect enough to forget it all. Alexis grabbed some of the shampoos, choosing the sea daffodil-scented one. She massaged it into her hair, letting some of the soapy bubbles drip onto the tiled floor.

"Oh crap, I got some on my eyes...crap..." she muttered to herself, her eyes stinging with mad rage. Alexis shut her eyes, washing her hands under the foamy surface of the tub water. Blindly, she grabbed a facial tower, rubbing her eyes until the burning rage lessened. "Thank God..."

Alexis washed off the rest of the shampoo in her hair, not wanting to get into that mess again. She picked a lily-scented body wash, scrubbing all the pool water mixed with salt off until her arms felt sour.

The water was cold, no longer warm. Of course, it turned cold the minute I wanted to stay longer...Alexis growled with frustration. Why couldn't she have nice things for once? She played with the bubbly foam a bit, but they also disappeared with time. She inspected her fingertips, seeing how pruned out they were like an old grandma's skin.

Alexis hadn't been in the tub for long, had she? She pressed her pruney fingers to her forehead, sensing a headache was coming. Probably from the cold water. She groaned, slipping out, and stuffing her body into a bathrobe.

"Where is my..." Alexis spotted a pair of PJs that she left on the sink's counter. She unbuckled the bath robe's loop, putting on the blue pajamas. She tied her blond hair into a messy bun, a very sloppy one, before going back into her room.

She saw the figure of the temple and the curious girl. I wish I could be her, she thought angrily. I wish I could be perfect and unique at the same time, I wish I could be free to be myself. Suddenly, Alexis felt the urge to destroy every expensive thing in her little bedroom.

Alexis calmed down with time, blow drying her hair. She also checked the time—9: 01 PM. She scooted out to the hall, seeing that her friends were still in the Cage Pool.

She left as if she was missing out, and she pondered if she should have stayed with them, letting loose for a short while.

She shook her head, grumbling to herself. "No, no, you're just fine."

Alexis went back to her room, slamming the door. I should go to bed, she thought sleepily. This jet-lag is getting the best of me, I'm getting too snappish. She belly-flopped onto the bed, yawning loudly. Alexis pulled up the sun and moon bed spread to her chin, curlin up her calves against her thighs.

Tomorrow, everything would go back to normal, the others would be drunk from a hangover, and she'd get to scold and laugh in their faces. You know, like how normal friends would do. Like how good friends would.

Right?

Alexis fell asleep with guilt swallowing herself.