I don't know what was the glitch yesterday, I could not open the wattpad even for a minute  they flash the error message as soon as I open app..

@iiriss_19 this is for you!!!!

This chapter has Ishwasa's pov from the day she got kidnapped till now. I have tried to make it short and sweet still the chapter has 3000+ words!!!

I was numb. The feeling of nothingness engulfing me whole. Neither I wanted to live nor I wanted to die. I was feeling disgust from my own body.

I did not want to touch myself after he touched me. I did not want to see myself. I just want to cry loudly, so loudly and keep crying till I pass out. My whole body was aching badly and I was covered with bandages all around. My every part of body is paining like hell even if I move an inch.

The two days spent in complete numbness. I was just breathing. Now and then I was again and again feeling the same pain I suffered then. I was feeling like the same thing happening to me all over again. The panic again rushing into my nerves making me scream. I tremble like a leaf when the memories return. I loose all controls on my body just his words ringing in my head; monitoring me.

When I wanted to sleep the same scenario getting repeated in my dream too and I ended up in Shahenshah's arms again, crying badly, trembling and repeating same words to reassure my self that if I repeat these words he would not haunt me anymore. But I was wrong. His words never left my mind. They just buried down for some time but again jump back with double intensity making me vulnerable.

Speaking of Shahenshah, he is always around me. If I was up then too I found him near me, helping in my bandage, feeding me medicine or feeding me food. He was always there whenever I wake up in middle of night screaming. He keep on talking to me even when I was replying nothing.

Begam sahiba too was taking care of me very much. I was missing maasa so much looking at her love and care.

I don't want to speak anymore. His threats resonating in my brain again and again whenever I wanted to speak or walk out or do something. Those hits and slaps threatening me to even look up. I feel like if I utter one word form my mouth then I would get hit again. He would appear out from anywhere and would cage me again.

But Shahenshah was the person who make me feel safe the most. He was so obstinate in making me speak, getting reactions out of me. Whenever he spent time with me he always try to fill me with confidence, always telling me how much of great warrior I am and how much he admire my courage.

But it felts the whole conversation vent in vain when I did not reply anything. But he again visits me, another time, another day, another motivational stories.

Now its been Three or four days since that incident occurred. I got two more visitors; Army chief sir and Home minister sir. They treat me like I am their own sister. They always try to make me smile with their stories. First I was awkward around them but they did not stop visiting and like this they both became close ones to me.

I was feeling loved but the fear is not going. When ever I close my eyes I found his face in front of me. His voice rang in my ears throughout the day. His touch making me disgusted from my own body. The only change that occur was I was feeling less feared around Home minister sir and Army chief sir.

But the astonishing thing was; I felt like no fear when ever Shahenshah was around me. I feel like his talks are true that when he was around me no one could lay a finger on me. When ever he hugs me, it felt like all the burden from my mind vanished. His hugs gave me same comfort as of my masa and baapusa and this is so strange.

The routine is still intact, me waking up in the middle of night once or twice and getting senses in Shahenshah arms. He kept cooing me till I sleep again.

Next day came in jiffy and I found my Baapusa in courtroom when Begam sahiba and Home minister sir were accompanying me in my breakfast and I again had a panic attack out of nowhere. I was fearing from him too but with Shahenshah's support I finally hugged him.

He spent time with me but was looking very much worried. I have no courage to talk to him even when he was again and again insisting me to speak.

Very next day maasa came along with shaurya bhaisa. I could not help but cried miserably in my maasa's arms. She too cried with me. Now I don't need to gulp down my pain; she is my maasa and I can cry as much as I want in her arms. So I kept wailing, till I pass out. I have no courage to tell her what happened to me that day. 

My mother was around me whole the time as my shadow. She kept oiling me, feeding me, giving me medicine and massaging my body all the time. I was feeling much better now. When ever I feel uneasy she always kept my head in her lap and start stroking my hairs gently reciting me either Ramayan or Bhagwat geeta.

I got to know that my marriage is getting fixed with Shahenshah. But I was supposed to marry the prince of Jamgarh this year then this decision and so hastily. Why?

I don't want to marry. I just want to live peacefully. I was already so full with the haunted memories that I was fearing from every little thing. And marriage would be indeed very big thing. I need to face everyone and specially go out. I don't want to move out of this chamber. I just want to get closed in it only. I feel safe only here.

My baabasa wanted to take me to kingdom too before this marriage thing but I was so so traumatized by that forest; I don't think I would be alive if once more I witness that tall trees engulfing me letting no ray of hope passing through them.

My babasa came to give me news that I was getting married to Shahenshah. Somewhere I already sensed it. He took my consent and I gave him because I know he have seen something good in this alliance otherwise he would have never married me so hurriedly. He again filled me with courage and confidence with his talks. He assured me that he would be always there for me if I need him. He always say that his kingdom is completely mine; If any of my brother wanted rule then win any kingdom by themselves.

I know this is not how the society works but he always says," If for my doll's happiness I need to go against society then I will go but I will not let any discomfort coming in my daughter's way. I can go till any lengths for my baby's happiness." This always makes me content. I love him so much.

In the evening Shahenshah visited me asking me for the marriage and I felt so good when he respected my choice. And babasa and maasa already said yes so I had full trust on them. I said yes to him and he smiled.

He kissed my forehead which was the best part. I started liking his forehead kisses a lot. They gave peace to my mind.

I was still not feeling well with this marriage thing. Everything is happening so fast.

The days now passing in hurry. I was called for many rituals some of which known to me and few unknown. But begam sahiba always there for me. Shahenshah tried to meet me but he was refused everytime by Begam sahiba but Both Home minister sir and Army chief sir visit me regularly.

The day of my marriage arrived and I was dolled up in very heavy attire like here people wear. I was feeling so restless and afraid to be in vicinity of so many people. My heartbeats sky rocketed when I was asked to go out to sit in alter. Though whole program was organised in chamber meeting hall itself but people were the main thing that scare me.

I panicked to see soldiers, the memories returning, the loud voices echoed in my ears again and I start trembling once again. The feeling of numbness gripping me. I don't want to be weak but I can not do anything this moment. I was about to loose it when Shahenshah gripped me. Its like I was filled with new found stability.

He ordered to evacuate the hall and I am thankful he stayed still till I composed my self. I sat on my place with my family around. Maulvi sahab asked me something but I was too engrossed in fighting my own demons that I did not pay attention to him. Maasa squeezed my hand saying," Ishwasa no one is here to harm you and we are here, don't worry. Say qubool hai bacha, Maulvi sahab is asking for your consent."

I came out of the swirl of emotions and gave my consent. I have to repeat same thing 3 times and I did twice; following Shahenshah.

Before we gave consent for third time; The soldiers informed Shahenshah about unknown attack and after escorting me to his chamber along with all women he went out to fight. As the doors closed, many men emerged in the chamber out of no where. Their faces covered with black cloths with swords in their hands same as I have seen in the forest. 

I screamed loudly when memories ran back and next moment everything black out.

I got consciousness in the evening and found maasa sitting by my side. She keep caressing me and we had our dinner, both of us ate less. My mind was still stuck to that attack. The haunted memories did not left my brain and I end up hearing his voice ringing in my ears again and again.

The next morning arrived.

Maasa  stayed with me, she held my hand in hers and kissed my forehead multiple times while tears streaming down her eyes. She hugged me tightly and soon composing herself she initiated,

" This world is too bad for a girl Ishwasa. You need to be very strong while dealing with it. I did not think about letting you go this soon but now I don't have control on the situations. I just want to give you this advice that do not let yourself down ever. If anything seems wrong to you, speak up. Do not oblige to everything you hear, first consult with your brain and heart. Do not trust anyone blindly. You are the queen here keep that in mind.

Shahenshah is the one I trusts the most regarding you. Still He is your husband not your owner. So respect him like that only. Obey him till he obeys you. Never let him or anyone overpower you. You have your own identity, you are not dependent to someone, You are Rajkumari Ishwasa Pratap Singh first then a wife or daughter in law.

I am not telling you to disrespect him or have an inferior perception about him. No. He is your husband now so be loyal to him, share your every joy and sorrow with him. Stay with him like his strength always. Guide him with correct when he try to choose wrong path.

Always keep that in mind that a man needs a women for literally everything but a women can handle everything on her own. A woman is more emotionally stronger and a man physically, if both the strengths used in correct way then life become so beautiful and if used in wrong then no one can stop the destruction. 

There is no one more stronger than a woman in this world. When god blessed you with his ultimate power of producing new life then think how much of divine and strong you are.

And I have full faith on my child. You will always make me proud. Keep it in your mind that your maasa and babasa are always there for you. Okay." With that she kissed my forehead once again. I nodded in understanding.

This day changed my life completely.

After that babasa came to meet me, he kissed my forehead and said," I have always kept you like my treasure gudiya and believe me, the one to whom I have handed you will keep you like the most precious thing in the world. I know this decision was taken hastily and you were not ready for such big change but trust your babasa gudiya, what ever happened was happened for your good only. I know my little doll is understanding.

You know I have announced that I will make you my heir in the court and many of them agreed to it as well but gudiya after witnessing their behave towards you, those venom filled words towards you, one thing was clear that I am not marrying you to any of their prince. Those who have not accepted the truth and respected my daughter when she was absolutely correct at her place and believed the rumours; how could I think they will treat you right in future if by chance you do any mistake?

I was very disturbed. I was in very much tension when Shahenshah and begam sahiba visited to ask for your hand. The truth and love in their eyes for you was what make me consider this marriage. I would not have said yes but the truthfulness that Shahenshah have for you make me give my consent.

The society is very cruel gudiya, I still listened the waves of air whispering the bad things about you and this what make me take the marriage decision so fast. The norms of society tied my hands otherwise I would have kept you close to my heart forever. I can not let my daughter's pride ruin so I made their mouth shut by taking the decision of marrying you with Shahenshah.

You will understand my condition better when you grow up more but still I know my gudiya is intelligent and trust her babasa. Always remember my every penny belongs to you only, whenever you feel like you are bounded or you don't want to be here anymore, run to me with your Agni. Rest I will handle, Okay" He said to me while tears streaming down his and my eyes nonstop. I hugged him tightly. We both chuckled at his last words.

I stayed in his embrace for few moments.

Bhaisa too came to meet me. Aryaveer bhaisa is recovering at good rate, I went to meet him too. I was told by everyone that if I am wedded it does not mean I have no one now I have everyone to have my back and it felt surreal. The things that everyone said to me; made my messed up mind clear.

Masa stayed with me in night. We talked about a lot of things. I was feeling much better now. The fear is still there but very less now.

Today Shahenshah took me out for the charity. I was very hesitant because I need to came across the armed soldiers and a lot of people which is making me nauseas. But having him by my side gave me enough strength to hold my self for as much time as I could.

His words when he put off my veil worked as magic for me and I gripped his hand more tightly.

We met many officials in open court and then did charity too.

I was panicking in between but he was there for me to provide much needed strength but at point of time it became out of control when I directly told him that I can not handle this anymore and he too without wasting any time took me to room.

Maasa and babasa departed despite of begam sahiba's request to stay for few days. They said its not good to stay in daughter's inlaws for too long.

I cried so much when they left. Maasa was crying like me and babasa was having tears in his eyes. I hugged him tightly when he said," I love you so much gudiya, never think you are alone. Your babasa is always there for you."

Arya bhaisa hugged me and said," I am so proud of you gudiya since day one. You are very dear to me. Take care of yourself. And if anything goes wrong I should be the first one you come to."

Shourya bhaisa came forward and hugged me saying," Take care of yourself Ishu, your bhaisa is always there to have your back. Tell me when someone trouble you and I will chop them to pieces"

Both my bhaisa hugged me tightly for much time and cooed assuring words to me.

My babasa went to Shahenshah and folded his hands in front of him saying," Ham apne dil ka tukda aap ko sonp kar ja rahe hai Shahenshah, ummed karte hain aap sambhal kar rakhnge par agar kabhi aapko lage ki aapko hamari gudiya ke sath nahi rehna to inhe koi kasht mat dijiyega hame aapni beti wapas lauta dijiyega."

"I am giving you the piece of my heart Shahenshah, I hope that you will keep her safe but if ever you feel that you do not want to live with my doll anymore, don't hurt her just give my daughter back to me." 

Shahenshah immediately hugged him saying," Ham apni jaan se bhi jada sambhal kar rakhenge apni begam ko Maharaj, wada karte hai koi takleef chhu kar bhi jane nahi denge inke paas se."

"I will treasure my wife more than my life maharaj, I promise I will not let any difficulty even touch her."

Begam sahiba hugged me and consoled me when my family departed leaving me alone.

Few more rituals followed. I was so much tired with the activities of entire day.

I was sent to Shahenshah's chamber as its night time now. Few of the attendees surrounding me and were decorating me again. Why? I don't know.

They were giggling and gesturing something to each other. About what, I don't know.

They tell me its my wedding night today and I will become completely his. In what context these talks are happening, I don't know.

They were telling each others about their own experiences, some were saying it was the best night of their lives and some were saying they were in pain. They were not elaborating anything. Before I could muster up the courage to ask anything

Shahenshah entered the chamber.

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KHWAHISH 🎀