Entry 9
Kise Puchu Hai Aisa Kyu
Bejubaan Saa Ye Jahaan Hai
Khushi Ke Pal Kahaan Dhundoo
Benishaan Sa Waqt Bhi Yahaan Hai
Jaane Kitne Labon Pe Gile Hai
Zindagi Se Kai Faasle Hai
Base Jitte Hai Sapne Kyun Aankhon Me
Lakire Jab Chhoote In Haathon Se Yun Bewajah..
What is love, really? Was it the feeling Gauri experienced every passing second of her life? Or was love just a fantasy, a nice way of summarizing a feeling that existed only in dreams?
Was love supposed to hurt so much, was it supposed to make you feel like embracing darkness?
Gauri knew she was in love with Omkara. What she didn't understand, however, was why it hurt so much. Was love suppose to completely ruin you?
Was it supposed to damage one's soul beyond repair? Did loving someone automatically give them the power to destroy you?
Coz that's exactly what Omkara had done.
Jo Bheji Thi Duaa
Woh Jaake Aasmaan
Se Yun Takra Gayi
Ki Aa Gayi Hai Laut Ke Sadaa
Jo Bheji Thi Duaa
Woh Jaake Aasmaan
Se Yun Takra Gayi
Ki Aa Gayi Hai Laut Ke Sadaa..
Gauri had gone ahead, loving somebody who had ruined her to the extent that it felt as though somebody had ripped her heart right out and left her to bleed.
They say there's a fine line between love and hate. Gauri was on the side of love while Omkara was at the other side. Despite the barrier of just one line, both the worlds of love and hate were poles apart.
Love and hate could never cross the line and become one, just like how Gauri and Omkara would never be able to cross that line.
Each time the boundaries of love and hate expanded,it ended up crashing against each other, jolting Gauri back to the harsh reality that Omkara would forever stay on the side of hate and despite how much she wanted to she would never be able to stop loving him.
She had once believed that through time she would be able to fix all that was wrong between them.
That was back when she still believed in the whole concept of love and trust.
She loved Omkara beyond what words could describe and trusted her Shankarji more than she cared for her life. But those two elements in her life broke away the moment she was torn apart by reality that her love would never be returned and her prayers would forever be unheard.
Saanson Ne Kahaan Rukh Mod Liya
Koi Raah Nazar Mein Naa Aaye
Dhadkan Ne Kahaan Dil Chhod Diya
Kahaan Chhode In Jismon Mein Saye
Yahi Baar Baar Sochta Hu Tanha Main Yahaan
Omkara was in a world where love did not exist whereas Gauri lived in a world where life meant love. But she had known from before, the ending to this chapter in her life.
She knew that hers was a story unlike all the fairy tales she had grown up with and believed in. She knew that the end to her story wouldn't be that of a happily ever after.
She had known this all from before, as she slowly came to realize, that despite all the love from her side, Omkara's hate would overpower that.
Omkara had made it clear how much he hated her and his eyes were always filled with contempt. Gauri had prayed over and over for things to change but deep down she knew she was asking for the impossible.
It was time for Gauri to stop wanting what she could not have and move on. But how do you move on when you have given your heart to someone else? What do you move on with when there was nothing there in the first place?
What Gauri was holding onto for this long, she did not know. She had thought that once she could find out the reason behind the intense hate Omkara had for her, she could work on fixing all the wrong. She thought the past wouldn't matter. She was confident she would not break and fight back with her love.
Mere Saath Saath Chal Raha Hai Yaado Ka Dhuaa
Jo Bheji Thi Dua
Woh Jaake Aasmaan Se Yun Takra Gayi
Ki Aa Gayi Hai Laut Ke Sadaa
Gauri knew deep down that it was time to put an end to her dreams. The dreams she had woven with Omkara. Dreams that included her future with him. No such luck.
Somehow through the months of contract marriage, despite all the hurt, hate, anger, sadness, darkness, loneliness and pain she had lived through, a small piece of what had remained of her brutally crushed heart continued loving him as she had, long ago, given away her heart to him.
Her heart would beat for him eternally.
For what she was about to do, it would leave her lost forever in this gruesome world but she had to end it. She had to, before he did. And he would. Of that Gauri was certain.
She could not survive another round of breaking down. She had to turn the last page and close the chapter now. She had to walk away. Coz despite all her attempts at hanging on, she was always pushed away.
She could not risk loving him again. She simply did not have the strength to love him anymore.
She recalled the last conversation she had had with the man she loved, the day she had walked out of his life, hoping for some closure.
She had packed her bags and was ready to leave when he had come and held her bags in an attempt to stop her.
Jo Bheji Thi Dua
Woh Jaake Aasmaan Se Yun Takra Gayi
Ki Aa Gayi Hai Laut Ke Sadaa
Gauri calmly explained to him her reasons for going.
" I knew that you were no saint. But i did not know that you were so much of a devil that you would so ruthlessly torture me. This is all my fault really, I was stupid enough to fall in love with you, a person who hates love. How silly, isnt it? " Gauri mirthlessly laughed at herself.
In a mocking tone she had continued " And now you have broken me beyond repair. I never knew the human heart could take so much pain. But i guess i have reached my limit now coz i dont feel anything anymore. I dont. You need to let me go. You need to set us both free from this so called relationship. "
" No Gauri! I wont! i will not. We are married Gauri, married! How can you even think of leaving me? I know i have hurt you a lot, but please, please give me one chance to repent Gauri. This cant be the ending of our story Gauri, it simply cant be! " Arnav had argued.
" Then how come it is? " whispered Gauri, feeling her resolve weakening.
She reminded herself to stay strong and continued
" I can understand whatever you did. The real threat was never me, it was your thoughts. I can't also understand why you want? To keep me in your house so that you could watch my movements. But what i dont understand is why you never felt the need to clarify things with me, how you so easily trusted the words of your buamaa. That goes to show how little you think of me. The foundation of this so called relationship is all wrong Omkaraji. In any relationship it is important to have love and trust, specially in that of a marriage. But our is the total opposite Omkaraji. There's nothing but mistrust, misunderstanding and hate. "
" Dont say that Gauri " Omkara pleaded
" That's not true! I love you Gauri. I swear i will change things! i will make everything better, i will make it like how it was! Just please dont leave me Gauri. And i know you love me, I know you still love me Gauri! " he challenged.
Gauri kept quiet for a minute.
Then she walked forward to take her bags from him and this time he let them go, when he finally realized he was too late as he looked into her eyes that were emotionless.
Just as she walked out the room, she looked over her shoulder and said
" Perhaps i do. I do still love you. "
Hearing this Omkara's heart had soared.
" But maybe just not enough to save our relationship "
And with that Gauri had walked away, from her love, her life, her world, her everything.
It was also the day she stopped believing in 'forever'.
Jo Bheji Thi Duaaaa.....
Woh Jaake Aasmaan...
Jo Bheji Thi Duaaaa...
Bheji Thi Duaaaa..
Bheji Thi Duaaaa...
Bheji Thi Duaaaa....
Bheji Thi Duaaaa...
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