The night had fallen on Durrani House after an evening full of activity. For some A win. A triumph. For others a nuisance. And for a small bunch of people, a full stop. A full stop to many things. But still everyone gathered around had smiled and laughed a lot. Or maybe pretended to. No one could tell. For an outsider this would look like a family event with happiness as its core, but the reality was laced with harsh realities and ulterior motives.

Elaf wasn't the one to ever fret over how she looked. She found the whole idea of dressing up and spending hours getting ready bizarre. If it were on her, she'd just put on her dress, tie her already shoulder length hair in a bun and just get done with it.

Maybe that was the reason she had taken no interest in any kind of preparation for today, for she was looking at herself properly after the whole thing had been done and dusted almost an hour back. Or maybe because it didn't matter much. How she looked, what she was wearing. None of it mattered to her.

She tucked the loose strands of her hair behind her ears and started with the process of getting back to normal.

Normal. She wanted to laugh at her own thoughts.

Getting already tired with the task, she leaned into the side of the dresser away from her own reflection.

She couldn't face herself.

Because whenever she did, she felt like someone was mocking her there in the shadows. Elaf Daud, where did your bravado vanish? What became of your no nonsense attitude? You never sat quiet when it was about other people, why did you do it for your own freaking self.

The voice could be of Safwa, or Sarim. She supposed it could be Hesham's as well. Because none of her friends right now were happy with how she had dealt with everything.

They thought she had a choice. They didn't know she wasn't given one.

Brave. Courageous. Fighting for the right.

A facade.

She had thought about it, what it would be like if she refused. If she told everyone that she couldn't stand Ruman, getting engaged to him was a nightmare and she never really liked nightmares. They stay with you even when you've woken up and the flashes creep into your everyday normal routine and make you suffer without being vivid. They can do so much just being in the shadows.

But what would be the consequences?

Her Dado making a racket out of it. The whole extended family for that matter. Her mother would again become a direct target in a situation where she wasn't even directly involved. Her past and the stand she took for herself all those years back would again come back in the tea time conversations and she'd be subjected to the jabs and taunts. A repeated occurance in Durrani House.

Elaf could stand for herself, she should've. But how could she stop what would follow? They weren't going anywhere anytime soon. Their financial condition wasn't stable. With Daud still jobless and Elaf not out there working, she tried but it didn't end up well. In fact it ended up in her life turning upside down. They were basically at the mercy of the Durranis for everything and even though Elaf hated it, she had no way yet to get out of here. The family wouldn't let it slide for days, weeks and months to come. Could she subject her own mother to this kind of mental torture? Why was it the mother's fault when the child acted in a way that wasn't deemed suitable by society's standards? Yusra was already under so much fire and Elaf could never push her into more.

The matter with her father was an altogether different one.

All her life, Elaf had seen him as some kind of hero, and he was. For her he was. His approach towards her was always so doting. He never raised his voice at her. Never rebuked her for anything. This was part of the reason she was so confident in herself. Never once in her childhood she was told that she should tone down on anything. Yusra used to try but Daud even never let her. Her friends in high school were always envious that she got such a cool Dad who was so present in her life. Elaf revelled in this. She cherished it. And she preserved it on the back of her mind, into her subconscious. So much that she was sure her father could do no wrong. She made him something he wasn't, and forgot what he really was. A human. A flawed human.

She had just recently found the cracks in that perfect picture of her father and she was trying her best to hide those even from her own eyes. Covering them with her hands and bleeding in the process, so much that everything was crimson. A constant gash. Never sewing close. Always hurting.

She realized that no matter what, no matter hows and buts, she was, at the end of the day, a daughter. And they are only cherished and loved till they do whatever they are doing keeping in the boundaries that are set for them. Once they try crossing those, they are no longer deserving of looks of affection, they become a nuisance. And no one likes a nuisance.

The thought, that piercing thought was so alien to her that she shook her head to get rid of it. She loved her father so dearly, so much that even thinking on these lines made her cry. Crying. She had been doing that a lot these days. But that day the sobs racked her body. All the castles of her childhood razed to the ground, like houses of sand she made whenever she went to Clifton beach with her father and mother. But there was nothing playful about it. The water came and took every grain to oblivion. What remained was an imprint that something was here, somewhere. Something no one could tell what.

Safwa had accused her of not seeing sense. Elaf made it look like it too. She could never let anyone hate her father. Not her best friend. She made it look like it was her choice. That she was optimistic about this new development. Because she didn't have the courage to see Safwa looking at her with pity, pity that she was also just another daughter in a desi household.

It was the truth. She was a daughter. The one who was bound by so much. Who never backed away from a fight but had never learned how to fight the one person who had given her the courage to do that.

She should've started hating everything, but her everything didn't include her father. Never her father. He was still the warmest place she'd ever laid her head on. He was still her cocoon of protection. He was still her favourite scent, her favourite embrace and her favourite everything.

So, she did what every daughter does, agreed to whatever her father was hoping from her, expecting out of her. She ignored everything else. Yusra was sad. Safwa was disappointed. Hesham must be too. Maybe Izaan also was but he always saw things deeply so maybe he understood? And

And Sarim.

His angry eyes and his seething words from that day were still fresh in her mind. They could never fade. How he tried making her see the very thing she was trying her best to avoid. He said it just like that. Bare words. Words aimed for the heart. He was as usual brutally honest but it left her bleeding. In pain and in anguish. Why were people she was so used to always treating her with gentleness out there to burn straight facts into her soul? She showed him her frustration. She hurled hurtful words at him. It didn't make her feel better but at least in one situation she could feel she had actually had a say. The say that had made them distant, so much that maybe their paths would never collide again. And that was tragic. But everything in her life so far was.

She raised her hand to look at the shiny ring on her finger.

It was a pretty piece of jewelry. And it was of Ruman's choice.

Ruman's choice on Elaf's hand.

The irony made her laugh lightly. Where was she in this whole arrangement? But did she even want to be there? Not really.

She remembered how she was in a world of her own when Ruman had slipped it through her finger. She was thinking of a pack of chips given to her without any word, that seat in the first row of the auditorium, the first applause when she bent her head after the show was over, a jacket, a beat down car, a hand soothingly rubbing her back when she cried on in a hospital corridor. The pictures were blurry, the shapes unrecognizable. Something which felt like it was from some other world. But it felt too close.

Like it was once a home.

But now it was a barren land.

She didn't know when the family around her erupted into loud cheers. The ring in Ruman's finger telling her she had done the deed as well. But she couldn't remember when. She was lost somewhere. The whole time she was living a life. A life she felt was out of her reach. So damn high up there. In the clouds maybe. Floating. Thriving. Like dreams. Like everything that's real but also unreachable.

Then she focused. Her father's face came into her focus. He was smiling. And he hugged her. The action she was so used to. She was doing all this just for him. Seeing him happy should've made her happy too.

But it didn't.

She wasn't happy.

But it was okay.

"Elaf?"

She came out of her thoughts and found Yusra standing there opening her cupboard.

"You should change already. This dress is heavy."

Her voice was monotonous. Yusra's body language the whole day was as if she were holding onto the last straw, just a little push and she would break. Elaf stood up from her seat and coming close hugged Yusra sideways. Yusra sighed. She hugged her daughter back and tried her best hiding her tears.

"Baba is still with Dado."

Yusra nodded.

"Where else would he be?"

"At least he's happy."

Yusra's face contorted into an expression of pain.

"At what cost."

"Mama..."

Yusra turned around and caressed Elaf's cheek.

"I still can't believe my fighter girl has been reduced to this."

Elaf chuckled. The ball of tears was lodged into her throat. Why was it so difficult to not cry? Holding your tears was an uphill task, Elaf was slowly figuring it out.

"It's better than seeing you both fighting."

Yusra felt the remorse hitting her in full force.

"I wish we had fought like this all these years instead of hiding what we actually felt from each other. At least there wouldn't be lots of baggage spanning over twenty four years."

Elaf didn't know what to say. She had never seen her parents fighting. A few mild disagreements here and there that too were resolved within seconds. She used to think her parents had the healthiest relationship but she was just now getting familiarized with the fact that healthy relationships do not mean lack of fighting or arguments. It means being honest and up front with each other even if it turns drastic. The mess that follows can always be sorted out but the toxicity that comes with hiding what you're feeling from your spouse, it complicates everything. The repercussions follow you, through the years and given the opportunity hit you with full force and now you are staggering through the storm it has brought with it.

"I never told your father how much his mother and his sister in law made my life hell. He always thought it was just a difference of thinking and mindset. He never got to know the full extent of their hatred towards me. Same way he never told me how much he missed his family and how much regret he was feeling from within because he left them. Because of me. For me. He thinks he owes them. But his sense of duty and gratitude towards his mother and siblings shouldn't involve you. You are our daughter, not a bargaining chip."

"Mama!"

It hurt, Yusra putting it like this. But it was the truth. The same truth Elaf was running away from.

"I'm not hopeful for anything after today. Hope has become a very vulnerable thing for me. I can't do much but I won't be sitting silent if this family makes things worse than they already are."

She placed Elaf's night suit on the bed and left from there. Elaf looked at the simple attire, her usual on there and then at her mother's retreating back.

What could be worse than this?

___

Their hangouts were slowly turning into consoling meetings and Hesham didn't know what to do about it. He was right now sprawled on Sarim's bed while Izaan sat at the far corner just a foot away from his feet. Sarim was standing on the balcony. Hesham opened his mouth and then closed it. Then he huffed. Fuck it.

"It's Elaf's engagement tonight, no?"

Izaan sighed deeply and gave Hesham a 'what the hell' look. Hesham just shrugged. Someone had to start the serious conversation. They both turned to Sarim who was now taking small steps towards them already. His body language wasn't defeated, no typical signs of a heartbreak. But that was Sarim Haider. He wouldn't crumble just like this, and even if he did, he wouldn't show.

"You went to talk to her. How'd it go?"

Obviously not well. Or else Elaf wouldn't be getting engaged tonight. But Hesham wanted to know what her stance was.

"She was this close.."

Sarim pinched his two fingers close.

"To ram her fist into my face. You can have an idea how it went."

Both Izaan and Hesham grimaced.

"What about Safwa. She wouldn't have let Elaf come to this."

Hesham couldn't help giving a judging look to Izaan. She couldn't stop you as well so what are the chances she could do that with Elaf, he wanted to say. Izaan understood it without Hesham voicing anything. Izaan looked away.

"Safi went to her Dado's house to meet her. She was frustrated and angry. Said Elaf was off her rocker. Also said she was so done with self sacrificing emotional fools that she didn't wanna do anything about any of them. Heard me, Izaan?"

"Message received."

"Good."

They both now were attentive towards Sarim who had taken the space between them lying on his back. His gaze was at the ceiling but he was exactly looking there.

"Sarim."

Izaan's voice was gentle.

"You can talk about it with us."

Sarim shook his head.

"I don't think there's anything to talk about."

"Then scream. Vent. Curse. Just don't stay silent. Your heart is broken. You owe yourself at least this."

Hesham's encouraging words made him smile.

"I don't think I can even call this a heartbreak. It's not like we had made promises to each other. Heck, I can bet she doesn't even know how I feel. It was maybe all one sided. So what's the point?"

"You don't know that."

"Maybe I don't but what's the point now? We got over even before getting started. The little consolation is that there wasn't anything between us yet, anything mutual, or it would've been more hurtful."

He still remembered how he was numb and clueless when Safwa had told him about Elaf's engagement. Then it turned to frustration and that formed into anger. The lack of fight from her side which he came to know about made him sure it was her father she was doing this for and her reaction that last time we met, argued precisely, it got confirmed by her reaction. He was hurting, not for just himself but her as well. This shouldn't be what love reduces you to. The love for your parents or any love out there. He wasn't offended by how she had been so angry, both with her actions and with her words. She didn't mean those, it was just her reflex to hurt him with the same intensity he'd hurt her with his words but in his opinion it was important. Showing her the mirror but came of it? She must be engaged to that Ruman by now, that Ruman she couldn't stand. That Ruman getting engaged to whom had confirmed that she wouldn't be leaving Durrani House anytime soon, or maybe never. But she still chose this fate. What can you do for someone who is hell bent upon destroying themselves?

It was a tragic end to something which was yet to even bloom. There was so much unsaid between them, unexplored and now every chance of it even being something more than it was now, was gone, vanished in the air. Sarim came to terms with it the moment the evening turned into the night and he got no message from anyone that the engagement hadn't happened. In fact everyone was silent, Hesham and Izaan were with him and Safwa was brooding back in her house. Not because she didn't get an invitation, she did but she refused to attend. It was nothing short of the sacrifice ceremony of her best friend and Safwa didn't want to be there to witness Elaf ending everything with her own hands.

Irma was devastated to know this, more than him. But he had played it cool in front of her. She was in her last trimester and any kind of stress was prohibited for her in their house. Her hurt was justified, apart from Izaan and Hesham she was the only person who knew about the extent of his feelings for Elaf. But this was it. What could any of them do about it anyway?

It wasn't like he let her go without a fight. Heck, he was ready to take any stand for her. Go to any lengths. But how do you fight for someone who doesn't want to fight for herself? It was a pity. This wasn't at all like Elaf Daud. What had changed, what got her to this point? He'd never know because he had a feeling after tonight he won't be seeing her much, or at all for that matter.

That was a really silent end to something that started off so beautifully, progressed through trust and honesty and was ready to bloom into a lifelong commitment of love and companionship.

This is life and in life not every promising beginning has a fulfilling ending as well. Some endings are just so abrupt, without anything said and done, without even knowing it is the end. They just creep on you and then everything's just finished.

Theirs was that ending. He didn't tell her about his feelings. She didn't tell him about her struggles. Now, they were just two people with something unfinished yet finished between them.

"What about that offer from the USA now?"

Sarim raised his head a bit.

"I was always going, whether this.."

He didn't have to elaborate what This meant.

"Ended up well or not. So yes, the plan is very much on."

"When do you leave? Have you signed anything yet?"

Sarim shook his head.

"Not yet, But I think immediately after graduation I will fly to the USA."

"Sick."

Hesham whistled. As much as they were sad about what happened with Sarim and Elaf, this was huge. Sarim was going to get a strong footing for his career, something he had always wanted and something he had once almost gotten but things didn't work out. But now Hesham could see it becoming the plan that Sarim was always so sure about. A self made man in the making. They were so proud of him.

"That's actually great."

Izaan patted his shoulder and Sarim smiled at him. They weren't celebrating this the way they should've because no one was in the festive mood. Sarim just closed his eyes. Tomorrow morning, the same drill would begin again. But right now he just wanted to silently mourn a love he lost even before getting it.

____

The days after the engagement were uneventful. Elaf had already missed a lot of her internship and was fully concentrating on catching up. The graduation was nearing and she wanted to score at least satisfactorily on that performa sheet the company was going to send to her department for the evaluation.

The aftermath of winning this ordeal remained there on the faces of Dado and Tayi Jee. Now that she was Elaf's almost mother in law, she took great interest in commenting on everything she did or every matter of hers. Elaf hated it, it made her frustrated but she was trying her best to not lose her calm. But sometimes Tayi Jee's demands were outrageous, she wanted Elaf to start doing Ruman's tasks for him from here itself. Elaf did no such thing. She said yes for the engagement only for her father. She wasn't Ruman's maid. She said the same to Sumreen once who laughed and then relayed the message to her mother. Elaf had to listen to a long lecture the next morning but it ended up Dado taking pity on her and saying that she already had her hands full with university and internship stuff so she should be cut some slack. That was a first. Elaf wasn't that grateful. She just didn't trust the woman completely so hadn't let herself get used to the idea that this would happen more often.

Safwa was totally not talking to her and Elaf felt the silent treatment was justified. Safwa had her own problems to sort as well since it hadn't been long since her and Izaan's breakup. Elaf realized now that life had hit both of them differently but in a way that they had lost contact. Not entirely though. But they were no longer seeing each other everyday, sharing their problems with each other. They were just busy with their own life problems even though nothing major had happened between them. This is what they call losing contact? Losing the vibe. They hadn't really lost it but who knows.

Elaf didn't want it to come to that. She wanted to barge into Kirmani House and hug Safwa, cry on her shoulder and tell her everything that was happening and wanted her to do the same but life has a very weird way of coming in between every plan of yours.

Like right now, sitting in the car, with a scowl on her face, Elaf saw Ruman taking the driver's seat and getting out of the parking lot.

It was their first outing as a couple. Elaf snorted internally because even saying that felt weird. Ruman was many things. Some Elaf knew beforehand and others she was just getting familiarized with. A temperamental manchild totally suited him. He also happened to have some fascination with tantrums. He was throwing a fit right now as well.

"If you were going to look so done then you should've told me beforehand that you didn't want to come."

He grumbled while driving. Elaf just sighed. She was sure in future she was going to do that a lot.

Her relationship with Ruman, for the lack of a better word, was doomed. Both of them were poles apart. Even if Elad avoided his problematic traits, which weren't easy to ignore, still she didn't see them ever agreeing on anything. They were stark opposite and Elaf was still wrapping her head around the fact that this man was some day going to be her husband. The thought itself felt suffocating. But this was her own doing. She had herself said yes to this whole thing. It was all on her. How people you once were sure you wouldn't even see if you wanted to, they occupy such important places in your life and your hating every bit of it also doesn't help.

"As if my refusal would've made you drop the idea."

She matched his tone. The engagement was probably the only time she felt so timid and weak, the emotional breakdown she was going through and the whole situation with her father. Now that things were going back to normal, or the new normal in her life, she was slowly coming back to her snarky self much to Tayi Jee and Ruman's chagrin.

"All the time you were sitting there like I had dragged you to the restaurant. You didn't even eat anything. That was such a disaster. My whole mood is ruined."

Not my problem. Elaf wanted to say but held back. It wasn't her fault that he ordered his favourite cuisine, the one she never could develop her taste for.

"Ruman, for God's sake! I told you and your mother time and again that my last semester is just wrapping up in a few days. I need to be focused because I've already wasted so much time on the whole engagement fiasco. I need a decent grade to end this journey. Your idea for dinner came at the wrong timing. I have an assessment activity tomorrow and I was preparing for that when you barged into my room demanding me to get ready for dinner."

"Yeah, as if without this excuse you would come smiling."

He stopped the car in another parking lot. Elaf looked around. It was a hotel. To the side an ice cream parlour was buzzing with people. The yellowish lit hotel was such a contrast with the colorful ambiance adjacent to it.

"Stay here. I'll be back shortly. Have to meet someone here."

Ruman muttered and proceeded to get out of the car. Elaf didn't comment that he also had his own business to take care of when they were out for dinner but was accusing her of looking distracted. But it was of no use.

The moment Ruman left the car, almost banging the door as he closed it, Elaf jumped a little in her seat but then relaxed.

The car felt too silent. She could smell Ruman's perfume. An overpriced fragrance which tells you the person is coming before the person actually comes. She scrunched her nose. She always disliked strong smells.

The road ahead was moving. Vehicle after vehicle. In succession. She hated this flow. Why couldn't life be like this road? Why did it have to be a jammed pack one?

Leaning against the seat she let her mind rest. This was no place for that. There was a certain unfamiliarity in Ruman's car. It was expensive but it lacked any warmth. She was used to beat down cars or expensive ones but with comfy insides and owners who were always smiling at her not grumbling their dislike.

She might get used to it one day. The thought of the future often made her uneasy but she was now a master of blocking it. One problem at a time. Right now university was her main concern. Rest, she'd think about what she'd have to deal with.

She leaned into the seat and looked outside through her side of the window. A family of four was getting inside their car. They had two cute kids and the way they were licking on their ice cream made Elaf laugh lightly. Then her focus shifted to the side and she froze a little.

At some distance to the family, stood two people close to a very familiar car.

Sarim was intently listening to Irma who was surely telling an elaborate story. Both had ice creams in their hands but they were forgotten as of now. The fond smile on Irma's face and the hand supporting her now full bump was telling she was narrating something about her unborn child to her brother.

Elaf didn't know for how long she was looking at them. She just knew the glass of the window had started blurring. Was it raining?

She stepped away from the window. They were getting inside Sarim's car now. He helped sit Irma inside and then opened the driver's seat, got inside and closed the door.

Elaf looked at the car getting smaller as it moved on the road.

She was seeing him for the first time after their argument.

Then why did it feel like she was seeing him after eons?

"Where are you lost? I've been calling you for almost two minutes now!"

Ruman's voice broke her trance. She shook her head but didn't say anything. A

As Ruman started the car, Elaf saw the clear window glass.

It wasn't raining.

Not outside anyway.

The sting in her eyes was telling.

___

Izaan was deliberately coming home late these days. The reason was simple. He still didn't have the courage to face his parents. So when he opened the door and walked to the lounge, he was taken aback to see Shoaib Ansari sitting there on the dining table chair, certainly waiting for him.

"Baba?"

Shoaib looked at him and then he smiled. A light curling of his lips but enough to make Izaan look away.

"You are pretty busy these days."

"Final year is rolling in weeks now. So that's why."

"It's the final year already. Seems like just yesterday when I went with you to the admission procedure."

Shoaib patted the seat next to him and Izaan sat down quietly.

"I was so amazed by the sheer area of the campus. I thought we'd get over in an hour but it took us three."

Izaan remembered that day like it was just yesterday. He was on full scholarship, something which was an honor for anyone seeing how prestigious the institute was. He had taken Shoaib along, not because he was some kid who'd get lost. Because he wanted his father to know that where he had gotten was because of him, it was a sweet gesture on Izaan's part which Shoaib still cherished.

"We bumped into your class fellows from high school as well and the way you introduced me to all of them. I never met so many teenagers in a single day."

Shoaib paused for a while. Izaan looked up from where he was sitting on the chair and saw Memoona standing in the entrance of the room. Her eyes were teary, so were Izaan.

"You weren't ashamed of me. You weren't ashamed of your clothed in a simple shalwar kameez father, who runs a small cloth shop."

"Baba, please, don't."

Izaan's voice was on the verge of breaking.

"I met Maryam's father today."

Izaan's eyes widened a bit.

"I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him to stay away from my son but he told me I was at fault. Why was I being a nuisance in my son's path towards success? If Ibsam was striving for the things I could never give him, then why I was so bummed that he was trying to get those on his own. He told me to just take it easy. It was not at all wrong to be ambitious for Ibsam, especially if the background was like mine."

"Was Ibsam..."

"Yes, he was there. Sitting right in front of that man. Not once meeting his father's eye. Letting that man talk for him."

Memoona was the one to answer and she was both angry and hurt.

"He doesn't want to come back, Izaan."

"I know. He told me as such when I met him. I'm sorry, Baba. I'm sorry, Amma. I played a part in breaking your family apart."

"Izzu!"

Memoona started but Shoaib stopped her. He caressed Izaan's hair.

"Do you really think Ibsam was waiting for me to get angry and ask him to leave? Izaan you know your brother. He's intelligent, but he's cunning and he's stubborn, especially when he wants to be and when it's about something he thinks is his right. If he didn't already plan on leaving, he would never have even if I asked him again and again to leave my house. He would've fought me. Telling me that it wasn't just my house, it was his as well. Ibsam left because he wanted to leave. It's not your fault, not any of ours. He used you to fuel his already skewed moral compass just to feel better about his own choices. That's it. No one could stop him."

Izaan's head was bent and he was almost resting his head in Shaoib's lap.

"But our home broke, Baba."

"It broke the day when Ibsam first realized that this house and its people weren't his idea of what he found worth spending his time on. The day he started getting distant because he was tired of being poor, belonging to a middle class family and having a father who wasn't a millionaire but a simple cloth merchant. It didn't break the day Ibsam left, it had long been broken. We just refused to see it. Don't ever think again that it was your fault."

Shoaib had said what he wanted to say. Giving Izaan another fatherly pat, he was out of the dining room.

"Your Baba said it too and I'm going to say it again. It wasn't your fault. Never yours."

"I also think the same."

Abba and Ibtihaj had just come out of Abba's room. Memoona intertwined her fingers looking at Izaan with pain etched on her face.

"I got to know that Safwa's Phupho met you and said some hurtful things to you which also played a part in your and Safwa breaking things."

Izaan had an idea his family was aware of. There was no way they wouldn't be. But Memoona knowing about Bisma's involvement was news to him.

"How'd you know?"

Memoona looked away.

"Safwa told me the last time she visited. She said she didn't know what exactly Bisma said but she has an idea. She was so sorry about whatever hurtful words her Phupho said to you, so much that you just...broke things off."

Izaan held Memoona's hand and started unknotting her fingers all the while looking at her.

"Amma, I'm proud of where I come from. I never shy away from telling people about my family and my roots. But I'm also very much aware of the fact that what we find pride in, can't be the same way for other people. Bisma Auntie just showed me a different perspective. The perspective of where she comes from and that's Safwa's roots as well.

"You mean an elitist's point of view?"

Abba chipped in sounding mildly angry. Izaan opened his mouth to say something when Abba raised his hand.

"I don't know what people these days base their relationships off, in our times it was just love, acceptance, harmony and understanding. But times have changed and so have the ways."

He was visibly offended and to show it completely, he had gone back to his room with Ibtihaj's help and closed the door behind.

"He's not at all happy with how you and Safwa ended up."

Memoona didn't have to tell him. He could see and feel that and it made his heart ache some more.

"Things will get better, Amma."

Memoona was skeptical but didn't say anything.

Izaan hoped for it to be the truth, for things to actually get better.

____

Whenever Elaf found people talking about graduation day, it always was about the freedom from a four year long degree, the best outfits, smiling parents and group photos. Never once anyone mentioned how nostalgically bittersweet it was. As Elaf stood with her degree in her hand, in her graduation gown. She felt it with full impact.

A phase of their lives was now just about to end. Four years where she found so much, lost along the way as well. She looked at Mishal who was the silver medalist from their batch. Mishal smiled back at her. Both didn't approach each other and both realized that wasn't necessary.

She had come with Yusra and Daud. Both of them were happy that their daughter had finally completed the degree and was now a graduate in Mechanical and Manufacturing engineering. Gladly, no one from the Durrani house insisted on tagging along. Elaf found it relieving.

Marva and Rabea had hugged her when she joined where her class was standing. It was just her faculty's convocation day. The reason why she didn't see Safwa or Hesham. Business and Law departments had their convocations scheduled to a later date.

She had left Yusra and Daud with the parents of other students and after taking her degree and standing with her class for a group photo, she stood in a corner looking around at the familiar faces.

And she found one soon after.

He was the gold medalist of her batch, as he should've been. Elaf had found his proud parents in the crowd, visiting them so many times came in handy. She was proud of him too.

She knew they would eventually run into each other. She wanted to, because she had something of him she had to give him back.

It came sooner than Elaf had expected it too.

They were walking away towards their families when Elaf felt him falling in steps with her. She stopped and so did he.

"Your medal looks nice."

Elaf commented. They stopped and stood facing each other. It was their first meeting after the argument. First meeting after the engagement.

Elaf searched for any signs of anger on his face.

He searched for the ring on her finger.

Both were unsuccessful in what they were looking for and both were happy about it.

"You didn't think we were going without even saying Hi to each other."

"It's more like a bye kind of vibe around here."

They didn't bring up the argument in the conversation. They didn't bring the engagement as well.

"You came alone?"

"Nah. Mama and Baba are there with other parents. I was going towards them only."

"Mine are also leaving soon. Irma is home alone and we can't afford that."

Yeah. That was understandable. An awkward silence fell between them. It had never happened before but they were both standing there after experiencing something that had never happened before as well.

He had never been in love before but now he was.

She had never been engaged before but now she was.

"I actually wanted you to meet me today."

Sarim was surprised.

"Why?"

"I have something to return to you."

He now noticed she had a shopping bag in her hand. She extended it towards him.

"Your hoodie."

Sarim never knew someone returning something that belonged to him would feel this bad, this empty, this painful.

"I had it for a while now. I was meant to return it to you but always forgot to do so. But now I have to. New place and I'm sharing my room with my cousin. Space issues."

So, now even things belonging to him had no place in her life.

"Keep it. For the cold days. The weather is changing."

"Your hoodie can't always keep me warm, Sarim."

His hoodie couldn't keep her warm. He couldn't keep her.

He took the bag. She stood there for a while and then turned to leave.

"I might move to the USA."

He told her. All his friends knew. It was totally fitting that she'd too.

"Job opportunity?"

"Something like that."

"When are you leaving?"

"In just a few weeks. More than a month but not two. "

"And when will you be back?"

Elaf couldn't stop the question from slipping past her lips.

"I'm not sure. Two years are post grad and just training. But with that plan the job becomes permanent. They will work on us and then we will work for them. I might be there for the next two years as well or more than that."

Elaf's face crumbled a bit but then she schooled her expressions.

"Congratulations. I'm saying that to you a lot today."

But he didn't want her to say that again and again. It made it all the more real that they were done with this phase of their lives and would now walk a very different path without each other.

Elaf was the first one to move. Sarim also followed suit.

They both went their separate ways. There was a time when they used to walk on the paths of this campus together. But that time had run its course.

As Elaf looked ahead and Sarim gripped the back tightly, they finally accepted the fact that they were never walking these paths again.

______

Irma had given birth to a baby girl. Safwa had called Elaf and asked if she wanted to pick her up. They had all been a witness of what Irma had gone through this whole period of her pregnancy. This was nothing short of an achievement for her. So, they had to visit and give her their best wishes and congratulations for her baby.

Elaf refused Safwa. It wasn't safe for her to come here and pick her up. She didn't want Safwa to ever cross paths with anyone from this family ever again. She was done with these people being mean towards those she held so close to her heart.

She had told Daud and he immediately asked why she hadn't left yet. That was all she needed.

She got out of the car ride in front of the hospital. Safwa was already here and had texted her the floor and the room number. It was a normal delivery so Irma wasn't unconscious. But she must be exhausted with the amount of pain she must've had to go through.

Elaf was almost beside herself with excitement. She was once there to see Irma and had felt the baby kicking when Irma complained about a marathon going inside of her. To see that brat out in the arms of her mother was going to be so wholesome.

She rounded the corner and that's when she came face to face with Hesham and Sarim. Izaan was just a few steps behind them and by the looks of it, he was in his proper medical student glory. It must be the same hospital affiliated with his med school.

Silence fell between all four people. Elaf cursed herself for not taking up Safwa's offer of picking her up. Now here she was, with her friends but the tension could be cut with a knife.

"Shorty! Can you believe it there's another shorty here. No need to feel left out. At least someone is shorter than you now."

Hesham joked while hugging her sideways. Ah, the icebreaker. In an instant the energy of the hallway had shifted. She pushed him away with a mock scowl. Izaan was the next one to greet her. He nodded in her way and Elaf nodded back. She felt something about Izaan that she had never felt before. A kind of relatability. As if there was something common between them. Like they were both going through the same shit. It was a momentary thought. She shook her head.

"Hi."

She was about to slip into the room when Sarim spoke. She turned back and smiled.

"Hey! Congratulations."

He returned her smile. Again. She was sure congratulating him a lot. For a man who didn't feel like he had won much.

His smile wasn't forced. But it wasn't full fledged either.

"You should be congratulating me because I entered that room and realized how less welcoming it looked for a Baby shorty who had just come into this world. No balloons and no flowers. We are just going to buy those. This uncle is unqualified to be an Uncle."

Hesham smacked Sarim on the back..

"I'm sorry that it is the first time I'm actually getting to know how things work when a baby is born in your own home. You sound like you've quite an experience with this kind of thing. Wanna tell us something?"

The bickering had started. Elaf shook her head. Izaan was already in the process of pushing them forward when Elaf opened the door and entered inside.

Irma was laying down on the bed. She looked exhausted, as expected but she was glowing and smiling. Beside her on the sofa by the window, Farwa Auntie was sitting. Safwa who stood next to Irma's bed turned around.

"You're late."

Elaf smiled apologetically. Irma had given birth in the early hours of morning and right now it was already close to 12 PM. Which means a few hours. Elaf reached her bed. Irma gave her a dazzling smile.

"I was going to be very hurt if you didn't come."

Elaf sat down on the chair while Safwa took the other one. The room was so spacious it was actually quite nice having this privacy. Elaf greeted Farwa auntie who started asking her about why she didn't visit much now. Elaf didn't know what to tell her. She made an excuse about just getting done with university and after graduation fuss.. Farwa auntie was convinced and both Irma and Safwa knew the truth behind it.

Elaf was asking Irma about her health and Irma gave her answers. How she felt her water broke at around one at night. She was immediately rushed to the hospital and admitted as well because her pains had also started. It was an excruciating pain of hours when she finally gave birth after Fajar Prayer.

"I swear to God I've never ever dreamed of going through such pain. "

Irma mumbled but then her eyes flickered towards the cot.

"But it was worth it."

Farwa auntie got up and carefully holding the baby brought her to Safwa and Elaf. Safwa was so confused about what to do that it made them all laugh. Elaf extended her arms and Farwa auntie carefully placed the baby there.

It wasn't easy to place her features. She was just a few hours old and it felt like she was a combination of every face in her family. Her real look would be cleared in a day or a week. But Elaf instantly fell in love with the pouting lips and the button nose.

"Mohid's mother called me just a while back."

Irma whispered. Both Safwa and Elaf looked concerned.

"Mohid is out of the country, thank god. His mother wanted to visit but I told her that she can once I'm home. This space is too intimate. I'm in a vulnerable condition. I've just given birth. I don't want everyone to see me like this. Just a few people I trust and love. Basically my family."

Elaf and Safwa were overwhelmed. Irma thought of them as her family.

"Anyways. I haven't decided on a name and I'm tired of Hesham calling her Baby Shorty."

"Now you feel my pain."

Elaf commented.

"Why don't you name her, Elaf."

Irma spoke so suddenly it took Elaf by surprise.

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

Safwa nudged her excitedly.

"Come on. Take this opportunity."

Elaf looked at the expectant faces around and then at the baby in her arms.

"What about Zimal?"

Irma thought for a second and then gave her a thumbs up.

"Zimal. I like the sound of it. What do you think, Ammi?"

"It sounds good."

So, just like this in mere seconds Irma had made Elaf name her baby.

They sat there for a while. Hesham came back without Sarim and Izaan and started decorating the room with whatever he had bought. Elaf and Safwa helped him. Farwa Auntie made them eat the snacks she had brought from home. It was the best few hours of Elaf's life in that hospital room.

It was after a while when the door opened and Sarim and Nauman Uncle entered inside. It was his first time visiting because he was in his military uniform and seemed like he was just coming back from his base. Sarim stood close to the cot as Nauman Uncle kissed Irma's forehead and asked her how she was doing.

Farwa Auntie made Sarim hold Zimal, informing him about the name. He liked it. By the way he mouthed it and smiled, he liked it.

That was the moment Elaf just stood there. Frozen. With only one person in her focus. She heard the voices but they didn't make much sense. The perfect family was all gathered around Irma's bed. They were smiling and they were beaming. Safwa held on to her elbow, whispering something about leaving and giving privacy. She saw Safwa telling Irma that they should leave now who nodded in acknowledgement. Elaf hugged Irma and then just as she was about to go to Farwa and Nauman to bid them bye, she again stood there. The baby was no longer in Sarim's arms. He was standing at some distance. Just watching Irma and Zimal with a softness on his face Elaf wasn't unfamiliar with.

It felt like a dream.

Sarim Haider felt like a dream.

They came to the door. Safwa had opened it and was out of there. Elaf stood and turned back around once more. The happy family was still there, in their own world. But Sarim's eyes collided with her. Elaf couldn't even smile. An overwhelming sense of realization hit her right there, so much that she felt she would sit there on the floor and start crying. She didn't want to go. As if she belonged here. But she had to go.

Closing the door behind her was the most difficult thing Elaf did in a while. She crossed the hallway and saw Safwa waiting for her there.

"Come on, I'll drop you home."

Home.

She was leaving home, no?

Elaf nodded and, like a norm, sat inside Safwa's car with her. Both of them were in their own world throughout the ride. When Safwa stopped the car in front of the Durrani House Elaf turned to her.

"Safi..."

She left the sentence like she wanted to tell her something. Safwa looked confused and curious. But then Elaf's face crumbled. She shook her head.

"I just....miss you. I miss us."

It wasn't a lie. She wanted to say that from the moment they had met in the hospital and sat together like old times. But she wanted to tell her something else as well. But no. She couldn't.

Safwa hugged her, patting her back.

"I...miss you too. I miss us as well."

Both the best friends had so much they wanted to tell each other, talk about things they had bottled inside of them. But now wasn't the right time and now they weren't ready as well.

Elaf left Safwa's car and took slow steps towards the entrance of the house. She didn't pay any heed to Mrs. Durrani's questioning stare. Didn't go towards the kitchen to drink water to soothe her parched throat.

She came to her room and after freshening up, lay down on her side of the bed. Sumreen was working on her laptop. Elaf didn't answer any of her questions. She just turned to the side, away from Sumreen and let a tear roll down her cheeks.

Love came to her with its realization when she was least prepared for it, not at all ready for it and in no place to actually have it.

Love, Sarim, Love.

Her eyes darted towards the ring she had placed on the dresser this morning and two more tears followed the first one.

Maybe she was crying for herself

Maybe for Sarim Haider

Or maybe for the love which didn't even get a chance to even breathe fully.

_____

The first and foremost rule of life is, it just keeps on going. All the losses and the victories become the talk of the past. You just have to move forward.

Hesham stood in front of the office of Ansar Minhaj. It was his first day of official training after graduating.

Safwa picked up her folder and purse and took hurried steps out of her room. It was her first proper day at the office when she was actually going there in the morning like any normal business woman would. She had a presentation to give and then a delegate to host. She already had a packed day ahead.

Elaf packed all her course related stuff to clear the clutter off the table. She was already sharing the room with Sumreen so it was wise to start sorting her stuff out.

As she threw her notes, books and a few more papers in the carton, her eyes fell on her journal. She hadn't used it in months and was sure wouldn't be using it in years or maybe never. But this journal had a part of her, a part she never got to explore more. A part which was now buried in the pages of this journal only. She got up from where she was sitting on the floor and opened her cupboard and placed her journal securely with her other important documents.

Izaan stood next to the notice board. The Proff season was here which meant now was the time for him to actually focus. He had a scholarship to retain and get into the last year of his MBBS to get to. No other thing should cross his mind. Only study and the same passion that had him going for four years now.

Sarim was almost done with his packing. Along with that he was cleaning his room's clutter as well. His flight was in two days and he was fully prepared. He just hoped that this new venture in life would bring nothing but best results.

He was working through his book shelf when his hands collided with something that made him sit down on the bed and stare at it for a long time.

The first time all five of them visited Clifton beach together. The picture had come out so beautifully that he had it scanned and saved in his small shelf.

Sarim smiled. Nostalgically.

Because the smiles in the picture won't ever be the same again. The dreams and the hopes in the eyes won't even be there again. So much had changed which this picture boasted off so proudly.

They would never be the same again.

______

A/N: 9k words and second last chapter from the past.  

Listening to Elaf's realization of love with the song playing in background is just...lots of feels. I have been waiting to write this scene and add this song in the bg because yes, lots of feels