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20. Promise

Time is a fickle thing and one of its most astonishing yet accepted aspect is, it passes. Good, bad, still, fleeting. It slips through our fingers leaving the imprints of its presence in the form of memories and scars. It's up to us what we choose. To cherish or to perish.

It's been almost a week since Bisma and Atif's Nikkah. To look back at the whole thing, the only difficult part was making Bisma agree to this idea. Whatever followed was a cakewalk. Bisma and Atif had settled down in this routine without much difficulty. The ease and camaraderie they were famous for during their youth came in handy for this new development.

Bisma had even joined the office after her not so long leave. She used to visit Nusrat Aapa and Safwa almost everyday. Nothing much had changed sans the fact that she was no longer living at Kirmani House.

And maybe in this perfect setting, this was what affected Safwa the most.

She didn't come out as a mean and selfish brat which she never was, that's why she didn't share it with anyone. She was happy for her Phupho. She was the one person who never gave up on the idea of a happy ever after for Atif and Bisma even though everyone else found it farfetched.

But she was also someone who had, almost all her life, only two people she could call immediate family, her phupho and Nusrat Aapa. She had friends, some of the most genuine ones she could get but still when the day ended, and she had to go back home, Bisma was the biggest part of the home Safwa was returning to.

And now that feeling was gone. And Safwa was feeling a void somewhere among all this. No matter how much she tried telling herself that it wasn't right to feel this way still her heart yearned for the old way of life. It was really silly, she thought. But it also made her realize something.

She really didn't have much in life. Especially when it came to people and love they had for her and she had for them.

Someone would always look at her lifestyle and call her lucky but how that someone would know that was far from the reality? This was who she was. What she had. And it was enough to sadden her.

She was proud of Hesham though. He had welcomed this change with open arms. She did too, but she didn't appreciate the emptiness that came with Bisma gone.

Everything and everyone else had shifted back to their normal lives. University was getting close to terminating another semester soon and everyone seemed so busy with the arrival of the exam dates announced. End term assignments and projects were piling up, preparing them for the professional life ahead as they were starting the last months of their degree after this. So much was going around her and Safwa, even being a part of it was detached. She was trying her best not to show it to anyone but how far trying can get you?

The only person who got a glimpse of it was Izaan. That night she had wept in his arms and then somehow slept there as well. Nusrat Aapa had told her the next morning how Izaan had specially asked her to stay with Safwa that night before he had returned back home. Safwa was thankful for it. She was also thankful that he didn't bring it up again but it wasn't like Izaan Shoaib to remind people of their weak states anyway. He himself was pretty busy lately, his third year of medical wrapping up soon. Safwa was getting used to the occasional one line texts from him asking if she was doing okay. It was evidence enough that no matter he didn't bring this up didn't mean he didn't remember it. She had always responded to those cheerfully. She was fine. Did he believe her or not, she had no idea.

"I don't really see the point of accompanying him though."

Safwa sighed leaning on her pillows while playing with the end of her hair strand. Bisma had called her to tell her about the invitation they had gotten from a friend of Atif's who had invited them both to a dinner he had arranged for them as a congrats on their marriage.

"It's a congratulatory dinner, Phupho. And as far as I remember the only thing you two are getting congrats for is your wedding."

"Don't be sassy with me."

"I'm just trying to tell you the way it is."

"Which means I'll have to go."

"Certainly."

Bisma's disappointed sigh made Safwa giggle.

"Stop being like this. You really should start hanging out more with people your age. Make an oldie brunch group I suggest."

"I do have friends. It's just that Atif's friend isn't hosting it in Karachi. This will make it as a two-three day trip."

"You have told me this already. I'm reassuring you again I'll take care of the office. "

"I have full belief that you will it's just..."

"Just?"

"I won't get to see you for three days straight and well, I'm not habitual to this."

A smile found its way on Safwa's face. She wasn't the only one who was missing it. But this was the reality now. Bisma was the happiest these days Safwa had ever seen her. It was time for her to stop caring for everything for a while and just focus on herself and this new relation with the old bonding and feelings.

"Don't be sappy, Phupho. You're going there with Atif Uncle and that's it. And for any consolation, I can always facetime you. What's say?"

"Yeah, it's not a bad idea."

The hint of disappointment in Bisma's voice was matching the emptiness Safwa was feeling for days. The two always had each other. They never really needed more. Never demanded for more. But now they were realizing that things had to change and they were changing. For the better in the long run. They'd always have each other but right now, priorities had to be changed.

But they'll always have each other.

That was a promise.

_________

"Do you want me to add more points or are these enough?"

Hesham's focused on the laptop screen gaze didn't falter. He just smiled still looking.

"You're the boss, Hejab. Stop being humble about it."

"Well, being mellow never hurts anyone."

"But when you're good you should be loud about it."

"It's me we are talking about, not you."

Hesham leaned into the sofa finally satisfied that their semester end project was coming out pretty good. There were no ways it wouldn't. He and Hejab were a good team.

"By the way is it only me or you've kinda matured after moving to your Dad's apartment?"

"I've straightened my act, you mean."

"Not really, but now you're more inclined towards your career. It's a good thing to witness to be honest."

Hejab was a keen observer. Something which was common between both her and Hesham. Two good lawyers in making. He couldn't deny what she was implying at. It was true after all. It had been a week since he'd shifted temporarily to this bachelor pad of his and somehow the time away from his normal life had made his priorities clear. Now, that his father was in a good place and happy in his life, Hesham wanted to look forward to the future and his plans for it. He had interest in criminal law and he was going to pursue that only. Now was the time to get serious about it and start working.

"When are you going back home?"

Hesham adjusted the phone on his shoulder and got up. He needed to refill his energy. There must be some crisps packets in the cabinet. There had to be.

"Next week probably. Bisma auntie asks me everyday to come back but I'm stalling. I want them to be as normal around each other as they can."

"That's very thoughtful of you if you ask me. They needed this time alone to sort out and start things over from where they had left them."

"That's what I thought. And I guess it worked fine. They seem satisfied and happy. That's all that matters."

Hejab was so busy in her call to her friend and project partner that she didn't see the person sitting behind her on the bed was constantly rolling her eyes. It was only when she finally hung up, she saw the bored expression on Zonish's face.

"What?"

"That was the most boring conversation I've ever had the chance of listening to."

"No one invited you though. You could always tune it out and get back to your own business."

Zonish didn't retort back and that was Hejab's cue. She got up arranging her stuff. Her bed was a proof that she had been working on something for hours.

"What's the deal with his father?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I'm just curious, nothing much."

Hejab looked up from her drawer. Her bob cut was something that suited her a lot. It gave her lawyer persona a final touch and now with that raised eyebrow, she was sure scrutinizing Zonish.

"His Dad remarried last week. To give the couple some privacy Hesham moved to the spare apartment for few days. He was telling me about that."

Zonish went back to her book but this new piece of information had surely unsettled her.

"He's happy though. Happier than I've ever seen him."

"He is?"

"Yes, actually his Dad and Bisma Auntie, the woman he's married to now, they both shared history. So it's like a chapter getting to its fulfilling ending."

Hejab was now rummaging through the folders on her shelf. Zonish got up silently and left the room. She was walking towards the kitchen deep in thoughts. Hesham Baig was weird. But it was none of her business. She shrugged her shoulders and entered inside only to get startled by Saima who was equally startled as well.

"Oh, you scared me!"

"I didn't know just walking into the kitchen was enough to scare you like this."

Zonish's deadpan answer only made Saima shake her head.

"I'm not easily scared but I was trying to be discreet here. That's why came to kitchen to receive this call."

"Are you planning a heist?"

"Not really. I'm planning your sister's wedding."

Zonish turned around she was sure she barely prevented a whiplash.

"What!?"

"Bhai Jaan has talked with your Baba and the next week we're finalizing the alliance. There's going to be just a small ceremony for exchanging the rings. Daniyal has to go abroad for his postgrad so the wedding will be when he's back. I was just going to get you to share it. We're giving Hejab a surprise."

Saima was genuinely excited and Zonish could see that. Anyone would be who'd get Hejab as a part of their family. Zonish just nodded along not knowing how to respond to this.

"You're okay with this progress right?"

"Me? Come on, it's not my life. I have no right to be upset over it. And I'm not to be honest. Daniyal and Hejab like each other. It's good if they're getting where they always wanted to."

Saima looked relieved. She was expecting a full blown meltdown but nothing came. But who's gonna tell her that she had already done that a week back. Zonish wasn't going to. It was too embarrassing to think of now.

"That's good to know. I should start the preparations. We have Hajab's finals coming too so will get done with this as soon as possible. And you will help me, okay!"

"Okay."

Zonish's face broke into a slight smile seeing her enthusiasm.

"By the way the leftover cake is in the fridge. Taimoor was trying to sneak in but I didn't let him. We can't afford a war over cake when we have some more important business to deal with."

She had already gone out of the kitchen. Her voice was trailing behind. Zonish opened the fridge and took out the cake. The smile on her face was still intact.

Leftover cake also tasted better than it always did.

_______

Picking her things after the last class finally wrapped up, Safwa looked around coming out of the lecture room. Elaf had an important meeting with her drama club members. They were long inactive due to the absence of their society head and now that he was coming back, the team wanted to do something big as a comeback. Sarim was out and still hadn't come back. He was busier than ever these days and Hesham; well he also had no time to spare as his project submission date was approaching.

Which meant Safwa was on her own. She didn't have much work to do today. She was caught up on all her courses. Bisma and Atif hadn't left for their friend's yet so she didn't have to worry about the office as well.

She had texted her driver bring the car to the parking lot. It was best to go home and have some rest. She was in mood of spending time with her friends but since they were busy so it was her only option.

She sat down on the bench out of the parking area and snuggled some more into her cardigan. The winter this year hadn't been biting yet. It had a soft feel to it. The sun rays falling over the spot she was sitting were like beams of golden dust which was making everything around her calm and serene. She loved this peace. She was a bit sad and sadness and winter go hand in hand don't they?

The ringing of her phone broke the spell she was fully in. With a sign she looked at the caller ID but one glance and she had the biggest smile on her face.

"Assalam Alaikum, Abba!"

Her excitement couldn't be hidden from Kamran Ansari who had a matching smile on his face hearing her voice even though both couldn't see other right now.

"Wa Alaikum Asslam. How are you doing, Bachay?"

"I'm good! What about you? Are you doing fine?"

"As fine as an old man can. Treating myself with winter sweets and winter academia. Which reminded me that I had a poetry buddy who hadn't shown up for almost weeks now."

Safwa's smile deepened.

"Can I come over now? I was caught in things but I think discussing poetry is always my priority."

"I'm waiting with this new book I've bought over a week back."

"Be right there."

She cut the call and spotting her car almost ran towards it. The new zeal in her steps was leaving an imprint behind on the fallen leaves. An echo of a promise.

______

The stillness Safwa was feeling for days now had resolved into the thin air the moment she'd entered through the familiar door in the lane of Gulshan. Memoona and Kamran Ansari were the only people home and they welcomed her as warmly as they always had. Memoona asked her about Bisma's wedding and from there on the conversation just flew. They got interrupted only when the main door opened and a tired looking Izaan strolled in.

His first reaction to Safwa sitting next to his mother and grandfather was just a surprised look. But then it morphed into a smile.

A smile Safwa didn't know she was missing.

And a face Izaan didn't know he was yearning to see.

The rest of the conversation went in a daze. A halo of everything bright and right covering the whole room. Safwa and Izaan. Stolen glances. Unsaid. Yet saying so much between them.

Abba was feeling tired with sitting for long so Izaan was helping them to their room. Memoona was in the kitchen and even though Safwa had insisted, she hadn't let her help her this time.

So, there Safwa was. Standing on the backyard veranda steps of the house looking over at the Bougainvillea vine twisting around the wooden support. Just like meaningless thoughts have a way of sticking to your conscious. Like the thought of never leaving from here. The thought of this peace that came with visiting this house and its people to always be there.

The wish of this house becoming a home in reality.

Because, it had become a home in her heart long ago.

"Our neighbors were once sure this part of our house is haunted."

Izaan's voice reached her ears and she immediately looked at his profile. He was leaning against the wall next to the steps with a nostalgic smile on his face.

"Was it?"

"Not really. Turned out a cat had hidden her kittens here and so whole whole commotion at night was due to that. It was pretty stupid but still a good laugh. Ibtihaj and Ibsam used to sleep with Abba in his room. They were so scared."

"And you?"

"Oh, I was the one who figured out what the whole fiasco was about."

"As expected."

She shook her head but he took her comment with a head nod as if receiving a compliment.

They stayed silent for the next few minutes but for how long could that go. Her driver would be here any minute now and then she'd have to leave.

"Safwa..."

"I'm doing fine, Izaan. After that breakdown or whatever it was that night, I'm trying my best to not get this newly found emptiness to get to me. I'll get used to living like this but it's going to take me some time. After all Phupho is the only family I have seen and known all my life."

"You have every right to feel this way. And I'm relieved that you aren't neglecting your feelings because you're supposed to be happy for Bisma Auntie."

"I'm happy for her. But I'm also hopeless here how to sort my life now that she's not here with me on every step of it. But then again maybe it's my first step towards adulating, who knows."

Izaan was pleasantly surprised seeing her approach towards the topic. She was surprising him with every new development in their lives. She had a knack of getting hold of her emotions and evaluating them for her own good. It was so mature of her but she could be the most stubborn one out there whenever she wanted to be. He could say she wasn't as easy to understand as people think of her.

"But I can't understand one thing though."

She narrowed eyes at him and he was immediately attentive.

"That night, you didn't console me saying I should stop crying or something on those lines, you said, it's okay to cry. You really sympathize with your patients like that too?"

Izaan raised an eyebrow. She was surely messing with him.

"If I remember correctly, I said you can cry as much as you wanted to. Because you had me there. This is a good way of consoling people in my opinion. Holding in your tears and the grief never does any good. You have to let it out and if you've someone you can let it out in front of, even better."

"Then Izaan..."

"Hun?"

"Holding in what you want to say also never does any good. You have to share it with someone. And just like you assured me that if I ever wanted to cry it out you would be there for me, I think if you ever wanted to talk anything out, I'd also be there to listen to you."

She waited for him to shake his head, or roll his eyes in typical closed off Izaan manner but nothing of that sort came.

He looked away from her and when their eyes met again Safwa saw the brightest smile on his face. The one she'd never seen before.

"I'll keep that in mind."

His whisper echoed louder in the corners of her heart.

And that was the moment Safwa Kirmani knew she might not have much in life but right there, standing on those raised steps in front of him, whatever she had was enough.

Because she had him.

And promise of something unsaid was never letting them fall apart.

_______________

Sarim didn't know for how many times he'd done this for last hour but he couldn't help it. Irma's meaningless talks only deserved an eyeroll from him.

"Come on! It's not as if I told you a bad joke."

"It's close to that only."

"Really? Mohid's cousin having a crush on you is that bad? You sure are a tough guy, hun Sarim Haider."

Another eyeroll.

He had his whole day set with the work he was going to get done today but Irma decided that was the right time to lounge on his bed and start the retellings of the events of her wedding, the highlight was some cousin of Mohid who had asked Irma so much about Sarim.

"You've become more annoying after marriage."

"Just say you kind touch my cool level now and go on with your life."

"Replace the c with f and then we'll talk."

Irma didn't take his comment seriously. Instead her only answer was giving him a smile that meant she was up to no good.

"Should I talk to Ammi about this?"

"Hell no! You aren't telling Ammi anything!"

"You're afraid Ammi will like the idea and might start progressing things further."

"Damn straight."

"You're such a scaredy cat, Sarim Haider."

"I should've skipped your wedding function to be honest."

Irma laughed at his helpless expressions and was about to leave to let him work properly when his phone rang. It was placed directly on his notes and the flashing name of Elaf caught Irma's attention. The idea of finally going to Farwa in the kitchen left Irma in a second and she sat down again where she was.

"What? You were leaving weren't you?"

"I've changed my mind. Come on, pick it up. It's been ringing so some time now. Must be something urgent."

"You've become totally unbearable, Irma!"

"You're picking it up or should I do it for you?"

He immediately pressed the answer button lest she should work on her what she'd just said.

"I was about to hang up. Were you busy?"

Elaf's voice reached around through the phone thanks to the complete silence in the room.

"No, I was just...pretty caught up in something."

"That's what being busy entails, Sarim. I'll call you back then."

"No, I meant I wasn't busy. In fact I was talking to Irma so couldn't pick it up earlier."

"Oh! I forgot your sister has come to stay. If you're not that busy can you please explain to me few points of the notes? I can't seem to get that right. No pressure though. Whenever you're free."

"I..."

"He's always free. What are you talking about, Elaf."

Irma answered for him and Sarim gave her the most pleading look he could muster. His sister was definitely having none of it today. Did she eat the same lunch as him? Because she surely was acting like something else had been entered into her system.

"Is that you sister?"

Elaf asked cautiously. Sarim closed his eyes and then opening them extended the phone towards Irma who just shook her head.

"Discuss your notes. I was just kidding. I'm going to help Ammi in the kitchen anyway. After all it's my husband coming to take me back so the dinner should be made by me. And Elaf!"

She shouted startling both Sarim and on the other side of the phone, Elaf.

"I've heard a lot about you. Will meet you in person because just talking on phone won't be enough. Come visit us whenever you get time. And do ask Sarim who Nameera is."

Taking the name of Mohid's cousin she went towards the door. By now Sarim had started talking to Elaf and the first thing was explaining who the hell Nameera was. Irma was supposed to go to the kitchen. But she stayed there looking at her brother. There was no way in hell she was missing this.

"You are still here?"

Sarim was taken aback on still finding her standing in the door.

"This is heights. You kicked me out of your room the other day just because your mother in law called and now look at you breaching my privacy like it doesn't exist."

"You really have feelings for her don't you?"

Her question had stopped Sarim's rant abruptly. He looked sideways not answering her.

"You should've seen yourself talking to her. The care, the tone, the impressions. You're whipped, Sarim Haider."

He was still quiet. Irma stood close to him holding his arm.

"Acknowledging the feelings timely is important, Sarim. The more you delay it, the more things get tangled up. Rest you are a sensible guy. I know you have a clear idea of what you want from life but don't let it sideline what you need in life."

Patting his bicep, she took silent steps out of the room and Sarim just stood there.

She'd just voiced out what his heart was screaming for a while now.

But now wasn't the time.

To make a promise he couldn't keep.

_______

"You can neve stop venting when it comes to your in laws, Fiza. It's pathetic yet I always listen to you."

Yusra laughed looking into the screen. She was right now videocalling her sister and how time had gone with both of them sharing there life happenings of past months, they had no idea. Fiza was settled in States with her family and even though she wasn't living with her in laws just like Yusra, still both still had quite a lot of in laws problems and sharing those with each other was their way of dealing with most of it.

"As if you don't share stuff with me. By the way Elaf's asleep?"

"The last I checked she was studying. Exams are near so she's mostly busy with her books these days. I'll check on her after the call."

"She's a bright kid. I always give my kids her examples that they should get inspired from her. She's such a multitalented gem."

Yusra had a fond smile on her face. Every word Fiza was speaking was true.

"By the way, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"What?"

"I know you trust Daud Bhai a lot. But I'd say be careful when it comes to Elaf. I don't know why but I don't get a good feeling."

It seemed like Fiza had given words to Yusra's own fears.

"I know what you're talking about. Daud doesn't have anything on his mind right now but when it comes to his family and kin it doesn't take him long to make up his mind though."

"Don't let that happen, Yusra. Ever. You know Elaf's nature reminds me of you when you were in your adolescence. She's out spoken like you but she's still so sensitive. Remember how your in laws sucked out that confidence from you? So much that you were afraid to share it with even your husband that you didn't really fit in their family. Daud Bhai himself realized it and took a decision. I know that nephew of Daud Bhai might be good and eligible but we should never taste the same medicine we had before. Don't let your story repeat itself. Elaf might be the older version of you but that boy can't be another Daud. It's a risky thing."

Fiza had drifted to another topic but Yusra's mind had gotten stuck in her little speech. When the call ended, she closed the laptop and with nothing yet everything on her mind, made her way towards Elaf's room. The light was on which meant she was awake.

"Elaf?"

Yusra knocked but on finding no response opened the door. Her notes were all strewn on the bed while she was sleeping around them curled like a ball. Yusra laughed lightly caressing her hair. Tucking her properly into the bed, Yusra looked at her peacefully sleeping form.

No, she would never let her being a part of the same mess she'd escaped.

That was a promise.

_________













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