Tom's POV.

I woke up slowly, looking about the room. A few things were off, the corners too dark, the crib no longer at the foot of the bed. Speaking of which was too light for the shadow levels of the corner of the room. I could hear yelling but it sounded watery, distorted and distant. I went to listen closer, stumbling from the bed, my horrible luck causing me to get my foot caught in the tangled blankets. "Fuck" I cursed in what was scarcely a whisper. I crept to the door, opening it slightly.

"ITS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT HE LOST THE TWINS! YOU'RE A MONSTER AND I HATE YOU!" A distorted voice errupted from behind the door. I frowned. It sounded like Tord's but I hadn't lost the twins, I could feel them weighing awkwardly heavy against my organs. Another yell errupted, dragging me rudely from my mind.

"OH IT'S MY FAULT IS IT TORD?! WHO WAS IT WHO CAUSED HIM TO TRY AND TAKE HIS LIFE CAUSING THE MISCARRIAGE? OH YEAH YOU!" The second yell, that I guessed belonged to Edd ended with sobbing. What were they talking about? I am fine, the twins are fine? I haven't tried to do anything like suicide since my mother died. Sure the thoughts are there, getting louder in the middle of the night, in the sleepless hours just before the first rays of a new day broke the oily murk of a London night sky.

I broke through the door and looked down from the stairs. Edd was crying with Matt comforting him. Tord was stood there, he looked different somehow. Less like the man I loved and wanted to spend my life with, and more like how I saw him before, intimidating, dangerous, wild and pure fucking evil. I sat on the stairs, watching as Tord stormed in an angry rage and the other two men sat crying. I was reminded of being awoken by drunken arguments between my mother and father and later mother and stepfather. All of this was too similar to my childhood nightmares. I shuddered feeling the first sickly wet tears trace my face.

"GET OUT TORD! YOU'RE A DAMN MONSTER! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU HERE! YOU KILLED YOUR OWN CHILDREN! YOU ALMOST KILLED TOM! WE DON'T KNOW WHEN HE'S COMING HOME!" Matt of all people screamed at Tord. I was so confused, I was fine. Why are they fighting?

"FINE! I WILL GO! I never loved that eyeless freak anyway." Tord stormed from the house. I whimpered quietly, Tord's words stung at the very fibre of my being. I let out a pained scream.

I woke up, sweat and tears drenched my pillow. I looked over seeing Tord hugging me to his body, a line of drool attaching him to his pillow. As always he had most of the blanket creating some form of back support. I squirmed uncomfortably from his embrace, one that normally would lull me back into sleep, but not now. I could feel none of the warmth and affection coming from Tord. I looked back at him and one of the twins decided that right at this moment my ribs would make a wonderful punching bag. I let out a pained gasp and headed away from where the other man was sleeping and into the bathroom.

I clicked on the light, nearly being blinded by the offending white glow. Was this a good idea? No. Did I care? Also no. I looked about before locking the door and finding the blue glistening rasor. Dispite near constant use the blade glistened sliver. How would that silver look stained red? I looked at the tiled floor, a dirty white, how would blood look splattered along it? I wondered these dark thoughts, not even bothering to correct myself. I knew that I couldn't just try and go back to sleep and forget these musings. Sleep was dodging just out of reach yet tiredness coated my eyelids making them heavy.

I reached out with my left hand and looked at the near perfect silver of the blade and imagined it running red rivers of my life through the plains of my pale skin.

I lowered the blade to my arm feeling the sting and hot rush of blood as a new river was gouged into my flesh. No one had to know. No one needed to know. I opened up five new rivers in the soft flesh of my arm before washing the rasor and looking for my bandages. I washed and wrapped the arm before sitting in the bathtub and letting time pass.

By the time morning dragged anyone in the house up from their slumber and warm beds I had managed to slice my pathetic body at least ten times.

I sighed, might as well make it look like I was doing something other than indulging the dark black blanket of depression and playing with the twitching shadows of anxiety. I stripped my clothes until I was stood in just some boxers. I sighed again before turning on the hot tap of the bath a little too fast. "Fuck" I hissed under my breath as my ears were assaulted by the noise of the rocketing water slamming into the dry porcelain of the bathtub.

I watched at the warm water filled the bath to half way before I decided to add some of Matt's bubble bath, he wouldn't care. And if he asked, a near impossibility, I would just say that I needed to because of the back aches the twins were causing, then crack some joke about how unfair it was that all Tord had to do was start this while I had to carry the children and stop drinking. Oh I missed the bitter, burning poison of vodka. I tested the water with one foot before adding some cold, swirling it about for a while before I decided that the bath was perfect.

I stripped my boxers and climbed in, sighing at the feeling of the cramps in my legs easing. I lay there for a while, just enjoying the silence of the house.

A knock sounded at the door and I jolted from my dissociated musings. "Who is it?" I called.

"Tom? Oh you're in the bath. I was worried when you weren't in bed." Tord called.

I smiled, "yeah I'm fine. One of the twins woke me up, so I decided to have a bath." I called to my boyfriend.

:-* Slight smut warning. Its just bathtub hickeys ^_^

"Well then, is there room for one more in the bath?" I could hear the flirtatious question and immediately looked at my bloody arm. I dipped it into the water, hissing.

I thought over the question, finally settling on an answer. "Yes. The door isn't locked. Come on in." I watched the door to see Tord come in, a lopsided smile on his face, as always he wasn't wearing a shirt. "Don't just stand there lollypop, come on in." I teased.

Tord began to strip, throwing his clothes onto a pile with mine. I couldn't help but admire his body, firm and scarred from years of war and running an army, but still showing the slender and weaker frame he had as a teenager. He saw and smirked. "I should start charging," he cooed, "I could make a fortune."

"You wouldn't dare!" I exclaimed. "It would be cruel, you know how hot you are."

"That's why I would charge." He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Scoot up now, it's cold out here." I did as I was told and he got in behind me before pulling me in closer. "Thank you Tommy." He whispered in my ear before kissing my neck.

I shuddered before letting out a whimper. Tord continued to kiss my neck causing me to whimper more, it felt so good be be close to him again and I could almost forget the nightmare. He kissed a certain spot that made me moan quietly. I could feel him smile against my skin and he began to gently kiss and suck on that spot. I was wrapped up in my love for the man. I knew I was moaning his name.

"Not bad." Tord complimented the hickey. I knew I probably looked like a mess, honestly who gave boners such power?

I sighed contentedly, my eyes half closed. I leaned against his firm and warm body, a small smile playing at the corners of my lips. "Thank you." I whispered quietly.

"My pleasure Witness." Tord hummed, wrapping his arms about me.

"You know full well that I ain't practicing that no more?" I playfully scolded.

"Then why do they keep knocking at our door?" Tord asked, tilting his head.

"Because they're a fucking cult!" I exclaimed splashing the bubble filled water.

"And why did you give up your religion? When we met you loved it." Tord splashed me back.

"Because it's hard to keep a homophobic religion when you're in a relationship with another guy. And it reminds me of my mother..." The last part was scarcely a whisper, I never spoke about my mother. It felt strange bringing her up.

"What did your mother do?" Tord asked quietly.

"I'll tell you when we're not naked." I laughed.

"Sit up, I'll wash your hair." Tord instructed. I gladly complied.

Satisfaction washed over me like the warm water. I hummed quietly while Tord began to gently wet my hair, occasionally kissing the exposed back of my neck. Tord began to massage shampoo into my untameable mess of hair I affectionately named Steve. Love blossomed in my heart. Every movement Tord made was so precise.

Timeskip provided by planning a chapter while dissociated also back in 3rd person POV.

"So Tom, what did your mother do to make you hate her so much?" Tord asked. He and Tom were sitting on their bed, Tom leaning against Tord.

"What didn't she do?" Sarcasm bittered Tom's tone. "Well, after my father died when I was six, bear and a gun, long story don't ask, she became more depressed, neglecting me, giving me about twenty quid a week to feed myself and her. I did all the shopping, well for everything but her booze. She got with this other bloke who was rather rich. He did nothing to help me though, I was an inconvenience, an afterthought. He would pay for drugs and alcohol and other such things.

They fought a lot, her new bloke would get with other chicks and be rather abusive to her and me. It's kinda funny, in a fucked up way, I was an afterthought in everything other than his abuse. She didn't care about me though, she was just upset that he would smash her precious alcohol. They split up when I was ten, good riddance really. But she got sicker, her mental health slowly worsening. It was about this time, I was about twelve, that I started drinking actually. This went on until I was sixteen. I had spent Christmas Eve night under a park bench, I often got people giving me free food then. I went home Christmas afternoon and went to go have a bath and there she was, wrists slit in a bath. One note that said, 'you deserve worse than me you brat'. And that's when I moved in with Edd. Never told him why though, just said that I had left my mother's house because I needed to. He didn't question it. I've been freeloading off him ever since." Tom finished his story trying to fight off tears. Tord was doing the same. He lost.

"Jesus fucking christ Tom! I never knew! I'm so sorry!" Tord sobbed, hugging Tom closer to him. "I'm going to protect you, I'm not going to hurt you or Inger or Leif! I'm going to keep you safe." Tord vowed, causing Tom to laugh.

"Yeah but, could have been worse, you were just abandoned in the street. Could have had that." Tom reassured the crying taller man.

The two men sat there, connected by the newfound knowledge of the others broken home. Both had tears trailing down their face.

Edd walked in without knocking. "I'll just give you two a moment..." He apologised before backing out of the room, the air thick with emotion.

A/N: sorry about the emotional rollercoaster that is this chapter. I may have planned it while dissociated and mainly wrote it at fucking midnight. This chapter is kinda filler that will be important later. Well not the bathroom hickey bit, that was just to lighten the mood of what would have been a very dark and trauma centric chapter. Tom's abusive home life will come up again as it is relevant to later in the book. Sorry if I triggered anything for anyone, I tried to make it as vaige as possible because I wanted to be able to write it, but also so I didn't trigger anyone. Thank you for reading and have a good day/night. -Alex.